Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 26

Thread: Sexual problems

  1. #1
    goldengrl69
    Guest

    Default Sexual problems

    I didnt know men need 4 play too ? I have a high sex drive wanting sex once or more a day (which I know I cant get so I settle for every other day) Well for the last month or two my SO has been giving it to me more like every 3 or 4 days. This has been driving me nuts. I had a talk with him about it about a month ago and he says that he's been tired lately and that he's so stressed out about not peforming with me like he used to that it makes him even less....active.
    SO im like whatever and decide to take matters into my own hands literally . Now yesterday he tells me that seeing my dildo (or just knowing thats what Im doing because of our situation) intimidates him too. He then tells me that he doesnt like it when I touch his dick (Ill feel it through his pants to see if he's horny to when we're holding each other)to see if he's hard so I dont get my self all worked up thinking im gonna get me some.He says that I need to take the time to make him ready but how am I supposed to tell the difference between the times when he's too tired vs. the times when he wants me to get him in the mood. Plus I feel like I cant talk to him about it because that might make him nervous and cause another drought! Help

  2. #2
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Paradigm City
    Posts
    6,784
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 13 Times in 7 Posts

    Default Re: Sexual problems

    Well communicate on the issue, do not stop talking about it. You want sex more often, is his response to that 'I don't want to have sex as often as you?' or 'I can't for xxx reason' if it's the latter, hammer out xxx reason with him, if you see no progress, say so. There are too many options out there to exhaust for him to show that he cares enough about what you want to try to resolve the issues at hand.

    If he's ignoring the issues and these are excuses he's using to get out of it, well that's a sign. It's not wrong to have a desire to reach a sexual standard in a relationship just like it's not wrong to not want a man to be a liar.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  3. #3
    goldengrl69
    Guest

    Default Re: Sexual problems

    Mast, he says that he doesnt want me to keep bringing it up.

  4. #4
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Paradigm City
    Posts
    6,784
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 13 Times in 7 Posts

    Default Re: Sexual problems

    you need to address that directly by asking yourself:
    "Is sex so important to me that I cannot ignore this issue and it could get very serious if we do NOT bring this up?"

    It's about being open with each other. Are you a couple or not? If so, what's the big deal about discussing things that matter to each other? It's called respect. Just cause he feels he's to blame doesn't mean it cannot be fixed.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  5. #5
    Member
    Joined
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    53
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re: Sexual problems

    My first thought was what a lucky guy to have a good looking woman that wants sex a few times a day.

    One of the things that I've found over the years is it is hard to find someone with the exact same sex drive, so you are always going to have to compromise. If you want it once a day and he wants it twice a week, split the difference and have it every other day.

    If everything else is OK and you are having sex a couple of times a week, consider yourself lucky. My wife suffered from post partum depression after our kid was born and I was lucky to have sex once every couple of months for a few years until she got over it. So it could always be worse.

  6. #6
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Paradigm City
    Posts
    6,784
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 13 Times in 7 Posts

    Default Re: Sexual problems

    ^^ It always can be worse, sucks you had to go through that.

    But the whole point of her post is he is shutting her down showing his lack of desire for compromise.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  7. #7
    God/dess
    Joined
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    2,352
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Sexual problems

    Maybe its just me thinking out loud or being out of line but as I read this all I see is sex sex sex ! Is there love in this relationship because I get the impression or rather it is never mentioned that you even really care much for this person . If it is just a sex thing go find another man to fufill this need . If its a relationship you need to talk and yes I can uderstand this guy getting a little upset because you are giving him the hardness test everytime you hug. That would get old after a while, affection isnt always about sex it can be a hug or holding of hands or just talking . foreplay for me starts early in the morning with a simple good morning kiss and continues throughout the day but thats just me ( and I am sure someone will barf on that one lol ) .Well I have said enough I guess if you really like this guy you will work out the whole situation and I am sure the sex will work into the equation at some point .

