So, I had a plan (like usual) and it got all f*cked up (like usual).
I had an apartment all set up to move into on Feb 1st... all I was waiting for was my Ch7 discharge paper to come in the mail. It did, yay!
I was to move into this apartment because its just a couple blocks from school and most places said no to my proof of income (bank statements) altho my Ch7 was ok as long as it was discharged.
So, I go to the school - super excited because they told me they have financial aid and I know being in school 40 hours a week with bills etc I cant afford another $700 a month for Cosmo school too.
Well, school DOESNT have financial aid - they have STUDENT AID which I cant get because of my credit and I have NO ONE to co-sign - blow #1
Then I go to the apartment. Funny, they got a new manager TODAY who said she wont accept my statements as income and gave me my deposit back - blow #2
So after crying so much that my eyes were red and my head hurt Im trying to see a bit more clearly.
I live 1 hour from the school i was going to go to and 1.5 hours from the other cosmo school here. Such a long commute... and work is an hour from here so that means straight from school to work 3 nights a week to be up for school again. Which isnt sooo bad but... blah
So Im totally frustrated and trying to figure this thing out. I swear I went to 30 apartment complexes and couldnt get in anywhere 2 weeks ago and I am NOT doing that again.
Now my plans have gone down the drain (like usual) and Im at a total loss. Totally trying to stay positive but its so hard when I try so hard and keep getting smacked back down...
Now my choices are - stay here and try to commute an hour and a half each way 5 days a week and go to the school that DOES have financial aid OR sit on my ass eating bon bons and being depressed because i totally WANT to go to school NOW!!! I had it all planned out!
I was thinking I could rent a room from someone - which I know I could BUT problem with that is that 1) I hate living with strangers. 2) my daughter comes back in June so Ill need my own place anyway
Im tired of putting off going to school. Ive been planning, wanting to go but it just NEVER happens. Theres always SOMETHING.
Im so sad - I was soooo excited this morning to get my place and set up school and all that and then I come home wanting to curl up and cry... blah
I seriously need some happy thoughts... Im over the crying my eyes out part - Ry went and rented Dolemite which cheered me up - how can you NOT laugh out loud at that acting...lol... just trying to figure out what to do next.
And thats another thing - hes so sweet, caring, loving but I want my own place, I need space... but I think if Im in school full time rather than sitting on my ass our relationship will improve. Not to mention actually DOING something with my LIFE will improve my self esteem which is pretty crappy right now and I look at him and hate him but i know its not really HIM I hate, Im just upset with myself and taking it out on him (know what i mean?) dunno![]()
This on top of all my other stress is really bumming me out.
Not to mention I miss my daughter sooooo much - damnit - Im getting all teary eyed just thinking about her... boohoo.![]()
Well, if you made it this far in my post I applaud you - I dont think I could have...![]()


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