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Thread: Depressed and running out of money

  1. #1
    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Depressed and running out of money

    Hi guys, I still haven't made it back to work yet. I keep saying every day I am going to work tonight but I can't motivate myself to do anything. I don't care about leaving the house at all. I take Effexor XR 75mg for my depression and have been seen by a shrink and therapist in the past. I just don't want to get back on too many meds and start feeling like a zombie. I don't care about having sex at all either. My husband is starting to grow bitter. Yes, I did pay for half of our bills last month. But now I am getting short on cash and I ask for help paying for just the things I need to have. I talked to him about me being a "housewife" for a while and he hates that idea. He is encouraging me to get out of the house. He said me staying in is making me more sick. I am starting to feel like I am just "bumming" off him. I don't think he feels like he is "getting" anything out of our relationship. He said I could do whatever I want for a living and he would get another job if he had to. That's sweet of him but I don't think that's realistic for us right now. I am hoping to get my credit completely cleaned up so we can get a house. And if I go back to making what I was making it will take us a long time to do that. Plus as depressed as I am I honestly don't think I can hold down a "regular" job. Any advice?

  2. #2
    God/dess Lena's Avatar
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    Default Re: Depressed and running out of money

    Start by getting out of the house every day, even if it's just to go get a cup of coffee or something.



  3. #3
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Depressed and running out of money

    I've been there, and he's right, you REALLY have to get out of the house. What snapped me out of it was forcing myself to take my laptop to Starbucks every day at 8:30 AM and sit there writing until noon. If the writing wasn't happening, I could read the paper, but I had to be there from 8:30 - 12 every weekday. Got me off my ass and back into the world, and I got my first screenplay written that way too.

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    Default Re: Depressed and running out of money

    Exercise!!! You would be surprised what it will do. And he needs too chill out your vows said in sickness and health!
    "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Depressed and running out of money

    Green ID Lady 1, after having read this and your other post, I feel it is time for you to take a deep breath and really look at why continuing to dance is getting to you.

    What happened with the group of guys in the club that you say upset you happens to all of us from time to time while dancing. It's just like your husband faces guys who are full of bullshit on a regular basis while bouncing. I assume he justs accepts it as part of the job.

    While non spending or rule breaking guys get on our nerves from time to time, as dancers we all know that guys want contact and guys want to fuck us.

    Either this frustration has been building up in you fro a long time or you find it harder to make decent money doing air dances.

    Don't let the customers get to you. The way you are going now is causing you to lose. Bills not getting paid and your husband and you not having sex or getting along is not good.

    I see you growing thicker skin and not let what customers say or expect from you become upsetting. You are a saleslady and a hustler. If you have a problem customer, just play them off, say thank you and move on to the next one.

    Try being competitive about selling all you can and making your money. Try taking the Dancer Wealth class if you can. It will take you time to make money doing something else too.

    It is easier to sell when some contact is allowed. But every customer will not be obnoxious. You can do this job and do it well. Just stay focused and don't mess up your finances and personal life over a few handsy customers.

    Make your money girl and don't take this so personally.

  6. #6
    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Depressed and running out of money

    Yes, this is somewhat true and it has been building up over time. I tend not to deal with things when they happen or try to blow them off. Then finally I have had enough and I explode. How do I do this dancerwealth seminar, btw?

    I also get aggravated because of how competative our club is. I mean, most of the girls are beautiful and a lot are foreign and I don't know what it is about foreign girls but they a hell of a lot of game. It's extremely hard competing against them. I don't have the typical exotic dancer "look". Meaning that my body is what I was born with, I don't knock having augmentation, however, I just don't want any more surgery. I have medium length hair and from what I understand from everyone, I have a "wholesome look", whatever the hell that means, lol. When we do VIP dances the floorman upstairs keep track of these dances next to our names with little x's. We pay five bucks per x. The dancers are always looking at this sheet and competing. I am usually in the top five but it isn't easy getting that way. I am just insecure right now. I did go the gym today. I did pilates only though. At least the pilates keeps me in shape. I just feel way to shitty to do cardio. Thanks for your help again.

  7. #7
    God/dess threlayer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Depressed and running out of money

    I know this idea seems artificial but I also know it works well.

    Depression feeds on depression, so dwelling on it depresses you even more. And isolation makes it seem all the easier to deal with, but in truth it just digs you in deeper. It's like a drinkl to an alcoholic.

    Now the idea -- you have to bypass the state of mind by artificially deciding you are not depressed and do something around other regular people. Pretend to yourself that you want to do this activity, give it some effort and some time. Don't let yourself start feeling sorry for yourself. Show some enthusiasm, even though you don.t mean it. At first.