  8. #8
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Paradigm City
    Posts
    6,784
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 13 Times in 7 Posts

    Default Re: Sexual problems

    Not to hijack this thread, but let me tell you how hard it is to love someone but not be able to enjoy what you want to do most with that person. Whether sex or riding bikes. And I really find it weird for an SW member to be so shocked and awed when a girl says 'We have a great relationship except the sex is bad/non frequent'. I mean you asked her if she CARED about him? I mean c'mon if she didn't care she'd find someone else

    It's just you make it sound like sex isn't a good enough reason to be unhappy in a relationship, regardless of volume and what not. Fact is everyone is different. If sex with him to that volume matters to her, then it matters. People should respect that and not assume it's a sign of shallowness or lack of care to the other member of the relationship.

    no offense curiousJ, It's just that whether it be his sex drive, his work ethic, his hobby, his car, his X, if it matters to her, and her bf, being IN the relationship is unwilling to work on it, they have a problem to compromise on together, but compromise takes 2 regardless the subject matter.

    Mast.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  9. #9
    God/dess
    Joined
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    2,352
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Sexual problems

    Well sorry everyone but mast since you questioned it - Where does she say anything about a great relationship ? And the statement the sex is bad non-frequent, every other day or everyday in this case - who the fuck does that for a long perioed of time ? I guess this is just my reality and not one shared by others sorry about that . I am not talking down to this member and I am sorry if it sounds like I am .
    Sex is a small part of the huge puzzle called a relationship . Maybe what I am saying is sex should not be so overemphasized as the main source of the problem there may be many other factors involved that we dont know about here .And when all the pieces of this complex puzzle are figured out or at least communicated to one another maybe then the small piece SEX will be much improved .At least that is what I am hoping will happen .

    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus
    Not to hijack this thread, but let me tell you how hard it is to love someone but not be able to enjoy what you want to do most with that person. Whether sex or riding bikes. And I really find it weird for an SW member to be so shocked and awed when a girl says 'We have a great relationship except the sex is bad/non frequent'. I mean you asked her if she CARED about him? I mean c'mon if she didn't care she'd find someone else

    It's just you make it sound like sex isn't a good enough reason to be unhappy in a relationship, regardless of volume and what not. Fact is everyone is different. If sex with him to that volume matters to her, then it matters. People should respect that and not assume it's a sign of shallowness or lack of care to the other member of the relationship.Mast I mean well ok sometimes I just read into situations perhaps farther then need be .

    no offense curiousJ, It's just that whether it be his sex drive, his work ethic, his hobby, his car, his X, if it matters to her, and her bf, being IN the relationship is unwilling to work on it, they have a problem to compromise on together, but compromise takes 2 regardless the subject matter.

    Mast.

  10. #10
    God/dess
    Joined
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    2,352
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Sexual problems

    goldengrl69 - I do hope you find happiness in your relationship didnt mean to sound offensive if I did . This is about you not about Mast and me . Good Luck

  11. #11
    Veteran Member bella622's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Baltimore/Washington
    Posts
    449
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 6 Times in 2 Posts

    Default Re: Sexual problems

    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousJ
    Sex is a small part of the huge puzzle called a relationship . Maybe what I am saying is sex should not be so overemphasized as the main source of the problem there may be many other factors involved that we dont know about here .And when all the pieces of this complex puzzle are figured out or at least communicated to one another maybe then the small piece SEX will be much improved .At least that is what I am hoping will happen .
    I think sex is a huge part of the relationship puzzle... I mean the first attraction to anyone is 99% of the time physical. Its not going to keep a relationship without other sustainablilty factors intact, but, it at the same time could be a deal breaker if one or both parties are not satisfied.

    I do agree though that there are factors that increase/decrease the sex drive in men and women... In my experience its stress... And that can go either way, either all I want to do is _____ because of it or I have no interest in it at all.

