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Thread: So, guys, about your erection...

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    Veteran Member oulala's Avatar
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    Default So, guys, about your erection...

    You might remember me from my "He can't come!" thread, and yes, I have yet another question! Guys and girls responses appreciated. I've had only 2 sexual partners in my life so if this is a normal thing, I don't know. And yes I am still seeing the guy who "couldn't come."

    He does come. And what I've realized is that most times he has to LOSE his erection first, completely stop, and then start it back up again before he comes. Is this not weird??? And he even initiates sex (yes, getting an erection) just to have sex with absolutely NO intention of coming, just for me to come. Is this normal?! It's kind of frightening and is beginning to make me dread sex. I almost want to stop him before we get going to ask him if he wants to come or not.

    Sorry, I'm just very confused, and he says its normal. I mean, I like sex even when I don't come but I guess its mind-boggling that a man would be the same........

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    Veteran Member oulala's Avatar
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    Default Re: So, guys, about your erection...

    Oh, I should clarify - when I say that he needs to lose his erection before coming, I mean he has to lose his erection after we've been having sex for probably 20+ minutes.

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    God/dess Lena's Avatar
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    Default Re: So, guys, about your erection...

    I don't know about the losing the erection part, but the wanting to satisfy you and not needing to orgasm himself is very normal for some guys.



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    God/dess Will's Avatar
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    Default Re: So, guys, about your erection...

    Quote Originally Posted by Lena
    I don't know about the losing the erection part, but the wanting to satisfy you and not needing to orgasm himself is very normal for some guys.
    On what planet?
    A cunning linguist...

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    Moderator unbeleavable's Avatar
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    Default Re: So, guys, about your erection...

    In the past I have wanted to get my partner off without me getting off,but this was done without intercourse.I like the fact that I know what she likes & can bring her to that place.If we were having sex I would definitely want to finish.To get worked up & have to wait 20 min to finish would be to much work,this is not normal.You might want to try to get him to start & finish without him going down with a bj or masturbate with him.

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    Featured Member venusofwillendorf's Avatar
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    Default Re: So, guys, about your erection...

    you have been blessed with an unselfish man. go to whatever house of worship you believe in and drop down on your knees to thank whatever deity you worship.

    as for is it normal? yes. your man is obviously physically capable of acheiving orgasm and ejaculating, so the problem is psychological. he probably was raised in an anti-sex environment, or at least exposed to enough of the propaganda, to internalize some fears about ejaculating. this has actually been studied, and men have reported being afraid of causing pregnancy, sinning, hurting the woman, inferiority, divine punishment, and various and sundry other concerns. a good sex therapist could help him work through his aversion to ejaculating during intercourse, but honestly, it's not that huge of a problem. chances are good that if you stay with him long term, assuring him that you enjoy intercourse with him and are not at all upset by his ejaculations, he'll eventually let go.
    be the change you wish to see in the world....
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  7. #7
    Pamela
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    Default Re: So, guys, about your erection...

    I think i had an ex who kinda was the same way. At times (many) he never came. But we had sex...ALOT and he still made me feel great. He was happy i was happy.

    However he did masturbate alot too, so that will/can make it harder to cum.

    He was a great fuck...damn i miss that sex!

    Pamela

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    Featured Member lunchbox's Avatar
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    Default Re: So, guys, about your erection...

    Quote Originally Posted by Pamela
    However he did masturbate alot too, so that will/can make it harder to cum.
    I would say that is the most common reason, he might have rubbed one out thinking he wasn't getting lucky that night.

    #2 you aren't his type, I dont mean your looks, more like he's a closet case or worse. If a guy keeps his eyes closed the whole time, or never do it in a position facing you, you should take it as an indicator. If you have kids, worry.

    #3 some kind of emotional issue or past trauma that needs therapy.

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    God/dess Lena's Avatar
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    Default Re: So, guys, about your erection...

    Quote Originally Posted by Will
    On what planet?
    This one. Why, do you live someplace else?



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    God/dess Lena's Avatar
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    Default Re: So, guys, about your erection...

    Quote Originally Posted by venusofwillendorf
    he probably was raised in an anti-sex environment, or at least exposed to enough of the propaganda, to internalize some fears about ejaculating. this has actually been studied, and men have reported being afraid of causing pregnancy, sinning, hurting the woman, inferiority, divine punishment, and various and sundry other concerns. a good sex therapist could help him work through his aversion to ejaculating during intercourse, but honestly, it's not that huge of a problem. chances are good that if you stay with him long term, assuring him that you enjoy intercourse with him and are not at all upset by his ejaculations, he'll eventually let go.
    Yep, what she said. All of the men I've been with who've been this way have somehow beleived that male centered sexuality hurts women or isn't nice.



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    God/dess Sirona's Avatar
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    Default Re: So, guys, about your erection...

    Just a thought...

    Sometimes after prolonged or vigorous sex thier penis sort of undergos an overload of sensation which leads to a lack or decrease in sensation. It's sort of how like if you you your vibrator for too long it can turn into a real struggle to orgasm. It's also possible in his attempt to hold of his own orgasm in order to make sure you get off he can't turn it back on, if that makes any sense.



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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: So, guys, about your erection...

    ^ What Sirona said.

    <S> Sirona
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Veteran Member oulala's Avatar
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    Default Re: So, guys, about your erection...

    So many very interesting responses! Sorry this is turning into some sort of sex education class for me. I could ask him but I have my reasons to doubt he would give me an honest answer.

    Quote Originally Posted by venusofwillendorf
    you have been blessed with an unselfish man. go to whatever house of worship you believe in and drop down on your knees to thank whatever deity you worship.
    LOL I hope this is what it is!!

    Quote Originally Posted by lunchbox
    #2 you aren't his type, I dont mean your looks, more like he's a closet case or worse. If a guy keeps his eyes closed the whole time, or never do it in a position facing you, you should take it as an indicator. If you have kids, worry.
    This is what worried me. But he TURNS ON the lights, peeks every now and then, and loves it when I dress up for him, so I'm trying to assure myself this isn't it.

    Damn, it just sounds like there could be so many things and it's just a guessing game. Maybe I should stop analyzing and just try to enjoy it.

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    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: So, guys, about your erection...

    I'd say if you are having fun with the guy, just relax and enjoy it. It might be due to his early sex history--this can set a pattern he is having trouble breaking.

    My first girlfriend was a lesbian, and surprised the hell out of me by asking me out. I really liked her as a person and grew to love her--as should be apparent by the 5 years we spent together. She was very cute, but almost entirely graceless, and rarely dressed in a feminine fashion. Looking back I know that she didn't really make me 'click' with her. No regrets there, though, she was a sweetheart.

    So I never came easily, but we had great sex anyway, other than that. With subsequent lovers I was the same. This pattern continued until I met someone who overcame it, so to speak, lol...

    It's sure as hell not necessary to come in order to have a great time with a woman! Though there are some women who don't like it, most do.

    I don't know about losing the erection completely in order to come, though. But if the sex is good and he just has this one quirk, so what?
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

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    Default Re: So, guys, about your erection...

    Maybe I should stop analyzing and just try to enjoy it.
    Yes!

    My guy is similar, we often have sex where I have multiple orgasms and he has none. At first, it really bothered me because it was so different from what I was accustomed to, but now I don't worry about it anymore. We're both happy, so there's no issue. I still find it a little unusual, but he's pretty special, so it makes sense.

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    Veteran Member oulala's Avatar
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    Default Re: So, guys, about your erection...

    Thanks for your input Djoser. It's good to know sexual chemistry isn't everything. Sometimes I forget that I guess, that while it is important it isn't end all and be all.

    Quote Originally Posted by ARA
    it was so different from what I was accustomed to
    Yep, that's it. I was in a 3 year relationship that was EVERYTHING I knew about sex, and there is no way that man was as selfless as this one is! Tonight I realized how lucky I am.

    Still, those insecure suspicions keep popping up. Why is it so hard to just let go and enjoy it?! Arrgh!!

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