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Thread: are all men assholes after a time?

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    Member tenshigirl25's Avatar
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    Default are all men assholes after a time?

    i met this guy while overseas..we had a really good time. and i know u heard it all b4, but i thought he was so special. i never met anyone like him b4. Anyway, he is in the navy (i know, i know) and i was having visa problems so we both parted ways only because we had too. This was 6 months ago. ever since then, w have kept in contact religiously..writing almost everyday and the odd call from time to time. I even made this little book with hand drawn pictures and a story i wrote about us. (he is a artist/writer) ..it was special..

    OK..so i found out he has a gf from b4 we even met. they broke up and thats when he started seeing me. at first i was angry but because i liked him so much we got over it and ocntinued to write..he had a way with words and convinced me enough to let me know we had something special and that when he is transferred anything can happen..we were both just living it day to day. He was supposed to come here to visit soon..

    Eventually, it started to irk me..whenever he would be back off the ship, i knew h was with her (of course, its his gf) and id get an attitude in my emails, 1 minute it was OK..next id act crazy..i couldnt help it, because am i crazy but if hes coming here and i know we will have sex and whatever else and then go back to her, its gonna kill me inside. So after reading the book "he's just not that into u" twice, it gave me the dtermination to realise this is bullshit and what am i doing??

    SO i wrote to him, i said im tired of this being 1 sided..as it seemed to be me the 1 initiating everything, calling, doing the sweet stuff..i said we should just lave it alone, coz i couldnt take it..and i felt foolish.
    Well, somehow he turned it ALL AROUND ON ME! suddenly, its him writing back saying, that im a drama queen, im stupid, im unstable and he never knows what im gonna say next...that to leave it alone. i called him fuming.. i said not to bother saying this because i already said it. He turned it into "i dont give a fuck" "u just want the last word" "u did this" "what do u think?, im gonna chase after u"? acting as though i had done something wrong..i trid to explain i wouldnt be doing this if it wasnt for his gf, or the way i have feelings, or how he only shows interest by words an dnot actions..and somehow the asshole has made me feel like shit. i was actually thinking it was my fault and had an instinct to make things right and say i was sorry...but i didnt. im glad i didnt.

    Im shaking..i cant stop crying..i even miss the jerk. whats wrong with me? i wanna forget him..why do guys act so sweet and then turn into total assholes? and it wasnt just this time, i think he's a natural bully..i just thought he was someone special..and now i feel lonely like ive ruined it..

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: are all men assholes after a time?

    Ummmm...not to be blunt...but, you hooked up with a guy that you KNEW already had a gf...and you're upset about that now?

    He didn't "act so sweet and then turn into an asshole". He was always an asshole if he cheated on his gf (and let's face it...if he "broke up" with her just before he hooked up with you and then got back together with her...he never broke up with her). You just decided to over look his "asshole"-ness from the beginning. Some guys only want that "connection" for one night. It's called a one-night-stand, and if you accept that for what it was, it makes it easier to forget and move on. But, he's on point about you acting crazy. Stop emailing him acting "fine" and then re-email acting like he just killed your dog. In fact, just stop emailing him. Don't reply to his emails no matter how much they piss you off...or how sweet they seem to be. Chalk this up as a lesson learned.

    Some things were never meant to be.

    Go out and find another guy. They're not ALL like this...but if you keep hooking up with guys who already have a woman...then, yeah, chances are you'll keep ending up with an asshole.

  3. #3
    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: are all men assholes after a time?

    "All" men, and "all" women, are not any one thing. It's common to project our personal experiences to the rest of humanity, but it's wrong.

    I'm sorry for your pain, and I hope you find the one who's right for you. Trust me, it does happen.

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: are all men assholes after a time?

    To answer the topic question:
    Yes.
    But we learned from the gender that is so much more colder/efficient at it

    The story doesn't matter so much. I am not belittling you, its just obvious emotion fodder.

    You meet someone, you click well, you enjoy each other's company, he inspires inspiration, you thrive on the good feeling, it seems to last longer than it ever has before, its so intoxicating you over look all the little things that if you were your own best friend you'd freak about, you begin to fall, and just as you want it to be reciprocated you bomb, and it all gets ripped out from right under your feet.

    Its a fucking awesome feeling isn't it? Well right up to the very end. Its like 'Oh wow this has all the potential in the world! It's completely open.' Right up till that last part.

    *Sigh* I really feel for you, I do. I know EXACTLY how this goes.

    I can tell you knew something was a miss, but those headlights were so beautiful, you just couldn't see where it was headed. Now to get to the part of this that really matters.

    Im shaking..i cant stop crying..i even miss the jerk. whats wrong with me? i wanna forget him..why do guys act so sweet and then turn into total assholes? and it wasnt just this time, i think he's a natural bully..
    What a pit huh?

    Guys are sweet when they are going after what they want. That simple. Just very few guys are willing to be as candid and open about how they feel and what they want, and therefor it leaves you open to interprit the 'sweetness' as what you want it to be 'intent to date' and the subsequent pain. I doubt he ever had left his gf or had intentions too. Next time, make the guy wait for it if it's going to leave you this emotional, draw his intentions out by making him a friend. Most guys wont stick around if they know think they aren't going to get any.

    i just thought he was someone special..and now i feel lonely like ive ruined it..
    Now there's a feeling never put into better words. I should know, I use a LOT of 'words'.