    My suggestion is to talk to him not about the sex thing, but rather about whats going on with him and his life right now... Maybe hes got an unresolved issue to deal with...
    Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul... - Marilyn Monroe

  12. #12
    God/dess AinNY's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2004
    Location
    all around the world
    Posts
    2,939
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts

    Default Re: Sexual problems

    well...i've never found anyone with the same sex drive as me(at least not after the first few months)....so i know where you are coming from.

    My girl i'm with now...its close...but its still not the same as me. I've pretty much given up on trying to find someone who wants it as often or as much as I do...its just not going to happen. The girl I am with now is the biggest "freak" (in a good way) that i have ever been with, and even she complains that im too much for her, b/c of how often/much i want to be with her...but I love her and its a sacrifice i'm happy to make.

    Sex isnt the most important thing in a relationship at all...but it IS important. And I know how bad it feels when you want the other person that much and you feel like its not reciprocated and you cannot understand why.

    I dont know what to tell you other than it wont change...so like everyone else said...figure out whats most important to you and then decide. He wont change...his sex drive wont increase much...people are who they are...especially in that aspect of life(at least IMHO).

    I dunno what to tell you....good luck with it.

    Your man seems very insecure....you can try to help him become more secure about himself and you guys together....that might help. Other than that...i dunno....

  13. #13
    goldengrl69
    Guest

    Default Re: Sexual problems

    Thanks for the help Mast........Yes I do love my man.Ive never been more in love with someone as I am in love with him. I just feel like its selfish of him not to try to compromise with me in regards to our sexual relations (especially since he knows thats what I enjoy).He's great in every other asspect.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus
    Not to hijack this thread, but let me tell you how hard it is to love someone but not be able to enjoy what you want to do most with that person. Whether sex or riding bikes. And I really find it weird for an SW member to be so shocked and awed when a girl says 'We have a great relationship except the sex is bad/non frequent'. I mean you asked her if she CARED about him? I mean c'mon if she didn't care she'd find someone else

    It's just you make it sound like sex isn't a good enough reason to be unhappy in a relationship, regardless of volume and what not. Fact is everyone is different. If sex with him to that volume matters to her, then it matters. People should respect that and not assume it's a sign of shallowness or lack of care to the other member of the relationship.

    no offense curiousJ, It's just that whether it be his sex drive, his work ethic, his hobby, his car, his X, if it matters to her, and her bf, being IN the relationship is unwilling to work on it, they have a problem to compromise on together, but compromise takes 2 regardless the subject matter.

    Mast.

  14. #14
    goldengrl69
    Guest

    Default Re: Sexual problems

    Our sex drives dont have to be the same.I do realize that. It wasnt always like this before.Thats why Im frustrated.I want both of us to be happy. QUOTE=AinNY]well...i've never found anyone with the same sex drive as me(at least not after the first few months)....so i know where you are coming from.

    My girl i'm with now...its close...but its still not the same as me. I've pretty much given up on trying to find someone who wants it as often or as much as I do...its just not going to happen.

    Sex isnt the most important thing in a relationship at all...but it IS important. And I know how bad it feels when you want the other person that much and you feel like its not reciprocated and you cannot understand why.

    I dont know what to tell you other than it wont change...so like everyone else said...figure out whats most important to you and then decide. He wont change...his sex drive wont increase much...people are who they are...especially in that aspect of life(at least IMHO).

    I dunno what to tell you....good luck with it.

    Your man seems very insecure....you can try to help him become more secure about himself and you guys together....that might help. Other than that...i dunno....[/QUOTE]

  15. #15
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Paradigm City
    Posts
    6,784
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 13 Times in 7 Posts

