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Thread: Do you ever think you are going to be lonely forever?

  1. #26
    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you ever think you are going to be lonely forever?

    Quote Originally Posted by alicia0033
    Most people at one point or another feel this way. Heck, to me is most ironic to talk to men all nite, having them say all kind of wonderful compliments to me then coming home alone and realizing i don't know a man i would want to be with. That's depressing.
    I know what you mean... whether you are a man or a woman there are a lot of people of the opposite sex out there... until you start only counting the ones who are available.... then only the ones who are attracted to you... then only the ones to whom you also are attracted... gee that number goes down fast....

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    Default Re: Do you ever think you are going to be lonely forever?

    Shouldn't this post be on one of Oprah's websites or maybe Marc Gray's?

    What does insecure self-loathing and self-pity have to do with debates on strippers, extras, house fees, PLs/RILs and ROBs?
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

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    Default Re: Do you ever think you are going to be lonely forever?

    Topic poster will consider himself lucky in a few years after seeing what his friends' current Mrs. Rights do to them.

    Just focus on your life and your career, make money and you'll find they start coming to you(and thankfully, you won't want them nearly as much then).

    About the lowest a man can get is when his validation comes from women and that seems to be this guy's problem. If your looking for companionship, go play in a flag football league or something. Women ain't the source. You are in for a rude awakening when you finally DO get a girlfriend and realize you were better off before.

    Don't listen to any other advice in this thread because A) the women giving it have never dated women or gone looking for them, so they have no clue and B) most of the guys are addicted to paying women money to wrinkle up their khakis.

    If you want a boost, just wait till Feb 15th, the day after Valentine's day. There will be a sea of heart-broken women about, thanks to having a bad Valentine's Day, and you can easily take advantage of that. Women tend to try and repair broken hearts with food, so just hang around some food places and catch the ones on the mend.

    This seems like a good time to propose a Personals section for stripperweb.

    I took ballroom dancing in college, it was pretty fun @ Rick1. I like salsa these days. I don't think this dude should do it though. It would just be a nightmare for him because he would just end up becoming a cuddle bitch to any of the chicks he met there, with his current attitude.
    You can't love something you think is flawless - me


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    Default Re: Do you ever think you are going to be lonely forever?

    I used to think that i''d be lonely forever. After a few really bad relationships, and i mean really bad, i gave up. I worked on myself. I learned to enjoy my own company and do everything on my own and for myself, i'd make candlelit dinners for one so to speak. I earned contentment. It was when i wasn't looking for another that i met my husband.
    You are born alone and you die alone, this doesn't change whether or not you are in a relationship

  5. #30
    Veteran Member merely_lurking's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you ever think you are going to be lonely forever?

    Have you tried masturbating? That's what I usually do when I'm feeling lonely. You might want to give it a whirl...
    A fat chick is like a big, warm, comfortable pillow that you can also have sex with....

  6. #31
    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you ever think you are going to be lonely forever?

    Quote Originally Posted by merely_lurking
    Have you tried masturbating? That's what I usually do when I'm feeling lonely. You might want to give it a whirl...
    How's that working out for you? Are you feeling lonely right now? After you are done masturbating, do you no longer feel lonely?

    If you find masturbation to be a salve for loneliness.... that's just sad.

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    Default Re: Do you ever think you are going to be lonely forever?

    Quote Originally Posted by dlabtot
    How's that working out for you? Are you feeling lonely right now? After you are done masturbating, do you no longer feel lonely?

    If you find masturbation to be a salve for loneliness.... that's just sad.
    It builds muscles though. Oops, probably only in one arm, just forget I even said that.

    I think he's just looking to vent some pain, that's not a bad thing. Maybe some of what has been said here will help.

    Rick

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    Default Re: Do you ever think you are going to be lonely forever?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sh0t
    If you want a boost, just wait till Feb 15th, the day after Valentine's day. There will be a sea of heart-broken women about, thanks to having a bad Valentine's Day, and you can easily take advantage of that. Women tend to try and repair broken hearts with food, so just hang around some food places and catch the ones on the mend.
    I once took a bag of chocolate Valentine kisses (50% off) into a strip club on Feb 15. I told a waitress they were for any waitress or dancer who didn't get off on VDay. The place had nine dancers, two waitresses and a female bartender that afternoon. Every one of them told me a sad story for kisses.

    You'd be amazed how many guys break up with girlfriends the week before just to get out of VDay altogether.

