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Thread: Maxim's 100 Things You Need to Know About Women

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    Default Maxim's 100 Things You Need to Know About Women

    Which ones do you think are true?
    ----------
    Maxim's 100 Things You Need to Know About Women


    100. Girls enjoy always having something kind of wrong, like a headache or cramping or something. Remember: No matter how bad it sounds, she’s going to outlive you.

    99. Most women will not have sex for the first time with a guy unless their legs are shaved. If your date shows up and you spot stubble, she’s trying to keep herself in line.

    98. No matter how much she reassures you, if you can’t get a hard-on she assumes you’re not attracted to her.

    97. Beware of your girlfriend's single party friend or gay bud. They want her to be single with them and will encourage any bad behavior as often as possible.

    96. Jewelry. Now you always knkow what to get her for a last-minute gift.

    95. The sight of you in your socks and underwear is the biggest turnoff in the world.

    94. Never trust a girl who has no girlfriends. She doesn’t get along with other women because she’s either bat-shit crazy or just plain mean.

    93. Girls who say, “I love sports!” are lying. Girls who ask you what time the game is on, without specifying which game they’re talking about, are not.

    92. A random hookup is more likely to result in pregnancy, because a woman has more sex when she’s most fertile.

    91. She still has all the love letters and cards from her past boyfriends.

    90. Just started dating? Women want you to drive, even if it’s their car.

    89. A girl would prefer to get a $100 gift from Tiffany & Co. than a $500 gift from Fortunoff. Why? Because her friends will ask where she got it.

    88. “If I give you my number on Friday, Tuesday and Wednesday are your best bets to score a date. Monday is too desperate, Thursday is too late.”—Claire, 27

    87. Your female coworkers are obsessed with the fact that on average they receive less pay than male counterparts—and the fact that they work less overtime and get pregnant is irrelevant to the discussion.

    86. Laying a towel down over the wet spot is like putting your jacket over a mud puddle for her, you noble bastard.

    85. A recent study revealed that natural blondes could be extinct in 200 years, so unless she’s Norwegian, her towhead might be bottled.

    84. Sixteen percent of American men have been with a prostitute—scientific proof most women are decent in bed.

    83. Women always want to believe what you’re saying is true.

    82. What do women really want in bed? More blankets. They get colder than men.

    81. The threesome is not about you; it’s about the two girls. If you’re lucky enough to score one with your girlfriend, enjoy sex with the other one because there’s a good chance it’ll end the relationship.

    80. If women have an excuse to take a pill, they’ll take it.

    79. Never trust the woman who gives you the best blow job you’ve ever had.

    78. “I hate when my boyfriend is sweaty and tries to lie down on top of me or cuddle after I’ve come. Wait five minutes.”—Erin, 21

    77. The average woman kisses 79 men before getting married.

    76. She hates your Xbox more than she lets on. Blow her off for some gaming and she’ll soon stop wasting time on a dork like you.

    75. Women who are obsessed with their dogs also like to keep their men on a short leash.

    74. “Girls who buy their men lap dances and pretend to enjoy it are kidding themselves. They’re trying to keep him happy with some controlled freedom.”—Suzy, 31

    73. Over the course of her life, a woman will use 10 men for every one she loves. If you lent her your car or helped her move and didn't get laid, you're one of the 10.

    72. During emergencies, women are likely to remain calmer than men. Though it should be noted that inventing minor crises on a weekly basis gives them more practice.

    71. “Women grow hairs in a lot of the same places that men do—lower abdomen, nipples—we just get rid of them.”—Katie, 26

    70. Unless they’re lesbians, she won’t approve of your hanging out with other girls. Even if they’re ugly. And, really, even if they’re lesbians.

    69. If you have something to hide, she’ll find it.

    68. Eighty-five: The number of males per 100 females in Gary, Indiana, lowest male-to-female ratio of any city with a population of 100,000-plus. The highest male-to-female ratio is in Salinas, California: 114 males for every 100 females.

    67. Kiss her before two dates have gone by or you’ll be “friended.”

    66. They can't live without tension. Every once in a while she's gonna pick a fight with you for no reason. Accept this as a running, inevitable theme and your relationship will make a lot more sense.

    65. The most painless way to end an argument: Let her win.

    64. An online dating service’s survey found that a woman’s ideal man has brown hair and blue eyes.

    63. In the U.S., 21 percent of women ages 18 to 59 hold out for their honeymoon.

    62. A British study claims a woman’s chances of getting married drop by 40 percent for every 16-point rise in her IQ. The same increase in IQ for a man boosted his chances of getting married by 35 percent.