    Default Re: Sexual problems

    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousJ
    Well sorry everyone but mast since you questioned it - Where does she say anything about a great relationship ?
    She didn't. So why do you assume a questionable relationship enough to ask if she even cares about him as opposed to assuming that everything is wonderful except this one thing that's bothering her?
    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousJ
    And the statement the sex is bad non-frequent, every other day or everyday in this case - who the fuck does that for a long perioed of time ? I guess this is just my reality and not one shared by others sorry about that . I am not talking down to this member and I am sorry if it sounds like I am .
    Don't down yourself here. Your reality is shared by MANY others whether she wants to or not. YOU think she should be greatful for what she has, but you should at least respect the fact that she's not happy with that reality and wants to make it better. Even if she is upset about a sex life that is still more frequent than most. Myself included.
    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousJ
    Sex is a small part of the huge puzzle called a relationship . Maybe what I am saying is sex should not be so overemphasized as the main source of the problem there may be many other factors involved that we dont know about here .And when all the pieces of this complex puzzle are figured out or at least communicated to one another maybe then the small piece SEX will be much improved .At least that is what I am hoping will happen .
    You're absolutly right. But remember, her point of view maybe different than yours. A) she knows what her relationship is like, and B) her vision of sex is a lot different than yours. Whether it's right or wrong, it's what she wants and isn't bad, it just means she needs to compromise, but HE has to talk to her to at least reach a compromise.

    Different folks different strokes. If she wants more sex in her life and can't live without it, than she should get it, and we shouldn't judge other aspects of her life because of that. It doesn't affect us, and somewhere out there is a guy (if not her bf) that can put out like that. (NOT ME.) All your assumptions prove that we don't know her, and we have no right assuming anything at all, let alone that she should be blaming herself for this.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  16. #16
    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Key West
    Posts
    16,343
    Thanks
    1,395
    Thanked 5,487 Times in 2,768 Posts

    Default Re: Sexual problems

    Edited later--I think goldengrl69 should post about this in Ladies Only, and get the women's point of view. What I see when I reread this thread is a bunch of guys (no offense intended to the guys) arguing about who is going to be the sex therapist--not much good for her, and fucking boring...

    Whatever, I almost deleted my post in disgust, but the hell with it, lol--here it is, with the caveat that it is a bit of my own experience, and only my opinion:



    He doesn't want to talk about it because he interprets this as you pressuring him to have sex more often--even if that's not exactly what you are trying to do.

    If a guy or a woman is stressed, they don't want to fuck as much, that's human. If they perceive their partner as being unhappy about it, it can make the problem even worse. I'm notsaying this is your fault, mind you, just trying to give you an idea of what's going through his head.

    I was in a relationship with a total nymphomaniac, lol--and I loved it--because I loved her so very much not least of all. After we became really close and comfortable with each other the sex was utterly fantastic for both of us. The woman actually got me to come three times in half an hour, or maybe it was an hour and a half--whatthefuckever--I'm not a fifteen year old boy anymore, getting off 10 times a day, so I was impressed--with her more than with myself.

    We fucked as much as six times in a day, and the neighbors got an earfull.

    She also paid me the one of the highest compliments I have received to date; "Who needs Rocco?" (Rocco, the Italian Stallion, her hero, lol...)

    But later, when we started having problems in the relationship, and work was not going well for me at all, like really not at all (not entirely my fault, but that's not for here to explain), my sex drive decreased significantly. She wanted it less too, so it wasn't necessarily too bad--most relationships go through phases of increased or decreased sexual activity after the first year or so, it's normal.

    However the timing would be off--when I wanted it, she didn't, and when she wanted it I didn't. At first it was infrequent, but as the relationship got worse, so did the timing.

    And when she wanted it, she fucking wanted it! I don't blame her in the least for this, she was a magnificent woman, and will have a hellacious sex life I'm sure. But having satiated this passionate wild thing in grand style in the past did little good when I wasn't in the mood and she needed more of the same--and through no fault of her own couldn't help but come across as in dire need, immediately, now! Offering oral sex until a bit later wasn't enough.

    I felt bad for her, but that isn't an aphrodesiac. It didn't help that when I was horny, she usually wasn't. It was a no win situation.

    In your case, you need to let him make the moves sometimes--then it's his idea, and he will feel less pressure, and more passion.

