Results 1 to 24 of 24

Thread: Go Away!!!!

  1. #1
    Veteran Member Feiticeira's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    540
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 2 Times in 1 Post

    Exclamation Go Away!!!!

    I need advice badly on what the hell I should do...
    I have this male friend named Dan. Dan is a great guy, buy unfortunately, he is so madly in love with me it's scary. And I don't feel any attraction to him whatsoever.
    I met him when I was working at Wendy's in 2002. He's really goofy and sweet, so we became friends quickly. For a very short time I started to like him so I asked him out. We went on one date and it was fun. After that he pulled me right into a relationship. AFTER ONE DATE. Meaning after the night was over the next day he was saying I was his girlfriend.
    The day after the date I realized I wasn't attracted to him at all. So I told him we had to "end things". He said fine, so we proceeded to go back to being friends. But he was obviously still falling for me. It got really uncomfortable for me and I started to pull away. I told him how he was making me uncomortable and such and told him we needed to stay away from each other for a while.
    So a couple months later we started talking to each other again and decided to go to a concert together(Deftones)since we both loved them. It was fun. But a couple days later, he was making it all too clear that he was still into me. He finally confessed that he was madly in love with me, that I was the perfect woman, etc.I told him yet again that it just wasn't happening and that I couldnt force myself to love him. So he agreed that friends would be OK again. But it got so weird that when he had to move to Florida in February 2003, I was relieved. We kept in touch for a while, but lately it had turned into once a month if that. About 2 weeks ago he called me and we had a nice long chat. I hadn't talked to him for months, so we had a lot to talk about. He is trying to pretend that he doesn't like me anymore, but it is painfully obvious. Now he won't stop calling my house 5 TIMES A DAY and the last time was at midnight last night! I don't answer most of the time so that he can take the hint, but he doesn't. My husband has even tried to "give him advice" by telling him to let me come to him when I "miss" him. I haven't called because I am busy and it's still a little weird to talk to him, but 2 days after my husband told him this, he must have got restless and started calling again. I just want it to stop!
    I am not a mean girl, but no matter what I say(and yes I have been very harsh to him) he still wont take the words that are very well laid out in front of him! I have given up being vague and just telling him, but still he persists!
    Help!.

  2. #2
    Featured Member xbloodydewdropx's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2005
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    967
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 12 Times in 5 Posts

    Default Re: Go Away!!!!

    does he know you're a newlywed? based on the advise that you're husband is giving him it seems that way, unless i'm not understanding correctly. telling him about your wife status might be enough to make him realize that you're not going to be his gf. i think the best thing to do is to let him go...maybe in a few years you can be friends again (when he finds someone who reciprocates his feelings and gets you out of his head)...but right now the contact with you is hurting both you and him. tell him you need the time with your husband, and that his feelings for you are making you feel awkward, given your new situation. also, you can stop taking his calls...i hope both you and he find an easy resolution....good luck.....

  3. #3
    Veteran Member Shayden's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    617
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts

    Default Re: Go Away!!!!

    Some people are crazy like that. My advice would obviously be, tell him sternly to stop this shit. But if you've already done that and it's not working then maybe being friends with him is not an option.

    To me that seems rather disrespectful to your husband that his doing this. And to you also. I would consider telling him that if he can't control himself and his behavior then you can't be friends with him.
    When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail!

  4. #4
    Veteran Member Feiticeira's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    540
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 2 Times in 1 Post

    Default Re: Go Away!!!!

    I HAVE told him that Im a newlywed. I have told him the calls are akward, that he makes me uncomfy.I am not hinting at all anymore. It has been 2 years since he's seen me. He's been with 3 other girls since he left AZ.I have stopped taking calls. Its making me and my hubby angry and even though he knows it, Dan still calls.I know he's not TRYING to be annoying, but come on....

    And dammit, its pissing me off! I told him the first time we took a "break" that I couldnt be his friend if he continued, and he agreed he could be. But here he is again...
    Last edited by Feiticeira; 02-02-2006 at 10:28 AM.

  5. #5
    Yekhefah
    Guest

    Default Re: Go Away!!!!