    Quote Originally Posted by merely_lurking
    Have you tried masturbating? That's usually what I do when I'm feeling lonely."
    Go to and find the pornstar list. Look for a girl whose look you like (try Monique Alexander) and download her free pics and video trailers. Talk to her while you jerk off. Tell her what to do next. It's a real confidence builder when she does it.

    One more tip: There are 1,238 attractive young women in America who actually like shy nice guys. They volunteer at food banks, Habitat for Humanity, and places like that. Most of them don't know how to give good head, but that's a small price to pay.

  9. #34
    Featured Member Paintbaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you ever think you are going to be lonely forever?

    As a woman, I can tell you right now that we can smell desperation on a guy a mile away, and it ain't attractive. What makes a man attractive is confidence, and confidence comes from being comfortable in your own skin. This, in turn, comes from having a life you are involved in, and continuing to evolve as a person. Which in turn comes from having experiences and doing things that make you happy, teach you something new, and bring others into your circle. You need to ask yourself--what am I bringing to the table here? Am I an interesting person to know? Be honest. Then get out there, find a killer hobby that ignites your soul, and throw yourself into it. Maybe it will be salsa dancing, maybe it will be rock-climbing, or skydiving, or maybe it will be learning how to play guitar---it doesn't matter. What matters is you taking the focus off of your self-pity, and becoming a person with stories to tell. People with a passion are interesting people to know--we are all naturally curious about our fellow man. Also, you will find a group of like-minded people who are enjoying the same thing you are--always a great basis for friendships. New communities open up to you.

    Where you seem to be coming from now is a pretty empty place--you are looking for someone to fill you up. The truth is, you are responsible for your own happiness--and it is not the job of a girlfriend to give you that. It is the job of a partner to help enrich and enhance your life, but you have to be content with who you are as a person first. YOU have to bring something to the table as well.

    This is the life you get--what it becomes is what you either resign yourself to, or create for yourself. Choose.

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    Featured Member kikin's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you ever think you are going to be lonely forever?

    ^^^tru dat! i concur!!!!

  11. #36
    Veteran Member girlnew156's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you ever think you are going to be lonely forever?

    This is the life you get--what it becomes is what you either resign yourself to, or create for yourself. Choose.
    True, but they are so many words.

    And unless action is followed by words, it is like so much hot air.

    The point here, is where does one find the courage?

    No, unless one finds the courage in one self, all the preaching in
    the world would do no good.

    It is not the truth which makes man great, it is the man which makes
    the truth great.

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    Featured Member kikin's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you ever think you are going to be lonely forever?

    one finds the courage through self-examination and introspection. i do quite a lot of that and i have found many truths and i'm happier because of it. some may have to take up meditation to get to that point...i myself haven't had to resort to meditation. i just sit back and let it come to me.

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    Member mandragoran79's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you ever think you are going to be lonely forever?

    Quote Originally Posted by Paintbaby
    As a woman, I can tell you right now that we can smell desperation on a guy a mile away, and it ain't attractive. What makes a man attractive is confidence, and confidence comes from being comfortable in your own skin. This, in turn, comes from having a life you are involved in, and continuing to evolve as a person. Which in turn comes from having experiences and doing things that make you happy, teach you something new, and bring others into your circle. You need to ask yourself--what am I bringing to the table here? Am I an interesting person to know? Be honest. Then get out there, find a killer hobby that ignites your soul, and throw yourself into it. Maybe it will be salsa dancing, maybe it will be rock-climbing, or skydiving, or maybe it will be learning how to play guitar---it doesn't matter. What matters is you taking the focus off of your self-pity, and becoming a person with stories to tell. People with a passion are interesting people to know--we are all naturally curious about our fellow man. Also, you will find a group of like-minded people who are enjoying the same thing you are--always a great basis for friendships. New communities open up to you.

    Where you seem to be coming from now is a pretty empty place--you are looking for someone to fill you up. The truth is, you are responsible for your own happiness--and it is not the job of a girlfriend to give you that. It is the job of a partner to help enrich and enhance your life, but you have to be content with who you are as a person first. YOU have to bring something to the table as well.

    This is the life you get--what it becomes is what you either resign yourself to, or create for yourself. Choose.
    I printed it and framed it on my wall

  14. #39
    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you ever think you are going to be lonely forever?

