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Thread: Winter Classes for Men .......

  1. #1
    God/dess GoldCoastGirl's Avatar
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    Thumbs up Winter Classes for Men .......

    Good ol' My Space

    Send this to all the guys that you think can stand the heat, and to all the ladies for the best chuckle of their day!


    WINTER CLASSES FOR MEN AT
    THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS
    REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY
    Monday, Jan. 2, 2006

    NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
    OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.


    Class 1
    How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
    Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM .

    Class 2
    The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
    Round Table Discussion.
    Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

    Class 3
    Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
    Avoid ing The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
    Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.


    Class 4
    Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
    Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
    Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

    Class 5
    After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
    Examples on Video.
    Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
    at 7:00 PM

    Class 6
    Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
    Help Line Support and Support Groups.
    Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

    Class 7
    Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places
    And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
    Open Forum .
    Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

    Class 8
    Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
    Graphics and Audio Tapes.
    Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

    Class 9
    Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
    Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

    Class 10
    Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
    Driving Simulations.
    4 weeks, Saturday's noon , 2 hours.

    Class 11
    Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
    Online Classes and role-playing .
    Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

    Class 12
    How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
    Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
    Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM .

    Class 13
    How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
    Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
    Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.


    Class 14
    The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
    Live Demonstration.
    Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

    Upon completion of any of the above courses, Diplomas will be issued to the survivors.


    enter: E3167322D9 for your 10% discount

  2. #2
    Veteran Member bella622's Avatar
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    Default Re: Winter Classes for Men .......



    hahahahaha... I know a few people who would seriously benefit from that!! Maybe the relationships would have lasted longer... Probably not!!!
    Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul... - Marilyn Monroe

  3. #3
    Veteran Member bella622's Avatar
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    Default Re: Winter Classes for Men .......

    Class 11: The Basic Differences between Mother and Wife!!!

    My ex certainly needed that class... Grrrrrrrrrrr!!!! Bad memories!!
    Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul... - Marilyn Monroe

  4. #4
    Newbie
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    Default Re: Winter Classes for Men .......

    Us blokes have ..... we're too busy trying to be

  5. #5
    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Winter Classes for Men .......

    OMFG,I love that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




  6. #6
    God/dess
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    Default Re: Winter Classes for Men .......

    Hehe! That's awesome!

  7. #7
    God/dess Silverback's Avatar
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    Default Re: Winter Classes for Men .......

    Ummm, yeah.

    I don't think I'd find any of those classes useful.
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

  8. #8
    God/dess Nautilus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Winter Classes for Men .......

    hahaaha...

    my husband needs class 7. i've started implementing fines at his behest for shit of his that he puts in dumb places then can't find...

    keys
    wallet
    shoes
    phone

    never pays though!

  9. #9
    Featured Member MadisonM's Avatar
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    Default Re: Winter Classes for Men .......

    hehehehe cute cute cute!!
    Take the road less traveled- just make sure you have a map.

  10. #10
    God/dess
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    Default Re: Winter Classes for Men .......

    OMG GCG that totally describes men to the T.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



  11. #11
    Veteran Member Feiticeira's Avatar
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    Default Re: Winter Classes for Men .......

    roflmao

  12. #12
    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
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    Default Re: Winter Classes for Men .......

    Jeezie Creezie thats perfect!
    Number of times Rickrolled on stage: 6
    *******************************

    Marasmus ... "Ladies don't fart. They butt-laugh."
    Marasmus says, "Oh no, that wasn't gas, it was merely a rectal chuckle."

    Marek says, "A friend of mine got punched in the face by a dominatrix stripper about two weeks ago and I thought of you."

  13. #13
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Winter Classes for Men .......

    Turn about is fair play my sweet GoldCoastGirl

    Women's classes: classes for women at the local community college. Sign-up on February 30th.

    Please note that there are nearly twice as many sessions for women as there are for men but, because of their limited attention span, women's sessions are shorter (this allows time for gossiping -- students are advised to attend ALL sessions to avoid being the subject of that week's gossip).


    Topic 1
    Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before.
    Help Line Support and Support Groups.


    Topic 2
    The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits.
    Graphics and Video Tape.


    Topic 3
    Parties: Going Without New Outfits.
    Round Table Discussion.


    Topic 4
    Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game.
    Open Forum.


    Topic 5
    Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet too.
    Online Class and Role Playing.


    Topic 6
    Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His.
    Testimonials.


    Topic 7
    Communication Skills I: Tears -- The Last Resort, not the First.
    Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.


    Topic 8
    Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking.
    Examples on Video.


    Topic 9
    Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging.
    Support Group.


    Topic 10
    Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up.
    Open Forum.


    Topic 11
    Driving a Car Safely I: A Skill You CAN Acquire.
    Driving Simulation.


    Topic 12
    Driving a Car Safely II: Introduction to Parking.
    Driving Simulation.


    Topic 13
    Driving a Car Safely III: Advanced Parking; Backing Into a Space.
    Driving Simulation.


    Topic 14
    Water Retention: Fact or Fat.
    Graphics and Audio Tape.


    Topic 15
    Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter.
    Open Forum.


    Topic 16
    Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption.
    Round Table Discussion.


    Topic 17
    Cooking III: How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People.
    Support Group.


    Topic 18
    Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully.
    Examples on Video.


    Topic 19
    PMS: Your Problem... Not His. Open Forum.


    Topic 20
    Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To.
    Online Class and Role Playing.


    Topic 21
    Classic Footwear: Wearing Shoes You Already Have Worn.
    Round Table Discussion.


    Topic 22
    Criticism: Accepting it Gracefully.
    Double Session.


    *****Upon completion of the course diplomas will be issued to everyone who attended all sessions and was not the subject of gossip during a session (credits will be issued for the originators of the best gossip heard during any session).
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  14. #14
    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: Winter Classes for Men .......

    ^Ha... I like that one better.


  15. #15
    goldengrl69
    Guest

    Default Re: Winter Classes for Men .......

    Ha ha ha! Now that was funny!

  16. #16
    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Winter Classes for Men .......

    Mast hit the highlights, but forgot a few--


    Topic 23
    Bathroom Mechanics: Yes, Virginia, you too can operate a toilet seat.
    Instructional video, schematics and hands-on practice session

    Topic 24
    Doilies, China Cabinets and Knic Knacs: How Not To Furnish A Home
    Photo spreads of interior decoration gone tragically wrong

    Topic 25
    Pointless Bitching and Complaining versus Solution-Oriented Thinking
    Group Analysis and Flowcharting

    Topic 26
    Driving a Car Safely IV: Breaking the Three Meter Rule
    Yes, there's more on the road than only what you can see 10' in front of you and we'll show you how (driving simulation).

    Topic 27
    Black Magic: Changing the Oil in the Car
    Video, visit to local mechanic and introduction to the concept of Service Intervals

    Topic 28
    Bug Off: Introduction to Home Entymology and Basic Insect Extermination Practices
    Instruction in the use of shoes and paper towels as pest dispatching tools, identification of harmless critters

    Topic 29
    Gender and Astronomy: The Sun (not you, dear) is the Center of Our Universe--a Perspective Adjustment
    Charts and a short IMAX movie

    Topic 30
    Communication Skills IV: The Statute of Limitations In Arguments--Keeping It Current
    Timelines and calendars provided

    Topic 31
    Communicaton Skills V: Revisiting Revisionist History and Creative Recollection in Conflict
    Group project on the concept of empirical fact versus feelings

    Topic 32 Communication Skills VI: When Nothing Means Nothing; the reality of "What are you thinking about right now?"
    Demonstration and practice session, CAT scan imagery slides
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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