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Thread: when they are being general

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    Default when they are being general

    Last night I was working and the guy goes "dominate me". Um hello there are all different kinds and I can do alot w/o totally breaking the rules at my smaller club.

    Ive been reading up in domination (and theres alot) but what do you say to this? I asked him "how do you like it?" and he didnt say a word just looked at me doing his thing. So I asked if it would be ok if I slapped him around a lil bit and pinched his nipples - he said ok but seemed dissatisfied.wtf? It seems odd b/c most people who have fetishes or needs of this kind are usually verbal in giving you direction.
    Help here?
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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re: when they are being general

    Tell him you have to go to VIP for that type of action







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


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    Default Re: when they are being general

    ^^ I should specify; I was speaking of my private modeling studio club.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



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    Default Re: when they are being general

    I would tell him you are not a mind reader, ytell him he has to give you this information so you cangive him the best sesion you can. Then take about 5 minutes getting to know him. After taht, you can shift gears and turn on the domination.


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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: when they are being general

    I would guess you asking him what he wanted ruined the domination fantasy for him. He wanted to be TOLD what to do, not asked. In the future I'd suggest that you tell him you need to talk to him a little and get an idea of his boundaires before you start. Always see if you can get paid more for fetish stuff.

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    Senior Member LittlePixie's Avatar
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    Default Re: when they are being general

    Domination is pretty tricky to start with, in an SC environment with a non-cooperative client it's even harder. There are generally two types of subs, the expressive ones and those
    that barely say a word. The quiet ones are the hardest but you can usually get some information out of them while starting a conversation with power dynamics.

    For example (during a private dance):

    Him: Dominate me

    You: You'll have to do better than that to get some special attention from me! Why should I dominate you? Have you been bad? What makes you deserving of my extra attention?

    Him: Forced to say something... If it's not much information ->

    You: I'm not inspired to give you any special treatment. The few that I do choose to give special attention to like you're asking me to tell me what I need to know. I want to know.... etc..

    The psychological play is most important and you need to make him tell you the information you need. If you can't get him to do that, it'll be impossible to dominate well and the experience will be lacking for both of you.

    Most subs that go to a SC for some domination aren't expecting much physical play. They realize that the environment isn't set up for it and that most clubs will frown upon dancers smacking the custies around. They are looking for psychological domination.

    I do lots of talking during private dancing with subs. I make it a big game of them being lucky to see this or for me to do that. I take my sweet ass time stripping, taking a few songs to get down to my thong instead of in the first as with other custies. The subs have to do something to deserve me giving them that attention, all done with power play in conversation.

    It gets easier with practice and learning more about domination in general. Keep reading up on the subject and you'll feel more comfortable with these situations in the future if you're still interested in working them. Subs can be a good source of regular $$$.

    Good luck

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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re: when they are being general

    ^^^ You sound like you really know how to put a hurtin' on a man hahaha







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


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    Default Re: when they are being general

    You guys are great thank you. So is it ok to ask about their preferences before the show...so that I dont ruin the moment?
    Sometimes its hard for them to open up to me...might scare me or think Im too nice (I have a "sweet" face grr).

    I want to get them to open up. For cripes sakes its a private room with your own girl how hard it is to say what you flippen like?
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



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    God/dess Malibu's Avatar
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    Default Re: when they are being general

    I'm not a dom, but I liked the sound of the advice.

    I think that the crucial point was not to ASK them to give you their preferences, but to TELL them to give you the info you need. I would love to dish out this kind of firmess and assertiveness.

    For the doms out there, which books do you read to help you with the specialty? Are there any particular recommendations? I would love to learn more about this in my own time.
    You are the envy
    of all parallel lines that
    dream of curves and convergence
    - Sara Bailey: Sieve of Words

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    Default Re: when they are being general

    Quote Originally Posted by TigersMilk
    So is it ok to ask about their preferences before the show...so that I dont ruin the moment?
    TM, read what LilPixie wrote to you again. Hell, why not print it off. This is excellent advice.

    Hey Pixie, maybe you should write an article on this







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


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    Senior Member LittlePixie's Avatar
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    Default Re: when they are being general

    I don't know if I can write an article about it but I'm glad to share my knowledge to help out, you gals have shared so much to help me it's only fair

    I worked as a dominatrix a few years back for about a year and it was quite an educational experience! Hands down, the best therapy I ever got in my life, lol. I've never had issues with self esteem but did with asserting myself and expressing my needs and desires. Learning to dominate took care of that perfectly

    All forms of domination boil down to control and power. In any session, a domina's role is to guide the submissive and assert her power over him. This can be as gentle as instructing someone to caress your feet a certain way and light fantasy talk to humiliating and demeaning someone and getting downright nasty. The trickiest part is for a dominatrix to figure out what type of scene the sub wants.

    This is why conversation power play is very important with non-expressive subs. You need to get some information to be able to give a good session and know where you're going. "Dominate me" is such a vague request and a lazy ploy by some subs to see you squirming and gain control or for some other stupid reason.

    In any other setting, I advocate discussing the session details before it starts. But in a SC, I strongly feel this should be part of the private dances. This is a specialized service and certainly beyond what is expected of us as dancers. If you choose to offer such services, don't waste time chatting about the details at the table before the private dances! The talk is the biggest part of the experience in a SC, don't give it away. Any questions about how good you are as a dominatrix should be answered along the likes of: "I don't need to explain to YOU how good I dominate. If you want the chance to experience take it before it's gone" and get ready to leave shortly after if he doesn't take. If he doesn't bite right away (90% do easy), he'll be running after you a little while later.

    When private dances start, then you start getting info out of him and go from there. Keep in mind that the most important thing is the talking in a SC session. There is only so many things you can do physically with a sub (pinching nipples, slapping, scratching, spitting, etc) and depending on his limits, it may not be much. You need to fill you song time with lots of talk with power dynamics and throw in some physical aspects along the way when he's been good and finally deserves some goodies.

    Female superiority and body worship are a good place to start from and get lots of things to talk about. Make him tell you how he appreciates being so close to you and how beautiful you are. If you work in a club with a bit of contact, make him work for it and tease him tons before he gets to touch you. Let him get close to a certain body part, your thigh for example and make him admire it seeing how soft your skin is, how lovely you smell, etc. etc. etc. Guide him while talking and get him to respond. At the end of the exchange them allow him to brush up against you or have the chance to caress you lightly.

    Domination isn't always about inflicting pain and extreme activities. The subs that will want more will definitely let you know that and with them you can go into more agressive talking. Since it's hard to do much in a SC to satisfy their more extreme fetishes, I find talking about what I would do to them in a dungeon setting with more equipment works well.

    The biggest mistake I've seen with people doing domination is that they think that it's all about being mean and evil. That can be true for some that enjoy extreme domination but it certainly isn't true as a whole. The key issue is control and a good dominatrix is one that cares about her sub and tries to satisfy him in return by dominating him appropriately.

    Talking is the hardest part and also the most important. Finding the content to fill a session can be tricky, especially at first. There is a lot of good reading on the internet about it, I would look into writings by both dominas and subs. Be wary of some dommes though, I've seen quite a few that are way over the top and off track.

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    Default Re: when they are being general

    ^^^^ Dam, there's the article right there!







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


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    Default Re: when they are being general

    ^^ Thank you for writing all that down. Well fortunately in this club environment I have of fun things in my room to use (ie nipple clamps, whips lingerie he can wear). Ok all I have to do is talk to them b/c I do want them to have a fun time to come back..mostly at the talking part I already have his money. My bug hurdle is learning to do it right for them. Thank you
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



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