    Quote Originally Posted by Paintbaby
    As a woman, I can tell you right now that we can smell desperation on a guy a mile away, and it ain't attractive. What makes a man attractive is confidence, and confidence comes from being comfortable in your own skin. This, in turn, comes from having a life you are involved in, and continuing to evolve as a person. Which in turn comes from having experiences and doing things that make you happy, teach you something new, and bring others into your circle. You need to ask yourself--what am I bringing to the table here? Am I an interesting person to know? Be honest. Then get out there, find a killer hobby that ignites your soul, and throw yourself into it. Maybe it will be salsa dancing, maybe it will be rock-climbing, or skydiving, or maybe it will be learning how to play guitar---it doesn't matter. What matters is you taking the focus off of your self-pity, and becoming a person with stories to tell. People with a passion are interesting people to know--we are all naturally curious about our fellow man. Also, you will find a group of like-minded people who are enjoying the same thing you are--always a great basis for friendships. New communities open up to you.

    Where you seem to be coming from now is a pretty empty place--you are looking for someone to fill you up. The truth is, you are responsible for your own happiness--and it is not the job of a girlfriend to give you that. It is the job of a partner to help enrich and enhance your life, but you have to be content with who you are as a person first. YOU have to bring something to the table as well.

    This is the life you get--what it becomes is what you either resign yourself to, or create for yourself. Choose.
    Ya know, that's all true, and it is a great post, but why assume the original poster is not someone who does a lot of stuff, has hobbies and passions, is interesting, has stories to tell, and so on? He didn't say anything about that -- all he said was that he is shy, doesn't like to go to bars, and when he does meet someone he is attracted to, they are inevitably attached. So he is meeting women, just not the right women. Nothing that he said in any way implied that he is 'empty' - just lonely. They aren't the same thing. I think most people who want love and go without an SO for a long time are going to be lonely no matter how rich and full their lives are in other ways.

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    Featured Member Paintbaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you ever think you are going to be lonely forever?

    Dlabtot, you have a point. But it has been my experience (and thus, this is what I am speaking from) that those with real passions and hobbies in their lives aren't the shrinking violet type---they are always hanging with those who share their interests, or always at the centre of attention in a room, going on about their latest adventure. This guy specifically said he was the quiet and shy type--quiet and shy, especially in a guy (in my personal experience) don't usually go hand in hand with confidence. I picked up a definite wallflower vibe with his post, and suggested he focus on becoming someone who can radiate confidence, and suggested how he do so.

    The shy guy doesn't get much attention. He did come asking for advice, no? I suggested how he could make his social circle bigger--bigger means more people, thus, more women. More possibilities for friendship and romance. I disagree on one point though--when a person has a rich and full life full of friends, activities, passions---"lonliness" isn't usually a part of that. Lonliness, and merely being alone and without a partner, are two very different things.Wanting a special someone in your life to share with doesn't neccessarily make a person "lonely". This guy said he was lonely, and for me, that DOES imply an emptiness. I merely suggested how he could start to fill that emptiness, give my perception of said emptiness.

  16. #41
    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you ever think you are going to be lonely forever?

    Well I just dont agree that every person who wants to have an SO in their life, and doesn't, is empty. Yeah while you are out scaling mt everest with your climbing buddies, you probably arent feeling lonely. However, when the trip is over and return to an empty home sans amour it may be a different story.

    And you really seem to be ignoring the fact that he says he IS meeting women -- just not unattached women to whom he is attracted. (Personally I agree with Jerry Seinfeld - 95% of the population is undateable, unattractive, boring, etc. -- so how are all these people getting together? Alcohol. lol)

    I suppose you've never been lonely? Because according to what you have said, that would necessarily mean your life was empty at that point, that there was some flaw in YOU, rather than just a circumstance you were experiencing.


    on edit: PS, don't get me wrong; you did give excellent advice.
    Last edited by dlabtot; 12-29-2005 at 01:06 PM.

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    Featured Member Paintbaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you ever think you are going to be lonely forever?

    I think you misunderstand something I said, dlabtop. I never said that a person who wants to have a SO but doesn't have a SO is empty. I did clarify that being alone and wanting a significant other, and being "lonely", are two different things. And sure I've been lonely--who hasn't?--but for me it was within the confines of a relationship that wasn't working. I have found that, for me, having a life rich with activities, friends, and things I am passionate about takes care of any lonliness. Having hobbies and passions also exposes me to new communities of friends and potential romantic possibilities. This is what I was trying to share with our friend here.

    I picked up on a lonely, shy vibe from his post. Perhaps you picked up on something different. I was offering ways in which he could be proactive in remedying his situation--widening his social circle, and thus the possibility of meeting suitable women--as well as finding something to do to build confidence, and become interesting. If he is already interesting with great stories to share, not many people will get to see that--the shy guy often gets overlooked.

