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Thread: Does mom know I strip?

  1. #1
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    Default Does mom know I strip?

    Ok. My mom and I have a weird relationship- whatever, my family is unusual (who's isn't, right?). I don't live at home, but I 'visit' often because 'home' is 30min away...she always wants to take me out for supper or do my laundry or whatever. (I'm 20 btw). So, I think she knows I strip for the following reasons:

    a) Pretty sure she's seen my S-factor book. I know she's seen my costumes because I took some laundry over to her house (to do myself), and she just did them herself. She held up a hot pink lycra thong and said "what's this?". "Underwear" is all I said.
    b) When visiting, I think I've left this site up on the monitor of my laptop a couple times and mighta forgot that she likes to use the laptop for solitaire (she's a snoop, but 'privacy' does not exist with my family).

    but the smoking gun: c) At Red Lobster with mom and bro...bro (whose 15) said "hey, what's that site you were looking at...stripperweb?"
    I realized I forgot to wipe the history. I had no reply at all..."uhm, it's for my friend". Beyond lame. My mom "So is this how you're paying for that new apartment?! Lapdancing? This is why you don't want us to see you at work!" (told them I waitress at a gay club...cuz I know I can convince them not to go there). Now, she said it while laughing non-stop...we were all laughing, rather uncomfortably. I responded 'jokingly' as well "That's it, you got me."

    Yeah, she knows, doesn't she? I know I am being 100% indiscreet about the 'secret', but I hate lying to my parents. My dad has girlfriends (whom he has made out with IN FRONT of me), and now lives almost exclusively in another city (ostensibly for his job), but they act like they're totally married and fine when they happen to be together. Anyway, the denial my mother is capable of astounds me, and this is just an example. But she's fairly liberally minded in many ways too, so her finding out I dance would not end the world, though she'd hardly approve.

    So now, whenever we're discussing my waitressing job, I feel like such an idiot. We both know the truth, but she just acts as if nothing happened. Since that night at the restaurant, nothing has changed, but strangely she's been nicer to me now than ever before (could also be because I've lost 20llbs in three months from IBS and she thinks I'm dying or something). I want to just confront the situation! Put it out there! But this is impossible, since my whole familial life has been one big 'let's ignore the elephant in the room' situation.

    What should I do? Am I right to assume she knows?

  2. #2
    Senior Member mspussykatus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does mom know I strip?

    Yes. And no.

    Sorry, I know that doesn't help. I would say so, I mean, just keep denying it if it makes you uncomfortable. That is what I do. I have never had my mother or father call me out on "So you are a stripper?" but my mom has said a couple things kinda emplying I am doing something "unethical." (BTW to my parents I am a "waitress" too ) But she is so insane she probably thinks I am a drug dealer.

    Just remember, she knows you probably better than you know yourself, so if you really think she knows, she probably does. She is your mom. So if you tell her, worse case scenerio she gets mad and doesn't talk to you for a week. And then she will still love you.

  3. #3
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: Does mom know I strip?

    Too funny. It sounds like she knows. Denial? Just a tad bit. I do envy your situation, however. From your post, it appears that your mother lives by the words "Ignorance is bliss." You have definitely tested the waters, as far as joking about your job and stuff. Now, it is up to you to decide weather or not it's safe to dive in. Good luck.

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    God/dess GoldCoastGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does mom know I strip?

    All I know is that my father would've been much happier if I continued to lie to him instead of coming out to him. Ever since I have come out to him ... conversations have been much harder. When I was lying that I was a waitress at a strip club (the tips I was getting from customers were how I afforded to travel), things seemed to be much easier.

    All in all, I kinda regret being open to them about it even tho' I didn't want to continue lying to them... they would've been happier "in the dark".

    Lesson to be learned from my experience: Sometimes the truth is NOT what some people want to hear and they can live their lives quite happily being ignorant of that truth no matter how blantant it is that it is a possible lie.

    Or that is what I learnt from my experience.


    enter: E3167322D9 for your 10% discount

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    Featured Member evan_essence's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does mom know I strip?

    Her half-joking question at Red Lobster could have been primarily designed to deflect your brother's attempt to pry into your adult private life. It's reasonable to assume she strongly suspects, but I think the revelation here is she hasn't pressed you for confirmation. If she wanted to know for certain, she'd surely ask privately in a non-ambiguous, non-joking way. Perhaps she simply respects your privacy, but I suspect, by not asking, she must be motivated by a desire not to know. If that's true, what's to be gained by telling her?

    -Ev

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    Veteran Member rain's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does mom know I strip?

    I'm sure she knows. But she seems like a nice mom.
    There is no salvation in becoming adapted to a world which is crazy.
    Henry Miller

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    Member Maggie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does mom know I strip?

