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Thread: One year left to live

  1. #1
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Sad One year left to live

    I just found out recently that my mom has stomach cancer. She's been told by the doctor that she has less than a year left.

    My mom had an ongoing digestive disorder since last autumn. She constantly felt full/bloated, never hungry, lost a lot of weight, got sick and began vomiting. When the doctors did X-rays, they discovered that there was food fermenting inside her stomach and not getting passed through the stomach to the other intestines. They put her on medication, but it had really bad side effects and eventually my mom had to go off it. She kept losing weight, going from almost 130lbs to barely above 100lbs. Then about a week and a half ago, she went to the hospital because she was vomitting black bile constantly. They put her on IVs and told her they would have to perform surgery to remove the distal portion of her stomach. They did THREE tests for cancer and ALL of them came back negative. But when they were performing the surgery, they found cancerous tumors in my mom's stomach and a few more in her surrounding organs, including the pancreas, small intestine, etc. This has been such a shock to my family, esp my 4 siblings, the youngest who is only 14.

    I've been calling my mom frequently and visiting about twice a week, but it is hard because I work constantly and I live 2 hrs away from my family and the hospital. I feel in a way that this is my fault, because my mom and I argued a lot when I was younger. Whenever we fought about stupid stuff, my grandmother would scold me and say "you'll miss her when she's gone." I feel like I missed out on spending time with my mom during periods of time that we avoided each other due to various incompatibility. I do not know what to do or if I can even go to work tonight. I called out last night and I don't think I can hold myself together if I go to work and people start asking me about my mom.

    I don't know what to do. I am moving soon, and I do not know if I should move closer to my family so I can spend as much time with my mom as I can. Thing is, this would mean cheaper rent YES, but I'd be much farther from my club and some of my friends. Luckily though one of my best friends lives not far from my family, so I'd be closer to him, but he might be moving to Florida soon so I guess this doesn't matter. Meanwhile, my sister's dropped out of college temporarily so she can be there for my mom. I am worried and have been crying nonstop. I've been on edge ever since my mom went into the hospital last week, and as a result have been overreacting over dickheads/bullies. E.g., the other day my ex-bf's white-trash mom, Colleen Gill, hotly insulted me, and I was already upset about my mom, so I freaked out on Colleen Gill(heh I can't say she didn't deserve it though).

  2. #2
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    Default Re: One year left to live

    I'm really sorry to hear about your mom, I can relate somewhat. Definately don't feel guilty, but I do think you should consider spending as much time as possible with her and your family. Maybe you wouldn't neccessarily have to move home but it would surely be in everyone's best interest if you could devote a couple weekends a month to being at home with her. I wish you and your family the best.

  3. #3
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: One year left to live

    Yeah I meant that I would be moving CLOSER to my family, but not living WITH them. My family doesn't know I dance, so I wouldn't be able to explain my eccentric work schedule, or be able to do my work clothes laundry at the house. I think my family and I have mutually agreed that it's best when I have my own place, so that I can live my own lifestyle without conformation(i.e., staying out late, sleeping in, smoking, cooking a strict vegetarian diet, etc). I live in Philly now, but my family lives up by Bethlehem, a much smaller city, where rent is a lot cheaper.

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    Veteran Member Feiticeira's Avatar
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    Default Re: One year left to live

    Aww, Im sorry.Ive lost many a family member to cancer.Sending good vibes and thoughts your way!

  5. #5
    Pamela
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    Default Re: One year left to live

    Believe me i do feel the pain. As a loss of my sister at the age of 43 came far too soon with me at her side. The pain gets easier...but never goes away.

    My prayers are with you hun.

    Pamela

  6. #6
    Veteran Member mikeyd1075's Avatar
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    Default Re: One year left to live

    I know how you feel. My mom died from stomach cancer about 10 years ago. My dad died from lung cancer 5 years later. I'd say try to spend as much time as you can.

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    Default Re: One year left to live

    My mother-in-law had something similar happen to her. Digestive problems, stomach pain, and then when they went in to operate they found cancer. They gave her 3 months to live. She lived another 18 months.

    My father was diagnosed with cancer and told he had only a few weeks to live. That was 2 years ago, and he is doing well.

