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Thread: Pressure to be thin for work is overwhelming...

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    Veteran Member Lovespell's Avatar
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    Default Pressure to be thin for work is overwhelming...

    This is kind of a vent, so sorry if it's rambling.

    I started dancing in April, the tail end of recovering from an eating disorder (anorexic and bulimic from 11 to 18 ). I found dancing helped me stay in shape, and TRIPLED my self esteem. I stopped hating my body. Dancing did more for me then years of therapy.

    I have been binge free for over 6 months. That is a very very big thing. I almost DIED, because I was binging and purging over 12 times a day. I was 18 and doctors are telling me that my heart might go into failure. That's scary.

    So accecpting my body was a big deal for me.

    But now, dancing is doing the opposite. I've gained about 10 pounds. My eating is healthy and NORMAL ( for the first time I remember in years). But there is pressure to be thin for work because:

    A) I have the option to work at a private club IF I lose 20 pounds. They are very very strict on weight there. Girls are weighed up to 3 times a week.

    2) I heard 2 spiteful girls call me fat. I have lost all confidence on stage.

    Because of these 2 things, I am so stressed out. It's not as easy as just dieting and exercising and losing weight. I can not do it. It always turns into a serious relapse. Me trying to diet normaly is like an alcoholic trying to have "just one drink".

    My doctors at work are thrilled with my weight, 5 feet 8 inches and 165 pounds. I eat normal, I exercise 3 times a week and am in great shape, and I don't binge and purge and I don't do drugs.

    But lately, because of pressure from Managers and compition from Dancers, I want to overexercise, purge and start doing drugs again.


    How do you deal with the pressure? This is seriously tearing me apart. I cry at night, because of it. Over and over in my head, I think that when guys tell me that my body is great, they are lying. That maybe I am too fat to do this job?

    When is it time to find another job? I seriously want to go back to working with horses. A barn position isn't glamourous, or pay nearly enough, but I don't have to look a certain way, plus it keeps me athletic.

    Help.

  2. #2
    Featured Member bikinigirl04's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pressure to be thin for work is overwhelming...

    you know, dancing isn't really as galmorous as it's cracked up to be either....
    my advice would be to maybe take a break. this job isn't worth killing yourself over. if it's too much and is effecting your self esteem then maybe it is time for a break or maybe to quit. if you want to keep dancing i would stay at the club you're at if you're doing ok there rather than try to get on at the other club when you already know they want you to lose weight. it will just put more pressure on you.
    do you get any counseling right now? maybe you should get some even though you are recovered (aren't you?) before you end up relapsing.
    i'm sorry you are going through this. try to remember that if you are making money at work you must look good enough, or you wouldn't be making any money right?
    Oh, I musta took a wrong turn at Albuquerque.


    howdy ho, junior rangers.

  3. #3
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Pressure to be thin for work is overwhelming...

    Men do not like tanorexics. Sometimes thinness gets to be a competition between women, but the vast majority of men like women with softness and curves. Just remember that.

    And BTW, that manager sounds like a real asshole. Maybe you should find another club.

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    Featured Member bikinigirl04's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pressure to be thin for work is overwhelming...

    true, what yek said, maybe staying there isn't a good idea, i just meant that it might be better for a recovered/recovering anorexic/bulimic to not set a goal of working somewhere that requires you to lose 20 lbs...ya know?
    Oh, I musta took a wrong turn at Albuquerque.


    howdy ho, junior rangers.

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    Default Re: Pressure to be thin for work is overwhelming...

    I'm not sure that working in a club is a good idea for you right now. Sorry. If you're thinking about binging etc., that's one step towards destroying the progress you've made. Your health should come first.

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    Default Re: Pressure to be thin for work is overwhelming...

    IMO I wouldnt work at the private club only because that could trigger you to go back to old habits. I would stay at your club now and just try and tone up. Keep your sexy figure and give a big FU to all those mean girls.

    I know how you feel though. Ive been pigging out and with finals almost done now Im really going to get back in shape. I obsess about it every day. Eat food or not eat food.

    F* whatever those other dances said. They are just snippy little bitches and if they were making money they wouldnt have time to say that to you or even want to. So their opinion means sh*t anyways.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



  7. #7
    Veteran Member ChocolateKiss's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pressure to be thin for work is overwhelming...

