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Thread: Another Relationship Post

  1. #1
    Veteran Member LusciousLyzz's Avatar
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    Arrow Another Relationship Post

    Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 8 months...

    We started out in a weird way.. He needed a roommate and i did too. He moved in, pretty soon we started fooling around and about a month later, we were a couple.

    I quit dancing right before he moved in because I didn't want him to take what I did the wrong way and tell everyone in school what i did, not that it really matters that I danced, but I don't think the whole school needs to know. And i had NO IDEA that he liked me before he moved in, so I didn't know what to expect out of the deal.

    Anyways, about 2 months after we started dating, I told him i use to dance. He was okay with that, a little shocked though. I had gained some weight from eating a lkot of food with him, and discussed losing weight and going back to dancing, he said he would be okay with that.

    Well, now to present day, gained a bit more weight, and now I'm going to join a gym next week to lose that weight.

    But the other day, he tells me that no girlfriend of his is going to be a stripper, and he doesn't want me to go back dancing!

    WTF???

    He's 31, I'll be 23 next month, his longest relationship is 8 months, so if we play the cards right, this will be his longest one. Although he's been engaged twice, both times after like 5 months of dating a girl.

    He hasn't even said "I love you" to me!! Oh, he gave me a "promise ring" at Christmas, and made it very clear to me that it was by no means an engagement ring! WTF??

    What does this mean? Do you think maybe he's just taking it slower with me because he doesn't want to get hurt again? i would talk to him about it, but I don't want to make him think I'm reaching for him to tell me he loves me if he doesn't, or to get hurt myself over it, but then again, if he doesn't care, why would he all of a sudden have a problem with me stripping?

    Ugh! Men!! Any advice??

    Sorry this is so long!!

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Another Relationship Post

    cuz he's being controlling. he seems to be in charge of a relationship. he got away with what you let him, and will keep testing you to see how much you'll put up with. are you ok with being with him for this long and not hearing i love you once? and that ring thing, too...
    "The herd walks off the cliff because the herd are not a group of individuals - the herd is a mass of followers and followers follow the path of cowardice."

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    Default Re: Another Relationship Post

    ps, is he willing to pay your bills if you don't strip?
    "The herd walks off the cliff because the herd are not a group of individuals - the herd is a mass of followers and followers follow the path of cowardice."

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    Veteran Member LusciousLyzz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Another Relationship Post

    Thats a good question....

    Right now, we are both in school and living off of our stipends (student living loans) Several times, I have held jobs for a month or so just to make some extra money, he had said that he would work so I could stay home if I was worried about money, but he never found one that would pay him what he thinks he "deserves to be paid" He lived in North Carolina for a few years and i guess made $15 an hour as a cook there, but here in Portland, OR, even though mimimum wage is higher, there's too many restaurants here and there's a lot of culinary students here since the culinary school is here, so cooks get paid anywhere from $9-$12 an hour, but apparantly that's not good enough for him. He's going to have to get a job eventually, since he's got WAY more student loans to pay off than i do..

    We had discussed moving to North Carolina when we're done with school in a few months, but he changed his mind, even though he had a job offer there. He should be home soon from a job interview for a Sous Chef position at a college about an hour away from here, so we'll see how it turns out.

    He keeps talking about how he wants a rolex and all this crap and I told him that if I were to dance that in a few months, i could get him one, at least one that's a couple of grand, and maybe we could go to Disneyland before my son starts school, but he keeps saying that he can do all of that and get all that money on his own, I don't know how he expects to do that though.

    He knows that i will dance if I want to once I lose the large amount of weight that I gained, but i guess I just wonder why his idea on the matter changed?

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    Veteran Member logan820's Avatar
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    Default Re: Another Relationship Post

    I personally wouldn 't be invovled w/ someone if they couldn 't accept it, b/c i don't want anyone paying my bills, and dancing what i enjoy, it is hard for a significant other to deal w/ and i can understand why, but you have to make your own decisions, you need to find out where you stand w/ him, there is no commitment, i would not let a man decide how i would earn my $$$

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    Default Re: Another Relationship Post

    nothing really changed. if you say he seemed ok in the beginning, but a little shocked, and now is against it - he never was ok with it. but when the relationship is new it's best foot forward, and then he wasn't maybe thinking of you as "his" back then, so didn't care much, who knows... his insecurities are coming out. they were always there.
    "The herd walks off the cliff because the herd are not a group of individuals - the herd is a mass of followers and followers follow the path of cowardice."

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    God/dess GoldCoastGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Another Relationship Post

    Quote Originally Posted by LusciousLyzz

    Ugh! Men!! Any advice??

    Sorry this is so long!!
    Yeh.. go to Ladies Only and read the 40 Things Every Woman Should Know post. You should be able to have your answer then. That list has been of assistance to me more than once and saved me wasting alot of time.

    Don't settle.

    Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

    NEVER give more in a relationship than you are getting out of it.

    Are my top three from that list.


    enter: E3167322D9 for your 10% discount

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    Banned All Good Things's Avatar
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    Default Re: Another Relationship Post

    I'm sure there are very good reasons why you really like this guy. Maybe he makes you laugh, or is a good listener, or is a quiet, gentle romantic. Or maybe he's incredibly hot.

    There are times in your life, though, when controlling, insecure, penniless, reality-challenged men are going to be attractive to you. This appears to be one of those times. It's ok, it happens to everybody, and it's impossible to see it while you are on the inside.

    A secure, supportive partner is not going to frame your decision to dance or not on how it potentially reflects on him (duh). There is way too much of him in the mirror and not nearly enough of you. Or your child!

    He may eventually grow out of this, but in the meantime, please make your decisions on the basis of what is best for you and your child.

    And please, please, please, don't buy him the Rolex if you go back to dancing. The cliche police will have us all arrested!

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    Default Re: Another Relationship Post

    Take it from me...do what you have to do to make YOU happy. Men should share in your life..not BE your life. Set a good example for your child by being strong, confident and independent.

    Good luck with your weight loss!

  10. #10
    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: Another Relationship Post

    The guy is not living in reality. If you take the whole dancing part out of the equation - you can still see commitment problems. I bet he makes enough money to make him happy... but everyone else in the family (you and perhaps even some kids) are on their own.

    And the job situation sucks these days. Ya just got to accept some grovel pay.

    And to tell you the truth, he kinda sounds like a 23 year old in a 31 year old's body. I always wonder about these kinds of relationships because to be honest you would have to be one hell of a mature 23 year old for me to even consider something like that.

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