    My point is that doctors are frequently wrong about the chance of survival, and with a positive attitude many people live a long time. Stay positive for your mother, try to keep her spirits up while she gets treatment, and hope for the best. That way however long you have together will be positive time spent together, and you will increase the likelyhood that she will beat it.

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    Featured Member The_Oceans's Avatar
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    Default Re: One year left to live

    My thoughts and prayers are with you & your family, PhillyDancer. As for the past relationship with your mother, it's best left there, in the past. Focus on the time ahead with your mom, so you may make your peace with her.
    "Women, not girls, rule my world" - Prince

    "No parking on the dance floor" - Midnight Star

  9. #9
    Senior Member LilAlize's Avatar
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    Default Re: One year left to live

    Family comes before friends!!! You said that you dont know if you should move closer to your mom because you will be missing your friends. Please think about it, your friends will always be there, they come and go. But your mom will not!!! I think you should be with your mom. And it is not your fault that yall always argued that always happen. Please spend as much time as you can with her, let her know you love her. I hope she gets better!!!

  10. #10
    God/dess kitana's Avatar
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    Default Re: One year left to live

    Hun I can tell you it sucks big time!

    Please don't get upset by this but, at least now you know what to expect and you can make a change in your relationship. I didn't get that chance.

    My mom died on the 20th of Feb, 6 yrs ago.

    It was so quick. We (hubby, kiddo, and I) went to see mom and dad on the 13th (Sunday) for V-day since me and Luke oth had to work on Monday. Mom looked like she had the flu. She had slipped a disc in her back about 5 weeks earlier and she was using a walker to get around. Other than that, she had been gaining weight again, and was looking like her old self.

    That Thurs night; right after we had picked out the rings and made reservations on his tux, we stopped at his mom's house to tell her. She says nothing except for you need to call your dad ASAP. I called, he told me I had to come home to the hospital right then and there. She died 3 days later. By the time she died, she had cancer everywhere.

    Which is fuckin wierd, since she had all the cancer test when she hurt her back 5 weeks before. They all came back negative, and she was supposta be cancer free.

    I can't say anything else to make you feel better. I know exactly where you are coming from, my mother and I didn't talk more than "hi" at family functions for well over 5 yrs. Then after Darien was born, we got along better than ever before. I still to this day hate a part of myself for being such a know-it-all bitch that refuse to listen to her. I regret the time I missed with her due to my stubborn nature.

    I actually envy you to tell the truth. You know what' going to happen, and you have the chance to change things, and to get back part of the time you lost. That's one of the only things I would ever take back if I had the chance.

    Good Luck hun, and I'm sorry you have to go through this. If you wanna talk, vnt, bitch whatever; I'm here.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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  11. #11
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    Default Re: One year left to live

    I'm so sorry hon, I went thru a similar situation with my mother. She was sick, we fought all the time, eventually passed away. *6 yrs ago* Spend the time you have wisely, its much better to take your mom out for pedicures or lunch or just spend time with her, than it is to spend time regretting what happened in the past. Its hard, and I often blame myself for things to this day, but I'm glad I used the time I had. *hugs*
    I believe you Dottie and you have my support

  12. #12
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: One year left to live

    I am feeling so angry right now because I sit and remember a certain loser who at one time, pretended to have cancer. Yes you heard me right. Sorry for those who might become offended at this. He was a typical loser who was an outcast in high school, lied a lot to make himself feel like a *bigger* man, and was a big phoney. At one point, he owed me over $1,000 and money to several other people as well. He purposely didn't pay me the money, outta spite because I wouldn't go out with him. That's what his friends told me. But then to get attention from me, he lied and made up a story about having cancer. His stories never matched up. Later, after I figured out he was full of shit and demanded my money, he claimed that he didn't have any money after paying all his "cancer medical bills." HA! So last fall, I sued his ass in small claims court. I put the money towards the deposit for my brand-new sportscar.

    All this, coming from a loser who, as a child, experienced his own father's death from cancer!!

    He also made up lies about fake friends who died from one thing or another. The funniest was the story about "Mandy," his best friend who lived on the West Coast, was a model, but he never had more than one single picture of her. Some model, right? One day I was browsing the Internet, and a dating site pop-up add sprung up, with a picture of...you guessed it, "Mandy"! Here he simply printed out a picture from a dating site, and passed this around saying it was his life-long "best friend."

