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Thread: I cannot believe this...

  1. #1
    Member Scorpia's Avatar
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    Default I cannot believe this...

    I posted a thread previously about my bf who seemed extremely confused about whether he was ok with me stripping. For the most part he was telling me that he was fine with it because I need the money but he wouldnt be able to come see me dance which is understandable in a way. So yesterday, well wednesday I auditioned and I got the job!! So excited that I was able to get through it i called him to tell him the good news. At first he was fine with it, asking me questions like how'd it go, what did you wear and such. But then he starts asking me questions like how are you going to feel grinding on other guys erections, and what are the customer rules? are they allowed to touch you and grab your ass? I told him that during lap dancing, yes they can touch your breast lightly and your body but they cant touch your vagina. He was like oh I have another call. Ten minutes later he sends me a text that says "dont do it". I say dont do what? he says work at that club. Im like what the fuck? I thought you were fine with it. He says well after I really thought about hows those guys are going to be touching you grabing your ass and shit, I cant deal with that no fucking way.


    A TOTAL CHANGE OF HEART WITHIN TEN MINUTES AFTER MONTHS OF ME ASKING IF HE WAS SURE THAT HE WOULD BE OKAY IF I EVER DID IT!!! He says well if you had told me that you were seriously going to audition I might have told you not to do it earlier. I DONOT understand this! I was so excited that finally I would be making some money and he shuts me down.

    I really love him. We have been dating over a year and we have arguments and lots of disagreements on various situations occasionally. He can be thoughtful and sweet and he is very faithful but can sometimes be a real jerk.

    I was supposed to go in to work the next day but I asked him do you seriously have a problem with this? He says yes I do, I really dont think I could date a stripper. So I asked you would break up with me over this. He says whether I will or not I dont want u to do it PERIOD.

    So I called out my first night. I have no idea if that is exceptable and if I can go back. I really love my boyfriend but I really need this job. I dont want to do it because Im afraid of him leaving me because he cant handle it. Im desperate for serious cash though, its not life or death but theres no other way i can make so much in so little time. I need a car, to pay my rent, I have no health insurance, and past due bills. He gives me a little money here and there when he has it but he doesnt make much and its not enough. I dont know what to do....

  2. #2
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: I cannot believe this...

    Well stripping now is the last thing on your mind.

    You need to address what the mental block in his head is, and well, if its something that ends with just stripping.

    Scorpia, don't push this under the carpet, this is why you have these surprises, you two do not communicate properly in these cases. Talk more, and don't be afraid of the negative returms. Better you find out about it now than in years.

    Good luck and merry christmas hun

    Mast
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  3. #3
    Featured Member WiseGuy_TX's Avatar
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    Default Re: I cannot believe this...

    As MAST says both you and him are not communicating well on this issue.. Asking him if he was sure and not being able to tell that it may bother him is something you must work on. But more importantly HE must speak more honestly about his feelings. Talk some more with him. Maybe he will try. But for now, he cant handle it. It is OK for him to feel that way. There is nothing wrong with feelings that way. Its a sign that he has real feelings for you.

    Its your life first. Take care of yourself first. We all have ex's who, at one time, we all thought we would spend our life with. Thank God thier lovely lies were exposed and our life could move on. He could end up being an x-boyfriend. He should be supporting you and caring about how you are going to deal with it. You should be REASSURING your feelings for him. Reassuring not in a "complaining way" or a "i've told you 100 times already" way or an "angry" way or a "lets have sex" way but in a "he's a crying 6 year old in your arms" way. A guy who is not confident in himself and his feelings about his stripper girlfriend feels insecure about "sharing" his girlfriends sexuality with other men. He cant see/understand how strippers turn off the personal/sexual/emotional aspect of dancing. He just does not understand. Go make your money, take care of yourself first. ...i'm tired, Merry Christmas.
    "Peter, did you take Stewie to a strip-club? He smells like sweat and fear." - Lois and Stewie (Family Guy) ... "Through early morning fog I see, Visions of the things to be, The pains that are withheld for me, I realize and I can see..."

