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Thread: Fight with my guy... moving out (rant)

  1. #1
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Fight with my guy... moving out (rant)

    My man and I got into a huge fight tonight...Happy New Year, Im moving out. I will be staying here until my daughter goes back to Maui on Jan 6th then Im out.. I have 1 week to get first and last rent and FIND a place. I just filed Ch7 so good luck with my credit and no proof of income.

    Argh... this is so frustrating but Im tired of pretending everything is great. Its so frustrating that hes so irresponsible. The worst - I had to leave work early last night because he got drunk at a friends place and getting ready to drive home... and the whole drive back he kept saying hes ok to drive... he was NOT. He does this all the time and I dont want to be around when he gets a DUI or worst. I try to tell him to NOT do it. How difficult is it to not drive after drinking?

    He lives paycheck to paycheck and has no ambition to go anywhere in his job. No plans for a career. He smokes TONS of weed on top of that (i HATE the stuff). He HATES my job. One thing we fought about was that he said I LIKE my job. Umm ok... so its ok to dance if I hate it?

    I kept hoping he changed or that I could deal with everything but I cant. Every night when I come home I feel like shit because he looks at me differently since I went back to dancing f/t. I have no desire to have sex with him which makes me feel bad too. Shouldnt I WANT to have sex with my boyfriend?

    These are the bad qualities... hes not all bad... he has great qualities too... just the bad outweighs the good. Its so sad because he tries... he really does. He loves me. He loves my daughter. I just dont love him.

    When we broke up a year ago it should have stayed that way. Oh well, all I can do is move forward - leave him in the past for good. Should have listened to all those who said theres a reason we broke up the first time...

  2. #2
    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fight with my guy... moving out (rant)

    Well, if you don't love him and you really don't (not just saying it because you are mad), you shouldn't stay with him. I have the same problem with a husband who is not ambitious but he is reponsible and does go work he just has no desire to better himself. We have fights and say we are going to split up but we don't. Once you sleep on it and start thinking more clearly (sometimes we say things out of anger) again you should make for your daughter's sake anyways. And if you are still feeling like you don't want to be with him and you don't love him after you calm down and get some rest than you should leave. I understand you not wanting him to drink and drive and he should be more considerate of other's lives including his on. And if you are simply unhappy with his lifestyle then tell him that is why you are leaving.

    As far as having bad credit as long you have a reference that you pay your rent as promised most places will lease to you. My credit isn't great but it has been worse and I have never had a problem getting an apartment. You can get your boss to sign a letter that you do work there. That's what I did when I had to prove I had a job. I hope things work out for you, keep us posted.

  3. #3
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Fight with my guy... moving out (rant)

    Oh this is nothing new... he said about a week ago that I only got back with him so I could have somewhere to stay so I could move back from Hawaii.. it was so not true... it actually hurt that he would say that.

    I THOUGHT everything would be great if I came back. No, it was great for about 3 weeks (wonderfully wonderful!) and then went back to exactly how it was when we broke up this time last year. Im sleeping on the couch and were not talking... I dunno.

    My daughter is not his daughter but he treats her like his own and loves her like his own.

    Im sure everything will work out Im just frustrated that I put myself in this position... and I dont want him to feel used. When I moved over I really thought things would work out. When he financed my car I really thought things were would be good. When I saw the box under the tree (that I thought was a ring) I was scared that he would propose. When it was a ring and he didnt propose I was so relieved... I wasnt using him.. I know I wasnt - I just think he will think I was... and that hurts too...

    I think Ill just get a place next weekend and go from there... see if we drift apart or end up together... not gonna stress about it anymore...

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    Default Re: Fight with my guy... moving out (rant)

    We all like to think of relationships as rivers, cutting new courses and paths whenever confronted with obstacles. But sometimes, there are simply too many differences and issues to overcome. Maybe the new year is an opportunity to start fresh and not look back. Either way, I hope it works out well for you

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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fight with my guy... moving out (rant)

    Audrey

    Sorry you had to start the New Year off this way! I hope that however it works out, is the best for you and all others concerned.

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fight with my guy... moving out (rant)

    Audrey

    Concidering the emotional turmoil you have experienced in the last couple of months, I can only imagine what it means to go through something like this.

    Similar to my own experience, it seems the people with ambition wind up with the ones without. The theory of wanting more for someone else seems to bite a lot of good people in the ass.

    The important thing here is to realize that what he wants out of a girl/life isn't bad. Its just not you. And staying with him only keeps you and him from finding someone that fits you better. Missed oppertunity sucks. Grief is ok, but don't ever live life with regret, if you have regret, let it go. There is enough people that keep their minds on yesterday. Don't become one of these people.

    Good luck.

    Mast
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    God/dess colleen's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fight with my guy... moving out (rant)

    I totally agree with Mast.

    Things will get better and you will end up stronger and smarter than before.

    In the meantime,

    {{{{HUGS}}}}}

    hang in there, girl.


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  8. #8
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Fight with my guy... moving out (rant)

    Go back to Hawaii girl!!!! I'd give my eyeteeth to be there instead of in NorCal with the neighborhood floating away down the river LOL.
    Love's fabulous but family comes first and your bankbook comes second. No man should be giving you the hairy eyeball if you're using stripping money to feed & clothe yourself. CHRIST!!!!!

