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Thread: Opinions needed please.

  1. #1
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    Default Opinions needed please.

    Hi, am new here, love this site!

    Anyway, have a dilemma, and would like some clarity and a new perspective.

    I have been dancing for a while, in various clubs and states, and finally found a club I love in a city I adore. Customers are great, girls are awesome to work with, money is steady, it's convenient and there's really nothing to complain about. I could see myself staying here until I decide to quit dancing all together.

    The problem is the manager. She can't stand me for whatever reason. I tried to find out what it is, she gave me some petty bullshit reason, and still liking the place i didn't argue, just said I'll change whatever she doesn't like and did. I have been nothing but polite, courteous, reliable, responsible and professional all along, and even she aknowledged it. Yet continued to treat me unfairly and unreasonably, giving a very limited shifts over a long period of time, as if testing my patience, waiting until I either blow up and give her a reason to fire me, or quit on my own. Even customers started asking me what's up with me working the kind of shifts I do and for as long as I have.

    She is extremely passive aggressive, dishonest and manipulative, and I don't know how to deal with it. She is nice to my face, and talking to her has proven useless. The reason is obviously personal and has nothing to do with how I do my job. I've noticed whenever she slips up and gives me a decent shift, sees me doing well, sees me happy and hears customers complimenting me, she looks like she ate a lemon, and the next week my shifts are back no nil. I think for her to like me I'd have to just be a totally different person, which is obviously impossible. I'm there to make money and can't be uglier and dumber than I am just so she feels better about herself.

    It's hard for me to comprehend why the manager of the stripclub would choose to conduct a witchhunt against a dancer who loves her job, the club, follows the rules and causes the least problems. Nonetheless, I'm at a crossroads. I'm sick of not being given a fair chance to work and make the money I could be making. It's really hard for me to just give up. First of all, I worked at quite a few clubs in this city, and this one is the one I'm most at home at (minus her), and secondly, if I leave she'll feel like she won, and will keep on treating the best dancers like shit (I'm not the first one by any means to endure this, but the first one to stick around for this long).

    So, what can I do? Stay or go? Will I be a loser if I leave? Anything I haven't considered or done? In any other job she'd be sued for discrimination, among other things, many times over, but in a strip club I guess dancer has no power at all....

    Just never encountered this in all my years of dancing....

  2. #2
    God/dess scarlett_vancouver's Avatar
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    Default Re: Opinions needed please.

    I really don't know...is the owner of the club the 'hands-on' type- could you complain to him/her?

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    Veteran Member Angel1112's Avatar
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    Default Re: Opinions needed please.

    maybe it's none of these negative things that you are thinking and could instead just be starting you out (since your new) on a not so popular time and schedule for now....maybe she wants to see if you plan on sticking around before they give you a better schedule n hours.Who knows maybe girls come n go all the time there and don't stick around .....i honestly think your just thinking the worst here.

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    Veteran Member funtasticFerra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Opinions needed please.

    My suggestion is to sit down with her and again ask nicely for better shifts....don't bring up anything about why you aren't getting them...just ask for them...or demand them in a nice way...somehow phrasing it so she really doesn't have an option to say no would be best...if you can come up with that. As well as slipping in the "I'm not going anywhere..." phrase. Other than that i'm not really sure what else you can do except keep dealing with her crap and go above her to solve the issue.
    "When life gets rough turn up the music and dance a little"

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    Veteran Member BlondeLocks's Avatar
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    Default Re: Opinions needed please.

    hmmm she sounds kind of like a tough cookie. well first if there are any other people on management or staff that you can talk to do that first, if not try to find out who is your boss's boss and maybe talk to them...if all else fails then you need to have another talk to your boss, you could file complaints against and maybe you could use that to get her to cooperate. It seems like a good club but if you can't get along with the moss and if she's horible to you, you might want to look around elsewhere. If you talk to her, be firm and no more being polite and dont be a push-over...i think she's the type you have to be firm with and not take any crap, its a good idea to have a back up club to work at incase she fires you but also i dont think she can just fire you for no reason, maybe i am wrong...well hope i helped! good luck!
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  6. #6
    Veteran Member logan820's Avatar
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    Default Re: Opinions needed please.

    If this persists and is effecting your $$$ go elsewhere? How can you be 100% happy if she is such a bitch to you, and not giving you good shifts. If her attitude persists I would just go somewhere else, you don;t need her shit. You are not losing, right now you are losing $$. It seems like she is trying to run you out. This happened to me when I was bartending, I was the best bartender, worked at this stupid place for 4 years, I got a day job, and couldn't work as many hours as b/f. The manager decided to cut my nights, and I was working all day Sunday!! It sucked the $$ was good, and I had friends, I just couldn''t stand being treated like shit, the day I quit was the best day of my life, I giant weight had been lifted off my shoulder!!

  7. #7
    Senior Member mspussykatus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Opinions needed please.