  4. #4
    God/dess Lena's Avatar
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    Default Re: I cannot believe this...

    Dump him.



  5. #5
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: I cannot believe this...

    Lena,

    You need to learn to get more to your point
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Featured Member Paintbaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: I cannot believe this...

    Dump his game-playing ass. It's your life first, and if he can't be supportive and is only thinking of you as property he doesn't want the other men to touch, to hell with him. Plus, the fact that he has been with you as long as he has, but would dump you because of your job is so childish. Does he not know the complete person you are, or is he just judging you now as a"stripper"? Nice of him to show his true hypocritical colors---let me guess...he doesn't have a problem with strippers, maybe even likes to go to a SC himself from time to time, but wouldn't want his girlfriend to be one right? Uh-huh...

    NEVER be afraid to do anything for your own self out of fear of losing a man---that is just a power play he is holding over your head, and no relationship is worth giving up your power for. If he loves you and isn't just concerned with controlling you to keep his insecurity down, he will support you. Yes, there will be an adjustment, but ultimately he needs to respect your need to earn a living. I don't see anything in your post indicating he is paying all of your bills, either. What an incredibly selfish jerk.

    Like Lena says--"dump him!"

  7. #7
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: I cannot believe this...

    If it's important to you to dance, and it sounds like it is, call his bluff. Guys usually aren't expecting you to do this when they react like this and give you an either or choice. I did this with my last boyfriend who wanted it to be him or the dancing. I called his bluff and told him I had to end things, because it wasn't right, and then he begged me not to break up with him. Said he wasn't serious about breaking up with me over it because he loved me too much.

    LOL

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    God/dess colleen's Avatar
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    Default Re: I cannot believe this...

    My first impression is that he liked the IDEA of it, but was not prepared for the reality.

    Great advice from the guys! I think seriously the best thign to do is tell him you really need the $$, expalin why, and jsut ask him to wait and see how he feels about it once you get all your bills paid. Cofmort him like Wise Guy said, and also focus a littel more on communication like Mast pointed out. Definitely call his bluff.

    ANd here is somethign I learned with my husband, who used to do shit liek that all the time:

    HOLD HIM RESPONSIBLE for telling you how he really feels. I would say something like this:

    "I asked you how you felt about me dancing, and you said yo are OK with it. I believed you. Now I have gotten my hopes up, and invested all this time and money that I can't really afford to waste. Now it is too late for you to change your mind. You said you would be OK with it, and I AM NOT A MIND READER. I have to believe what you tell me. YOU TOLD ME you were OK with my dancing, now I am going to go out and do it. Next time, you have to tell me how you really feel about something The first time I ask, and whatever YOU TELL ME, that is what I am going to act on. I will take you AT YOUR WORD, so you have to tell me the truth the first time. "

    This takes a little time, but the beauty of it is, once he figures out you are going to do whatever he told you the first time, he will learn to get it right the first time.

    In the meantime, it will be a bumpy road at first. It will take both of you a little time to get used to your dancing. Be supportive and understanding to his feelings, but gently and firmly stick to your guns and do what is right for you. Either he will get over it or not. IF not, see Lena's and paintbab'ys posts.


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    When you perform... you are out of yourself--larger and more potent, more beautiful. You are for minutes heroic. This is power. This is glory on earth. And it is yours, nightly.

    --Agnes De Mille

  9. #9
    Pamela
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    Default Re: I cannot believe this...

    Scorpia. There is a very good point in your message! Read it again.

    He DOES NOT take you serious.

    He needs to listen to you, and if you mention something you are showing an interest in it.

    Good luck hun,

    Pamela

  10. #10
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: I cannot believe this...

    If he can't afford to keep you, you can't afford to keep him.
    Honey, a wise man said a woman can be poor on her own, she don't need no man.
    If you knuckle under, good luck breaking your back to make him happy- half a chance nothing will ever be enough, half a chance he'll leave you anyways. Sounds like the odds are 100% bad for you. Good luck.

