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Thread: Boyfriends in "other" clubs

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    Newbie Gemini25's Avatar
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    Default Boyfriends in "other" clubs

    I'll apologize from the outset if this thread is redundant, but I performed a search and didn't find anything comparable. My gf is a dancer. We've been dating about 6 months and things are going great (except for the fact she's embarassed to tell people she's dating a soon-to-be lawyer, hehe -- great sitcom idea : stripper/lawyer marriage). Of course I can't go to the club where she works, but she insists that I refrain from going to other clubs unless she's with me. This is difficult b/c she works at night and I work during the day. I don't have a problem with this b/c I love her, but it's confusing.

    I asked why she didn't want me to go to clubs. To which she basically replied, "I know how SOME girls are, and they'll be trying to fuck you." At first blush, this seemed contradictory to me. I know she doesn't do "extras." She knows that I've never solicited or accepted a solicitation for "extras." Therefore, I think she would trust me in this situation. It's not like I'd be trying to pick up another girl in the club.

    Hence, my queries: (1) Is her stance typical/normal in the industry?
    (2) Am I missing something fundamental here?

    Thanks in advance for any and all advice ladies!

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    Veteran Member alicia0033's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends in "other" clubs

    I don't like it if a bf went to Strip Clubs... I'm a dancer and what i do is a JOB. It's different to think of your bf spending money on a different girl for his pleasure. I wouldn't give a dance for free because really who likes it?? But that's just me. Other girls might disagree.

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    Veteran Member Serendipity7's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends in "other" clubs

    I'd actually feel the same way if it were my guy, and I've said this before. Being on the other end of the spectrum and knowing what goes on in private dances as well as what some girls will do in the champagne rooms, it's not all "innocent fantasy fun."

    Even if both the dancer and customer "play by the rules", a legitimate dance at a full nude, full contact club is still going overboard, in my opinion, for a guy who's in a relationship.

    I don't know, I guess a lot of people would be surprised that I feel this way given that I'm a dancer...but I'd just rather go with my boyfriend, invite his friends, buy them dances, and have a good time!

    Not to mention, guys tend to act differently (read: be disrespectful and have somewhat of an ego trip) when they're in a group of their guy friends, as opposed to how they act when they're by themselves or with their significant others.

    Alright, I'm just rambling at this point, so I guess what I'm trying to say is that there can be a lot of factors that determine why she feels that way.

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    Default Re: Boyfriends in "other" clubs

    I wouldn't be wanting my husband hanging out in sc's whilst i was off at work. Why would he want to? It may be different if it was once in a while and with a group of mates, but to just go there and hang out like it was a local , nah!

  5. #5
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Boyfriends in "other" clubs

    Everybody's got their own personal boundaries. These are hers.

  6. #6
    Cally
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    Default Re: Boyfriends in "other" clubs

    I cant see what the big deal is... I trust my man, I told him if he wants to go to a SC with his buddies hes more then welcome to, and hes told me if I want to go to a male SC without him im more then welcome to. We trust eachother... in my opinion its just a night out with friends, and hell if he wants a LD he can get one, the way I look at it hes gonna have a naked girl on his lap making him horny and I get some later

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    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends in "other" clubs

    Do you go frequently?

  8. #8
    bostondancer
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    Default Re: Boyfriends in "other" clubs

    Whether I was a dancer or not I would not be to thrilled if my man was hanging out in Strip clubs . Going for speical occasions is more than OK but just hanging out , uh no . First of all I don't think that it had anything to do with what goes on in the back room even though I have used that excuse myself , we are women we get confusing . How about its something that would bother her and because you to are in a loving relationship you will just respect her feelings about that and other things and also since its a good relationship you don't need to be in there anyways , right ?

    And whoever wrote asking why you couldn't hang out on her club while she works ...omg

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    Newbie Gemini25's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends in "other" clubs

    I went to her club while she was working some after we started dating, and we would hang out and drink together, which was fun -- especially on a slow night. However, BFs are not supposed to be at the club, so with some people knowing and with the caddiness in SCs, we decided that I shouldn't come in any more. I've not been without her since we've started dating, so "no," I don't go a lot. So, it's not like I want to go to another club and spend a ton of money on other girls. I just think that if a friend has a bachelor's party and we decide to go to a club or if I meet up with some friends I've not seen in a while and we decide to go, it shouldn't be a big deal.

    Again, I'm talking about going "once in a blue moon," not frequently. And yes, I agree with the one post that it's more fun to go out with everybody, i.e. her and our respective friends, but her best friend (who's not a dancer) won't allow her BF to go to SCs. End result: We never go to a club, which feels more like repression than anything. Moreover, ordinances here (TN) are eviscerating the industry, so going is becoming increasingly less fun, especially where I'm originally from (Nashville area).