    OK, first off, I am soooo sorry this is happenig to you. I was in a similar situation about a year and a half ago,. The manager hated me because I had caught him doing dope, and he tried his best to get rid of me for months, he even tried to get a girl to beat me up. He finally got rid of me and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I work in a club where I make five times the money I made there plus I am a lot happier. Orginally I was extreamly pissed, I felt like I had lost a battle, but in the end I ended up winning. (by going to the other club and making a ton more money then I would have ever made at the old club)

    I think you should:
    1. Talk to the owner, like scarlett said, if he/she is the hands on type.
    2. Talk to another manager, even if that manager is below "the bitch" as far as ranking. He can still go up to her and say, "Hey, I've noticed "insert your name here" has been here fior a while and always ends up with the bad shifts, how bout we give her a few better nights to work?"
    3. Confront her aggressively. And by that(make sure this is in private) I mean say," I know you have been treating me wrong since I have been here. I work hard, and I deserve every right to work good shifts just like all the other girls. Do you have something personal against me?"(I know you have already done this but do it again but in the office with you both sitting down) And then when she says no, ask her why you are being given the bad shifts.
    4. Be honest. Did you do something to piss her off? Or do you think she thinks you did something to piss her off?(not that should make a difference in a work place but people hold grudges)
    5. Are you not one of the prettier girls? Are you overweight? Do you not keep yourself up?(hair, nails, make-up, etc.) If the answer is yes to one or more of those questions...then you should be able to figure out why you are getting the shitty shifts. I am not trying to be rude, and it's horrible that it has to be that way, but this business is like that, and although bigger women and not-so-pretty women should have equal rights, more-often-than-not management is going to put the more attractive girls on the best shifts, especially in smaller clubs.
    5. Tell her to go fuck herself and go work somewhere else.

    Good luck and just do what is best for your soul.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Opinions needed please.

    Thank you all sooo much for replies and support! I really had no one to talk to about this, as at the club everyone is afraid of her, and so there's this unnatural oppressive silence, as in "don't ask any questions if you want to work here"...

    I've been there for close to 2 years, so definitely past the try out period and have proven my loyalty. Most of the newer hires have long been "promoted" to the good shifts, and stay there consitently.

    The owner is rarely there and is completely uninvolved and uninterested in what's going on. In fact she even let it be known, smugly, for us not to even bother going to him over her head, as it will be useless. He gave her full power over the club, or at least girls, many years ago.

    See, the irony is, when it comes to looks, outfits and performance, I am at the top of my game. She even admitted I'm beautiful, and I have had no problem getting hired and working at some of the clubs hell of a lot more upscale than this one. That seems to be my only crime, tho, since as I said whenever she overhears a customer giving me compliments and telling me I should be a model, and sees me enjoying my job, she looks like someone just insulted her personally, and so then it reflects on my shifts.

    Guess you all are right and it's better to leave. If she chooses to hate me, and ignore the fact that I'm good for business, than to hell with it. I would talk to her again, but she'll never just say, "yes, I don't want you around because you make me feel inferior".... Wish I could tell the manager how bad for business she is, as a lot of really good customers told me they avoid coming in whenever she works because she's got this bad vibe and sucks as a bartender. Seems her power went to her head and she forgot that she has such a cushy job thanks to the dancers and customers. She acts like she does you a favor by letting you breathe in her presence... Sadly one of those people who only feel good about themselves by bringing others down. When I first started working here no one told me even half of all the rules. So I asked her to see all the rules in writing, so it's clear. Well, she said, "I could, but you wouldn't understand it", and I was like wtf? does she think a stripper can't read? lol!

    Anyway, guess I was just thinking of this situation in terms of good vs evil, and got all philosophycal and couldn't decide whether it's ok to see an obvious injustice and just ignore it and move on, or try to fight, or what... and so stuck around.... and was fascinated as well, since I never met anyone like her, completely devoid of basic common sense, irrational, unreasonable, unfair, hypocritical and cruel.

    Am rambling, so once again, thank you guys! Feels good to vent.

  9. #9
    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: Opinions needed please.

    Have you tried "buying" better shifts?

    You never mentioned once that you tipped her. Frequently managers expect tips, and just like in every other situation, the biggest tippers win. If you aren't tipping, then she isn't going out of her way for you. You may not think that the other girls are buying thier "good" shifts, but that might be what is going on.

    Before you leave this club, talk with her about this situation. Explain that you had no idea that you were supposed to tip the manager, that no one-not even her- told you that was customary, and that you only heard it on an internet forum for the first time.

    If this doesn't work, then give it up and try a new club. Don't allow yourself to lose any more money!


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    Default Re: Opinions needed please.

    How big is the city you're living in? If it's large enough to have a variety of clubs I'd toy with the idea of leaving. Two years? That's way too long to have put up with that crap! Is she the only manager, if it's a bigger city club there must be other managers, not just her and the owner, I hope! I'd try to switch to where you are working with another manager, if possible. Another thought to bear in mind...she might like, like you! Perhaps she's jealous of you being happy with men and not her! I have come across lady's in our biz that are just this way!
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  11. #11
    Reznor
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    Default Re: Opinions needed please.

    I agree with the tipping thing. After I started tipping the manager at my club, I found that not only did almost all problems dissipate, but he also sticks up for me and such now. And it's such a pleasant working environment now, if you get my drift.

