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Thread: Boyfriend totally against me stripping

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    Member cheesecake's Avatar
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    Default Boyfriend totally against me stripping

    So I brought up the idea to my man last night as this is something I've thought would be a fun experience, a more enjoyable and profitable way to earn money at too. And he totally flipped. He strait out said if I'm a person who wants to do that I would have to choose between him and striping. He said I don't want other men looking at my wife and getting hard. I don't want you spreading your ass for other guys. (He was pretty graphic and really put stripping down ) Now I can understand wanting to feel like I'm his own. Doesn't the fast that I'm not interested in these guys mean anything? He doesnt think its worth the money and he thinks its sick that I'd want to do this.

    I guess this is more of a rant than anything. I don't know if I should try to keep talking to him about the fact that I'm serious about trying this or just forget it.

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    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Boyfriend totally against me stripping


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    Veteran Member MsTopaz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend totally against me stripping



    never let a jackass dictate (sp) to you what you can or cannot do...ever. i could say more...but i won't.

    why do some people still have to fight to get the same opportunities that are given to others?

    reclusiveness...is a good thing.

    the greatest revenge in the world...is success.


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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend totally against me stripping

    is he your boyfriend or your husband?

    You haven't even started dancing yet...you never know, you might not like it. It isn't that fun, really. Yes you can earn some good money, but many dancers don't earn that much.

    If you don't need the money and you are serious with your boyfriend/husband and he can support you just fine, then maybe it's worth considering his POV. There are some things more important than money....just make sure he's one of them! His attitude seems rather condescending. He could have tried to talk you out of it with methods other than berating you and threatening to leave you. (I'm sure guys get hard for you anyway....I've never spread my ass for anyone!)

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    Veteran Member Jenna78's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend totally against me stripping

    Has he been to a strip club--maybe you could try going together to ones you are interested in working at. My ex boyfriend (who is still my friend) was really against me stripping until he came and saw the club and what I do in person--now he is ok with it. Of course I wouldn't have stopped dancing for him though.

    Also, I think it is diffucult to be the SO of a dancer. Not everyone has what it takes to not get jelous and be completely trusting of their wife while they are dancing. Because you guys are married, you cannot just dump him because he doesn't want you to do this. Perhaps you should talk with a couselor or someone that can help you discuss why you want to do this and why he doesn't want you to without arguing. If you both know how you feel, you can reach some kind of agreement. Good Luck!

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    Default Re: Boyfriend totally against me stripping

    If its so sick why is he there? Hm I call BS! Im with Topaz on this never let a guy tell you what you can and cannot do..wtvr it may be. Dont let him take control of you like this...this is a form of control. Dont give him that power. Youre an adult and can make good decisions for yourself...do what you want in life.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



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    Default Re: Boyfriend totally against me stripping

    I'm going to play Devil's Advocate here: Unless you told him that you had been considering working as a stripper when you first started going out, he has every right to be against you doing it. To put it another way, he has every right to not want to date a stripper just as you have every right to be a stripper.

    With that said, odds are it is probably better for you to break up with him and concentrate on someone with whom you are more compatible. This isn't a blow towards either you or him: He's merely stating that you being a stripper is a deal-breaker for him, and if you really want to be a stripper than similar circumstances apply to you.

    An alagous situation might be the case of him deciding to take a job in China or something and asking you to come along: You might feel that this arrangement would be totally unacceptable and would tell him that he has to choose between you and the job- this is also not unreasonable.

    In a nutshell, be thankful that he is being honest about his feelings about this with you up front instead of letting it stew until the situation explodes. By then both of you would have logged months of misery.

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    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend totally against me stripping

    Quote Originally Posted by sbsmoker93101
    I'm going to play Devil's Advocate here: Unless you told him that you had been considering working as a stripper when you first started going out, he has every right to be against you doing it. To put it another way, he has every right to not want to date a stripper just as you have every right to be a stripper.

    With that said, odds are it is probably better for you to break up with him and concentrate on someone with whom you are more compatible. This isn't a blow towards either you or him: He's merely stating that you being a stripper is a deal-breaker for him, and if you really want to be a stripper than similar circumstances apply to you.

    An alagous situation might be the case of him deciding to take a job in China or something and asking you to come along: You might feel that this arrangement would be totally unacceptable and would tell him that he has to choose between you and the job- this is also not unreasonable.

    In a nutshell, be thankful that he is being honest about his feelings about this with you up front instead of letting it stew until the situation explodes. By then both of you would have logged months of misery.
    Oh my God a voice of reason and unselfishness! How did you get on here!