    The toy thing could work to your advantage if he liked the teasing aspect if it (this has always been a turn on for me), but if he sees it as a sign he isn't doing his job, it'll backfire. Wait until he's gone, and don't tell him about it, that's my advice. Hopefully he won't come home all ready to seduce you after you've just had your 20th orgasm, lol...

    I'd say take matters into your own hands, and give him a bit of room--he'll come around (sorry).
    Last edited by Djoser; 02-12-2006 at 06:14 PM.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

    ______________________________________

  17. #17
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Paradigm City
    Posts
    6,784
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 13 Times in 7 Posts

    Default Re: Sexual problems

    ^^ Djoser,
    Quote Originally Posted by djoser
    He doesn't want to talk about it because he interprets this as you pressuring him to have sex more often--even if that's not exactly what you are trying to do.
    Bro, tho that's a good guess, that's a HEAVY assumption based on little info!

    Quote Originally Posted by djoser
    But later, when we started having problems in the relationship, and work was not going well for me at all, like really not at all (not entirely my fault, but that's not for here to explain), my sex drive decreased significantly. She wanted it less too, so it wasn't necessarily too bad--most relationships go through phases of increased or decreased sexual activity after the first year or so, it's normal.
    Provided this is a similar situation, it is HIS and HER responsibility to communicate with eachother the PROBLEMS and their SOLUTIONS so they can gey back to being nympho maniacs, I assume she's not a mind reader and if there were other problems she could blame his falling sex drive on then they could discuss it, but he's closing her out man, the one person he should be willing to talk to about anything. That's big insecurity issues right there. And without reason. I side with AinNY on this one. We're all making up what she's not telling us about her relationship in our head using past experiences of our own and it's not fair, it looks like we're hanging a person on the cross here for wanting to have sex more than she has it just cause we're impressed by the numbers.

    Mast!
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  18. #18
    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Key West
    Posts
    16,343
    Thanks
    1,395
    Thanked 5,487 Times in 2,768 Posts

    Default Re: Sexual problems

    Good points, but I'm not hanging her on a cross! I feel for her, I've been there--I was frustrated too, lol...

    It's a guess, but an educated guess based on what she has said about him feeling pressured, and that "he doesn't want to talk about it." Odds are that's because he feels pressured by it, but of course I could be wrong, I don't know the whole situation.

    Of course you are correct that open communication is the best policy, by far!
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

    ______________________________________

  19. #19
    Member SA-80's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    32
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Sexual problems

    I don't like helping ppl that much, but here it's obvious, gldgirl96, you are doing exactly what looser and incofident men are doing when they can't get a woman: they try harder.
    That doesn't work with women at all, it works with some success with men, i guess.

    What you should do is what smart men do: she pulls back, you pull back even farther immediately -> She gets sucked into a vacuum through a fear of rejection, lonelyness or whatever.
    She turns around and walks away 1 step, you turn the other way and walk away 3+ steps. She doesn't answer e-mails, you don't write and don't call her immediately, etc.
    Same will work the other way around I'm sure. This communicates noneedyness and confidence. We, men, we learn that while growing up, I guess women usually don't get rejected that much in the beginning and that sets a wrong frame for them later on. Anyway.

  20. #20
    God/dess threlayer's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Syracuse
    Posts
    5,921
    Thanks
    369
    Thanked 419 Times in 290 Posts
    My Mood
    Fine

    Default Re: Sexual problems

    It might be a good idea if he discusses his frustration and tensions with you; maybe they are from work or finances or a sick relative. Maybe if he knows that his problems can be shared so two minds can work on solutions, he will have more self-confidence. In light of this idea, it might be better not to bring up the sex thing often, which just adds to his tension right now. Sometimes when you get help from a lover, you feel so much better even from that attention that natural affection takes over. Eventually it will, you know, given a chance.
    Last edited by threlayer; 02-10-2006 at 06:51 AM.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

  21. #21
    Veteran Member azcustomer's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Phoenix, AZ
    Posts
    676
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts

    Default Re: Sexual problems

    I had the same thing happen in my last relationship. As the relationship soured, I lost all my libido. Djoser is right - stress will cause a man to limp out more than anything.

