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Thread: Here Comes The Rant....

  1. #1
    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
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    Default Here Comes The Rant....

    Nothing to see here, kids... just need to vent. Feel free to move along.



    We all know my sleep has been TEH SUCK. Always has. Doctors come, doctors go... I havent the energy to find specialists, nor the cash. I havent danced in a month. Lack of dancing has led to the growth of my legs and ass. And despite my longing to gain weight and the love of my big ol butt, this isnt how I want to look. I can only fit into my largest pair of jeans now. One pair. I'm afraid to go back to work tomorrow! I got an invite to try out for Playboy, and I cried. I know I cant now. The thread about it just stung, yanno? I have wanted to do Playboy since I was 16.... Blah. After a lifetime of swearing I'd never get my boobs done, I want them. I am scared of the masses of girls who are now officially 10 years younger than I am. I cry about the tired look I cant make up away on my face. I'm too tired to walk, I'm too tired to try to do anything. Im too broke to pay for a gym, or a doctor, or anything. I dont want to leave my apartment. I dont like who I am turning into, or how its making me look... and it scares me. It scares me as well that I am becoming so obsessed with what I look like. How it effects my job(s) aside, I have always been laid back about keeping myself up, I did what worked and never sweated the details... now they keep me awake at night.

    Egads...


    Sorry. End Rant.
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  2. #2
    Cally
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    Default Re: Here Comes The Rant....

    Hunny you know you dont need a gym. Seriously just treat yourself to some long jogs... sit ups, squats, lunges etc... you know the routine. Get yourself out and about.... maybe find some herbal 'pick me ups' at the health store. As for those 10 years younger girls.. yea they might be younger but you have the brain, the talent and the experiance to get yourself where you want to go. Your a natural beauty paige with the smarts and attitude to do what you want.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Here Comes The Rant....

    Definately what Cally said. In addition, you've always wanted to do playboy don't stop yourself now that you have a chance. You're always going to wonder "what if."

    If you don't attempt Playboy, i'll kill myself, too!

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Here Comes The Rant....

    Paige, we all go through this at one time or another. Who knows whether it's hormonal or not. I just notice that it's the women who suffer like this most often.

    Take things one at a time. The lack of sleep is most important as it leads to most of your other problems. At the very least, take something over the counter like Tylenol PM or Unisom (this one works best for me). Once you have regulated your sleep you'll be able to focus better and have more energy to work out.

    The extra poundage is an easy one. You know what works for your body, you just have to counter the lack of sleep/depression so that you can concentrate on it.

    I wish you luck while you're battling this. Like I said, it's common and it happens to most of us at one time or another.

    As for being 10 years older, I look at it this way...you're 10 years BETTER.

    Hang in there girl.

  5. #5
    God/dess velvet's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here Comes The Rant....

    oh paige. you are a beautiful girl. i cant imagine you looking so bad you cant work. it's probley not even as bad as you think.
    i hope you make it tommorrow. we will have so much fun and it will get your mind off things. remember those girls are far from perfect and aflack hurt her new boob (sorry inside joke) pm or call me about tommorrow please.

  6. #6
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Here Comes The Rant....

    Hang in there sweetie! You are not the only one who goes through this. I am getting older, but damn i wont give in!!!!

    I may sound up-beat in alot of my posts about myself, even on a bad nasty looking feeling day, but i make myself feel better!

    Just if it's a 15 min. walk around every room in the house, wash my hair, part it different, etc.

    I am not 30 anymore that is for sure, and not close, but i love me!

    Grab some self esteem!!!! It works!

    That's all it sounds like you need at the moment...a boost, a push! And no doctor can give that to you....It's FREE! Invent it! I did!

    hugs,

    Pamela

  7. #7
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Here Comes The Rant....

    Oh sweety, I hear you. I often daydream about being 22 and never working out & fitting into my skinny jeans. Now I have to break my butt for 2 weeks to be as slim as I was.
    I know you have CFS, which is a big issue in finding the energy to work out & push one's self to do things. My auntie has an auto-immune disorder and she didn't let it stop her because it just wasn't in her personality to allow it to happen. One motto of the Navy SEALs is that our bodies can do 10% more than what we feel is our upper limit. I am a slacker but sometimes something will scare me into jumping off my duff and working harder. (Yep, things like cute young competition or needing to front for a man..LOL...)
    OK, so most of this is mental. Psych yourself out, in a positive way. When I hit the gym it takes an effort to stay in there for 30-40 minutes. While you're working out, be thinking ahead- you're going to give yourself a nice massage after the workout. You're going to eat. You're going to nap.
    Have you checked out bodybuilding.com & are there any online support boards for CFS? I can't imagine how hard it must be to contend with the disorder, but you can't let it rob you of your motivation.

  8. #8
    Featured Member Hello_Kitty27's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here Comes The Rant....

    I agreewith everyone above, but I wanted to let you know that you are incredibly beautiful. What makes you even more pretty, is that your not like 'everyone else'. I wouldn't worry about all these things.....like one of the other girls said, it's probably not NEARLY as 'bad' as you think. It's all in your head....i'm sure of it.






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  9. #9
    God/dess colleen's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here Comes The Rant....

    Paige, I feel for you. In a couple of years, I will be 20 years older than the babies in this business. I wish I was still 28! One thing I have discovered is, we are SMARTER than the little girls are, and the guys with the $$ like smart women. THe money guys are also usually in their 40's & 50's, and they tell me how they do not want someone they cant realte to, or who reminds them of thier daughter. So believe me, getting older is not entirely bad. Pretty bad, yes, but not entirely bad!

    As far as that tired look around the face, I find that drinking lots of water helps a lot. If you can force yourself to drink a gallon a day, do it.

    ANd do try out for the Playboy thing. Getting ready for it will help motivate you. And, like somebody already said, if you don't do it you will regret it.

    Paige, you are so beautiful. I wish that 10 years ago, I had the sense to do the things you are doing with your life, rather than wait until I am in my 30's to discover what I really love doing.

    Take care, sweete. Let us know how you are feeling.


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  10. #10
    Featured Member Corey's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here Comes The Rant....

    Paige,

    Although, I do belong to a gym, I find myself doing more of my workouts at home or on the beach. I have a jumprope which I use for twenty minutes before I eat anything in the morning and have a collection of free weights, as well as a pilates and yoga mat. I read fitness mags from time to time to learn about alternative work outs. Also, the gym I do go to has a lot of UCLA students who go there. They have these cool alternative workouts geared tworads what type of athlete they are. I have learned a lot from a competing snowboarder and a gymist. Things you can do at home. I also walk-run to do errands around my hood. This all adds up and keeps you toned. Since July, I have lost two pant sizes and a dress size and developed muscles that I didn't know exsisted.



    These things I speak about dont cost a lot. They may help you sleep better as well.



    good luck...and as for the younger ones..well I am pushing thirty five and I am the fittest girl/woman in my club. This includes the 20 year olds I work with. Dont be intimated, be confident and happy.



    cheers,



    Corey

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