    I'm not quite sure if she knows or not. I've tried to "test the waters" with my mother by mentioning strip clubs or something just to see what she'll do. She'll do the same laugh thing like you're mom and I'll try to play along.... It never works. I still feel like she doesn't truly "know." Yeah she would never believe that her baby girl strips for money... So I just leave it alone. I'm keeping it from both my mother and father because it would absolutely kill them.

    Good luck with your mom... let us know if you find out!

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does mom know I strip?

    Don't know your mom... But it sounds like she knows.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Senior Member kittensgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does mom know I strip?

    in my opinion it sounds like a santa claus - easter bunny situation. She knows, you know, the brother thinks he knows but it is easier and more pleasant to go along with the fairy tale.

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    Default Re: Does mom know I strip?

    No, your mom doesn't know because they have not heard anything directly from you. Parents usually love their kids so much that they believe everything their kids say, althought what they say is hard to be true or believe. When it come to money, parents usually hope their kids do the right thing(from their point of view) to earn money.

    When it comes to so obvious , they will try to ask you ,not directly. They will pretend talking about someone else(try to see your opinions) , laughing when talking about something(try to see if their guessing is correct).... BUT they will not believe UNTIL they see it.

    From what you said, from her point of view, stripper is something....wrong. My advice is.... don't talk about it to your mom because she doesn't want to believe that you are a stripper. (that why she didn't ask you directly or come to your work to check). She is still trying to get a confession from you because it's human natural to search for the true but inside, somehow she's hoping her daughter is not a stripper.

  11. #11
    Featured Member red red red's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does mom know I strip?

    This is the exact situation I'm in with my family right now. They *must* know... but we all pretend they don't, and that I am, yeah, a "cocktail waitress."

    I'm glad other people experience this. It drives me nuts. Every time I visit my parents, I'm never sure whether I'm supposed to lie about my job or not. Whenever I start telling even part of the truth, one of them will come out with something like, "yeah, but you're just serving the drinks!"

    ...argh. Maybe I'll just e-mail my mom this thread right now. It's to the point where I'm sick of lying to them about something they know about anyway.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  12. #12
    God/dess FrustratedBunny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does mom know I strip?

    It sounds like your mom might be cool about it if she knows and like she has an idea but maybe doesn't want to confront you about it. Maybe she thinks you'd be embarassed to tell her? Hey, she sounds cooler than my mom, that's for sure. I mentioned that I thought it would but fun to be a go-go dancer and my mom freaked. And if she sees a thong, just a regular old thong, in my laundry she's like "I don't see how you can wear that. Ick." Now I actually mentioned to my dad a while back when I was having money troubles that I oughta just be a stripper but would be scared my mom would find out and he goes "How would she know? Who would you know that would go in there and care?" So he acted like it would be no big deal. I just accept that my parents are the way they are and that is that. My brother is the one that would be the worst freaked by it. He seemed worried I was a porn star because he saw a "Hustler" T-shirt in my laundry and I jokingly told him I was doing porn.

  13. #13
    Senior Member MzGigi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does mom know I strip?

    This woman has known you for TWENTY YEARS! She has CLEANED your bum... she has held your hair back when you were throwing up.... she knows you better than you think gal! Please dont insult ur mummies intelligence! We women have such different ways of coping with things... its really funny... Sounds like ur mom has a lil defense mechanism called 'DENIAL'... and I aint TALKIN bout the one thatr runs thru Egypt... (lol) maybe she cant even handle the stress, u kno? She'd just prefer to keep it to herself, and push the reality that her little baby girl has grown up to be a stripper! I think she knows... and really, in your heart, you know that she knows! Good luck... be nice to your mommie! Everything will go fine, so just keep working and saving!
    ~*No grave is deep enough to bury the truth*~

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    God/dess fancygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does mom know I strip?

    ^^^um, well if your brother and your mom know about this site and you didn't switch details to protect the innocent, then this is probably a good roundabout way of telling them, because your brother is probably scoping out the site still.

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    God/dess Nautilus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does mom know I strip?

    reciprocated denial is beautiful. we never really addressed the issue. she probably suspects i was doing things FAR WORSE than stripping but since she doesn't talk about it and i don't talk about it... woo hoo, it's win/win, baby!

    a little bit of mystery never hurt anyone.

  16. #16
    Veteran Member dancinslifoxxx17's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does mom know I strip?

