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Thread: I'm talking *totally* open.

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    Default I'm talking *totally* open.

    a cocktail waitress, a dancer, and house mom were in the dressing room talking about what they thought of the "job," quite aspersively. another dancer chimed in and said, "ha! i'm in the family business. my mom was a stripper, too!" the other dancer remarked that she would beat the shit out of her daughter if she tried to be a stripper, this job is horrible, she wouldn't want anyone that she loves to do it.

    so, that's one part of what i'm struggling with, but here's the real question:

    are there any women here who are completely open about what they do? or maybe open to everyone but their parents or some such figure. i tell everyone. all my friends are cool, it's all good. i feel like i would begin to feel more ashamed if i had to lie about it.

    discuss.

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    God/dess GoldCoastGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm talking *totally* open.

    I'm open to a point. Under my father's wishes, I have not and will not reveal what I do to other family members that currently do not know if I ever 'bump' into them or whatever. As for friends, yes they all know... they've always known... I'm just "one of the boys" so it's nothing to them. I only have a few female friends.. and they are people who generally do not care what one 'does' for a living.. it is about me as a person. I'm also v.upfront with dates which is not necessarily a good thing as I just do not want to waste time with someone who may have issues with it.... or even someone who is in it "to bag a stripper" as such.

    I wasn't at first with my folks. An article which was going to be published in the Sunday Mail (it is a Queensland/state-wide publication and pretty popular) had my photo with me quoted saying I was part of the industry (it was about the 3am lock-in laws being introduced to the Gold Coast) was a major motivating factor.

    My father 'fears' for how people will perceive me and lost opportunities due to being so open. I'm open just not stupidly so.. I know when to be a little vague. I don't tell strangers what I do during small talk if/when they ask.


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  3. #3
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    Default Re: I'm talking *totally* open.

    im completely open, My parents have always known .. my grandmothers know ( grandfathers are deceased. ) same with brothers and sisters.

    My eldest child knows that I work in a club. However he's 10 and honestly until he really needs to know or asks Im not going to fill him in. My youngest is 5. So at his age it's impossible for him to understand even the concept. Hell men at 45 dont get it!

    When I was younger ( under 23 and such. ) I had a rough time even agreeing with myself that this job was legitimate and not something to be shamed of. After taking 2 years off of it, going back and being involved with a cleaner club and a real staff of mgmnt ( not ones trying to screw everything. ) I now appreciate what I do and see it as a real job.

    A lot of times it's enviroment that makes us feel bad for what we do.

    I know that it's hard for the outside world to grasp the concept. To them it's easy money shedding our clothing . Getting older and getting wiser though, I've surrrounded myself with people that "get it" and they dont see it as 'easy'. Nor do they see it as less then a job.

    Also in being "honest" and less fearful about how people will view me, I've gained so much confidence. Even filling out an app for an apt in another city , I wrote entertainer and the staff didnt blink an eye. They only asked if I'd only be known by my stage name. Because I didnt seem to have any quams about it...why should they ?

    Understand that the world has changed so much in the last 10 and even 5 years. So many more clubs and so many more women are now dancing. It was taboo 10 years ago when I began. I believe for the most part , all dancers were seen as close to hookers as you could get without actually being a hooker. In the span of 10 years it's evolved to where almost everyone knows someone that's dancing or has danced. And has something positive to say about why they were doing it. Be it school..kids etc.

    I still think if a person feels "shame" for what they do, then they shouldnt be doing it.

    Being happy with yourself and being true to yourself are incredibly important.

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    Default Re: I'm talking *totally* open.

    The only person in my life that doesn't know is my daughter. I found that by telling everyone else in my life I didn't have tolie or cover up. And it makes for a much more stress free life.

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    God/dess Lena's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm talking *totally* open.

    All my friends and family know. Among people who know me as a Child Advocate, only my supervisor knows.



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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm talking *totally* open.

    I'm torn about this. My boyfriend and close friends know that I dance, of course. It would be a huge pain in the ass to lie to anyone close to me. My parents don't know, and I don't know if I will ever tell them -- they think I'm crazy enough without that. I also work in two other fields -- as a writer, and as a yoga teacher. Most of my casual friends are people I know from one or the other. I don't think folks from either place would be very accepting of my stripping career. Also, because I do business and get published under my real name, I'm very protective of having stripping associated with it. And finally, it's a lot of work explaining to people that you strip. Each time I tell someone, I feel like I have to justify what I do all over again. I'm glad things are becoming more open, and would like to be able to be frank about what I do someday. But right now, no.