    I had a very good friend in high school with a similar situation. I really loved him - like a brother - so I tried to be patient, but after graduation I realized it would be better for both of us if I just cut it off. I still miss him and I hope he found someone better for him.

    If you've been that blunt and told him to stop calling you, and he still does it, then you might have to change your number or threaten legal action. At some point it becomes harassment.

  6. #6
    Veteran Member Feiticeira's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    540
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 2 Times in 1 Post

    Default Re: Go Away!!!!

    Yeah, I guess thats the only way Yekh, my husband is tired of this shit too so hes going to put me on his cell phone plan and get me a phone so that we can shut the home phone off. We dont need it anyways. He says I can just pay him back and wants this crazy guy outta my life. Even if I didnt talk to him, he will leave several FIVE MINUTE voicemails. Argh!

    But he's going to move back to AZ soon, and I know he'll try to find me. Before he got out of control again I made the mistake of telling him what club I was at. Even if I switched, he'd still find me eventually. There's only about 5 clubs here and I like mine. Its not like he's scaring me. But Im extremely annoyed and feel like shit because I cant feel that way about him and he's SOOOO desperate

  7. #7
    Yekhefah
    Guest

    Default Re: Go Away!!!!

    If he moves out there and tracks you down, and starts bothering you in person, that is stalking. Tell him you will get a restraining order. He's past manners at this point; you are going to have to be mean.

    That's assuming that changing your number doesn't work, of course. Hopefully it will.

  8. #8
    God/dess
    Joined
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Temporary Lurkmode...
    Posts
    12,609
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 79 Times in 35 Posts

    Default Re: Go Away!!!!

    Get all of his information as much as you can. Im sorry I have no more sympathy for people who say they like you or in love with you when youve cleary stated you dont like the attention.

    Restraining orders can only do so much but at least you have a history of disturbing instances on file. When he calls again tell him STERNLY that you cannot tolerate his actions anymore. Theres no being nice at this point hes burned his friend bridge. Giving ultimatums could make him stop you could tell him if you want to. Just be prepared to file one.

    If you dont see this I do. His actions have a pattern. Hes making sure he always has a connection to you. He has ignored passive ways to avoid him. He found you in AZ. Do not give anymore information to this person.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



  9. #9
    Moderator unbeleavable's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Atl
    Posts
    3,429
    Thanks
    4,881
    Thanked 2,349 Times in 1,220 Posts

    Default Re: Go Away!!!!

    If your husband can not set him sraight he has some major issues.It is not healthy to keep in contact with him.If he tracts you down definitely call the police.This could lead to some problems between him or your husband.I have to give your husband a hand for handling it so well so far.

  10. #10
    Veteran Member azcustomer's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Phoenix, AZ
    Posts
    676
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts

    Default Re: Go Away!!!!

    Calling 5 times a day? Leaving 5 minute VMs?

    EZ Fix.

    Shallow grave in the desert..

  11. #11
    Veteran Member Feiticeira's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    540
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 2 Times in 1 Post

    Default Re: Go Away!!!!

    So I asked my hubby to get rid of him kinda. N ext time he calls tonight, Rob is answering the phone. He is not going to give Dan advice or be nice.
    Since Dan wont comprehend me when I am nice or bitchy about this, this seems to be the only way. And if he still persists, then I guess legal action is all I can do. Short of Rob beating him down, which he said he would do if Dan didn't stop.

  12. #12
    AudreyLeigh
    Guest

    Default Re: Go Away!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Feiticeira
    He says I can just pay him back
    For some reason this line disturbed me...

  13. #13
    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2003
    Posts
    5,493
    Thanks
    120
    Thanked 50 Times in 35 Posts

    Default Re: Go Away!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by unbeleavable
    If your husband can not set him sraight he has some major issues.It is not healthy to keep in contact with him.If he tracts you down definitely call the police.This could lead to some problems between him or your husband.I have to give your husband a hand for handling it so well so far.
    No shit. I would be like "Who the fuck are you and why are you calling my wife? Especially when she doesn't want you to! "

  14. #14
    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2002
    Location
    Gettin the fuck outta Dodge!
    Posts
    14,241
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Go Away!!!!

