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Thread: Is love conditional?

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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Is love conditional?

    I was just thinking about what other's experiences may be like regarding "love". Do you think it's a conditional thing?

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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is love conditional?

    I believe that the only love that's unconditional is love for your children. Love for a mate, that's conditional.

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    Default Re: Is love conditional?

    ^ I agree with Rhia.

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    God/dess Lena's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is love conditional?

    That's a question with a zillion answers.

    When I love somebody, I love them until I stop loving them. Then I don't love them anymore. It's usually that simple, but apparently I'm weird like that.

    When I am commited to somebody, I stay that way until it makes me unhappy in a way that is more than passing or incidental, beyond being worked through.



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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is love conditional?

    When I love someone, it's not conditional, nor does it end, rather it might take a new form.

    However, commitment is something else. For example, even a seemingly permanent commitment like a marriage is conditional on both parties agreeing to continue the commitment.

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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is love conditional?

    I agree with you there that the love I would have for my children would definately be unconditional. I don't believe all other parents feel that way unfornuately. I know I let my father down in a lot of ways, he may still love me but we hardly ever talk anymore.

    As far as a mate goes they may have abused you or cheated on you. You feel angry at them and leave them but they still have a place in your heart. This is my feeling anyway.

  7. #7
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Is love conditional?

    Unconditional for children and pets! If a guy cheats on me it's over, there is no talking it over, or making our relationship stronger crap going on...so yes male/female adult relationship imo is very conditional.

    Pamela

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    Default Re: Is love conditional?

    "Love is unconditional, relationships aren't". What's your definition of love? Can you look deep into someone, beyond their ego, and see and love their soul? Conditional love is not love, in my opinion. Call it anything else but that. If you can have unconditional love for a kid or a pet, you could for someone esle, too, but there's too much fear. Love is ultimately about giving and surrendering, about tolerance and acceptance, and all too often in relationships we get caught up in power struggles and selfishness, waiting for the other to give in first.

    It is possible to love someone for whatever good and special you see in them, but also know you can't be in a relationship with them because of your various differences, and it's ok.

    But then, maybe it's all an illusion. Maybe we are just meant to procreate, so that love for our kids comes so naturally to us because to us they represent immortality and ensure the survival of our genetic code, while spouses are not as essential on a deeper level (not after they contribute to the making of the baby anyway). And especially now that women are much more independent. I mean look at the divorce rate now, and how hard it is to find and stay in a meaningful relationship, compare to how it used to be. It's not like there used to be unconditional love available for our grandparents, but not for us. Values were different, and people also stayed together for economic reasons. I'm sure not all was rosy and a lot was overlooked and dealt with, but it was worth it to them to work it out. And who knows, maybe in the end, sitting in their nursing homes, they reflected back on their marriages, on all the fights and making up, on things that seemed so tragic at the time but now only brought up feelings of bittersweet nostalgia, and believed their love was unconditional. We are all hardened and brainwashed to an extent, especially in these times. To know real love you need to dig deep thru so many layers...
    "The herd walks off the cliff because the herd are not a group of individuals - the herd is a mass of followers and followers follow the path of cowardice."

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    Featured Member venusofwillendorf's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is love conditional?

    i have yet to be wise enough to limit myself to conditional love..... when i love someone, i love them forever, not matter what horrible atrocities they may commit against me. it tears me apart inside and i bleed out through my alabaster skin, but baby, it hurts so good. *(~smyles sadly~)*
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    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is love conditional?

    Many of us would like love for a mate to be "unconditional" - but it's not. The closest, as stated before, comes to parents and children. Even then it can be damaged, but rarely ever completely eradicated. For a mate, though? Friends? Not only is it conditional...but it SHOULD be conditional.

    Quote Originally Posted by greenidlady1
    I was just thinking about what other's experiences may be like regarding "love". Do you think it's a conditional thing?
    ~mojo's $.03
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is love conditional?