    61. When a woman tells you her problems, she does not want you to offer solutions.

    60. Women often cite manhandling of breasts as the biggest foreplay faux pas.

    59. “When I’m drunk, I can’t come. Not even with a vibrator.”—Lauren, 35

    58. If they're going to do it, most wives cheat between the ages of 18 and 29.

    57. Most women think they’re better drivers than they are. Don’t point this out while she’s at the wheel or she’ll freak and crash.

    56. Women ingest about half the lipstick they apply, which means they eat approximately one to three sticks per year.

    54. A woman might say she just wants sex, but sleep with her for a while and she’ll change her tune. “I’ve known so many women who think they can pull this off, but they always develop feelings for the guy,” says Evie, 22.

    53. According to the American Association of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery, Angelina Jolie’s lips were the most requested celebrity feature among all female patients in 2004.

    52. Despite always complimenting another woman’s short haircut, she secretly celebrates having one less competitor, since men prefer long hair.

    51. Don’t call her “cute.” In her mind it’s the same as “not vomit-inducing.” “Sexy,” OK. “Hot,” yes. “Fucking awesome,” only if she’s at least slightly buzzed.

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    Default Re: Maxim's 100 Things You Need to Know About Women

    50. Women often buy shoes a size or two small because they’re in denial about the size of their feet—which they can’t stand.

    49. They dream of one day peeing in a urinal.

    48. Women know where they stand looks-wise but worry about being considered cool, about which they’re unsure.

    47. According to the U.S. Bureau of Statistics, 23 percent of 18- to 34-year-old women live with their parents, versus 31 percent of you losers.

    46. Women want to talk dirty, but they’re afraid you won’t respect them in the morning. Reassure her that letting go in bed doesn’t make her less classy and she’ll probably go wild. Jäger helps.

    45. Twenty-three percent of this magazine’s readers are women.

    44. A psycho jealous girl will do anything to keep her man—including anal.

    41. If she suddenly cuts her hair short, it might mean she no longer cares what you think of her. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about someone else’s opinion.

    40. About half of all brides will lose a good friend over a ridiculous bridesmaid squabble.

    39. It never hurts to say you're sorry, even if you don't mean it.

    38. Let her beat you at something once in a while—poker, chess, Ping-Pong—and she’ll be more likely to give you what you want, like some peace and quiet.

    37. Women’s public bathrooms are about three times more disgusting than men’s.

    36. “At one point or another, I’ve gone through your things looking for any evidence from past relationships. I’m talking photographs, postcards, mementos, address books, diaries. If you don’t like it, get rid of this stuff before letting me in your apartment. It’s not about trust; it’s about curiosity, and it drives us crazy till it’s been satiated.”—Caroline, 28

    35. Like you, girls hate nothing more than a clingy partner who needs them every eight seconds.

    34. Chick rock strikes a deeply primal chord inside women while simultaneously revolting men. Just sit back and let her sing the Sarah McLachlan or Ani DiFranco song. It’s only about four minutes long.

    33. The average woman owns eight bras and wears each one five times before washing. Shasta!

    32. Girls will not sit on any toilet outside their own home or a five-star hotel. Everywhere else they’re hovering above the toilet in a squat.

    31. Got a new girl coming over? Your (tidy) bathroom should include clean linen, a box of Puffs Plus, and several full rolls of TP.

    30. “Don’t caress our faces while we’re kissing, unless you really, really, really like us.”—Rachel, 21

    29. On a first date, women never order what they really want to eat.

    28. Breast augmentation surgery has grown by 257 percent since 1997. The most popular size? C-cup. As if you didn’t know.

    27. Gain her trust when you’re out by calling her at 10 P.M. She’ll go to bed content you’re thinking of her, even if you’re slurping Jell-O shots off some skank’s cleavage.

    26. Put down the Drakkar and grab a box of Good & Plenty. Women are turned on by the scent of black licorice.

    25. At least one of her friends wants to sleep with you.

    24. A good but flawed man is a fixer-upper gem, and women love nothing more than home improvements.

    23. Every woman is self-conscious about her ass. Tell her you love her ass and you’ll see it more often.

    22. If you want more sex, tell your girl an attractive woman hit on you that day. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.