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    God/dess Susan-Va's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm talking *totally* open.

    I've never hid what I do. All of my family and friends know. I don't discuss it wih my ultra conservitive aunt and uncle but they know.
    Whenever I meet someone and they ask what I do I tell them. They always ask questions and I'll answer them. It gives me an opportunity to get rid of that stripper myth that most people have about women in the business.

  8. #8
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: I'm talking *totally* open.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ms. Slut
    the other dancer remarked that she would beat the shit out of her daughter if she tried to be a stripper, this job is horrible, she wouldn't want anyone that she loves to do it.
    Well, what the hell is SHE doing it for? I guess she doesn't love herself and that's sad. Sounds like she really needs to find another line of work.

    I am very open about it with everyone except my family, and most of the people I work with in my other career. Those I work closely with know, but some men can be so juvenile and it's not worth the hassle if those men are signing my paychecks. I'm not ashamed of it, but I don't tell my family because they would really worry about me and there's no reason to put them through it.

    Everyone else knows, and yeah, it's nice to take some opportunities to dispel the myths.

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    Veteran Member Phedre's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm talking *totally* open.

    I have been very open about it with my family and find that people that know me in my other 2 lines of work really don't get to bent out of shape about me stripping. I don't let it filter into my other professions so it is hard for anyone to pass judgement at my other jobs. I'm down to earth enough to answer their questions and I don't let the entertainer me interfer with who I am at my other jobs.

    To the OP, I think if a dancer feels that dancing is sooo wrong then maybe she should find another line of work.
    Phedre
    ~ my very own pole dancer!

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    Veteran Member Feiticeira's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm talking *totally* open.

    Everybody knows. But my hubby has asked that I tell his mom Im a waitress for now since she hasnt met me yet...

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    Veteran Member redvelvetrose's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm talking *totally* open.

    I'm thinking of getting a job at a club this summer. I'm not sure if I'd tell my parents. I think it would be easier to tell at least my mom, so I don't have to lie to her. But if the rest of my family found out...I mean, my brothers like to gossip alot and rip on everything (when they found out I was on the pill {ironically, prescribed by a dermatologist to take care of acne, but useful in othe situations...}, my oldest brother decided that I was a "dumb slut".) I'm not sure that them knowing about a job dancing would make things much better.

  12. #12
    aussiepunkshocker
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    Default Re: I'm talking *totally* open.

    Yeah I am except for my grandparents - everyone else I know or who I meet knows what I do. I have rarely had any problems because of it.

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    Senior Member dolliest's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm talking *totally* open.

    I always told my friends and my sister, didn't have other family to tell.
    I haven't mentioned at work that I danced over this past break, but most of my department knows I used to.
    We can move with savage grace to the rhythms of the night
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    Default Re: I'm talking *totally* open.

    My mom got me my job! Everyone knows except my son. He's not old enough to understand. He thinks I'm in school. I am. My hubby's parents think I'm a waitress. But, they know I used to dance.
    Some girls are cool w/ sharing the scoop. Others aren't.
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    Default Re: I'm talking *totally* open.

    My bf knows(obviously) my mom knows... my friends know my cousins wife knows(he doesnt hes like a big brother and hes on my dads side and they are strict italian). My dad will never know. All my friends know my bfs family does not know, strict greeks, and he doesnt tell many of his friends due to their opinions on strippers. Im not afraid to tell people...except for my dads family because of the strict Italian thing, same with my bf and the strict greek. The people who dont know I dance think im a shooter girl in a SC.
    If I had a daughter that wanted to dance I would hope to god she would tell me, once shes old enough to understand I will probably tell my daughter(when/if I have one). Just so she wouldnt be scared to come to me about it if she chose to dance. I dont think dancing is anything to be ashamed of, just some people would not 'get it' if you tried to explain what you do. You know the typical sterotype of dancers

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    Veteran Member rain's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm talking *totally* open.

    my friends and boyfriend knows. i would never tell my family. i once mentioned to my 19 yr old brother that i was THINKING about stripping and he said "that's dirty. why don't you just become a prostitute?" so i won't be telling him.
    There is no salvation in becoming adapted to a world which is crazy.
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    Default Re: I'm talking *totally* open.