  11. #11
    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: I cannot believe this...

    He was OK with it as long as he thought you really weren't going to do it. Which means he NEVER was really OK with it.

    Somehow, the fact that you REALLY wanted to do it didn't get through to him until you really did it. Commication breakdown. The two of you obviously need to work on that.

    He is definitely not OK with it, and won't ever be.

    If you ONLY want to do it for the money, maybe you shouldn't do it. I see waaaaaay too many girls doing this who are only doing it out of desperation, and that is NOT a good thing. A desperate girl is way too vulnerable on so many levels in this business. There are way too many predators swarming around.

    Furthermore, why do so many girls with money problems automatically look to stripping for fast cash? This isn't some simple easy thing that people should be viewing as some instant cure-all for money problems. And overwhelmingly, these money problems are usually self-induced - poor financial discipline. Maybe more young women should be learning financial discipline instead of looking at stripping as the end-all solution. Believe me, if you enter stripping with poor financial discipline, you will only get WORSE as a stripper!

    Ultimately tho, you basically have a choice between keeping the relationship and trying to make money as a stripper (not all strippers make much money and not all women can be successful strippers). Think longterm. If this guy is someone you TRULY see yourself with in the long run, don't strip. If you honestly WANT to strip for reasons other than money, and you might not see yourself with this guy forever, then go ahead and do it - and be ready for a breakup soon.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

  12. #12
    Member Scorpia's Avatar
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    Default Re: I cannot believe this...

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridgette
    If you ONLY want to do it for the money, maybe you shouldn't do it. I see waaaaaay too many girls doing this who are only doing it out of desperation, and that is NOT a good thing. A desperate girl is way too vulnerable on so many levels in this business. There are way too many predators swarming around.

    Furthermore, why do so many girls with money problems automatically look to stripping for fast cash? This isn't some simple easy thing that people should be viewing as some instant cure-all for money problems. And overwhelmingly, these money problems are usually self-induced - poor financial discipline. Maybe more young women should be learning financial discipline instead of looking at stripping as the end-all solution. Believe me, if you enter stripping with poor financial discipline, you will only get WORSE as a stripper!
    I actually have always thought about doing it because I loved the look of it and I love the way strippers dance. I never had the guts to do it before because I was so shy and less mature. The fact that I need money was just more of an excuse or reason for me to go ahead and do it. I was so excited because I enjoyed it. It was actually fun for me. Just like any other woman I would be scared of something happening to me, like a guy getting too rough with me or maybe someone that may get obssesive. But other than that, beside the fact that it is quick cash and I understand that in certain cases it may not be much money, but you cant deny the fact that it is quick. Im am a good dancer and just that one night, even though I was nervous to shits, I had a good time and I am wanting to go back for another night so badly but Im truly trying to figure out if he is worth me letting go something that I am so interested in. I know that I can find another job, eventually, but now that I have finally, after all the years of being too scared to audition, went through with it and got hired, I dont know if I want to let it go so soon.

    This has absolutely nothing to do with 'financial discipline'. I moved out to a new city and have trouble finding a job that pays as much as I made at my previous job. Also I would like to be able to finally go to school and because of the fact that I still have things that I do have to regularly pay for this is the only job where you can pick your own hours where I would be able to work around school and still make decent money. There are alot of factors that went into my decision and I know that trying to get what I want done in the time frame that I would like, to do it any other way would take a hell of alot more time and a hell of alot more struggle.

    Im not looking for stripperdom to be easy street or for it to solve all of my problems. I know it aint easy.

    Thank you for your comments!

  13. #13
    Veteran Member LusciousLyzz's Avatar
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    Default Re: I cannot believe this...

    My boyfriend did this to me too, he said that he would be okay with it, then I told him I was going to go in and audition. All of a sudden, he had a change of heart.

    Well, I gained a little weight since then, but we have talked about things and I assured him that yes, some girls do "extras," but I would never, not just because of him, but because I do have some standards for myself.

