I love to travel! I moved to Australia back in 2003 for a year and after two months I needed more money to travel throughout the country so I started dancing off and on to pay to travel Oz. I loved how dancing gave me the financial ability to do this and it was the only way that I could have. But I think it has messed with my thinking of how to find me the relationship that I am so anxiously wanting to get into.
I've done some self realization lately since I have retired from dancing (I danced off and on for a year, moved home to Canada and danced for a 5 months to get established). Over the course of travelling for a year and a half.....when I was meeting new groups of backpackers and travelling, I quickly found myself getting involved with guys. I would end up having casual sex with them,,,,,we'd part, I'd travel to a new area, meet new people at hostels and end up sleeping with someone else. The cycle continued. Sometimes I wouldn't even be attracted to them after. I started building walls though,,,,I wouldn't let people get too close to me because I know they were only temporary in my life.
But when I moved home I found that I was so lonely and after going to 6 of my friends weddings in a years time I was ready to find a good guy to settle down with. The problem was, I kept the same cycle of meeting guys, sleeping with them early and then they either didn't call again or I quickly decided that I wasn't intersted and moved on. Easier then getting hurt, thus building walls. I think that from dancing I started to think that in order to get a partner to want to be with me,,,I had to be sexual with them. And when you are used to getting naked, if you add that you are attracted to someone, mix in your own comfortableness of being sexual, the sex happened early and I think hurt my chances of developing a solid foundation for a relationship. Over the year and a half that I was away, I feel I was very promiscous. I slept with 13 guys. Since returning home, I've gone from one relationship to the next with the same frustration. I'd sleep with them maybe after the first week, sometimes sooner, then realized that it wasn't meant to be, move on to the next and the cycle would continue with a new guy every other month. I've been home for a year now and this has happened 7 more times!
Can any of you relate to this type of behavior? I think stripping has kinda messed with my ability to relate to men outside the club and I find I do in the only way I know how, by being physical.......Please help


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