    i'm open with everyone. "those who mind don't matter, whose who matter don't mind". i had total strangers ask me if i'm a dancer, because they say i move like one, and carry a provocative vibe, lol. i say yes. they ask what kind of dancing i do. i say the artistic kind, haha. heard it someplace long time ago, and it stuck in my mind. i can see how it can work against you if you put in on your resume, or it comes out in an intreview for a reg. job, but i already put myself in a position where if i go for a job oustide of adult industry, it will be purely skill and talent based and what i've done will be irrelevant. i'll always only be able to freelance and work for myself no matter what i do, anyway. i'm 90% sure i'll never have kids, but if i do, i won't be ashamed to tell them anything about my past.

    besides, i think if society accepts out taxes, it shouldn't be hypocritical and judge what we do to pay those taxes.
    "The herd walks off the cliff because the herd are not a group of individuals - the herd is a mass of followers and followers follow the path of cowardice."

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    God/dess Nautilus's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm talking *totally* open.

    if the other side of your life is totally at odds with stripping (career, family etc), the people in that part of your life could NEVER understand. for that reason there is no point telling them.

    i'm of the view that it's your business what you do. if telling someone will result in baseless judgement against you - then why put yourself through that.

    if it sits ok with the dancer, that's all that matters.

    i'm sure my mother suspects but i haven't confirmed...
    my sisters know but seem to have forgotten (which is really weird,maybe they thought i was making it up???)
    my brothers would freak out
    my serious boyfriends always knew
    my best friend was there with me. bless her. lol.
    others weren't worth the stretch.

    it's probably smart for a dancer to tell someone outside the biz what they do - just for safety reasons. you never know when you might need someone to help you.

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    Default Re: I'm talking *totally* open.

    Everyone knows. My kids (Ihave 3) all know I work in a topless club, the 2 older ones (14 & 14) know I dance, the youngest (11) has never asked one way or another. Hell even my boyfriends family knows. Everyone has been cool about it and if nothing else are curious about it.



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    Senior Member pumpkin22's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm talking *totally* open.

    When I danced before, I told my parents about it and they were completely devastated. I was brought up in a loving, supporting, well-off family so they were shocked, going by the stereotype that only "messed up" girls would be strippers - and wondered what was going on in my head! They actually gave me money so that I could get out of it and find a different job without getting behind on any bills. I am going to start dancing again in a couple of weeks, and although it kills me to not be honest with them, I really think that I should keep it a secret. My father is going through cancer treatment right now, and if he doesn't make it, I still want him to think of me as "his little girl". I really hate lying though, especially to my parents because they really mean the world to me. At the same time, I've got to live my life, ya know?

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    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: I'm talking *totally* open.

    My entire family knows (except my 7 year old daughter)....all my friends....my boyfriend...everyone.

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    Default Re: I'm talking *totally* open.

    Everyone I know knows. I'm proud of my art.
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    Default Re: I'm talking *totally* open.

    I really hate lying though, especially to my parents because they really mean the world to me. At the same time, I've got to live my life, ya know?
    Sigh...yes. I dream about being honest with my parents...my mum is my best friend, and lying to her kills me. But I know her. I want her to be happy, and I know she'd feel she 'failed' if she knew I was a dancer.

    I'm totally proud of my job, and I love it. Still, I'll never tell my parents, if I can help it.

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    Default Re: I'm talking *totally* open.

    All of my family knows. They don't love it or anything but they accept it. My mum went through a phase where she thought it was kinda cool. I'm in no way ashamed of my job. I'm not really proud of it either. Its just a job, i'm not saving lives or anything.

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    Default Re: I'm talking *totally* open.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ms. Slut
    are there any women here who are completely open about what they do? or maybe open to everyone but their parents or some such figure. i tell everyone. all my friends are cool, it's all good. i feel like i would begin to feel more ashamed if i had to lie about it.

    discuss.
    My father knows what I do, we just do not EVER talk about it, lol.

    All my friends and all of his family know and they are all cool about it. They know if he's cool with it, then i must not be bad, or the job isn't bad either. and they would rather see me doing this to help support our family, then us struggle with a lower income job.

    My dad OTOH, is very old fashioned and stuck in his ways. That's why we don't talk about it. I know it hurts him to even know what I do, but he also knows I do what i have to do to take care of me and mine. I think he has finally accepted that and we have a mutual understanding. He doesn't ask and I keep my mouth shut!!!
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