    My ex did spice things up every once in a while which turned things around. One time when I was clearly stressed and we were in public, she made a point of giving me public head (not in the complete open, but I'm sure a few people saw). She used to call it "the 5 calorie stress reliever" - worked every time and usually caused my libido to turn it up for a while.

    What absolutely killed our sex life at the end was creating an association between stressful things and sex.

    I wonder if any of the guys out there have had something similar happen - she used to pick fights and yell at me about things and then 5 minutes later would come on hard wanting sex. This wasn't any make up sex or anything - just heated sex during stress.

    Damn, I'm glad not to have that happen anymore. BTW - thanks, Strippers, for breaking the horrible association!

  22. #22
    Banned All Good Things's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2004
    Posts
    2,451
    Thanks
    33
    Thanked 601 Times in 233 Posts
    My Mood
    Daring

    Default Re: Sexual problems

    Quote Originally Posted by AinNY
    I've pretty much given up on trying to find someone who wants it as often or as much as I do...its just not going to happen. The girl I am with now is the biggest "freak" (in a good way) that i have ever been with, and even she complains that im too much for her.
    You have an 8-level freak, Ain. You need to upgrade to a pure 10. They are out there, trust me. It surprised me more than anyone, but my sterling brilliant 10 has an imagination and intensity and ferocity that are only exceeded by my hopelessly insane addiction to her fabulous ass. It's a heated erotic spiral that can lead you both to forget about mundane things like water, food, air and sunshine. Roughly in that order.

    While I'm all in favor of "communication," this thread feels like it has been hijacked by Dr. Phil. Let's be blunt -- any guy who objects to his girlfriend touching his dick is already in a deeply troubling place. I say this with a very heavy heart. I wish the best for all concerned, but we need to get this guy far, far beyond this place.
    Last edited by All Good Things; 02-13-2006 at 12:52 AM.

  23. #23
    God/dess fancygirl's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2005
    Location
    California
    Posts
    3,776
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Sexual problems

    ^mouth waters at Other Owner's description of his ten.

    Okay, Goldie:
    I agree with shot. You do have to pull back, but don't make it a mind game. Just tell yourself that you both won't have sex for one week. And then, as long as your guy will let you, work your way up through sensual actions: the massage, the necking (no reaching down to touch his cock! let it touch you!), maybe some topless action, and then giving him head (but not trying to make him come...give him a consistent and pleasant tongue massage.) Do this all spread out over a few days. Hopefully his libido will snap back into order since he doesn't feel pressured for sex; the mind has a terrible logic in these situations, and while you may not be doing it on purpose, he probably feels like a failure as a man, thus the intimidation by vibrator. En garde! Build up his self-esteem by praising him in other areas; if you both have the time, cook a dinner together. Find situations where he can help you in non-sexual ways. And while I wouldn't suggest this if the guy was an insecure jerk all the time, I'm assuming this is a rare rough patch for ya'all.
    But you really are going to have to make him and your vibrator friends eventually so when you guys do get back into the sack, make it part of that act (probabaly not the first time back in the sack though and let him push the buttons and control the action.

    However, as a fellow woman who doesn't consider herself a nymphomaniac but has had periods of anywhere between sex five times a day to none, it's not your fault! I was with one guy and it was the best sex of my life up to that point...but his libido was severely lower than mine. I mean we would do it once a night...but I really need two or three to really get going...so I'd feel all frustrated and would rub up on him later on that night and feel rejected since his sexual appetite wasn't as strong as mine. It actually dampened the relationship in other areas because I felt like a loser bothering him all the time for sex, and this made me thing that maybe I was bothersome in other areas of our relationship too.

    so yeah, rock that vibrator. and if you can wake him up with noises and you calling his name with that glint in your eye--maybe that will work too

  24. #24
    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Key West
    Posts
    16,343
    Thanks
    1,395
    Thanked 5,487 Times in 2,768 Posts

    Default Re: Sexual problems

    Thank you, fancygirl--this is more or less what I was trying to say!