    Or what about the time he claimed he had a millionaire Uncle Dan, who worked for Nasa, owned multiple Lambourghinis and Ferraris(which this kid raced around for fun when visiting Uncle!), and supposedly commited suicide? One day when I called his house, he lied to my face by saying "Steve isn't here, this is his brother. Steve is in California attending Uncle Dan's funeral." I recognized his voice perfectly!!

    So I sit here and think about how horrible it is for my mom, then I remember this asshole's lies and how loosely he could lie about such a tragedy. It really boils my blood. The phoney has a website: Feel free to spam him. He deserves it for being such an ass.

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    Default Re: One year left to live

    I believe you will feel a lot better about yourself after she passes on if you really spend lots of quality time with her now. A couple of years from now and forever after you will be thankful that you did. Even if you lose some good money-making time, you will be gaining something irreplaceable. Nothing you do now will stop the sadness. We all go through this eventually, but it is a very hard thing to face but you must face it. Do it for your Mom. You'll never regret it.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

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  14. #14
    Moderator unbeleavable's Avatar
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    Default Re: One year left to live

    Cancer can be beat,your mother needs a support group now more than ever.Work on the now not the past.My prayers are with you & your mother.

  15. #15
    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re: One year left to live

    I am so sorry to hear this.I hope through the miracle of modern medicine,she will be able to beat this.I will pray for both of you.

    Mikey,I am also sorry to hear about your situation.I never knew about you.

    *HUGS* to both of you.
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

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  16. #16
    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re: One year left to live

    I'm so sorry to learn of your mother. I will keep you in my thoughts. And yes, family before friends. And speaking from experience, I just lost my grandmother a month and a half ago, please spend as much time as you can with your mother, it will mean the world to you after she is gone.

    Hugs.

    G.


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  17. #17
    God/dess leilanicandy's Avatar
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    Default Re: One year left to live

    It took me a long time to respond to this post! I want to say I am sorry about your mother. I am sorry that you have to deal with the fact you might loose your mother. I say might because brest cancer and overian cancer runs in my family. I have two cousin who survive breast cancer. I had pre cancer in my uterus at 19. Sometimes the doctor guess on how long you have to live might not be accurate. I hope to give you this advice and I hope you share it with your mom. She can't fall into depressing saying I'm going died. You have to think healing so your body can start and contuine to heal it self. She has to keep hope alive, she could also get a second opion it never hurts to do that! It also helps if she was apart of a support group. Do your mom go to church? If she could ask for support from other church member ( like prayer). I was 19 when the doctor told me they had to do some tests to see if i had cancer, he wanted to prepare me and he said chances are it was cancer. I was married and just given birth to my child about a year and two months ago. I always went to the doctor when I suppose to and one day hey I think you have cancer. The emotional stress I went threw, was so much but I had family, friends, and the church. I made it threw itI believe she can too I will pray for you and your mother!
    If you want the present to be differant from the past, study the past.
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    Default Re: One year left to live

    I am really sorry to hear this. My mom died when I was 17. Spend all the time you can being supportative to her while she is still living. You and your family members will need each other for support as well. I would move closer to home if need be for a while. If you need a shoulder to cry on I am here.

  19. #19
    God/dess leilanicandy's Avatar
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    Default Re: One year left to live

    I know this is going to be hard for you and your family, I am so sorry! For your billing for all the service your ma is receiving , some doctors will pay your doctor bill because it is a tax deduction. Check with billing for more information, and maybe customer care. it will be the next time it's time to file taxes. But it best to know where to go in advance. Some doctors will offer you free services.
    If you want the present to be differant from the past, study the past.
    Baruch Spindza

    It is what it is, not what you want it to become, that's important -- at least for now. Today, remember that things worth having are worth waiting for!
    The Stars

    Minds are like parachutes: They only function when open.
    Thomas Dewar

    Dont throw away the old bucket until you know whether the new one holds water.
    Swedish Proverb

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    Default Re: One year left to live

    If there is anything I can do, please let me know
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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