    Lonliness isn't a "flaw"--it's just a wake-up call that is telling a person that there is room for a lot more in their life. My take on that is that a person has to give themselves that certain something--it isn't something you should expect a significant other to give you.

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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you ever think you are going to be lonely forever?

    Well being lonely while in a relationship is even worse then being lonely without one, but you've never been lonely unless you were in a relationship? I suppose that is possible, but I don't think it is a common experience. I guess we just disagree about the definition of the word loneliness.

    Quote Originally Posted by paintbaby
    I picked up on a lonely, shy vibe from his post.
    Well, it wasn't a 'vibe' - he did explicitly state that he was lonely and shy. You extrapolated from that that his life is empty.

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    Featured Member Paintbaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you ever think you are going to be lonely forever?

    No, no. I did not say his LIFE was empty. I said there seems to be AN emptiness---because of the "lonliness". A person's life cannot be summed up by one facet of it. I was commenting on the facet that he specifically presented us with--the shyness, the lonliness, the frusteration at not meeting any possible romantic partners.I was trying to suggest how he could overcome his lonliness and increase the odds of meeting a romantic partner. I gave him my perception, as a woman ,regarding how shyness and quietness in a man in a social setting does not translate into confidence, and ways he could remedy that.

    Not really sure why you are arguing this, but I know I have no interest in doing so further. I have explained my take on the situation and gave sound advice. He came to this board looking for advice and comments, and I gave him just that. We are just going to have to agree to disagree about your interpretation of my words, and the reason for that.

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    Default Re: Do you ever think you are going to be lonely forever?

    Quote Originally Posted by Paintbaby
    Then get out there, find a killer hobby that ignites your soul, and throw yourself into it. Maybe it will be salsa dancing, maybe it will be rock-climbing, or skydiving, or maybe it will be learning how to play guitar---it doesn't matter.
    My hobby is going to strip clubs Hopefully it will pay off for me soon... meeting a great lady.

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    Default Re: Do you ever think you are going to be lonely forever?

    Quote Originally Posted by kikin
    one finds the courage through self-examination and introspection. i do quite a lot of that and i have found many truths and i'm happier because of it. some may have to take up meditation to get to that point...i myself haven't had to resort to meditation. i just sit back and let it come to me.
    I tend to consider my dreams. I figure they are telling me some stuff about how I really think and feel about certain things.

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    Default Re: Do you ever think you are going to be lonely forever?

    People can be incredibly enigmatic, interesting, talented, and also shy. It's been said by many of his coworkers that Robert Deniro is a shy person.

    I am shy in many circumstances, though not at work, obviously. It's called being 'introverted' I think...try taking a psychology profile, like the Myers-Brigg (sp?). I am an INFP- only 1% of the population, but the profile helped me understand my own idiosyncrasies.

    It sucks being shy, but ultimately you have to learn to take risks, and when you're efforts fail, you'll find failure isn't as big a deal as it seems. It's far better to fail than to be left with the regret of never trying (in love anyway). Shyness can be overcome- look at me, I strip for heaven's sakes. And you know what? Ever since I took up this job, my silly old shy ways have dissolved. I used to always blush, even while answering questions in class, and now I never do. So strange.

    So maybe try looking for love in places other than bars- find out when local literary groups meet, or check out Chapters, museums...lots of introverted ladies like to prowl these places- women who also eschew the bar scene.

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    Default Re: Do you ever think you are going to be lonely forever?

    Thanks for all the advice! I never thought my post would ever generate so much discussion.

    I have to say though, there"s a side of me that likes my space and then there's the other side that is saying "this is not the way life should be living. You need someone." I'm trying to find the right girl, but I really can't say I'm dying of lonliness.

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    Default Re: Do you ever think you are going to be lonely forever?

    Quote Originally Posted by girlnew156
    Well, I tell you what, you wanna meet somebody, good.

    Walk up to the next girl you meet while walking down the street, in the mall,
    where ever.

    Yeah, just walk up to her and smack her in the butt real hard.

    Yeah, I guaranttee, you will meet somebody, maybe not what you want, but you will
    meet somebody, yeah.

    Plus, you will get over your shyness, like real quick.

    Good luck.
    I guarentee you this doesn't work if the guy isn't attractive. If he's ugly, it'll be more like... an attack.

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    Default Re: Do you ever think you are going to be lonely forever?

    What they said. Go become a fan of girls' softball (like a league in your age range). Show up and support them. Help 'em out. It is fun. Or learn to DANCE! Get out of that house. And above all, quit feeling sorry for yourself. It shows, you know.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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