Okay my rant...
( because im long overdue for one on here. )
First off let me say that I have the worst fucking luck in dating.
Im truly undoubtfully in love with a man, we will call him Mister Chicago.
I love him.
We parted ways in August due to ..lets just say " his lack of keeping his wang to himself ".
Now im strung on him again. I've seen him twice . Im getting mixed vibes from him. He's still curious as to why I'd even speak to him, let alone fuck him.
I look at it like this., Karma already took care of things . So I forgive him. I wont forget ..as I shouldn't. But Im over it already. Now i want him like it use to be.
Between mister chicago this summer and today. There was mister LA ( we call him "LAmeness "
This cocksucker I would like to beat. Thats a long story but none the less...things were fine between him and I. Then he just became vapor 3 days after I returned from my last trip out to LA.., come to find out he got back with his ex etc etc.
He failed to tell me this, when he started writing me emails and begging for nude photos so he could " take care of buisness ".
Once I found out I had very little nice to say on the matter.
I've date in between., and before Mister chicago. All of which the guys just do the vapor thing. THey can't take the fact I was dancing, or that I have 2 sons.
I want chicago back more then .. more then I want that chanel robe i've been eyeing.
Now, as im sitting on pins and needles...a LONG time ex of mine. One who was HOT ..looking better then dave navarro but bout' as looney as they come
You know the type ....
Jealous, possessive... stalkerish
wait here we go " A-typical stripper boyfriend. "
except he worked and didnt play the playstation lol.
Now he's writing and phoning. While I know he's bad news bears ... I "remember" him..and how much things were better then in some ways.
I am so fucking lonely right now it's killing me.
And yes I'd love someone to come home to ., and have steady sex with ( this bedhopping thing is meant for the youth. I simply cannot do this shit anymore. )
I dont think I could be commited to anyone other then Mister chicago.
We share sorta the same soul in that cheesey cliche way.
Im afraid im going insane thinking he'll come to me. And yet trying to force myself NOT to force the issue ( which im so bad for .)
Work has been shit lately. I had a horrid Monday night since the colts had a home game. Not only was I robbed on stage, called a fucking bitch...got into it with my regular and video taped with a camera phone... But i also didnt want to be there.
Tuesday was fine. Weds and thursday I basically hung out and didnt make shit.
Im still fighting with my regular. And im not sure what the hell his deal is but he needs to stop being a douche bag. He calls and demands . I dont tolerate that very well.
Right now im in a crunch with money so I have to bite the bullet at the moment.
Lawyer fees are mounting., house payment..xmas and moving to chicago.
GOD HELP ME>
Im so frustrated that I want to give up but honestly can't afford it.
OH and on a side note i noticed if i wear a certain sorta perfume I seriously attract men ..anyone ever have this happen. Like you can switch up and wear other stuff. But there will be one perfume that whenever you wear it, romance blooms.
Im bathing in the shit now lol
Okay im done.
im going out to punkrock night and drowning my issues in whiskey and probably creating some more.
I hope my ball of shit I call life makes someone elses look like a lil' turd.
Xo
Tart


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But I am far more patient and choosy these days.

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