    If you really wanted it to stop you wouldn't talk to him anymore.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

  15. #15
    Senior Member contheboyalready's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    81
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Go Away!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Feiticeira
    So I asked my hubby to get rid of him kinda. N ext time he calls tonight, Rob is answering the phone. He is not going to give Dan advice or be nice.
    Since Dan wont comprehend me when I am nice or bitchy about this, this seems to be the only way. And if he still persists, then I guess legal action is all I can do. Short of Rob beating him down, which he said he would do if Dan didn't stop.
    Why wait to get the restraining order? You'll regret it if he flies or drives out to "see" you and you don't have one. Travelling thousands of miles to see you is not something he's likely to treat lightly. Rejecting him at that point could be much worse, trust me.

  16. #16
    Veteran Member Feiticeira's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    540
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 2 Times in 1 Post

    Default Re: Go Away!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by AudreyLeigh
    For some reason this line disturbed me...
    Why Audrey???

  17. #17
    Veteran Member Feiticeira's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    540
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 2 Times in 1 Post

    Default Re: Go Away!!!!

    I have stopped talking to him. My husband told him tonight when he called that he's upsetting me and not to call anymore.He said "Oh, then I'll just call in a week." Hello, is he deaf??? Rob was like "No dude, let it go".

  18. #18
    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Hurricane Wasteland,Louisiana
    Posts
    8,088
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 23 Times in 19 Posts

    Default Re: Go Away!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by AudreyLeigh
    For some reason this line disturbed me...
    That disturbs me too.Do you owe him something???

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridgette
    If you really wanted it to stop you wouldn't talk to him anymore.
    Agreed!!!!!
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




  19. #19
    God/dess
    Joined
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Temporary Lurkmode...
    Posts
    12,609
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 79 Times in 35 Posts

    Default Re: Go Away!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Feiticeira
    I have stopped talking to him. My husband told him tonight when he called that he's upsetting me and not to call anymore.He said "Oh, then I'll just call in a week." Hello, is he deaf??? Rob was like "No dude, let it go".
    F-that; go get that restraining order. He is harrassing you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck em if he cant get that through his brain then do what it takes so he does get it. If its police at his front door giving him an order to chill the fuck out then so be it.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



  20. #20
    Senior Member contheboyalready's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    81
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Go Away!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by TigersMilk
    F-that; go get that restraining order.
    Totally. I've gotten a couple of 'em. Not a big deal. Bring in your cell phone records to show how he's been calling you 5x a day and say you are scared of him and bingo. Problem solved.
    Last edited by contheboyalready; 02-03-2006 at 05:20 AM.

  21. #21
    Veteran Member Feiticeira's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    540
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 2 Times in 1 Post

    Default Re: Go Away!!!!

    How do I file one when I dont know exactly in Florida where he's living and he's using a cell phone he claims is his yet comes up on the caller ID as his father's name?

    And no, my hubby was joking, I dont owe him.

  22. #22
    God/dess kitana's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2004
    Location
    kentucky
    Posts
    3,582
    Thanks
    49
    Thanked 60 Times in 43 Posts

    Default Re: Go Away!!!!

    i would tell him fuck off, change your phone number, and if he calls back, go to his dad's houe and have a talk with him (his dad I mean.) Tell his father what's going on and dad will probably fix it for you.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Quote Originally Posted by ExoticEngineer View Post
    Feel like a damn salt lick at the goats petting zoo!
    <08SM>

  23. #23
    Veteran Member Feiticeira's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    540
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 2 Times in 1 Post

    Default Re: Go Away!!!!

    Him and his dad are in Florida...but he's coming back to AZ

  24. #24
    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2002
    Location
    Gettin the fuck outta Dodge!
    Posts
    14,241
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Go Away!!!!

    There are so many things you can do before you have to get a restraining order. Like change your phone number. Don't answer his calls. Block his number and block all private numbers from calling your phone. So many things.

    Once again, if you really want it to stop you won't keep talking to him. The fact you don't just stop talking to him (both you and hubby) tells me you like the attention.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •