Sorry, This is kind of long but I really need some advice.
I just found out my boyfriend has been 'talking' to a female co-worker behind my back and im not sure what else he has been lying to me about.
Here's what has happended.
My boyfriend and I had broken up over the summer but we decieded that we loved each other and got back together.Everyone told me it was a bad idea and deep down I knew it was. But I thought we loved each other enough to make it work. I do love him I just don't think we are good for each other.
Things were really great for a month or so untill he started a new job.
About a week after he started working there he became really cold and distant and even when he was home he was always on the computer or reading.
Basically, doing anything to avoid spending time with me.
Our sex life also stopped completly. Everytime I tried to have sex with him he had some excuse. Being that before this he was the one always coming onto me and wanted to have sex several times a day this was obviously a big red flag. But yet again out of fear I ignored my gut feeling.
Then about a week later he tell's me about this ''really cool'' girl he met at work and say's how they are both from small town's in texas and they have so much in common that she likes the same books and movies as him and is going to be write fantasy novels (which he reads). And say's he want's to 'hang out' with her sometime. I freaked out because I had been having that bad feeling and this seemed to explain it. I told him that no, I was not comfortable with him being friends with her.
Yet he brought her up several more times and each time we got into a fight over it.
Things just didn't add up and at this point my gut feeling was so intense I was unable to ignore it.
And I also feel like he is saying she is smarter than me.
He always makes fun of the books I read and the music I listen to even though he actually listens to most of the same music I do and found out about most of the music he likes from me. He just always makes me feel like I am not good enough.
He will make comments implying that I am not too bright. And say things like 'I am never dating someone that looks like you again because attractive women are all spoiled and crazy' It really hurt's when he makes those comments and my self esstem is at an all time low.
Then he comes home one day and say's that she had invited ''us'' (Even though I have never met her) over to her house for her birthday. He tell's me not to worry because she is engaged but her fiancee conviently will be out of town on her BD.
I told him there was no way and asked him to please stop fucking bringing her up and to not talk to her or about her untill we have resolved at least some of our issues. He acted like he understood and agreed to stop talking to her.
Well the day after christmas I went up to his work to say hello and he told me she was there. I had never seen her but thought I would try to check her out while I was there. So as I am walking up the stairs(he works at a bookstore) this girl is walking past me and the feeling I got was undescribeable. I felt like I was going to throw up, I started shaking, and I KNEW that was her and that something was going on. Also, for some odd reason the movie sliding doors came into my head as we were walking past each other (and by the way she had no engagement ring on)
So I go and ask them if that was her..it was...I tell him how I feel sick and I couldnt breathe and was on the verge of tears and he promised to stop talking to her.
So for the last week he says no they havent talked ect...then while I was cleaning up I notice that a book I had bought for him as a gift was missing.
I knew immediatly that he had given it to her and that he would lie about it. So I called him and confronted him and he tried to lie saying he borrowed it out to his friend adam. I tell him that I asked adam about it and he told me he didn't have it (i was lying to get him to tell me the truth) he finally admits that yes he gave it to her.
So we got into a huge fight again and he swears again to stop talking to her.
He SWEARS ON EVERYTHING that they have never spoken outside of work.
So then the next day the truth finally came out when I went through his phone and found her number hidden under a guys name (it was a texas area code and the guy who's name it was under lives in chicago) so i called and she called me back and sure enough it was her.
So I freak out because he has been lying to me and he swears that she gave him her number but he never called and never gave out his number. He said he just took her number to ''be polite'' which is such bullshit!
I was hurt and crying and felt so betrayed but I believed him for some stupid reason.
Then the next morning at 6am he comes into the bedroom wakes me up and says ''I have to tell you something, crystal and I have been texting each other'' I was shocked and just started crying.
It turns out that he just got caught and that's why he ''confessed''. We share a phone plan and my mom went online and checked it because she knew everything that had been going on and she emailed him a few pages worth of texts between them
Then was about 20 calls dating from the day after christmas to that very day.
I am just sick over this I am more upset that he lied to me than anything. I am also hurt that they have become so close emotionally and I wonder if it has gone even further than that.
I have lost almost all my trust for him and don't know if I am going to be able to be with him after all these lies.
Plus, everytime they work together I am going to be a nervous wreck.
My gut feeling was right and if she was just a ''friend'' he wouldn't have lied to me and did all this behind my back.
I just don't know how we are going to ever rebuild the trust between us because I am still hurt from things he did to me last time we were together and while we were broke up.
I just know that this is going to get worse and they are going to probaly continue talking behind my back and it may get to the point where they are having a full blown affair if they arent already.
Don't they say that 75% of affairs happen in the workplace?
I made an appt with a therapist. Hopefully that helps a little.
I am just so sad that the person that I thought was honest to me and loved me could so easily look me in the eyes and lie to me.
The thought of sitting here and waiting for the next blow to my heart seems unbearable.




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