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    Newbie Gemini25's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends in "other" clubs

    Yeah, I've never heard of a club that allows husbands and BFs to hang out.

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    God/dess doc-catfish's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends in "other" clubs

    Anytime this topic has come up in the past, there's been an argument of a double standard in play. I can certainly agree to some extent with the argument that some gals make along the lines of "I'm there to work, but he's not", and if a gal's SO is spending significant time in strip clubs, I think there are probably some trust/fidelity issues that the two of them need to work out.

    On the other hand, I don't think some here want to accept that it takes two to tango. Lap dances are a supply and demand function. If a gal thinks its disgraceful for a commited man to be in a strip club, then I think she has compromised her moral authority to some extent by dancing in one. Some of those men you girls entertain every night are other women's boyfriends/husbands after all. If those men stopped coming in because of that, a lot of the money you make would no longer be there.

    It should also be taken into account that after being professionally sexy 2-4 nights a week, a lot of dancers understandably do not have the nerve, energy, or patience to attend to their BF's needs at home. In which case, I think its a bit controlling to complain about BF attempting to get that fulfillment from somewhere else.

    When it comes down to it, whether a line has been crossed is going to depend on the parties involved.
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

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    Senior Member Jessica Lords's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends in "other" clubs

    Personally,I wouldn't want my man going to see dancers...it's just a boundry thing with me.

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    Veteran Member susie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends in "other" clubs

    I would rather my man go to a strip club then a regular bar.
    As long as the money taken for the clubs is kept reasonable, and does not effect our family income I say have fun
    I don't know why girls get so hung up on their guys going to clubs. Hell, I'd rather clubs then pornos even.
    Susie

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    Newbie Gemini25's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends in "other" clubs

    I would have to agree with your sentiment -- provided that the guy isn't dropping $241,000 like Savvis Communications CEO/fiscal retard Robert McCormick in the club. I can say with 100% certitude that a guy has a better chance of getting hit on and getting in trouble at a "regular" club as opposed to a strip club. I've been hit on at a SC, but this isn't the norm -- and assuming that you trust the guy, this isn't gonna' be any different than getting hit on at a "regular" club, except the latter would more easily facilitate cheating.

    I'm not trying to say my GF is wrong . . . well b/c how someone feels can't necessarily be disputed. I'm just looking for healthy opinions so I can better "understand" -- b/c that's the ultimate goal: to better understand her and any opinions, feelings, or values that she may uniquely harbor as a consequence of her occupation.

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    Moderator yoda57us's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends in "other" clubs

    Dude, she's a woman first, a stripper second. Your either going to have to sneak out and go without her knowing or stop going. This puts you in exactly the same boat as 99% of other guys with wives or SOs.

    Congratulations.

    Just be sure to go to a club out of town so you don't run into any of her dancer friends.
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    Default Re: Boyfriends in "other" clubs

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us
    Dude, she's a woman first, a stripper second. Your either going to have to sneak out and go without her knowing or stop going. This puts you in exactly the same boat as 99% of other guys with wives or SOs.

    Congratulations.

    Just be sure to go to a club out of town so you don't run into any of her dancer friends.
    The wise Jedi Master has spoken.

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    God/dess kitana's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends in "other" clubs

    Quote Originally Posted by Gemini25
    I just think that if a friend has a bachelor's party and we decide to go to a club or if I meet up with some friends I've not seen in a while and we decide to go, it shouldn't be a big deal.

    Moreover, ordinances here (TN) are eviscerating the industry, so going is becoming increasingly less fun, especially where I'm originally from (Nashville area).
    You are right, if a friend does have a bachelor's party, you should be able to go. Have you asked her about such incidences? I'm sure she wouldn't have a problem with that at all.


    As for Nashville, I know all about it, lol. It's supposta be grtting better there again soon. *fingers crossed*

    I used to work at Christie's, so remember N-ville fondly, lol.
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    Featured Member Juliette_deSade's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends in "other" clubs

    She might be afraid of the consequences of you being surrounded by hyper-sexual coiffed women on the prowl. Even if she is those things. It is unsettling for some women to imagine their man being successfully seduced into spending money on a girl he fancies. Deep down, most women wish trheir men would fancy them and only them, ever. And letting a woman touch you is a huge test of your faith to her (all mental stuff).

    If I were you, I'd go to the core of the problem. Assauge her fears by telling her your intentions. They seem innocent. You are about to marry her. You are wise in asking for advice, especially if you don't want to lose your rights as a person. Successful relationships don'y have much as far as power issues outside of the bedroom . Tell her she has your trust. Would she consider trusting you?
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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends in "other" clubs

    Hence, my queries: (1) Is her stance typical/normal in the industry?
    (2) Am I missing something fundamental here?
    This is really the wrong place to ask this type of question, as this side of the forum has repeatedly demonstrated grotesque hypocrisy from the bulk of the membership on this issue.

