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Thread: how to heal a broken heart?

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    Veteran Member Miss Courtney's Avatar
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    Default how to heal a broken heart?

    Well he has finally moved out and I thought I would be able to handle it since I have been so miserable over the last couple of years with him, all the mean things he has done, I just really thought I would be able to move on. But all I can think about is 'I wonder if he has someone else in his bed now' He only moved out a couple of days ago but I know what he's like and it really hurts to think that he can move on so quickly and I can't. I know he will come and see our baby because he is a really good father, but he is young and drinks a lot and I know he will be with someone else. I know it shouldn't bother me so much and I should concentrate on my own life and my gorgeous baby rather than worry who he is with but it is plaguing my mind and it makes me feel sick in my stomach. I actually thought I wasn't in love with him anymore and I couldn't wait for him to leave but now he has it hurts. I don't want him to come back because I was really miserable but I don't want him to move on so fast. We are still going away at xmas together to his parents place the plane tickets are all booked and were doing it for the baby. I asked him to promise me he won't be with anyone else before we go away together since we will be staying in the same room etc and I couldn't stand it if he had just been sleeping with someone else, but he said he can't promise me that 'just in case' It is only a week away! It makes me so sad to think about it.
    Oh dear I feel a bit better now after my little rant. Any advice for getting over someone quickly? I just don't want to feel so hurt like this I don't like it and I'm sure its not the best for my little baby for me to be moping around depressed all the time.

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to heal a broken heart?

    There's no way to get over someone you love quickly. Take it from me, it still tugs at you years later. But it does get easier to deal with in time.

    *hugs*

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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to heal a broken heart?

    there is no quick way.... it takes time.... be strong... you will get through it.... stay busy... like way more busy than you want to be... exercise alot, that helped me .... sorry my advice is so lame... I feel for you...

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    Default Re: how to heal a broken heart?

    I wish I could give you a pill and it would all go away, but it won't. Time is the only thing that will heal this. Don't concentrate on him, concentrate on you and the baby.

    Pull yourself together, get through the holidays...that's the first step and it will be hard. Then just take things one day at a time. That feeling in your stomach is not love, it's jealousy and it's a natural feeling, but not a healthy one.

    Despite your problems, you did share a life with this man. Give yourself time to grieve and then move on.

    Big hugs to you and hoping that you get through the holidays a stronger person. Wishing you all the best.

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    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to heal a broken heart?

    Baby, first thing, cut the connection - you are going to his parents, and I'm sure you have a good reason for that, but don't share a room. That's just silly. Sleep on the damn couch if they don't have another bed, but that's just unreasonable.
    Try this approach:
    Don't worry about forgetting it. Remember it. Because things don't work out doesn't mean that they were a waste of time, and always the ending is the beginning for something else. So remember, wallow, etc., but try to make it nostalgic rather than wishful. (these subtleties are important). And keep in mind all the exciting things that happen now - if you have to buy new dishes, remember that you get to buy the dishes YOU like instead of compromising. Next time a nice looking boy or girl gives you an eye from across a room you can smile/eye back without feeling guilty. Try to think that you don't really need to be "over him" - he can still be special to you, and will probably be special to you forever, but that doesn't mean that your life has to delineate around him. Maybe just another way of looking at it?
    Anyway - hugs and kisses and best wishes. Failing all this, try reading this: http://www.pamie.com/feb03/13february03.html
    Pamie's valentine poems are guaranteed to make all love go away. At least until she got all married and happy.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

  6. #6
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: how to heal a broken heart?

    The best way to get over someone is to get under someone. Seriously.

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to heal a broken heart?

    ^ LOL...

    Seriously, the best way for me to get over someone was to get involved more in the things that I'd put off doing while I was in the relationship. When you preoccupy your time doing things that TRULY bring you JOY, you begin to find it easier to not get involved within the very things that bring you PAIN.

    Start pursuing those hobbies/interests that you've always wanted to do, but never did. Not only will it make you a better person, but you'll be showing your son that joy comes from within and from how you take care of yourself...and not from another person.

    BTDT...congrats on getting out of a hurtful relationship and hugs for the rough road ahead. It's hard in the beginning, but you'll be fine!!!


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    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to heal a broken heart?

    What works for me:
    1) CLEAN break. Everything tangible of theirs, ties, mutual friends, associations- GONE. Box up and toss everything associated with them, or if you're concerned about future property grief- box it up and store it out of sight.
    2) With #1, catch yourself creating broken ties. Such as eating ice-cream and getting all soppy and sad about the one time you had ice cream together. It's simply a frozen treat... don't go there.
    3) Do some good things for yourself. Get a new gadget or toy (iPod, digi camera, something groovy), get a professional massage, take more bubble baths, put some flowers in a vase on the table, etc.etc. It's important to RECLARIFY to yourself that you deserve better than that other fool.
    4) REBOUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    None of the above make the pain go away.. but they do shrink the time a bit before the pain starts to subside. I don't think there is any cure for a broken heart other than time, but that time will go like every minute is an eternity and feel like everything is on 10x slow-mo otherwise.
    It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to heal a broken heart?

    Nice to see you polecat.

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    Veteran Member logan820's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to heal a broken heart?

    Get rid of triggers. cut ties for now, I know this will be difficult b/c you have a child together. Read alot, this really helped me, I know stupid, but I read break up books and self help books. Do something that he never wanted you to do or go. Treat yourself to something nice. Go on a date, eventually it will help you to see there are other men out there, have a fling, journal your feelings

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    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to heal a broken heart?