    I had one of those fabled 10 level women, and the first year was fucking fantastic. But the last year sucked for both of us, through no fault of our own, especially towards the end.

    Lest you think I was bragging above--well, I was just being honest--and certainly having been a stud does no good whatsoever when the relationship is in trouble and the magic is gone, especially with a '10 level' woman, lol...

    It's almost worse than if you were just an average asshole to start with.

    I truly didn't care, I loved her that much (though not any more) the fact that I wasn't getting what I wanted either I could deal with. But she needed more than that, and there were way too many other problems getting in the way of the sex, so the relationship died a little sooner. Rest In Peace, lol.

    BTW, the sex toy thing could really work if the guy didn't see it as competition, nothing like a little show to get a guy all riled up, lol.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

    ______________________________________

  25. #25
    Newbie notdocfill's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    12
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Sexual problems

    Bad Idea:
    Quote Originally Posted by SA-80
    I don't like helping ppl that much, but here it's obvious, gldgirl96, you are doing exactly what looser and incofident men are doing when they can't get a woman: they try harder.
    That doesn't work with women at all, it works with some success with men, i guess.

    What you should do is what smart men do: she pulls back, you pull back even farther immediately -> She gets sucked into a vacuum through a fear of rejection, lonelyness or whatever.
    She turns around and walks away 1 step, you turn the other way and walk away 3+ steps. She doesn't answer e-mails, you don't write and don't call her immediately, etc.
    Same will work the other way around I'm sure. This communicates noneedyness and confidence. We, men, we learn that while growing up, I guess women usually don't get rejected that much in the beginning and that sets a wrong frame for them later on. Anyway.
    This "player" nonsense might have some value when pursueing a relationship to spark interest, but is a recipe for disaster once well into one. Do this if you want to break up. If you don't, you can anticipate constant passive aggressive game playing and misery until you do break up.

    Here's a quote from another board on how someone else actually fixed this problem:


    My wife and i have been married for more than 13 years. At the beginning of our relationship we had a somewhat active, but not adventurous sex life. We did not discuss sex, we just did it. Looking back, we had no idea what each other really thought about sex. What we liked, what we didn't like, what went through our heads. After a few years, sex all but disappeared from our relationship. When it did happen, it was more work than it was worth. It was easier to "take care of yourself".


    But, within the last year we have had a rebirth of our sex life. My wife had come to a revelation on her own that it's OK to talk about sex and it's OK to live out some of your fantasies. In fact, it's OK to have fantasies in the first place.

    We have since had many discussions about what we fantasize about, what we want to try and what is out there to explore. I have learned more about my wife and she about me in this last year than in the 15 years I have known her. She shares her fantasies of being with other women and imagines watching me with other women. She tells me about how she imagines watching several people having sex in every way imaginable. I tell her about my fantasies of being in various situations with her (like at a restaurant where I can see up her skirt from across the room and then take her outside where we can get each other off). I tell her how I can imagine her and one of her fantasy girlfriends going down on me.

    We don't only share fantasies, we now watch porn together and will talk about what we like. We also try different things that we have never done before. Like anal sex, masturbation in front of (and on) each other, talking dirty ("fuck me now"). She even likes to look at porn magazines.

    The only regret I have is that we didn't communicate with each other this way from the beginning. It has brought us much closer together in all aspects of our lives, not just in bed. I have never felt this close to someone and we are comforted in knowing that we can share our most intimate thoughts with each other.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. most sexual thing you do....
    By ausland in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 27
    Last Post: 11-16-2009, 02:04 AM
  2. Sexual abuse ?
    By scr333x in forum Life Support
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 07-18-2009, 04:05 PM
  3. Erotic vs Sexual - what are you looking for?
    By kymchoon in forum Customer Conversation
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 01-13-2005, 08:39 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •