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Thread: heartbreak. How do you move on?

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    Default heartbreak. How do you move on?

    Not to mope, but I just hate this feeling. This sticky, swollen feeling- like all my muscles won't unclench. Just stabbing until it feels like my bones are water. Anyway. I know it's shortlived and I have to just move on, forget the guy, but are there any tricks to do this? To forget, and keep all delusions in check? (I was/am crazy about him, and then let myself get carried away in my head until, just as I was steeling myself to make a move, seeing his apparent girlfriend last night....owww. I always forget that flirting- even drastic 'i love you, wink wink- let's go make out' kind of flirting- is just that sometimes...silly girl, I know, but guys who are taken should be stamped on the forehead, I swear. We've been very buddy-buddy for a month now, and no mention of his girl? please).

    And...it hurts and it's distracting. Like a toothache, but there's nothing I can do about it. I'm trying to just go on, do homework, read, etc, but my mind is like teflon. Nothing sticks, everything falls away until I feel like I'm not even here anymore. Which is all well and fine if I only have to dance or sit around writing shit poetry like I could usually handle at a time like this (dancing allows me to emotionally vacate myself, which is convenient..."action is the enemy of thought"), but I have to write term papers. And I just can't focus.

    Any advice? How long does it take for this to go away? It's frustrating, and something I'm prone to forget how to deal with.

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    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re: heartbreak. How do you move on?

    Sit down and talk with him about your feelings.See where he stands.Talk about why you broke up and if there is some type of closure so you can move on,or get back together.I am newly divorced so I know this feeling.
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

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    Featured Member xbloodydewdropx's Avatar
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    Default Re: heartbreak. How do you move on?

    it will go away, but that doesn't make it suck any less...it seems like you're recognizing the pain now....which is good, because the only way to overcome it is to go through it....then move on, distract yourself and get busy and do positive things.

    i agree, it's the worst feeling in the world: mental, physical, and unescapable. is this recent or have the feelings been lingering? personally, if it like "just" happened, taking a day or two and moping inside until you're ready to deal with the pain is ok...short wallowing might help...and then you can be ready to deal with it, move on, and find someone new hope you feel lots better

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    Default Re: heartbreak. How do you move on?

    For me reading and re-reading the 40 Things A Woman Should Know helped me HEAPS. It reminded me that I am indeed better off without him and the clear reasons why

    Plus recognise it for what it is ... grief. You are grieving. What died? Your relationship with another human. Allow yourself to process your grief and do not deny it. Allow yourself the time.


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    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: heartbreak. How do you move on?

    Yea, you need to give yourself the time.

    Go see The New World. It is about Pocohantos and her deep love with John Smith who promptly dumps her and she finds renewed love with another guy.

    It is one of those "It sucks now but there is something better in the future" kind of movies.

    Oh yea - be more careful with your heart!

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    Default Re: heartbreak. How do you move on?

    With time dear keep yourself occupied with other things , the worst thing for you now is free-time .

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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: heartbreak. How do you move on?

    Imho, the best things for moving on (other than a 'rebound relationship', lol) are exercise and creative outlets... so it is understandable that poetry and dancing (which combines both) are working for you... but I can totally relate to having to write term papers and having trouble focusing... for that you'll just have to use discipline... do a good workout beforehand to get those endorphins flowing and keep reminding yourself of the importance to your own life to get those papers written.

    It takes time... I don't believe that time really heals all wounds but it does make them easier to bear...

  8. #8
    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: heartbreak. How do you move on?

    Journal your thoughts - find a release for em.

  9. #9
    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: heartbreak. How do you move on?

    I had my heart broken, not romantically, but when my childhood friend died. We were both teenagers still, hanging out together all the time, from 3rd grade on, biking, riding, double-dating, and so on.

    I learned to deal with it by accepting reality. People die. People change. People move on. People change their minds. And you hurt as a consequence. You accept those facts, including the fact of the hurt, and move on yourself.

    It's not very comforting, probably, but it's helped me. Good luck.

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    God/dess Nautilus's Avatar
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    Default Re: heartbreak. How do you move on?

    biggest one for me is.. make it ok to cry.

    you have to go right through the middle of the heartache. there is no scaling the outside and avoiding it. admit it feels like shit and do the ugly boo-hoo cry.

    cry - until you don't. you do stop feeling like hurling after the first gut-wrenching fetal-position sob sessions.

  11. #11
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: heartbreak. How do you move on?

    This is a different but effective way to work through these feelings. Ask yourself: what in your ego made you want this guy so badly...? Because whether we admit it or not, a lot of our deep reactions in life are very ego-centric, not neccessarily in a bad way. Your infatuation might have more to do with your inner life than getting him.
    True case in point: when I worked at a non-stripping job in 2001, I had a killer, lust-heavy suffocating crush on my boss. It sucked! I did ask him out, of course he said no. It was hard for me, I was deeply affected even though it was just a crush.
    Fast forward to 2004- I run into him in the most unexpected time & place. Due to how much I had changed in the time since we worked together.....I had zero interest in him. I actually was a little rude, I was unable to hang with him as a pal due to extenuating circumstances.
    My POINT is.....it's a combination of "wanting & having are two different things" and "be careful what you wish for, you might get it." You could have built this craving for him on entirely mistaken assumptions having more to do with your desires than actual fact.

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    Default Re: heartbreak. How do you move on?

    Thank you everyone. Madmaxine, I always love your perspective. And Zeno, I wish I could be so stoic! But I already feel a little better. Time definitely helps. And sappy music, and reminding myself that my friend called him "harry potter".

  13. #13
    God/dess FrustratedBunny's Avatar
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    Default Re: heartbreak. How do you move on?

    You could have built this craving for him on entirely mistaken assumptions having more to do with your desires than actual fact
    I have such a problem like that. Is the grass always greener on the other side or is there somebody out there who is a perfect match for me? Who knows. I just always seem to want what I can't have.

  14. #14
    Sitri
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    Default Re: heartbreak. How do you move on?

    Buy "I'm Alive" by Jackson Browne and experience catharsis..

    It's been a long time since I watched these lights alone
    I look around my life tonight and you are gone
    I might have done something to keep you if I'd known
    How unhappy you had become

    While I was dreaming of you
    With my heart in your hands
    And I was following though
    With my beautiful plans

    Yeah now I'm rolling down this canyon drive
    With your laughter in my head
    I'm gonna have to block it out somehow to survive
    'cause those dreams are dead
    And I'm alive

    I want to go where I will never hear your name
    I want to lose my sorrow and be free again
    And I know I've been insane
    When I think of places I could have been

    But I was dreaming of you
    With my heart in your hands
    And I was following through
    With my beautiful plans

    Standing here by the highway side
    Watching these trucks blow by
    Inches from my face
    Yeah thinking 'bout the time I've wasted
    And the pleasure we once tasted
    Looking up and down this road
    I've been here before
    Can't be here no more

    Yeah now I'm rolling down California five
    With your laughter in my head
    I'm gonna have to block it out somehow to survive
    'cause those dreams are dead
    And I'm alive

    Hey look at the way I believed in you
    And loved you all these years
    Now you can fill a swimming pool with all my salty tears
    If you'd have told me what was in your heart
    Instead of all your lies
    I thought that it would kill me
    But I'm alive
    Yeah, I'm alive

  15. #15
    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re: heartbreak. How do you move on?

    The end of a relationship is often compared with the mourning of death. It is accurate, and you must allow yourself to mourn. It's okay. Feeling crappy....sticky....is normal...let it happen....we've all done it....and it does not mean you're not a good person....it is what it is...let is happen...and THEN move on



    Quote Originally Posted by mollyzmoon
    Not to mope, but I just hate this feeling. This sticky, swollen feeling- like all my muscles won't unclench. Just stabbing until it feels like my bones are water. Anyway. I know it's shortlived and I have to just move on, forget the guy, but are there any tricks to do this? To forget, and keep all delusions in check? (I was/am crazy about him, and then let myself get carried away in my head until, just as I was steeling myself to make a move, seeing his apparent girlfriend last night....owww. I always forget that flirting- even drastic 'i love you, wink wink- let's go make out' kind of flirting- is just that sometimes...silly girl, I know, but guys who are taken should be stamped on the forehead, I swear. We've been very buddy-buddy for a month now, and no mention of his girl? please).

    And...it hurts and it's distracting. Like a toothache, but there's nothing I can do about it. I'm trying to just go on, do homework, read, etc, but my mind is like teflon. Nothing sticks, everything falls away until I feel like I'm not even here anymore. Which is all well and fine if I only have to dance or sit around writing shit poetry like I could usually handle at a time like this (dancing allows me to emotionally vacate myself, which is convenient..."action is the enemy of thought"), but I have to write term papers. And I just can't focus.

    Any advice? How long does it take for this to go away? It's frustrating, and something I'm prone to forget how to deal with.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
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    -David Daye

  16. #16
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    Default Re: heartbreak. How do you move on?

    Go on, date other people and feel needed and sexy. Anyway that's the first thing marriage counselor recommends (never been married + ( that's a finger cross) ). Keep your head out of the lies next time, stick with the truth and you'll be Ok. That goes to guys and girls equally, and particularly to myself also, the only thing that sucks is when you realise that you didn't want to see the truth and prefered lies. Did it once - fine, don't do it again - better.

  17. #17
    God/dess threlayer's Avatar
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    Default Re: heartbreak. How do you move on?

    You had expectations in your relationship and now they are gone. But you survived and there are lots of future opportunities for better ones. Remember the big picture here. Heartaches are part of a learning process we all go thru.

    As we go on thru life we experience many heartaches, each one preparing us to better deal with the next ones. Loves stop, friends die or move far away, relatives die, parents die, siblings die, spouses die or move on, more close friends die, etc. Until finally, we realize that life is about dealing with both gains and losses, and loss doesn't take so much out of us.

    It would all be so depressing if we were not able to live on to find new happinesses and interestes to involve us. And I think that's what you need to do -- feel your loss, feel it all so you become very familiar with its pain and are not hiding from it -- then as soon as you feel right that you have accepted it, let yourself realize that your life continues and will go on to something better brought about by the learning. And it will get better if you move on.

    Best wishes for you.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

  18. #18
    Featured Member DSUsb19's Avatar
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    Default Re: heartbreak. How do you move on?

    Think of all the great parts of your relationship and all the wonderful things about him and that he did for you, and vice versa. Cry and mourn the loss of those things. Once. After you have remembered those things and cried and grieved, don't do it again. Now only think about the bad things. The things about your relationship that hurt you, that you did not like, and the aspects of him, his personality, and his actions that you really did not like. Think about those every time you start to become sad. It shouldn't make you bitter, just appreciate the headaches you won't be dealing with anymore. This is what I did to get over my ex and it worked wonders. Don't look at it as moving on, but moving up. Accept nothing less than wonderful. Good luck and many hugs.
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    In beer there is freedom. In water there is bacteria. ~*

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