    Electricute yourself every time you think of him.

    (I find that easier than pulling a tooth out cuz gum dang it ya can run outta teeth!)

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    Veteran Member Candy Apple's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to heal a broken heart?

    All of the above is great advice. Only thing else I can add is.....

    Imagine him sitting on the toilet taking a shit. Really, it does help!

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    Featured Member Paintbaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to heal a broken heart?

    Don't romanticize. You said yourself you have been miserable for 2 YEARS, and that he did many mean things to you. It is natural to miss what's familiar, even if it's bad. Bad habits are meant to be broken, and now you have. Concentrate on your bright future, and becoming a whole and happy person again. Grieve the loss of the hope you had for your relationship, because that is what you are going to have to come to terms with the most--the loss of hope that things would have ever been any different than what they actually were. Be the strong woman your baby needs, and lead by example.

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to heal a broken heart?

    The best way to get over someone is to get under someone. Seriously.
    I heartily agree.

    <S> Yekhefah
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

  15. #15
    Sitri
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    Default Re: how to heal a broken heart?

    Celebrate the fact that although you are hurting, you have the ability to feel. That is called living. Regardless, you have a child left that will love you and for you to love.

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    Veteran Member Miss Courtney's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to heal a broken heart?

    thank you everyone for all your advice it makes me feel a little better hearing that other people have healed from a broken heart. And my baby is a bundle of joy and love he is absolutely wonderful and is a joy to be around. I went and got my hair dyed today and shifted all the furniture around so it feels kinda new again, ridding his presence from here. it is hard for me to cut all ties since we have a baby together but it is what I feel like doing. But I know that it wouldn't be fair on the baby so sofar I have only seen him long enough to give him the baby and thats it

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    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to heal a broken heart?

    Shifting the furniture around is a good idea!

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    God/dess Silverback's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to heal a broken heart?

    Quote Originally Posted by Miss Courtney
    it makes me feel a little better hearing that other people have healed from a broken heart. it is hard for me to cut all ties since we have a baby together but it is what I feel like doing.
    Oh, broken hearts don't heal. They can callous over, though. Generally not good either. And, when there's a kid , you never cut too many ties.

    Good luck, though.
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to heal a broken heart?

    Quote Originally Posted by Miss Courtney
    it is hard for me to cut all ties since we have a baby together but it is what I feel like doing. But I know that it wouldn't be fair on the baby so sofar I have only seen him long enough to give him the baby and thats it
    You probably should set up a formal visiting schedule/agreement.

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    Veteran Member Prina's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to heal a broken heart?

    Quote Originally Posted by Casual Observer
    I heartily agree.

    <S> Yekhefah
    Your ties run deep CO.

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    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to heal a broken heart?

    Quote Originally Posted by Silverback
    Oh, broken hearts don't heal. They can callous over, though. Generally not good either. And, when there's a kid , you never cut too many ties.

    Good luck, though.
    I second this. My heart has many a scar on it. Through the years it has become thick, hard, and rough. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

  22. #22
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: how to heal a broken heart?

    OK, I was going to withhold my take on brokenheartedness, but my homies Deogol & Silverback weighed in so now I will.
    YES it's true you will never forget your former love. The past cannot be changed.
    BUT as they say, today is called the present because it's a gift. You can choose to use that gift wisely by not getting sucked backwards into misery and bad feelings.
    BECAUSE that will only take away from you, and haven't you suffered enough?
    AND this sounds crass but something better will come your way. The man I loved was not "all that"- I still wonder why the heck I felt the way I did. Luckily for me, the men I have dated since have treated me as well as I deserved, and made me feel there is hope for finding a good man to spend a lifetime with.
    Don't give up. Be strong for your child. Talk to the women in your life. Our trials are very common. You're not alone. Best wishes.

  23. #23
    God/dess kitana's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to heal a broken heart?

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah
    The best way to get over someone is to get under someone. Seriously.
    Actually this does help, lol.

    As well as this. Take a pic of him to a t-shirt place and have them put his face on a t-shirt. The make a voodoo doll out of the t-shirt. Whenever you get mad or pissed, or depressed becasue of him (and times NOT becasue of him) get out the pins!!! Punch the doll, poke needles in his eyes, kick it's boy parts,take out all your emotions on it. Say and do to the doll what you really want to say/do to him.

    You will start feeling better for sure.

    Turst me, I still have moppits of both my ex-husbands, lol.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Quote Originally Posted by ExoticEngineer View Post
    Feel like a damn salt lick at the goats petting zoo!
    <08SM>

  24. #24
    Veteran Member Miss Courtney's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to heal a broken heart?

    Quote Originally Posted by kitana
    Take a pic of him to a t-shirt place and have them put his face on a t-shirt. The make a voodoo doll out of the t-shirt. Whenever you get mad or pissed, or depressed becasue of him (and times NOT becasue of him) get out the pins!!! Punch the doll, poke needles in his eyes, kick it's boy parts,take out all your emotions on it. Say and do to the doll what you really want to say/do to him.

    You will start feeling better for sure.

    Turst me, I still have moppits of both my ex-husbands, lol.

    LOL that cheers me up just thinking about it!

  25. #25
    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to heal a broken heart?

    I think broken hearts can heal... mine has...

    Also, it's kind of a Catch-22, the best thing for getting over your old love, is a new love, but you can't really find love until you are over your old love.... but when it happens again (if it's real), it seals the deal...

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