    21. More than half of surveyed females between 18 and 25 would prefer to be run over by a truck than be fat.

    20. All women think they’re smarter than their partners in some significant way.

    19. The more piercings she has, the more places she’ll let you put it.

    18. Once in a while, let her pick the movie and don't complain about it.

    17. Any good woman will tell ya, honesty is not always the best policy.

    16. Chicks aren’t afraid to get kinky; you just have to have the nerve to ask.

    15. Girls don’t want to date doormats. So make her proud and refuse to give up bowling night with the guys.

    14. Don't take a woman to a concert you really want to see—she'll just want to leave early.

    13. “Women appreciate a big penis, but having one doesn’t give you an excuse to suck at foreplay.”—Elena, 28

    12. Studies show women are more attracted to “macho” guys near ovulation. The rest of the month, they’re drawn to “good providers,” otherwise known as chumps.

    11. She likes one of your friends.

    10. Ugly girls like to hang out with pretty girls because it makes them feel like they're more attractive. Pretty girls hang out with ugly girls for the same reason.

    9. The minute she decides she’s even mildly interested in you, she starts making mental pictures of what your kids would look like and imagining her first name with your last.

    8. Sixty percent of women in the United States color their hair, according to L’Oréal (who are obviously hoping they can peer-pressure the other 40 percent).

    7. Dated a stripper? Keep your mouth shut, stupid.

    6. Rub a sheet of medium-grade sandpaper across your face. That’s your five o’clock shadow when you kiss her. Now rub that sandpaper on your inner thigh. (Mind you, we’re not suggesting you shave.)

    5. Female serial killers tend to use poison rather than guns or knives.

    4. Foghat’s “Slow Ride” is not about a trip in the car. Get the hint?

    3. The one breakup line she’ll never be able to argue you out of: “I’m sorry, but I no longer have feelings for you.”

    2. Buying a present for your girl? She’ll hate it (and you) if she finds out you took along another woman to help pick it out.

    1. You'll probably never know how many guys she's slept with. The standard lie is five. Which really means about 12.

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    God/dess threlayer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Maxim's 100 Things You Need to Know About Women

    Weeks of heated discussions and laughs in there.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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    Featured Member Lizette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Maxim's 100 Things You Need to Know About Women

    Quote Originally Posted by threlayer
    Weeks of heated discussions and laughs in there.
    Maxim: They totally have us figured out. Though, I'd like all customers to pay attention to #60!

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    Default Re: Maxim's 100 Things You Need to Know About Women

    They do have us figured out. Case in point: #32.



    Because there ain't no tits on the radio

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    God/dess doc-catfish's Avatar
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    Default Re: Maxim's 100 Things You Need to Know About Women

    Well, these two certainly go together...

    10. Ugly girls like to hang out with pretty girls because it makes them feel like they're more attractive. Pretty girls hang out with ugly girls for the same reason.

    25. At least one of her friends wants to sleep with you.


    Why is it always one of the ugly ones?
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

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    Default Re: Maxim's 100 Things You Need to Know About Women

    52. Despite always complimenting another woman’s short haircut, she secretly celebrates having one less competitor, since men prefer long hair.
    I knew it!
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

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    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Maxim's 100 Things You Need to Know About Women

    I found the vast majority of it to be bullshit.

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    Default Re: Maxim's 100 Things You Need to Know About Women

    Maxim wants to kill American magazine journalism.

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    Featured Member DSUsb19's Avatar
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    Default Re: Maxim's 100 Things You Need to Know About Women

    I agree with Yekhefah. Where is Maxim's list of 100 things you should know about men? I guess you're just supposed to take it for what it is: a joke about women made in a men's magazine. I'd only say about 10-15 of those actually have a modicum of truth to them anyways.
    *~If you play with reservation, you never play to your full potential.~*

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    In beer there is freedom. In water there is bacteria. ~*

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    Default Re: Maxim's 100 Things You Need to Know About Women

    I think most of it is true but the above replies are attempts to obfuscate.

    Incidentally, this thread indirectly inspired this one:
    You can't love something you think is flawless - me


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    Default Re: Maxim's 100 Things You Need to Know About Women

    Oh, My GOD!! The guys have their own version of COSMO!!

    I always thought that magazine was about video games, movies, electronic gizmos and cars. With photos of hot chicks just to make it all look pretty.

    In next months issue: "Take our quiz to see if she will give oral??"


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    Default Re: Maxim's 100 Things You Need to Know About Women

    Quote Originally Posted by Paris
    In next months issue: "Take our quiz to see if she will give oral??"
    Couldn't you find out faster just by asking?
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

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    Default Re: Maxim's 100 Things You Need to Know About Women

    when is the best time to ask?
    You can't love something you think is flawless - me


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    Default Re: Maxim's 100 Things You Need to Know About Women

    Maxim wants to kill American magazine journalism.
    Oh, My GOD!! The guys have their own version of COSMO!!
    Well said.