    I sent you a PM
    "There is an inner beauty about a woman who believes in herself, who knows she is capable of anything she puts her mind to. There is a beauty in the strength and determination of a woman who follows her own path, who isn't thrown off by obstacles along the way. There is a beauty about a woman whose confidence comes from experience. Who knows she can fail, pick herself back up and go on... This woman is you. You are strong, you have inner and outer beauty, you are amazing" (anonymous).

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    God/dess
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    Default Re: Pressure to be thin for work is overwhelming...

    There is a girl at my club who weighs about 90 pounds and honestly has the figure of a nine year old. I heard her talking to her daughter on the phone, and I couldn't believe this woman has had children. That's how asexual she looks. And she calls everyone fat. She makes fun of fat customers. Don't be conquered by another person's delusions. Do your best to be beautiful by your own standards.

    And working at a club that weighs you absolutely will send you into relapse. Getting weighed by strangers and the pressure that puts on a person...when I was in wrestling, basically the whole team had one collective eating disorder. Boys and girls. It's unhealthy, and in your case dangerous!

    I also miss working with horses, but the money really is shit! But there is something so tranquil about animals, and never having to care what you look like in the mirror. Maybe take a mental vacation with some farm work? Then see if you're psychologically more apt to dance again? Perspective is important. Even if you dance a little and muck a little...haha, I know it's a weird combo, but I miss the ponies too sometimes.

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    Default Re: Pressure to be thin for work is overwhelming...

    Tanorexics=binging? (nope)
    Maybe you should develop a thicker skin for ths kind of buisness,it isn't for evryone. Definatly dont work at the private club. Make your $ f**k the rest!

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    Featured Member bikinigirl04's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pressure to be thin for work is overwhelming...

    what's a private club?? one that does private dances as opposed to one that doesn't?
    Oh, I musta took a wrong turn at Albuquerque.


    howdy ho, junior rangers.

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    Veteran Member Lovespell's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pressure to be thin for work is overwhelming...

    It's a club where men can not go to unless they pay a membership fee.

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    Featured Member bikinigirl04's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pressure to be thin for work is overwhelming...

    ohhhh ok
    Oh, I musta took a wrong turn at Albuquerque.


    howdy ho, junior rangers.

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    Veteran Member TarynJolie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pressure to be thin for work is overwhelming...

    Quote Originally Posted by confession
    I'm not sure that working in a club is a good idea for you right now. Sorry. If you're thinking about binging etc., that's one step towards destroying the progress you've made. Your health should come first.
    I agree. Your health is so much more important than this or any job.

  14. #14
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Pressure to be thin for work is overwhelming...

    I feel for you. While I'm petite due to genetics, my siblings struggled with weight issues & it hurt me to hear how cruel other people would be to them.....
    I have read up on the modeling biz & a lot of top models who have to look freakishly thin for photographs ("camera adds ten pounds") are on dietician-regulated diets. Carol Alt starved herself to where makeup was sliding off her face, then someone pointed her in the direction of a good dietician.
    Vegans always look skinny & tiny! LOL The majority of India-immigrant Indians I know are also very thin, because their diets forbid beef & often dairy too ("chickpeas, lentils & rice" is the Indian diet). There are ways to eat healthfully to where you are getting what you need. You'll be able to live without fear of getting sick.
    Are you sure you don't have thyroid problems? Sometimes irregular weight gain/ loss is from thyroid problems.
    Please don't hurt yourself to be thinner. Be patient. There are ways to do it right without hurting your body.

  15. #15
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pressure to be thin for work is overwhelming...

    Honey - obviously we don't know how much you weigh or what you look like. However - if you are a recovering anorexic DO NOT under any circumstances, work in a club that weighs you three times a week. That's like someone who just got lung cancer deciding it will be a good idea to start smoking. Please, I beg you, do not do this.