    So, maybe he just needs some reassuring. A lot of men are insecure, whether they admit it or not. If you explain that you love him and that you are really strapped for cash, and what not and that you do have morals, then maybe he'll stop being a baby about it!

    Good luck in what you decide to do!!!

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: I cannot believe this...

    Scorpia,
    Look at yourself.
    Dancing or not do you really see yourself with this guy 5/10/15 years from now?

    What are your life plans? Where do you see yourself 5/10/15 years from now?

    How does he fit into those plans? Are you potentially sacrificing out of love? Or out of obligation?

    At times like this, you really need to weigh how he fits into your life and at what level, and decide whether its a diversion or a detour.

    No matter what, you have our support!

    Mast
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Veteran Member Feiticeira's Avatar
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    Default Re: I cannot believe this...

    Well said Mast

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    Senior Member kat 3322's Avatar
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    Default Re: I cannot believe this...

    i agree that you really need to see if he is the right guy for you, do you always get in disagreements like this?

    but i also have a similar situation where im with my boyfriend and hes very nice to me and always wants to talk about the things that bother him.(none of that text message b.s.) and we have agreed that he is ok with me stripping but not at a contact club. and im fine with that, i make good money at my no contact club and i dont really like doing contact anyhow if they are alowed to touch me. if you can see your self marrying this guy then think about a comprimise, but anything short of that, you need to realise that he will most likley always be botherd by you dancing.

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: I cannot believe this...

    Quote Originally Posted by Scorpia
    I actually have always thought about doing it because I loved the look of it and I love the way strippers dance. I never had the guts to do it before because I was so shy and less mature. The fact that I need money was just more of an excuse or reason for me to go ahead and do it. I was so excited because I enjoyed it. It was actually fun for me. Just like any other woman I would be scared of something happening to me, like a guy getting too rough with me or maybe someone that may get obssesive. But other than that, beside the fact that it is quick cash and I understand that in certain cases it may not be much money, but you cant deny the fact that it is quick. Im am a good dancer and just that one night, even though I was nervous to shits, I had a good time and I am wanting to go back for another night so badly but Im truly trying to figure out if he is worth me letting go something that I am so interested in. I know that I can find another job, eventually, but now that I have finally, after all the years of being too scared to audition, went through with it and got hired, I dont know if I want to let it go so soon.

    This has absolutely nothing to do with 'financial discipline'. I moved out to a new city and have trouble finding a job that pays as much as I made at my previous job. Also I would like to be able to finally go to school and because of the fact that I still have things that I do have to regularly pay for this is the only job where you can pick your own hours where I would be able to work around school and still make decent money. There are alot of factors that went into my decision and I know that trying to get what I want done in the time frame that I would like, to do it any other way would take a hell of alot more time and a hell of alot more struggle.

    Im not looking for stripperdom to be easy street or for it to solve all of my problems. I know it aint easy.

    Thank you for your comments!
    I hope you read my other comments as well, and not just the ones about money, etc. My money comments were mainly general statements - I DO see entirely too many girls coming into this business for all the wrong reasons. You don't need to explain yourself to me - what I was saying obviously doesn't apply to you anyway.

    Stripping can be a good way to get yourself ahead, provided you have a good head on your shoulders and aren't jumping into it out of desperation. I just have a tendency to get overly concerned about young girls doing this because they think it's their only choice, and almost invariably succumbing to one or all of the many pitfalls involved. I hate to see girls getting themselves into trouble that way - it really does bother me. This business is hard enough on the best of us!

    Again, regarding your relationship, you just need to think long term. You're on the right track - is he really worth giving up something you really want to do, and that could help you accomplish some goals? On the other hand, are these short term goals worth sacrificing the relationship? Only you know the answer - go with your instinct. If you have to think about it too hard, you're probably not being honest with yourself.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

  18. #18
    Veteran Member infra-red's Avatar
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    Default Re: I cannot believe this...