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend totally against me stripping

    Quote Originally Posted by sbsmoker93101
    An alagous situation might be the case of him deciding to take a job in China or something and asking you to come along: You might feel that this arrangement would be totally unacceptable and would tell him that he has to choose between you and the job- this is also not unreasonable.
    How is this analogous? Moving to China would mean she would be changing her entire life....leaving everything she knows for everything she doesn't know, except him....basically making him her life.

    Personally, I can see why a guy would hate for his girlfriend to strip. I meet guys like this all the time. They are not for me as I'm not for them.

    I agree it's reasonable for him to object. What I find a little suspect is his reasons...basically stemming from him own insecurities and misunderstandings.

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    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend totally against me stripping

    Everytime a guy isn't interested in being a part of this industry - which he will be like it or not - the ole "men are insecure and misunderstanding" crowd comes out. If a guy says the equivalent of "I don't want you to be working at a 7-11 in downtown Detroit at 1:00 in the morning" is he insecure and misunderstanding? Does a guy who doesn't want his girlfriend to be treated like shit (like so many women on here post they are) does that make him insecure and misunderstanding? If a guy doesn't want some stranger pawing his girl does that make him insecure and misunderstanding? If a guy doesn't want his girlfriend to fall into the wrong crowd (which we all have to admit there are some psycho-bitches in clubs) does that make him insecure and misunderstanding? If a guy doesn't want his girlfriend to be eating breakfast while he is eating dinner is that insecure and misunderstanding? If a guy doesn't want his girl to start seeing her sexuality as a commercial tool (how many times do we read "I just am not interested in men anymore while I am dancing") does that make him insecure and misunderstanding?

    I'm not scratching at you, Emily, and I'm glad you see it is reasonable to object - but often there is more going through a guys head than jealousy when they object.

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend totally against me stripping

    Quote Originally Posted by cheesecake
    He said I don't want other men looking at my wife and getting hard. I don't want you spreading your ass for other guys. (He was pretty graphic and really put stripping down
    that's why I said that. I'm not just pulling this out of my ass. I was reading this.

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    God/dess NinaDaisy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend totally against me stripping

    Cheesy, sweetie, do yourself a favor and search under my posts. Narrow your search by entering the term "DTMFA".

    It stands for "DUMP THE MOTHERFUCKER ALREADY".

    He's not paying your bills, you need money. You will meet someone else.
    "She has written so well, and marvellously well, that I was completely ashamed of myself as a writer...But this girl, who is to my knowledge very unpleasant and we might even say a high-grade bitch, can write rings around all of us who consider ourselves as writers"

    Ernest Hemingway on writer, aviation pioneer and horse trainer Beryl Markham


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    Featured Member thechaosfairy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend totally against me stripping

    Hm, I happen to know this poster's in Portland. Strippers don't generally get treated like shit here, nor do they even have to do very much contact, unless they seek it out.

    C, if you are serious about it, someone will have to bend, or the relationship will have to quit. And it does sound like you are serious about it -- which means that either he has insecurities that he must work through in time, or he is simply not right for you. Treat it like the former, and if it's not, you'll find out and events will take their natural course.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend totally against me stripping

    Quote Originally Posted by Emily
    How is this analogous? Moving to China would mean she would be changing her entire life....leaving everything she knows for everything she doesn't know, except him....basically making him her life.

    Personally, I can see why a guy would hate for his girlfriend to strip. I meet guys like this all the time. They are not for me as I'm not for them.

    I agree it's reasonable for him to object. What I find a little suspect is his reasons...basically stemming from him own insecurities and misunderstandings.
    It's analagous because in both scenarios the situation involves one party making a large change in their life for the other. While it doesn't seem as though moving to China is as drastic as dating a stripper, it can be. To a guy who is really nervous about his significant other persuing that line of work, having to deal with the associated emotions can be just as foreign and scary as trying to assimilate to a totally different way of life.

    Of course, for some guys it isn't a big deal at all. She should find one of these people instead of trying to change how he feels. (I mean, come on Emily- how often has a man been successful at changing you- at least without you harboring some resentment towards him?)

    It doesn't particulaly matter if he feels this way because of insecurity or misunderstanding- it's how he feels. If he feels this way because he is insecure and won't take the time to understand her, then why should she stay with him at all anyway? Conversely, perhaps he is a secure, understanding person who has simply decided that dating a stripper just isn't for him. Either way, how is staying with him a beneficial resolution?