    You are exactly right pissymissy, I feel the exact same way. Your post almost brought tears to my eyes because is such a revelation to me. I don't know if know my situation but I won't dealve in it too much because I am sure others have heard enough of it here and it's not all about me anyway. But my hubby and both work at the same club (he bounces, I entertain). I make the majority of our income. There are plenty of other things about him that I do not like. But there is something deep inside him that I love. And he isn't an awful man. I have been with a lot worse. However, if I take a few weeks off from depression or get sick he freaks out because of the stress to pay the bills. Then he starts acting differently and what not, saying he's not happy, threatening to leave, etc. Now, I am back and work and banking and he is happy as a lark. It's like everything is "perfect" again.

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    God/dess Bunny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is love conditional?

    I love my boyfriend but I'm not sure about my relationship. I guess that's what makes it hard to leave. I know I love him. I just don't think I love him in the right way. I think relationships are a lot more than just loving someone.

  13. #13
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Is love conditional?

    The wonderful truth is that the love you have for children and kin is a love that transcends all.
    The horrible truth is that a few other loves will stay with you forever, or at least the scars will....

    Yes, love is conditional, the way validated parking is, or the terms on a lease. I didn't make these rules, I just live with them.

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    Default Re: Is love conditional?

    Quote Originally Posted by greenidlady1
    You are exactly right pissymissy, I feel the exact same way. Your post almost brought tears to my eyes because is such a revelation to me. I don't know if know my situation but I won't dealve in it too much because I am sure others have heard enough of it here and it's not all about me anyway. But my hubby and both work at the same club (he bounces, I entertain). I make the majority of our income. There are plenty of other things about him that I do not like. But there is something deep inside him that I love. And he isn't an awful man. I have been with a lot worse. However, if I take a few weeks off from depression or get sick he freaks out because of the stress to pay the bills. Then he starts acting differently and what not, saying he's not happy, threatening to leave, etc. Now, I am back and work and banking and he is happy as a lark. It's like everything is "perfect" again.
    There was a time in my life when I pondered this very same question deeply and frequently. Not coincidentally, it was the during the time that I was involved in an abusive, coercive, extremely unhealthy and untenable relationship with a man I supported financially. Hmmmmm....

    I don't know that much about your situation, and I'm sure I'm jumping the gun, and I'm sure you'll ignore this, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say this:

    You need to leave your husband.

    I'm going entirely on intuition here, but there's something in your posts that tells me this is the truth.

    -Nic
    "Doc still loved true things, but he knew it was not a general love and it could be a very dangerous mistress." - John Steinbeck, Cannery Row


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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is love conditional?

    I feel like I should sometimes but I don't want to deal with the consequences. We separated once before and he started seeing another entertainer at work. I have a feeling he would do it again and it be very hard for me to work with him and her. My life is here now and I moved here for his job initially. I want to get back on the path I was on with school regardless as to whether be break up or not. If we do I won't tell my family either because they are extremely religious and it would be devastating. Apart of me still says I made a commitment to him and I should stick with it. It's easy to give up but I have a feeling we won't make it till death do we part. He does not physically abuse me. I have been in that type of relationship before and won't tolerate it. He hasn't ever cheated on me either nor does he have any bad habits (drinking, drugs, gambling, etc.). I have been with this man for 9 years of my life. That's nearly a third of my life. It's not so easy just to leave him.

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    Banned Blade's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is love conditional?

    I love my children unconditionally, in fact they know that I don't like ANYONE...but I HAVE to love them
    Dea...well yeah I love her, but it's not the same love I have for my kids


    or my dog
    lol

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    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is love conditional?

    My heart is now officially...broken...



    Quote Originally Posted by Blade
    I love my children unconditionally, in fact they know that I don't like ANYONE...but I HAVE to love them
    Dea...well yeah I love her, but it's not the same love I have for my kids


    or my dog
    lol
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
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    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

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    God/dess Silverback's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is love conditional?

    One man's thought on the subject:

    http://www.topology.org/philo/sayings.html#doglove


    Sometimes I think the unconditional love thing is a bit of a racket. It's a scam, folks. Get real! There are no free lunches out there unless you've got a lot of money or power, and there are no selfless angels out there unless you've got what they want. Even dogs have an agenda! Even mothers have an agenda!!
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

  19. #19
    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: Is love conditional?