    We all fall sucker to this, There is no sage advice to keep this from happening again. We're all human, and sometimes even the most baseless/honest/intentless hopes end up making decisions that hurting the most important people in our lives. Ourselves. You just got used.

    I know you feel like he got his cake and ate it too, maybe a little desire for revenge, maybe even some hatred. Let these feelings go. The last thing shit like this is about is who "won", and just cause he's single and you're not doesn't make him any farther than you. You could have been the next girl he cheated on. All you need to move on is yourself and the ability to make your own closure. I thank god for mine daily. Tell yourself the honest truth about it, and accept it, and begin moving on.

    The roads a pain and pretty bumpy, but the trip can be fun if you want it to be. Its YOUR choice who you want in to open a door into your life for. Its THEIR choice to come in and not tear it up in there.

    Good luck
    Mast
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  5. #5
    Sitri
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    Default Re: are all men assholes after a time?

    Love is like a car accident. Some you get pretty F**ked up in and some you don't walk away from. But, since you got to get somewhere you keep on driving when you are able.

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    Member tenshigirl25's Avatar
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    Default Re: are all men assholes after a time?

    thanks for the replies..your absolutely right about everything u said. yes, i know for sure i was used. in fact i know all th answers that i just dont want to hear right now..but i still cling to the fact he was coming here to see me, how we kept in contact for so long..i also know this gf is just a temporary thing too until he leaves..(Japan) but that dosnt make it any better..im just an idiot. i didnt know he had a gf up until i left the country..by that time i was already hooked

    and i just wrote him b4 explainig everything..im 1 that has to have closure..again, idiot. but it was short and sweet and mature..just said i was gonna leave it alone now. the thing is, he doesnt admit that he is an asshole..i just hate it how he turned it around on me..but yeah, its over with..a lesson learned. deep down im hoping he still writes back and says sorry..so im still coping with it and trying to get a grip on reality and stop living in a dream..

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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: are all men assholes after a time?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sitri
    Love is like a car accident. Some you get pretty F**ked up in and some you don't walk away from. But, since you got to get somewhere you keep on driving when you are able.
    Ha.. Very well said, Sitri.

    To answer the question.. Not ALL men are assholes over time, OR right off the bat.

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    Default Re: are all men assholes after a time?

    Too bad you couldnt get ahold of his other gf and tell her what he is doing that way he could get dumped by the both of ya ! Loose this guy he is nothing but heart ache for you .

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    Default Re: are all men assholes after a time?

    sorry but not all of us guys r like this. You should be careful when meeting people,not just fall for them. And ever considered that it might not be him writing those awful letters.

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    Featured Member LilSweetVixen's Avatar
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    Default Re: are all men assholes after a time?

    Yeah I believe "you teach people how to treat you".

    Hate to blunt too but you can't expect him to admit he was an asshole if you can't admit you were wrong for being the other woman. So just cut your losses and be glad the girlfriend didn't tell you both off.

    I think you're shooting yourself in the foot by playing victim. I'm not saying to feel horrible. I'm saying you should flip the bitch switch and not let people walk all over you like that. Don't let some psycho ex-boyfriend, no, some loser fling make you think there's something wrong with you. But now that you're under a spell, it takes half the length of time, blah blah, be easy, crawl then walk.

    Oh and for the Are All Guys Asses: Are All Strippers Con-Artists?

    "You have demonic genius" -Naomi Wolf
    "I very much resent it when people - maybe with good intentions or from a progressive point of view - keep telling me, 'It's their culture' ... It's like saying the culture of Massachusetts is burning witches." -Azar Nafisi


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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: are all men assholes after a time?

    Quote Originally Posted by LilSweetVixen

    Oh and for the Are All Guys Asses: Are All Strippers Con-Artists?


    Or we could throw in any typical statement about women, just to balance things out.

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: are all men assholes after a time?

    Quote Originally Posted by LilSweetVixen
    Oh and for the Are All Guys Asses: Are All Strippers Con-Artists?
    LOL

    Reminds me of a commercial...

    "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?"

    'Turn on the Bitch Switch'

    comedy gold.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  13. #13
    Pamela
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    Default Re: are all men assholes after a time?

    Rule one: Find a man who does not have a gf

    You walked right into that one imo.

    Pamela

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    Member tenshigirl25's Avatar
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    Default Re: are all men assholes after a time?

    i didnt kno whe had a girlfriend. 6 months i was with him and apparently thy had broken up. he was also out at sea for over half their relationship anyway after i found out. she is just a temporary thing, until he leaves, not a serious gf. i didnt walk into anything..im overseas back at home 6month slater when i found out all this. we had said to ch other "just friends".