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    Default Re: Opinions needed please.

    Whoa! I mean no disrespect to those (sorry Paris, you seem quite cool/nice) BUT...hell no! Where I've worked you pay a house fee, tip the house mom, DJ, bartender and the parking guy! The managers are as said in prior/different post " managers are glorified babysitters with paperwork to do." They are paid salaried usually...she'll bleed you dry, if she already seems to 'dislike' (or really like) you; she'll use this to bleed you dry! I would strongly recomend this NOT be done unless you want to loose more earnings!
    ~ Everytime you vote for a conservative republican, a civil right dies~ political cartoon
    ~ [whisper] " I don't bargain! " ~ Tommy Lee Jones in The Fugitive

  13. #13
    AlexxaHex
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    Default Re: Opinions needed please.

    I'm the kind of person who shoots straight from the hip, and I don't put up with shit from anyone....ever...no matter what kind of service they think they are doing for me.
    Management is not my GOD, the people who employ me are benefitting from MY presence in the club, so I treat them as equals. I treat them with RESPECT, but not as some kind of overlord allknowing authority who dictates how I live.
    If I have a problem with someone, I tell them. I ask them WHY they are treating me a certain way and if they continue to cause me stress, I cut them out of my life. Very simple. It sounds like you either need to be totally straight up with her and tell her how you feel or get the fuck outta dodge.
    I know it may be easier said than done when you've almost exhausted all your other options in the city, but maybe you can work in a neighboring city if you're willing to drive a little more. It might be worth it, and it sounds like it would be since you're getting the short end of the stick with the shifts.
    Remember, that woman is FUCKING WITH YOUR MONEY by not giving you the opportunities you deserve!!! Anyone who effects my earnings is always at the top of my shit list.
    If she doesn't respond kindly to your requests for better shifts, you can try demanding them, or walk.
    Best of luck to you,
    Alexxa

  14. #14
    God/dess scarlett_vancouver's Avatar
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    Default Re: Opinions needed please.

    Paris makes an excellent point. It may be true that managers shouldn't get tipped, but they often do, so, if it would work out best for you all around to buy the manager's preference, I say go for it.

    2 years is a long time to put up with this crap though...it might be time for greener pastures.

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  15. #15
    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: Opinions needed please.

    Quote Originally Posted by justine08
    Whoa! I mean no disrespect to those (sorry Paris, you seem quite cool/nice) BUT...hell no! Where I've worked you pay a house fee, tip the house mom, DJ, bartender and the parking guy! The managers are as said in prior/different post " managers are glorified babysitters with paperwork to do." They are paid salaried usually...she'll bleed you dry, if she already seems to 'dislike' (or really like) you; she'll use this to bleed you dry! I would strongly recomend this NOT be done unless you want to loose more earnings!
    This really depends on the location. Some cities/clubs operate on the manager getting tipped as well as the DJ, doorman, valet, house mom, bouncers, bartenders, and cocktail waitresses.

    I have been screwed over by a manager that never informed me that he was to be tipped as well as everyone else. I liked the club, and didn't get it, just like the OP. Some managers like to think of themselves as glorified pimps (or pimpettes).

    Although I agree that too much of our income goes to the operation of the club and to cover the support staff's income, I was just offering a possible solution to get the OP better shifts. I personally won't work at a club that I have to pay more than 1/3 of my gross income just to work there. I figure that 1/3 or less is tolerable IF I am making decent cash at that club.

    I also practice strategic "ass kissing" to get my way. It is easy enough to recognize a person that responds well to having her/his ass kissed, and a little sucking up has gone a long way for me (I get to act like the prima donna, and come and go as I please etc.etc.).

    If you can learn the power of sucking up properly, a lot of doors can open up to you in this business.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


  16. #16
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    Default Re: Opinions needed please.

    Thanks for the inspiration. Yeah, I guess I gotta ask her point blank again and be ready for the exit.

    It's a small place and she is the only manager, and she lords this everyone. In fact she acts like a frigging Godfather, lol, and everyone walks on eggshells. The income potential (for this city) is great, tho.

    Rofl, at she likes likes me! The witch is pushing 90, and is def. straight, but it is possible she is envious of the attention young and pretty girls get from the men. As I mentioned I think before, she run out of the club all the prettiest girls with the best personalities. Just can't tolerate anyone above mediocre in all aspects....

    I have been tipping her what I'm supposed to tip, since she bartends also, so it's mandatory, and on good shifts I tipped even more than I have to, but could be she expects half of your earnings or something, which adds extortion to her endless list of crimes, lol, and last Christmas I was the only one who even bothered giving her a gift, so am covered in the attempt at asskissing dept. haha. But yeah, if you need to pay too much to work there, as good as the earning potential is, it's not worth it by default. And it's a catch 22 anyway, since she won't let me make a living, I can't afford to tip her waaay more.

    Oh well. Since I'm more interested in justice than anything, the only perfect solution would be if all the girls who get mistreated by her quit all together, no one else went to work there, and/or customers started boycotting the place.

    Guess realistically all I can do is write a club review once I leave, tho. Maybe will do some good. She's been getting away with way too much for way too long.

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