    Tell her one of your friends is thinking about dancing. See how she reacts. But, she prob. knows.
    It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird

    Blessed Be

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    Senior Member Zoe_en_Australie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does mom know I strip?

    wow...reading this thread makes me realise how lucky i really am. my mum knows i dance, she actually thought i was dancing before i was, which made it really easy for me. the conversation went something like this

    me: yeah, i really want to get into burlesque (i have a theatre background and have loved it since i was a kid...and i *do* want to get more into burlesque). i then proceeded to tell her about all the stuff going on in melbourne, and how i wanna move there.

    mum: (just straight up, by the way, no pussyfooting around here!) you're dancing, aren't you?

    me: no, but i have been thinking about it, now i guess it'll be really easy to tell you if i do do it!

    i mean, she knew where i was working, i did start out doing bar/waitressing, but i was a hostess/controller at the time. and i knew she wouldn't like it, which she didn't, but we both agreed it was better to be honest about it and her not like it than me lie about things and screw up our relationship.

    but i guess i'm pretty lucky, my mum is pretty liberal and i knew she wouldn't disown me for it, i just wasn't expecting her to be as cool about things as she is. she and my dad have even been into VC, i wanted to put her mind at ease so she knew it was a nice club, not some sleazy dive.

    as far as the whole denial thing, i'd say yes she is in denial about it, but she probably figures seeing as you haven't brought it up then you don't want to talk about it. maybe she's waiting for you to bring it up???
    rock on gold dust woman,
    take your silver spoon,
    and dig your grave...

  18. #18
    Veteran Member Miss_Eliza's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does mom know I strip?

    I would say she knows ; but she might not want to really know for sure.
    Like my bestfriends mom. My best friend lives with a girl for three years now. They vist family together on holidays and take trips and her mom is still in denial about her being with a girl.

    I think because if they knew for sure they would have to deal with it. So as as long as they don't know for sure its all ok. They know they just don't have to deal with knowing.
    You say psycho like it's a bad thing

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    Default Re: Does mom know I strip?

    It does sound like your family knows. Fortunately I no longer live near my parents so I don't think anyone will find out. I will try to keep it quiet.

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    Veteran Member candie00's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does mom know I strip?

    whats IBS? =p

  21. #21
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    Default Re: Does mom know I strip?

    ^^Irritable Bowel Syndrome. A highly unglamourous ailment of the guts. Godawful pain and discomfort, but a great diet, I will admit.

    Thanks to everyone for the perspectives. I guess I'll let the status quo roll on- if she knows, and yeah I think she does, she clearly doesn't want to bring it up. Fine by me I suppose.

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    Veteran Member calliope7's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does mom know I strip?

    It sounds like that typical parental ambiguous denial thing. I "hid" the fact that I smoked from my father for years, despite smelling like a chimney and standing behind very thin people to "hide" myself while I smoked in front of him and he never said anything or acted like he noticed. It sounds like she would definitely get over it if you were to come out and say it, but like you said she doesn't want to bring it up because that would require totally facing it.

    As for myself, I finally told my mom less than a week ago over the phone. She lives 250 miles away but I really felt the need to be honest and open with her. Her biggest issues ended up being that I felt safe where I worked and how I was going to report my taxes after making large student loan payments without explanation to the goverment. And my dad is SO great at the denial land thing that I will just let him stay there, plus he's throw an incredible shit-fit that would verge on disowning me.

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    Veteran Member Phedre's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does mom know I strip?

    Moms are really good at living their own fantasy in the event of someone else's reality. Well at least I find mine is very good at it. My sister and I used to say that we allow her to live the fantasy of her reality. I don't see it as so bad anymore.... more like she only takes what she wants from the conversation anyways.

    I can't remember what movie it was in but this girl said "we only remember what we choose to". I believe it.
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    Veteran Member pinupgurl2k6's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does mom know I strip?

    Okay, I must be a freak of nature. I borrowed money from my Mother for my very first outfit and told her exactly what I was doing. When I started dancing again, I told my Mom/Dad/Mother-in-law/Father-in-law before anyone else could so it wasn't some dirty secret that could cause any drama or embarassment.I wouldn't lie to her if she asks but if you're seriously stressing about her reaction, take her out to a "nice lunch" if you're dancing you can afford it and talk to her. I also suggest getting a couple glasses of her favorite alcoholic beverage in her before telling her it will ease the tension a little knowing she's mellow.
    You have the courage to dance naked on a stage in front of hundreds of men, this is your Mother, she loves you no matter what you do even if she doesn't like it. I would rather have my daughter dance anyday than get hooked on heroin etc.. just MHO

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    Veteran Member carmen124's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does mom know I strip?

    your situation sounds somewhat like mine...when i was 17 (and i was one of those teenagers that they write entire manuals on how to deal with..haha) i told her in the middle of the fight that i had gotten hired at a strip club and i that i was thinking of taking the job! (of course i didnt, i was underage..but was considering dancing..which i eventually did.) she reacted terribly! cried hysterically..said that industry degrades women and bla blah.

    since then i've moved across the country and been dancing for about a year..i finally told her i got a job cocktail waitressing at a nightclub and she practically started crying again. needless to say im NOT telling her that i strip. i think she knows though.. otherwise i don't think she would be crying over cocktail waitressing she knows whats it code for.

    moms are definatly smart! im about 90% sure she knows what i do but has decided not to acknowledge it. which is fine..she told me once "somethings i don't WANT to know." guess she couldn't have been anymore clear. lol

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