    If you have recently gained weight, and you have only recently started eating normally, that is why. Your metabolism is completely screwed up, so what you eat and exercise at might not seem, initially, to reflect what you ought to look like. It could take a long time for your body to realize what it SHOULD be doing with calories - a year, possibly more, because you have never had a normal adult body. But reverting to your old habits won't make it better - that's regressive, not improvment. Come to think of it - you don't even know what your body's natural distribution even is. You can't punish yourself forever because you are not pre-Dirty Xtina Aguilera.
    I want to say ignore the fetid bitches who called you names, but that would be pointless advice. If you can, ignore the fetid bitches. If you can't start to full out cry next time you hear them. Be the biggest victim. If anyone asks, tell the truth that you are a recovering anorexic and that it is hugely damaging to your self esteem when people say things like that, and it makes you feel like you will never be good enough. Very few people really have it in them to maintain savage bitchery when faced with that. I mean, I know I wouldn't. I would cave like a house of cards if someone started crying over something I said; even if I hated their fucking guts I would feel really, really terrible. They probably will too - at least if they insist on talking about you in the future they will be super careful to do it when you are not around.

    Oh, and keep in mind - dancing doesn't feed your self-esteem. It feeds your vanity. It can feel good sometimes, and I say take that feeling and run. You don't need to deny that kind of pleasure, but don't rely on it for self-esteem, or you will have the hardest crash in the world. Find love for your body OUTSIDE dancing. I mean, I don't mean, "pull up your bootstraps and stop having BDD already" - I just mean keep trying to locate that internal intranscendant love for yourself, rather than relying on ephemeral male opinion.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    God/dess Lena's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pressure to be thin for work is overwhelming...

    Maybe do something like working with horses that makes you feel good about you part time, and cut dancing back to part time. When dancing becomes your full-time reality, you will almost definitely relapse, so try to keep it just something you do on the side.



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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pressure to be thin for work is overwhelming...

    Men do not like tanorexics. Sometimes thinness gets to be a competition between women, but the vast majority of men like women with softness and curves. Just remember that.
    Truth and then some.

    Also, while not a direct means of addressing your condition, try to get away from the BMI-perspective of body management; it's not only inaccurate, it's unhealthy. Get thee to a professional that can accurately determine your body composition (i.e., your muscle/fat/bone mass ratio). This will provide you with a sound basis for future health and guidelines for a healthy lifestyle more generally.

    Moreover, having had a GF in undergrad that was 5'9" and 165lbs, I can say with certainty and satisfaction that it's possible to carry that weight well--very well.

    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

  18. #18
    tampafldancer
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    Default Re: Pressure to be thin for work is overwhelming...

    Sweety, First of all it is so nice to hear that your doing better with your eating disorder.

    You are within your ideal body weight and you are HEALTHY. Nothing is worth risking that.

    Think for a second what your life means to you. Is it worth being put in jeopardy again for a silly chance to work at another club by means of slowly killing yourself? I hope the answer to that is no. Otherwise it sounds like you should talk to a professional about depression.


    btw, what is your exercise routine? Your daily diet? (how many calories are you eating/ vs. expending?)

    With binging and purging you retain a lot of the calories that you think you are getting rid of, if you are no longer binging...... you shouldn't be gaining weight?

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    Member LadyLust's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pressure to be thin for work is overwhelming...

    I would like to congradulate you on your success!!! 6 months...thats a big deal!!
    Dont even think about relapsing again..All that time and effeort would of been a wast, then you will be wishing you never did it when your DEAD....I know, I'm also recovering my self.

    Here is a website that helped me alot in controlling myself www.myfooddiary.com

    If you need someone to talk about this, just pm me, I would love to help in any i can.

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    God/dess Lena's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pressure to be thin for work is overwhelming...

    Quote Originally Posted by Casual Observer
    Also, while not a direct means of addressing your condition, try to get away from the BMI-perspective of body management; it's not only inaccurate, it's unhealthy.
    OMG, according to the BMI chart at my doctors office, I'm five pounds away from OBESE! And I am not fat! Not skinny, but definitely not fat, so don't listen to the BMI thing.



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    Veteran Member sexystephani's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pressure to be thin for work is overwhelming...

    First of all congrats on losing weight and getting over having a eatiing disorder. Second screw that club and those girls that called you fat!
    Please do not risk your health for anything. Im sure you are beautiful and at a great weight now.

  22. #22
    Featured Member MeganS's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pressure to be thin for work is overwhelming...

    I don't want to sound off base here, but maybe dancing isn't a good idea for you at all right now. You'll be constantly judging every tiny bit of yourself at this point, and you have it in your heart to be doing something else. So maybe the horses don't pay so well, but don't put yourself thru hell to make up for it. Best of luck to you sweetie.
    "A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off you."
    Francoise Sagan

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    Member Daze's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pressure to be thin for work is overwhelming...