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    Featured Member Crystal_eyes's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fight with my guy... moving out (rant)

    Well it seems this relationship doesn't have alot of respect in it. And don't get hurt by what he's saying to you he is just trying to bug you, it has nothing to do with you take it like if would say he doesn't like this shirt or something like that, he is just stating is opinion. This is a trick I try to do when people say stuff that hurts me because we are all at some point sensitive at someone elses judgement. Good luck to you and be strong.

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    Veteran Member logan820's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fight with my guy... moving out (rant)

    You have been through a lot this past year. Hopefully the New Year will bring a fresh start. Change breeds new opportunities. You are doing the right thing if you don't love him. I agree w/ Mast, you guys aren't suited for each other, you are a strong woman, and it can't get worse, only better......hugs....

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fight with my guy... moving out (rant)

    Can we just talk for a second about the fact that MadMaxine used 'Eyeteeth' and 'Hairy Eyeball' in a sentence?

    Are you for sale? You are just too precious!
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  12. #12
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fight with my guy... moving out (rant)

    I may be wrong...and I very well could be since I only know of what you post here. But, it seems to me that you both have a communication problem. You seem to want to run at the first sign of an uncomfortable situation...and while you talk to him, you are really not communicating and vice versa.

    Maybe it's time for you to stop running and start learning how to really connect with someone and communicate with them. You don't exactly have to live with him, but you lived with him before...you guys got into a fight, you moved out, etc, etc, etc. The pattern isn't him...it's you.

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    Featured Member xbloodydewdropx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fight with my guy... moving out (rant)

    i have no advice....i just hope you feel better and find some resolution soon....sending positive vibes

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    Default Re: Fight with my guy... moving out (rant)

    I have no advice also, but I have had my heart wrenched like that once before. Hoping someone will change, get a job, be responsible, stop making me act like his mother...

    I really don't get why you are worried about not wanting to have sex with him. You don't find him attractive anymore and you’re ready to move out. Why would you WANT to have sex with him?

    I have to wonder if that is part of the guilt you feel more than anything. Or, maybe it's just that dancing full time does make you get turned off by guys in general like everyone says?

    Anyway, keep us posted, and I hope you find your way on your own. It sounds like you have the drive, but you need to be thinking about yourself now, not him.

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    God/dess leilanicandy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fight with my guy... moving out (rant)

    sweetie,
    You do need to establish a better way to communicate with this man or any! What ever man that you are going to be with. Need to know thatyou are a stripper and that is your job, it provides what you need in your life and you enjoy it! They need to accept you as you are! which mean who you are professionaly and who you are at home. you should not be degraded in your own home where you provide for your self! you should settle for less !I don't know how long you have been dancing but if anything it should have taught you you do not have to take any B.S from anyone! Negative nay sayers you don't need around you! Why sit and let someone put you down when you don't have to! If you want him girl you need to establish a better line of communication if you don't you need to let him know how you feel and so what if he can't accept it! ma I never dance in hawaii but if you can make money go! oh Is he in the military?
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    Default Re: Fight with my guy... moving out (rant)

    Quote Originally Posted by AudreyLeigh
    I think Ill just get a place next weekend and go from there... see if we drift apart or end up together... not gonna stress about it anymore...

    I like your idea here the best !

  17. #17
    Veteran Member SexyGemini's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fight with my guy... moving out (rant)

    I hope everything works out. From what I've read it sounds like a tough situation. Totally shitty way to ring in the new year. Hugs!
    I comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.

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    God/dess threlayer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fight with my guy... moving out (rant)

    Audrey, this is just the bahavior I would expect from a pothead and a drunk. You need to get out of there and figure out why you end up with jerks like that. People with similar low-expectations as your soon-to-be ex end up doing about the same thing. He expects nothing from himself and probably hates himself for doing nothing (or being unable to do anything). So he numbs himself with pot and alcohol and then gets jealous of you because you have some ambition for yourself. Do not allow yourself to be pulled down the drain with losers like that.
    Last edited by threlayer; 01-02-2006 at 03:07 PM.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

  19. #19
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Fight with my guy... moving out (rant)

    I think Venus pretty much got it right. Altho that makes it sound like my life is a gameshow...

    We had a nice conversation the next morning. He was just staying away from me in my bitchyness and I came up to him and we had a nice conversation. He started crying... (he is sooo sensitive) he wants things to work. He said he feels that when I dance I ignore him because Im so tired from being a "sex kitten" at work that when I come home I just want to lounge... I dont really want sex. He told me he doesnt hate my job. He hates how I change when Im dancing (which I do). He told me a lot of things. Including that he loves me and if the pot really bothers me to say something and he wont smoke. He told me he smokes so much because his back hurts (hes a roofer and mason)... I told him that Im going to set up appts with chiropractor and massage person.

    We really had a good conversation. I told him I want to move. I hate living here. Were an hour from my work, my friends, were an hour from anything and everything. He told me to find a place and well move anywhere I want.

    Hes not a loser. Yea he smokes pot. Hes not a drunk (he was just drunk Fri nite)... he only drinks once in a while. He works... makes $25/hr. Hes as bad at managing money as I am. Difference is I make in 3 nights what he makes in 2 weeks. But he does have no ambition. I think if he starts getting ahead (money wise) rather than living check to check hell start seeing theres more to life that how hes living.

    Dunno? Im glad we spoke tho. And thanks for all the responses.

  20. #20
    God/dess threlayer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fight with my guy... moving out (rant)

    Forget the pot; take Advil for aches. It's cheaper, it's readily available and not illegal, and it doesn't mess up your mind and evaporate your ambitions.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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