    I like the exercise idea as an activity.

    If you can temporarily get outside of your own feelings for a while, it is surprising how much this changes your state of mind. You may not be over it yet, but you'll start making progress.

    Then do the activity again, or another activity. Again pretend to yourself that you're liking it. Again try to get into it. Recognize that ther atre things about the activity that really are enjoyable and you can see how some people really get into it. Maybe not you, yet. But you'll get to where you can enjoy things again if you keep this effoct up.

    It's surprising how soon this works.

    It sure is cheaper than psychotrops and mood enhancers, or harmful or illegal stuff.
    ----------
    Now that I see the post below, I like "N's" very specific suggestions. A lot of it follows along the lines of my general ones.
    Last edited by threlayer; 12-07-2005 at 10:17 AM. Reason: add last para
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

  8. #8
    Member N's Avatar
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    Default Re: Depressed and running out of money

    Even if f you are so seriously depressed that you almost can't get out of bed, you have keep your image as best as if you were working and go out, a mininum of 3 hours a day, even if shopping for not very expensive, little things (makeup, perhaps?).

    Medication works, up to a level.
    Better to do something absolutely out of the ordinary for you (trekking in Yosemite...?) that will both break the daily routine and that you can feel you have overcomed some challenge, even if a small one.

    So, exercise would be better than medication, yet a balanced doseage of both would be preferable on your first step out.

    See your profession as it is: making money.
    And when you work, sometimes you truly hate it. I do, everyone does, some seasons more than others. You seem to have the skills: use them.
    Sometimes, it's not just about beeing exotic and beautiful, is how much you "give" psichologicaly to your clients.
    The thing is, with so much "giving", you have found yourself a bit "dry".

    Try to compensate this by avoiding nasty clients and picking the ones that, eventualy, you can approach in a more intelligent way. Better to work a bit, selectively, to your best interest, than stop working altogether.
    And, by all means, don't compete at this stage. At best, compete ONLY with yourself.

    I would also suggest, at this time, not to try and change to another club, on the hopes of a less competitive environment: this one you already know.

    Now, I don't know a great deal about SC but I have some reasonable knowlegde of psichology and motivation in general, have been on therapy and psico drugs, and I have a stripper friend (a female friend; we get along fine as friends) that I admire for her intelligence and that has been around Europe for quite a few years now.
    In fact, quite recently she convinced me to go with her to a SC; I much appreciated her introducing me to the environment, from her point of vue. Much better than to pop up with other basic males.
    Nevermind...

    At this stage, the most important thing is that you have to put yourself a goal at a time.
    Day one: just going out.
    Day 2: some exercice. Dit it felt good? Don't overdo.
    Day 3: a trip out of town?
    Day 4: 1st day at work? (make it a low busy day; or a busy day, if you prefer those)
    etc...

    Your husband has to know you are not lost, that you are brave are are sorting the crisis out. That way, he won't push you to that sex thing that you are not particularly interested in right now. Make him know that it's "a step at a time" and that you love him (if you do, right?)


    Reward yourself for the progresses you've made and share them with the ones that matter.
    Have joy in every breath you take. Life is precious and you are special: enjoy that moment from now and than, taking a lift, or as the rain begins to pour.

    Best wishes!

    And feel free to post your developments.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Depressed and running out of money

    www.dancerwealth.com is the website for the class.

    If your dance sales rank you in the top 5 you are doing fine. I think a lot of us feel stressed working in todays club environment where there are more and more girls working and less customers. I stopped working in big city clubs and moved to small town ones with 4-6 girls a night due to that fact. Making a living full time in an uncontrolled enironment is stressful.

    Workouts are good for you. I go to the gym with my guy all the time and we both do 35-45 minutes of cardio together. Can your guy go with you? That can keep you in shape and give you quality time together too.

    If that is you in your avatar all looks great.

  10. #10
    Veteran Member SthnrnGrl77's Avatar
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    Default Re: Depressed and running out of money

    [QUOTE=big_daddy]Exercise!!! You would be surprised what it will do. /QUOTE]


    He's right about that !

  11. #11
    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Depressed and running out of money

    Thanks again for taking the time to advise me guys It's nice to know that there are people around still that care about each other.

  12. #12
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    Default Re: Depressed and running out of money

    Um, have you thought about getting a different job? I mean, it would be an adjustment, but you would be contributing to the household income and perhaps it would refresh you enough to enjoy dancing part-time.

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