    Quote Originally Posted by Scorpia
    I posted a thread previously about my bf who seemed extremely confused about whether he was ok with me stripping. For the most part he was telling me that he was fine with it because I need the money but he wouldnt be able to come see me dance which is understandable in a way. So yesterday, well wednesday I auditioned and I got the job!! So excited that I was able to get through it i called him to tell him the good news. At first he was fine with it, asking me questions like how'd it go, what did you wear and such. But then he starts asking me questions like how are you going to feel grinding on other guys erections, and what are the customer rules? are they allowed to touch you and grab your ass? I told him that during lap dancing, yes they can touch your breast lightly and your body but they cant touch your vagina. He was like oh I have another call. Ten minutes later he sends me a text that says "dont do it". I say dont do what? he says work at that club. Im like what the fuck? I thought you were fine with it. He says well after I really thought about hows those guys are going to be touching you grabing your ass and shit, I cant deal with that no fucking way.


    A TOTAL CHANGE OF HEART WITHIN TEN MINUTES AFTER MONTHS OF ME ASKING IF HE WAS SURE THAT HE WOULD BE OKAY IF I EVER DID IT!!! He says well if you had told me that you were seriously going to audition I might have told you not to do it earlier. I DONOT understand this! I was so excited that finally I would be making some money and he shuts me down.

    I really love him. We have been dating over a year and we have arguments and lots of disagreements on various situations occasionally. He can be thoughtful and sweet and he is very faithful but can sometimes be a real jerk.

    I was supposed to go in to work the next day but I asked him do you seriously have a problem with this? He says yes I do, I really dont think I could date a stripper. So I asked you would break up with me over this. He says whether I will or not I dont want u to do it PERIOD.

    So I called out my first night. I have no idea if that is exceptable and if I can go back. I really love my boyfriend but I really need this job. I dont want to do it because Im afraid of him leaving me because he cant handle it. Im desperate for serious cash though, its not life or death but theres no other way i can make so much in so little time. I need a car, to pay my rent, I have no health insurance, and past due bills. He gives me a little money here and there when he has it but he doesnt make much and its not enough. I dont know what to do....

    Dump him ....NOW! Its YOUR life!
    Devilution Imaging!

    "Sexy...sexy as hell"

  19. #19
    Member Scorpia's Avatar
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    Default Re: I cannot believe this...

    My boyfriend explained to me why he does not want me to do it. He confessed to me that after telling one of his good friends that his young girlfriend (he is 28yrs old) is now a stripper, he said his friend couldnt believe it. Lets say his friends name is D. D asked him how did this happen and my boyfriend told him that he told me that it was okay because I needed money and he also confessed to D that he was the one who told me that its not really all that bad being a stripper. My boyfriend said that when D heard that he was like I dont even know you! How can you tell your girlfriend something like that when you know what guys are like in there? This could change her forever and your down with that?

    So basically his friend made him second guess letting me do it. Right after that little chat thats when I recieved the text telling me dont do it. I asked him " so you were going to let me do it until your friend made up your mind for you?" He says no before he even told his friend he was starting to second guess it because he started to think about all the guys that would be touching on me and maybe eventually I would start to like it and he would think I was a whore. I smacked right in the mouth.

    I told him, "we sat together and discussed this a while ago and you said you would be fine with it and would think nothing different of me. You know I love and I would not change anything between us and now you tell me you would have let me work there all the while thinking I was a whore for doing it? What the f*&#!!"

    I haven't talked about it since. I am more and more realizing that he must have a problem with serious decision making and he doesnt really know what he wants for himself, expecially not out of a relationship because this would not be the first time I have recieved mixed signals for him or that he's let a friend tell him whats best for him.

    This man is almost thirty years old. I think he should be able to make his own decisions by now. Im really fed up with the stress. I do love him so much and he his truly a good guy, just a very confused one who hasnt had much relationship experiences (he's had 1 girlfriend and one sex partner before me. I couldnt believe it myself but its true.) and I really have to think about this hard because I have truely been doubting any future together with him lately. I hate this...

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