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Thread: The Cure for Nice Guys!!! A Must Read!!!

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    Featured Member Krazyjane's Avatar
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    Default The Cure for Nice Guys!!! A Must Read!!!

    I hate nice guys, I love good men. I also love Heartless Bitches International's section on why nice guys are annoying and even dangerous. This webpage contains all the answers to all those whiny guys who can't get girls. The Man with no Spine is a story that should be read by every nice guy, as it shows every side of the issue.

    I used to date nice guys. You know, the ones who were sweet and sensitive and would go on for hours about how they would never hurt me and other bullshit. They'd actually be manipulative, whiny, possessive, useless, stupid, and have issues like you wouldn't believe. Their biggest weapon is cultivation of guilt. You know, they go hungry for a month so they can buy you gifts, or make special arrangements. They claim that it's unconditional, but once you try to wriggle out of their suffocating grasp, they explode and whine about how you've an ungrateful bitch after all they've done for you.

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    madmaxine
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    Default Re: The Cure for Nice Guys!!! A Must Read!!!

    ^ I've found a set of blue balls will make the nicest guy unpleasant. LOL

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    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Cure for Nice Guys!!! A Must Read!!!

    Interesting twist, Jane. I once suffered from "nice guy" syndrome, although I wasn't the manipulative type. My wife enjoys me because I am a nice guy...but made it clear that she wasn't interested in me being so nice that I was a push-over. Caring is good....sensitive is good.....so sensitive that I'm a giant pussy is a waste. That, she has no interest in. She also expressed what you stated about the "suffocating grasp". And that's when you realize - the "complete assholes" and the "super sensitive" types....end up being pretty much the same - no?
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Cure for Nice Guys!!! A Must Read!!!

    I personally like a pinch of "Nice" with a whole lot of "Fuck You" thrown in. I hate spineless, hand-you-the-world kind of men. And don't get me started on the "Yes" men that have no opinions of their own and just go along with whatever you say.

    so sensitive that I'm a giant pussy is a waste
    I just got an image from "Bedazzled" in my head when I read that. Anyone remember the movie? In one "wish" he was so sensitive that he cried at Sunsets because they were "so beautiful!". The chick up and left him for a guy who would use her for meaningless sex and not call her in the morning. Heh.

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    Banned Blade's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Cure for Nice Guys!!! A Must Read!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by MojoJojo
    Interesting twist, Jane. I once suffered from "nice guy" syndrome, although I wasn't the manipulative type. My wife enjoys me because I am a nice guy...but made it clear that she wasn't interested in me being so nice that I was a push-over. Caring is good....sensitive is good.....so sensitive that I'm a giant pussy is a waste. That, she has no interest in. She also expressed what you stated about the "suffocating grasp". And that's when you realize - the "complete assholes" and the "super sensitive" types....end up being pretty much the same - no?
    Same here...then one day after being walked on by yet another woman, I flipped and became a total asshole..Now I'm the ninja master of both worlds and I couldn't be happier

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    Featured Member Krazyjane's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Cure for Nice Guys!!! A Must Read!!!

    There is a huge difference between a Nice Guy and a Good Man. My man is sweet and sensitive, but also has a spine and hold his opinions and principles, and won't let me walk all over him. He's a sensitive asshole, the best of both worlds.

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Featured Member Krazyjane's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Cure for Nice Guys!!! A Must Read!!!

    Aw crap, is there a way to merge?

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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Cure for Nice Guys!!! A Must Read!!!

    LMFAO.. Somehow, I knew that thread would be dug up. Damn, that seems like forever ago, before I became the hardened Bitch I am today.

    I won't merge them---two completely different directions.

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    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: The Cure for Nice Guys!!! A Must Read!!!

    It's a matter of definitions. I know men who are described as "nice guys" who don't get walked over and other guys who are "nice guys" who are the whiny, wimpish people you all are talking about.

    I think I'll just settle to following my own best instincts without worrying about how other people are defining me.

  11. #11
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: The Cure for Nice Guys!!! A Must Read!!!

    Adage: If the man has to verbally assert he is "nice", it isn't probably true. Like a used car salesman uses the word "nice", as being underwhelmed elicits the word "nice"....."Nice" becomes a four-letter word.

    (It's the name of a really good Rollins Band CD too. "...I Was Just Lonely!..." Sing it Henry.)
    Last edited by madmaxine; 01-13-2006 at 12:45 PM. Reason: DAMN! Small typo screwed up post...for the want of a nail....Rome was lost...AAAAHH!

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Cure for Nice Guys!!! A Must Read!!!

    I liked Henry Rollins, but not rollins band as much. His bit on frogs leaping from the disection tray was priceless.

    Hahaha, I love the title. It is, in fact, a disease to the right person. I vomited a little in my throat re-reading my replies.