    This is like the question, "What is life?"

    Of course love is unconditional until it hits a condition you can't live with.

    My love for Lady Z is unconditional until she sells the house out from under me and heads to Tahiti.

    My love for my kids is unconditional until they turn into a meth addict, steal all my stuff, and shoot me as they're leaving the house.

    My love for my pets is unconditional until they shit and piss on my furniture every day, without fail, and turn out to be untrainable.

    I mean, I guess I could still love all those humans and animals after all that, but I sure won't want to see them again at least for a while, and then the love becomes rather irrelevant.

    Past all that silly stuff, I pretty much agree with Rhia.

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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is love conditional?

    Quote Originally Posted by greenidlady1
    You are exactly right pissymissy, I feel the exact same way. Your post almost brought tears to my eyes because is such a revelation to me. I don't know if know my situation but I won't dealve in it too much because I am sure others have heard enough of it here and it's not all about me anyway. But my hubby and both work at the same club (he bounces, I entertain). I make the majority of our income. There are plenty of other things about him that I do not like. But there is something deep inside him that I love. And he isn't an awful man. I have been with a lot worse. However, if I take a few weeks off from depression or get sick he freaks out because of the stress to pay the bills. Then he starts acting differently and what not, saying he's not happy, threatening to leave, etc. Now, I am back and work and banking and he is happy as a lark. It's like everything is "perfect" again.
    love might be unconditional for you, but it might be conditional for him... I really hate saying things that can hurt, but, you are asking... doesn't it sound like the condition is that you are bringing in the bucks? isn't that kind of ugly? like... if the condition was that he wanted to have a lot of sex, or that he wanted you to spend time with him or something that's one thing, but... love is conditional based on your income?

    ouch

  21. #21
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Is love conditional?

    "There is never love without pain" BUT there's limits to what one should take. I have had the reverse luck of finding out what certain people really thought of me all along when I had done my darnedest to be a true, loving, giving person. I comfort myself with knowing I did my best & I'm lucky they don't clutter my life anymore.

    It's been said on here before the best love you can have is for yourself. The "Me, Myself & I are going to walk to the kitchen and get a piece of pie" love.

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    Featured Member xbloodydewdropx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is love conditional?

    my love for myself is unconditional, because i'll have to live with myself forever, and there is no escaping that fact. as long as i can forgive myself and learn, then any "conditions" that i might impose upon myself are not really conditions, but rather standards that i wish to live by. and they can be changed and modified as i grow as a person.

    in terms of men....i set certain conditions, ones that have been mentioned by others in this thread. no abuse (emotional or physical) will be tolerated, and no cheating, etc. also, someone who blatently disrespects me on a constant basis is out the door. however, i'm not one to pick up and leave at the first hint of difficulty or challenge, and am willing to compromise on certain things, those that don't require me to change who i fundamentally am...

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    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is love conditional?

    I think it can be, depending on the situation and the person's personality and mental state. I've lived with a woman who had conditional love for her biological child. Some people do. Likewise with family, friends, lovers, etc... I think that love can be all sorts of ways... it is as variable as people are.
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    Default Re: Is love conditional?

    Quote Originally Posted by greenidlady1
    I feel like I should sometimes but I don't want to deal with the consequences. ....I have been with this man for 9 years of my life. That's nearly a third of my life. It's not so easy just to leave him.
    No, of course it wouldn't be easy. And I'm sorry if I overstepped my bounds with that post.

    But I will say: there are all kinds of abuse besides physical, and there are lots of ways for a relationship to be incredibly unhealthy besides physical abuse or unfaithfulness....

    Also, lots of things that aren't easy are worth the pain and trouble in the end.

    Take care...
    -Nic
    "Doc still loved true things, but he knew it was not a general love and it could be a very dangerous mistress." - John Steinbeck, Cannery Row


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    Veteran Member MsTopaz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is love conditional?

    yes. people talk about unconditional love...but that's all it is. talk...idle chatter.
    why do some people still have to fight to get the same opportunities that are given to others?

    reclusiveness...is a good thing.

    the greatest revenge in the world...is success.


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