    Your mindset should be focused on what is healthy for your body, which involves a hell of a lot more than just your weight. Also, there's unlimited variation in what you can do to modify your time spent in a three day a week workout... Then second what makes money. (hustle, dance performance, make-up/hair, wardrobe) In terms of your job, everything your currently worried about falls into place when you change what you are focusing on. Your beauty and energy will be absolutly natural, which shows and you will be paid for it.

    If you have the time and don't mind reading too much, I read alot myself...I've found alot of inspiration in fitness magazines and books. Articles, studies, fitness tv channels on cable, online searches, learn in depth about antioxidants, see a trainer occasionally, suppliments, take a yoga/aerobics/dance/martial arts/pilates class, vitamins and of course Doing the healthy workouts & eating habits to adopt for your entire life. There's alot to learn that I know your doctors have not nearly had the time to teach you.

    It sounds overwhelming, it's is an endless pursuit, but take your time and be kind to yourself. Your brain and hormones are still adjusting from their lack of nutrients and also especially your poor weakened heart. Take time to build up it's stamina and strength gradually as approved by your doctor. Little by little you'll eventually have no choice but to see the positive effects of your effort and you can find ways to make it fun for you on the way.

    You can take comfort in the fact that all of us humans should do this, your really not any different, you just happen to be a dancer. Which is still a bonus workout to make you look that much better on top of it all.

    If you really get into it and it sounds like you do if you have the will power to do all that harm to yourself, you can use that determination for more positive stuff. Calories are chemical energy, not the enemy and more powerful than anything you can buy on the street in the right combination, you need them to keep your metabolism going and make those chemicals to work for your benifit. When you workout look at doing it "smarter not harder" for the most out of it. Being healthy, strong, as well as keeping yourself looking and being young for YOU not anybody else.

    If you quit now you'll just feel worse cause then you won't be doing anything proactive to change the bad patterns you are trying not to fall back into. The answers you are looking for are out there. Not to mention dancing has been found to make people happy! So dance to be happy!

    Turn your worry into action. You might find yourself slipping into that private club easily and if not and it's an unhealthy weight they expect, you will eventually see that you should stay away anyhow. I've never heard of anything so extreme personally.

    When I used to dance I was constantly asked if I was an aerobics instructor, made great money, yet the local dance review wouldn't hire me because they said my thighs were too big. I found them quite helpful when snowboarding and playing rollerhockey as well. So welcome to the world of using your body as the product you are selling. Some will love it, some will not. It's just your body, your vehicle, not your heart and soul.

    As for the girls talking, they don't really even figure into the mix because they don't pay your bills, the men lying about how much they want to fuck you are. (That's sarcasm of course, men certainly don't lie about something so dear to them as sex!) Your performance is not entirely based 100% on your looks anyways...

    Purging and doing weight dropping drugs will only take you way further from where you want to be. Into some dark place with a clusterfuck disease and a serious melting of brain cells (reads: more confusion and strife). It's seems like the easy way, but it's really much harder.

  24. #24
    Veteran Member Lovespell's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pressure to be thin for work is overwhelming...

    Thanks everyone for the repsonses. I really, really appreciated it. Sometimes it's nice to get outside of my mind, and hear other people's perspective.

    Reading all of your posts brought tears to my eyes, because deep down somewhere I know all of this, I know I want to be healthy. But it's HARD.

    I guess until I got into recovery, I didn't really realize how much people focus on theirs and other peoples weight. It's everywhere! I thought I could walk away from that type of mindset, but it seems everyone is waving it tantalizingly under my nose, talking about how they want to lose weight, or what kind of diet there on or how that girls too fat, that one's thighs are too big, blah blah blah....

    Sadly, I do think I need more therapy, but can not afford it...

    I haven't come to a decision yet, about wether or not to stop dancing. I still have some heavy thinking to do. But thank you so much for your replies, they really have helped, especially Jenny and Daze.

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    Default Re: Pressure to be thin for work is overwhelming...

    I have an eating disroder (bulimia, coke to suppress appetite, binge eating, everything you name it). Being a model, stripper, actress, or anything like that will spur attention towards body image. The percentage of girls that are affected by this in our industry is ridiculous. Whatever you decide to do, do NOT relapse to get to you goal. The money is not worth risking your health.

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