    <S> Susan W and Paris
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

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    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Maxim's 100 Things You Need to Know About Women

    7. Dated a stripper? Keep your mouth shut, stupid!

    LOL. I dated a guy who answered, "NO!" when I asked if he told his new girl what my job was. He was a total loser.

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    Featured Member Prester_John's Avatar
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    Default Re: Maxim's 100 Things You Need to Know About Women

    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine
    7. Dated a stripper? Keep your mouth shut, stupid!

    LOL. I dated a guy who answered, "NO!" when I asked if he told his new girl what my job was. He was a total loser.
    Wait a minute, You're a stripper? I thought you were a longshoreman.

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    Default Re: Maxim's 100 Things You Need to Know About Women

    don't like to hover. those seat cover thingies are just fine with me. and yes, everyone had to know this, lol.

    almost none of those things are true in my case. and the only thing any guy needs to know about me is that i absolutely hate empty and broken promises, and will be a total bitch as a result, will drop him in a second and will never look back, unless it is to show him to other girls and to point and laugh from a distance.
    "The herd walks off the cliff because the herd are not a group of individuals - the herd is a mass of followers and followers follow the path of cowardice."

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    Default Re: Maxim's 100 Things You Need to Know About Women

    54. A woman might say she just wants sex, but sleep with her for a while and she’ll change her tune. “I’ve known so many women who think they can pull this off, but they always develop feelings for the guy,” says Evie, 22.
    How damn true. I'm in this situation right now.

    37. Women’s public bathrooms are about three times more disgusting than men’s.
    Had a work mate who cleaned the toilets at one time when I was working at a cafe in a food court (many many years ago) tell me this is so damn true.

    32. Girls will not sit on any toilet outside their own home or a five-star hotel. Everywhere else they’re hovering above the toilet in a squat.
    Except if I am busting to go.. I don't care and will sit down.

    29. On a first date, women never order what they really want to eat.
    What the hell? I do as I always expect the man to pay on the first date. I did on my last 'first date'


    28. Breast augmentation surgery has grown by 257 percent since 1997. The most popular size? C-cup. As if you didn’t know.
    The exact cup size I would go if I ever found the dollars to have a breast augmentation. Just that I would put the dollars towards other uses right now instead of breasts.


    9. The minute she decides she’s even mildly interested in you, she starts making mental pictures of what your kids would look like and imagining her first name with your last.
    Hell no!! I do NOT want children. The second half of that I have been guilty of with previous partners.


    enter: E3167322D9 for your 10% discount

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    God/dess Nautilus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Maxim's 100 Things You Need to Know About Women

    none of my husband's friends are hot at all. he's a leo - he likes it that way. means he's king of the jungle amidst the ugmo's. nothing much for me to look at, or to hook up with my friends.

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    God/dess threlayer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Maxim's 100 Things You Need to Know About Women

    Quote Originally Posted by Sh0t
    when is the best time to ask?
    right after you hand her the fifty bucks
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

  22. #22
    Featured Member Prester_John's Avatar
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    Default Re: Maxim's 100 Things You Need to Know About Women

    Quote Originally Posted by threlayer
    right after you hand her the fifty bucks
    Right after she is finished washing your dishes is a good time too.

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    Default Re: Maxim's 100 Things You Need to Know About Women

    Quote Originally Posted by Prester_John
    Right after she is finished washing your dishes is a good time too.
    Or maybe halftime? But NOT the Fox halftime show..they're just too damn good.

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    Veteran Member MsTopaz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Maxim's 100 Things You Need to Know About Women

    none of them. but then again that's just me...and who am i right?
    why do some people still have to fight to get the same opportunities that are given to others?

    reclusiveness...is a good thing.

    the greatest revenge in the world...is success.


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    Default Re: Maxim's 100 Things You Need to Know About Women

    The target age group for this magazine is young men in tha ages of 22-35. I used to date a guy once who thought that Maxim was the Bible. I do not date him anymore. Nor do I go out with men under the age of 45. Older guys are just what I am into. Younger guys are just to easily influenced by peers and stupid magazines like this. Just to add I do not read cosmo I think it is to superficial.
    "Just because you've seen everything doesn't mean you understand it." Foamy the Squirrel ( www.illwillpress.com )

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