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    Member tenshigirl25's Avatar
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    Default Re: are all men assholes after a time?

    i do have his gf ph email and all that but i wont do it..she's a japanese girl that's even more naive then i am..i think she is the type to not talk back to him, doesnt show jealousy..she dos everything for him, pay his bills and this kind of stuff..so yes, it makes me realise he is an ashhole..just typing that now.

    i wasnt really asking ar all men assholes, i just sick of 90% of then men i have met, its turned sour after a time. it's just lately ive become a lot wiser about these things, im hoping it changes th kind of men i pick. i dont want any hateful outcome, i just have to forget it..

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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: are all men assholes after a time?

    It sounds like you got hooked up with an A #1 head game player. I had a relationship with a guy like this before, and it made me insane. He told me he didn't have a girlfriend, or to be more truthful- that they had just broken up. He told me that his stuff was still at her house, so he had to go over there frequently until he could afford to get an apartment (he told me he was sleeping at his parent's house on their couch, and he did sometimes).

    This jerk, even moved into my place, without my permission I might add. My landlord just gave him the key while I was at work because he was such a smooth talker. I worked graveyard shift at the time, and he would just go and crash at my house while I was at work and leave before I got home. When I got off work early one night and found him and 18 of his closest friends in my apartment, I freaked. His "friends" thought the apartment was his and told ME to go home!! This guy really did make me insane.

    To top off everything else, he never broke it off with his grilfriend, and she would call my house and ask if her "boyfriend" Steve was there. So obviously, he gave her my number so that she could reach him at my apartment. I was so wrapped up in this guy that even after I "kicked" him out of my place, I still wanted to persue the relationship with him. He would still come around for a time, but after a while, I couldn't reach him at all. His stuff was now at my apartment, and I was so insanely angry that I threatened to dumpster everything unless he came and got it in 24 hours. He didn't show up, and I tossed his stuff. His father called me a couple of days later offering to come and pick up Steve's things, and I said that I had thrown it away, and the trash has already been picked up.

    Turns out he had things that belonged to his family over at my house (some electronics and a leather trench coat that was his father's), he had things that belonged to a friend of his (CD's and some nice clothes), and the things that he left at my house that were his were actually just garbage anyway. This guy was almost a text book defination of a sociopath. He would use anyone- including his family, and not care about the consequences.

    Tenshigirl25, be glad you are rid of this guy. He is not typical of the men out there in the world. Just think about all the heartache you could have expeirenced in the future if you kept giving this guy what he wanted? Embrace your grief, and move on. The sooner you resolve to rid yourself of this guy, the sooner you can be happy with a man truly worthy of you affections.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    Member tenshigirl25's Avatar
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    Default Re: are all men assholes after a time?

    thankyou for the reply..maybe this happened for a reason..for me to look at myself a little harder and to listen to my inner voice when it comes to thse things..love truly is blind and even though i knew deep down that it was wrong, i still beleived eveyrthing would work out in my favour. thanks to those who offered words to help me and feel hope for the future..its what i really needed to hear right now.

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    God/dess Silverback's Avatar
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    Default Re: are all men assholes after a time?

    All very natural.
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

  19. #19
    Sitri
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    Default Re: are all men assholes after a time?

    No, some men are pricks.

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: are all men assholes after a time?

    we are what we eat, sitri.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re: are all men assholes after a time?

    It's not that they turn into jerks after a while.It's that they show their true selves after a while.I'm sure we seem b*tchy to them after a while,but then again,we are just growing less tolerant of their dumb stuff.

    OK,I read the original post.What I said applies to a relationship under normal conditions,but what you did.......was not a relationship under normal conditions and I agree with what Pam said.
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




  22. #22
    Member tenshigirl25's Avatar
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    Default Re: are all men assholes after a time?

    well i dont beleive i walked intosomething wen for 6 months it was just me and him. it wasntuntil after i came back home to australia that i found everything out..and from thn we said we would be 'friends' because it wasnt fair to say otherwise..we even agreed its for the best until we saw each other again to decide how we really feel. so no, i didnt walk into anything. it was not like that at all. the fact is i cant hide my felings and i dont want to get hurt..girfriend or not, he is an asshole and im glad this has happened. i got very good support from some ppl here, positive...thats all im after, not blame or revenge. just how i can feel better here and learn from it..not to be told it wsa my fault that i walked into it. sometimes its hard after along time of knowing someone and falling in love with thm to find out 6 months later other stuff was going on.and then to just forget about it..

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    Default Re: are all men assholes after a time?

    Hey Hom, sorry this crap happened to you! I know how you feel but you'll look back at this as you probably already are and will be so grateful this happened because it would only get worse as time went on and have you ever heard the saying "If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you". So who knows, you and the gf are probably not the only ones. Things happen for a reason, I think these things make us stronger, help us look for qualities that we DON'T want and that we DO want and listen to your intuition, that little voice inside you. If it's telling you there's something you just can't figure out about him, or you just can't put your finger on it, or you know somethings just not right then IMO, 99% of the time, that little voice is right. I used to not listen to mine and I still sometimes don't but I've never been wrong and had wished later on that I had listened to it. Stay strong and before long, you'll forget he even existed. The best revenge is to move, live well and be successful, without him!

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    Default Re: are all men assholes after a time?

    Sorry, up there I meant to say Hon!

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