    Otherwise, Yoda's wisdom is well-advised.
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    Featured Member Lyssa Lynn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends in "other" clubs

    Well here are my thoughts...my man and I both agree that we'd rather I be doing something else, but you can't beat the $$, freedom etc.. So that being said, why would he want to go and have fun in a place where he could look around and think gee, my wife does this...men try to do that to her...etc. It's just a job, but my man going to a club for his personal enjoyment that is blurring the line. Hypocritical or not.

  21. #21
    buffie06
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    Default Re: Boyfriends in "other" clubs

    I wouldn't worry about it until the so called "blue moon" appears, then she may act/ respond differently. That you are concerned with it now, may lead her to believe you want permission to go whenever under any circumstances. I have no problem with my hubby going to the SC, but knowing that he respects my opinions and wouldn't go if i didn't feel comfortable makes me feel better.

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    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends in "other" clubs

    Quote Originally Posted by Casual Observer
    This is really the wrong place to ask this type of question, as this side of the forum has repeatedly demonstrated grotesque hypocrisy from the bulk of the membership on this issue.

    Otherwise, Yoda's wisdom is well-advised.
    What is interesting is to see all sorts of things from the female perspective "and that is important," but to simply downplay and flat out refuse to see the same thing from the male perspective. The rationalizing that goes on here is as entertaining as an Intelligent Design debate.

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    God/dess kitana's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends in "other" clubs

    As a side note, lol I dont care if hubby goes to other SC's. I don't even care if he gets dances from other girls. Hell depending on where the club was at I wouldn't even mind if he had been given some extras, lol. I trust him enough not to do anything that would hurt me.

    She's a typical woman, man; and with that said Yoda said it best.

    And when you do make your out-of-town visits, lol; come up and see me at my home club. Pretty much like Nashville, only we serve here, it's not BYOB!

    PM me about a week before you come up and I'll give you directions, lol.

    Hell I'll even throw in a first free drink! Just for you though.
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    Default Re: Boyfriends in "other" clubs

    Quote Originally Posted by kitana
    She's a typical woman, man; and with that said Yoda said it best.

    And when you do make your out-of-town visits, lol; come up and see me at my home club. Pretty much like Nashville, only we serve here, it's not BYOB!

    PM me about a week before you come up and I'll give you directions, lol.

    Hell I'll even throw in a first free drink! Just for you though.

    How can you refuse a sales pitch like that?
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  25. #25
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends in "other" clubs

    Okay.
    1) Would she actually mind if it was for something like a bachelor party? Because that might be unusually hardline. I wouldn't care for a boyfriend going and hanging out there, even if it was once in a while, but I doubt I'd mind if someone were doing it in that particular context.

    2) The big difference is, as Doc pointed out, that she is there to work and you are not. I don't see this as being hypocritical. It would be hypocritical if she disliked you going out to clubs recreationally and getting dances, and still thought that she should be able to go out, recreationally, and start grinding on guys in a normal bar - or buying dances from guys in a strip bar. Seriously, while I've been dancing I've dated 3 guys who had varying reactions to it (although I'm also not a person who likes to pretend that there is no rational reason that me dancing should bother my boyfriend); but I can tell you that none of them would have thought it was too cute if I started behaving the way I behave at work recreationally. Pretending that there is no difference between work and play is silly. As for Doc's ideas on moral culpability - I see his point, however, I feel the same way about the people who sleep with people who cheat. It is the party's responsibility to see that he/she is faithful to his/her spouse, not the rest of the world's. That is, only one person is culpable if you cheat, and that is you, because the person you are cheating with has no responsibility or duty to your partner. (Unless they do. But that would rarely be the case for us).

    3) For me it has less to do with worrying that a girl is going to fuck a boyfriend than... well, in a nutshell, I know how I consider my customers. And for that matter, I know how my customers are. I wouldn't want someone else thinking of my boyfriend that way. That may be shallow, but I would think that it is adequate unless you have a pretty compelling reason to want to go in the first place.

    4) There is also the matter of simple jealousy. She may be wondering, frankly, why in the name of god you want to pay money to look at other women who aren't as attractive as she is (and if I were you, I would NOT point it out if some of them are more attractive), when she is there for you. This is very normal and makes perfect sense. You couldn't possibly be thrilled to have paying other men for company and stimulation was so important to her that she went out to a message board to inquire about it.

    So, really, in essence, if it isn't important to you, don't do it. What could possibly be the problem with her not wanting you to do something you don't really want to do anyway? If you're just interested in her reasons - well she can likely explain it better than we. But in answer to one of your questions, yes it is a very normal thing.
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