So this is the 3rd (4th?) week in a row I skipped out on dancing. I had gone to working only Friday afternoons since going for the dayjob, but now it seems I can't even do that. I like the new job alot. I can live on the money and I have some savings - not as much as I'd wanted but oh well.
Each week I think I'll work this weekend, but then Friday comes and I just don't want to dance. I may not ever. This is not like burnout. When I experienced burnout once a few years ago, I didn't have anything to fall back on but had started to hate dancing - partly because I was so dependent on it. After a few months I was eager to go back. This time is very different - I have something to fall back on and I wasn't hating dancing, just felt it was time for a change. Like I woke up one day and just wanted to do something different.
I don't know if I'll want to go back this time. I'm older now and the business has changed so much for the worse, and continuing to get worse - I don't see myself wanting to put up with it anymore. I was still making great money, in fact a bit more than usual, so it's not that either.
A wise woman once told me one day I'd simply wake up and not want to do it anymore. Maybe that day has come. Funny, I guess I expected it to be more dramatic. ha
I dunno what's the point of this post really. Just expressing I guess. It's a little weird to think I might not ever dance again, after doing it so long. It's the only thing I've done for any significant amount of time.
I must say though, I do feel alot better about alot of things in my life now, and it's because I haven't been dancing. I can tell my grandparents about my job! I don't feel uncomfortable when people ask the dreaded "what do you do" question. It's suddenly much easier to get credit. I have regular hours. I sleep better. I eat better. My hair looks better. My skin looks better. I have waaaaay less stress.
But it still feels a little strange to think I might actually be a "retired" stripper. Anyone else quit this way and felt a little strange at first?









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