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Thread: Ponderisms

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    Default Ponderisms

    Enjoy some are pretty good .



    ·I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

    ·Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

    ·The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

    ·Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

    ·There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

    ·Life is sexually transmitted.

    ·Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

    ·The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

    ·Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

    ·Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

    ·Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

    ·Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

    ·All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

    ·In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

    ·Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

    ·How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

    ·Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

    ·If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

    ·Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

    ·If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

    ·If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

    ·Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

    ·Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

    ·Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

    ·Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

  2. #2
    Cally
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    Default Re: Ponderisms

    LoL Curious.. reading that brought a much needed smile to my face today!

  3. #3
    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ponderisms

    LOL,looks like something I would post.
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ponderisms

    Heh, very nice. Totally Steven Wright-ish.

    Here's some more:

    Why is it you can sue McDonalds if you get fat,
    Marlboro if you get cancer, but you can't sue Smirnoff or Budweiser
    for all the ugly people you slept with?

    Nobody's ugly after 2AM.

    Don't worry about what people think. They don't do it often.

    If money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

    Are golf balls as painful as Athlete's Foot?

    I have never killed a man... But I've read many obituaries with great pleasure.

    Why are they called Tamp-ons, instead of Tamp-ins?

    I may be a bitch.. But I'm the pick of the litter!

    I'm not a complete idiot... Some parts are missing.



  5. #5
    God/dess kitana's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ponderisms

    Quote Originally Posted by Rhiannon

    Are golf balls as painful as Athlete's Foot?
    Only if you get hit by one!!!!

    Ok, I have a few as well...

    Do fish have to wait 30min after eating before they can swim?

    If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, do all the other trees laugh?

    If a man speaks in the woods, and no one is around to hear him; is he still wrong?

    Why do we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?

    Why do we have a bra but two boobs, and a pair of panties but only one pussy?
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Quote Originally Posted by ExoticEngineer View Post
    Feel like a damn salt lick at the goats petting zoo!
    <08SM>

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    Featured Member Paintbaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ponderisms

    Here's one---They say God lives inside all of us. Well, I hope he likes burritos, because that's what he's getting.

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    Veteran Member lwtex52's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ponderisms

    Why does life begin with an orgasm and end with a sigh? Shouldn't it be the other way around?
    My latest conspiracy theory: I am convinced that Dick Cheney is, in reality, Elmer Fudd.

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    God/dess montythegeek's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ponderisms

    Why do people say they take a leak or a dump? Personally, I would prefer to leave them.

    Remember when you leave the restroom (right after washing your hands) you are touching the first thing someone who did not wash their hands touched--the door handle.

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    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ponderisms

    Quote Originally Posted by montythegeek
    Why do people say they take a leak or a dump? Personally, I would prefer to leave them.

    Remember when you leave the restroom (right after washing your hands) you are touching the first thing someone who did not wash their hands touched--the door handle.
    That's why I use a paper towel to open the doors to restrooms.
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




  10. #10
    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ponderisms

    ^Same here. Or, if they happen to be out of paper towels, I kick the door open.. LOL.. Anything not to touch the handle.

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    Default Re: Ponderisms

    Why is there braille on a drive-up ATM machine?

    Why is that when you send a package by truck, it's called shipment, but when you send something by ship it's called cargo?

    Confucious say: "Baseball rules wrong. Man with 4 balls cannot walk."

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    God/dess doc-catfish's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ponderisms

    A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station...


    If a tin whistle is made out of tin (and it is), then what, exactly, is fog horn made out of?

    If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

    If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

    What WAS the best thing before sliced bread?

    Former SCJ now in rehab.

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    God/dess Silverback's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ponderisms

    Quote Originally Posted by Rhiannon
    .

    Don't worry about what people think. They don't do it often.

    The somewhat less gender neutral version from one of the very few musicals I ever liked.

    King Arthur: Merlin told me once, "Never be too disturbed if you don't understand what a woman is thinking. They don't do it very often".


    (Merlin's opinion; not mine)
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

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