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    Veteran Member logan820's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend totally against me stripping

    It is hard for a man to date a stripper. My social life has suffered since starting. It is part of me, and who I date has to accept it. The problem here is that she met her bf b/f she started. She wasn't a stripper when they started dating, and I can understand her bf's concern. There would be more of a problem if he asked her to give it up, knowing she was a stripper. She has to decide if she really wants to dance, she might not even like it. I think that she is jumping the gun here. For example if I met a guy who worked too much that would be a deal breaker for me. Dating a stripper is a deal breaker for this guy, If she really wants to dance then she should just do, it is a matter of what is more important right now

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend totally against me stripping

    Quote Originally Posted by sbsmoker93101
    While it doesn't seem as though moving to China is as drastic as dating a stripper, it can be. To a guy who is really nervous about his significant other persuing that line of work, having to deal with the associated emotions can be just as foreign and scary as trying to assimilate to a totally different way of life.
    yeah, you're right...it doesn't!

    this is so silly that I can't believe someone would possibly believe this, so I have to assume you're just here to make trouble.....so I'm not even going to waste my breath

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    Default Re: Boyfriend totally against me stripping

    I'm not trying to be confrontational about this at all...I'm sorry that's the conclusion you draw when someone is trying to be constructive.

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    Member cheesecake's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend totally against me stripping

    To clarify: he is not my husband but my fiance.

    And I cannot rely on him for financial support. I am going through college.

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    Member cheesecake's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend totally against me stripping

    I appreciate all the responses, still thinking it all over.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend totally against me stripping

    I'm married to a stripper for fiften yrs...She loves it...I love her so if she wants to she can...I trust her..if she wanted other men she would get them somewhere else not from the bar she works at.....so I think from a guys point of veiw......If you love someone you never threaten them in any way...if he's jealous then he's not the one for you (if you wanna strip)

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    Default Re: Boyfriend totally against me stripping

    I say, don't give up yet. When I first told my boyfriend about my ideas of dancing, there was a huge fight. He said that he wouldn't be able to handle it, that he would probably end up breaking up with me if I did start dancing. I was crushed. I have been dating this boy for about a year and a half, and he's been my first everything. So, I kept quiet about it for a few months, and secretively kept researching, kept planning. And of course, I felt terrible, feeling torn between keeping my boy and following a dream.

    Finally, I couldn't take it anymore, and brought up the subject again. Another fight. Brought it up the next day, and the same thing happened. And you know what? This kept happening over a two week period. The subject, the fightening. Until eventually, my boyfriend realize how friggin important dancing was to me. I feel like I give up everything to please everyone else, and this was a dream that I didn't want to give up on. And he realized that he didn't want to be the one to crush a dream of mine. So, now I am going to dance. He still doesn't like it, but he would rather have me happy than not have me at all.

    So keep trying. If that approach doesn't work... Then it's time to make a choice, hun.

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    Veteran Member Phedre's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend totally against me stripping

    ^^ Good suggestion. If you really love this man then you will keep trying to help him understand why you want to dance. If he does love, respect, and trust you then he will eventually come to see that you being happy is more important than his fears, keep being positive about how much you love him.
    Phedre
    ~ my very own pole dancer!

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    Member cheesecake's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend totally against me stripping

    Thanks guys! I have been continuing to plan and I gave my 2 weeks notice on my retail job and ordered shoes... hehe.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend totally against me stripping

    Not wanting a girlfriend to dance is the same as being prejudiced against another race of people. His stand comes from ignorance of the industry, and being chauvinistic.

    Most guys have been to strip clubs although many don't understand the business. How many guys who are employed in strip clubs feel the same way your guy does?

    Women who come across in control will tend to have a man in their life who accepts them. If you had TOLD him you were starting a new job as a stripper trather than asked he would have to accept it or not.

    If you are with a guy who expects you to submit to his wishes ( and I'm sure he doesn't submit to yours, he's the man, right?)then this is not the only issue or problem you will have.

    My guy has no problem with my dancing. He gives me ideas on how to make more money.He has been to clubs and had lots of clients who were strippers in his other business so he understands the dynamic of the business. Plus he believes making money in anti-establishment ways and in being self employed so he is comfortable with the industry. Stripping is just a job, and guys who don't see it that way are IGNORANT!!!! The first key as a dancer is to be involved with guys who understand the business.

    As has been said in MANY other posts, the more submissive you are to men's orders, the more likely you are to have other problems in your relationships besides dancing, right?

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    Veteran Member bella622's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend totally against me stripping

    Quote Originally Posted by Tina
    Women who come across in control will tend to have a man in their life who accepts them. If you had TOLD him you were starting a new job as a stripper trather than asked he would have to accept it or not.

    If you are with a guy who expects you to submit to his wishes ( and I'm sure he doesn't submit to yours, he's the man, right?)then this is not the only issue or problem you will have.

    The first key as a dancer is to be involved with guys who understand the business.

    As has been said in MANY other posts, the more submissive you are to men's orders, the more likely you are to have other problems in your relationships besides dancing, right?

    Excellent advice... I wish someone had explained that to me years ago rather than having to figure it out on my own along the way...
    Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul... - Marilyn Monroe

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