    There is a HUGE difference between what I was for the last few years, and what I am today, especially what I will be in the next few months till whatever. Truth is, I look back at that old post and chuckle.
    Open your eyes, change your spineless, feeble ways and bask in the light of reality--what I call The Awakening--knowing that:

    --When she uses the F word with you and you have a strong sexual interest in her, she should be dead to you.
    --When she regales her sexual experiences with her bastard boyfriend to you, when she complains about her best friends' duplicity, when she buries you in that mind-numbingly banal drama that is the bulk of women's lives, she isn't seeing you as even being male--you're neutered. Congratulations.
    --When she says, "You're too nice for me to date," she's not being polite, she's being honest; she, like women everywhere, value aggression, confidence, risk-taking, emotional reservedness and sexual proficiency over sensitivity, communicative ability, honesty, and trust.
    I wouldn't call it "the Awakening" Tacky, but at some point we all have to grow the fuck up and understand that life isn't about submitting to the higher power, be it government, god, whatever. Its about living your life the best most relaxing way you know how and NOT LETTING OTHER PEOPLE FUCK WITH YOU.

    Treading lightly here, but having a spine isn't about mistreating women and being a dick. Its about showing women respect. And most importantly making her respect YOU for YOU.

    If your conversations are one sided about her with the occaisonal obligatory YOU question *punt*

    To disect it further would be to teach without doing. Its all words on a page until the next time you meet a girl you want and approach her without expectation.

    the most important part of this post:

    You don't have to be a misogynistic asshole, but grow a spine and at least pretend you have a pair of balls. There is life after The Awakening, and I'm here to say that it's very, very good.
    And I am here to say that I concur.

    And what is "The Awakening?" Tacky. I mean, sheesh, what is dating to you? Another "Highlander" episode?

    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Cure for Nice Guys!!! A Must Read!!!

    ^ Of course, you would watch Highlander. All I know is that show should have gone straight to USA Networks. And my favorite Rollins CD is Weight. So there.

    But back on topic, it really was an awakening--like an epiphany, I guess.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Cure for Nice Guys!!! A Must Read!!!

    Damn those heartless bitches! They stole my domain name! (Nicolina - our international stripper-thinktank will have to come up with new nomenclature.)

    I like nice guys. I just don't define nice as being unattractive, unintelligent, unpleasant, lacking in a sense of humour and yet somehow thinking that one has an inherent right to demand dates from other people who possess some or all of these attributes. That just doesn't seem fair to me (btw, ladies, I never weighed in again on Hitch, but I did read all your responses with interest, and might watch the movie again to see if I come up with different insight). I mean some of these guys that girls don't go out with, it is as simple as they are not nice looking. That may be sad, unfortunate, perhaps (and I stress perhaps) indicative a shallow girl, but nothing to do with his niceness.

    Normal guys who are nice as well as some confluence of attractive, intelligent, amusing, funny, successful, socially apt etc., etc. don't walk around complaining about being "nice." They know they are nice. Their girlfriends/dates KNOW they are nice. Their mothers know they are nice. As do, likely, all the puppies and babies that they pass on the streets. Like, I have met a couple of guys who stress how much they would never hurt me - like, in a physical sense. I respond with "why would I even think you might hurt me? That never even occured to me. YOU seem to be giving it an awful lot of thought though." How weird and freaky is that? As for those guys who say they will never hurt you EMOTIONALLY - hate that too. It's like "Now, you KNOW I can't hold you to that."

    Nice guys don't stress their niceness. Because everyone already knows. It's the unattractive (adjectives et al) guys that have to STRESS the nice, because they know darn well they got nothing else going for them.

    And, just so y'all know, if I were being set up on a blind date, my one friend that would have the poor judgment to suggest/organize such a thing would say that I have "a really good sense of humour." And even I don't rely on being "nice".

    Ahem. Those are all my thoughts for the day.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Cure for Nice Guys!!! A Must Read!!!

    ^^ I agree completely. Its a journey not a switch for most.

    And what you describe basically points out why this is a discussion for PEOPLE not gender specific shortcomings.

    We can't win em all!
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Default Re: The Cure for Nice Guys!!! A Must Read!!!

    I have came across alot of guys who go out of their way to verbally define theirselves as "nice". Immediately after this statement, they go on rants about how ladies do not "appreciate" nice guys and would much rather have "assholes" who treat them bad. So in my experiance, it seems that alot of guys who claim to be "nice", automatically assume that the women they have bad luck with are going out with "assholes." Anyone else experiance this? I hear it alot. Haha why do they automatically assume that the lades who will not date them are going out with dudes that beat them or something.

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    Default Re: The Cure for Nice Guys!!! A Must Read!!!

    Those rants are an automatic turn off too, even if the guy is attractive, i hate that sort of whining. Suck it up, fix what you have to fix, and go back out on the dating scene.

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    Default Re: The Cure for Nice Guys!!! A Must Read!!!

    Wow. I couldn't believe how much these paragraphs describe me:

    More than loving the woman in his life, a Nice Guy NEEDS her. "She is my Life, my only source of happiness..." YECH! What kind of a burden is that to place on her? That SHE has to be responsible for YOUR happiness? Get a grip!

    Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results.

    This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for "love".

    Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF.


    I'm 32 and have never had a girlfriend. Mostly because I've had a couple of those "I just like you as a friend" experiences and then give up trying to meet anyone for years at a time. I'm very passive, quite a bit on the timid side (cling to the old, the familiar, the safe), and EXTREMELY insecure. The victim mindset, as in "but I SHOULD have a gf!! I'm so NICE!! It's THEIR fault, not MINE!!", the bitterness that attitude inevitably leads to, its all there for me. Note: not that its really anyone's "fault". I just have issues to work on like everyone else.

    I fantasize A LOT about the kind of guy I want to be someday. And little by little I like to think I'm making progress. I might even have my 1st girlfriend by the time I'm 40! YAY!

    But I wanted to thank Krazyjane for starting this thread and posting the link to that site. I've been so miserable the last week or so, pining for a particular woman, and now this website finally got through my thick skull that it was just another symptom of the "nice guy syndrome" I was experiencing.

    One quick question though; I don't get this part of the other thread:
    When she uses the F word with you and you have a strong sexual interest in her, she should be dead to you.

    Is that saying that real guys don't have any interest in women who use the F word? Or that women shouldnt use the F word? Or.......huh? Totally lost on that one. But other than that....I think I've been "awakened". At least partially

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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Cure for Nice Guys!!! A Must Read!!!

    the F word they are talking about is Friend, not Fuck

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    Default Re: The Cure for Nice Guys!!! A Must Read!!!

    Yeah! I just got that! Thanks!

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    Default Re: The Cure for Nice Guys!!! A Must Read!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny
    Damn those heartless bitches! They stole my domain name! (Nicolina - our international stripper-thinktank will have to come up with new nomenclature.)
    Actually, I was leaning more towards "Naked NeoFemiNazis International."

    Nice guys don't stress their niceness. Because everyone already knows.
    My most brilliant friend has a theory that when people make a point of insisting that they possess a particular personality trait, whether it's "nice" or "spontaneous" or whatever, they usually turn out to be more accurately characterized by exactly the opposite trait.

    I agree that needy, manipulative, and emotionally demanding "nice guys" are frightening creatures, best avoided...
    "Doc still loved true things, but he knew it was not a general love and it could be a very dangerous mistress." - John Steinbeck, Cannery Row


    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Cure for Nice Guys!!! A Must Read!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Silky
    I have came across alot of guys who go out of their way to verbally define theirselves as "nice". Immediately after this statement, they go on rants about how ladies do not "appreciate" nice guys and would much rather have "assholes" who treat them bad. So in my experiance, it seems that alot of guys who claim to be "nice", automatically assume that the women they have bad luck with are going out with "assholes." Anyone else experiance this? I hear it alot. Haha why do they automatically assume that the lades who will not date them are going out with dudes that beat them or something.

    Not that it is up for debate, but maybe it should be, I've noticed that I almost missed the need for the term 'guy' in that statement.

    I'm sure even Captain Quantum can interject, but the average female comes with her fair share of emotional baggage. I've come across a bunch of rather, well, gorgious women, that after spending a relative amount of time with, even if the oppertunity was there, I wouldn't sleep with them. As if the oppertunity was there. I mean everyone has their baggage. Maybe they're looking for matching sets?

    Not trying to poke fun, but you never see the 'A toast to you unappreciated women' thread from a hallmark bleeding heart guy who's had some female friend he strung along for 28 years and then decided to marry her, since well, the baser instinct defines it on sex, imo, hot chicks need not have anything else to get laid at will. Far less males in that pool.

    I think the corolation between the nice--potentially-spinless--guy and the asshole lies in each's ability to suppliment the other's shortcomings. I may venture to even say "primarily in bed."

    I'm interested into the flip side of this. Earning the title 'Nice' <in its current negative state because we all know the perfect 'Nice' is a happy medium> or whatever, indicates a passage of period of time for which the the person has earned the potential destroying title. What about men who deal with this issue in regards to women?

    I may venture to say this site has one or two Adonis' whom have dealt with this before?
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Default Re: The Cure for Nice Guys!!! A Must Read!!!

    That brings to mind for me another question: what happens when 2 needy clingy insecure people of the opposite sex find each other? Do they just suffocate each other to death? Does the one who has an ounce more self worth than the other pull the plug on the relationship? DO 2 needy clingy insecure people ever fall in love? With each other?

    Assuming she's cute, it sure would make it a whole lot easier for me. I've joked that if a woman ever got obsessed with me and stalked me, she'd soon grow bored because I'm such a bottomless pit of insecurity that I'd love the attention. Again - assuming she's cute.

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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Cure for Nice Guys!!! A Must Read!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainQuantum
    That brings to mind for me another question: what happens when 2 needy clingy insecure people of the opposite sex find each other?
    If I'm not mistaken, that's call co-dependency.

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    Default Re: The Cure for Nice Guys!!! A Must Read!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by dlabtot
    If I'm not mistaken, that's call co-dependency.
    Ahhh, that's the stuff...

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