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Thread: i know i'm married, but...

  1. #1
    Member breezy24's Avatar
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    Sad .....................

    ................
    Last edited by breezy24; 11-13-2012 at 05:46 AM.

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    Banned Blade's Avatar
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    Default Re: i know i'm married, but...

    My advice: Quit dancing and find another profession, if after only about a month you're tempted to stray this is the wrong business to be in as it WILL kill your relationship
    Customers are not dates, they are wallets, they are in the club to pay your bills and nothing more.
    And yes you did marry young, but if you love your man enough to mary at 18 then some jackass with a slick line shouldn't even be turning your head.

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    Default Re: i know i'm married, but...

    Are you kidding? If youre on a diet and you go to KFC...youre sure as hell going to eat the food. Why would you meet someone (and a customer for that matter) for drinks and a maybe later relationship? Um did you forget youre married? Why even consider it?

    Ok enough questions.....
    If you think you married too young then dont end it by cheating on him. Because thats what youd be doing if you went out with this guy. End it by getting out the papers and going through a divorce. My take on this is that you either need to get your hormones under control, quit dancing, or get divorced.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
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    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re: i know i'm married, but...

    In my experience,it's not the job.It's a simple case of getting married WAY too young.This is the first time you are able to see what else is out there and that is making you wonder if you made the right choice by getting married.I would seriously look into your marriage and see if you are truly happy.Then make your decision on what to do.The job has nothing at all to do with it.
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

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  5. #5
    Sitri
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    Default Re: i know i'm married, but...

    It's sort of like buying that cool Chevy Nova and then you start working at an auto dealership and guess what, there are Mercedes, Jags, Porches, etc. And, you want a sports car cause it makes you feel SEXY.

    Just remember that although they look good, they (the cars and the guys) need lots of maintenance and cost alot.

    Dream, but don't give up the dependable Chevy. Oh, and please be environmentally aware and get one with good gas mileage.

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    Member SanPR's Avatar
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    Default Re: i know i'm married, but...

    No matter who you marry, there will always be someone out there who is better looking, with a better job, with more money, more fun, whatever you want, you name it... there are guys out there that are better than your guy... and working in a stripclub you will probably meet more than your share of these guys....

    so when does it stop??? it will certainly become easier. I you leave your husband of 2 years for a doctor who makes 200k a year, why wont you leave your doctor boyfriend of 2 months for a 400k a year stock broker..... then theres that rockstar who was going through town whos a millionaire....

    90 % of what a guy says in a stripclub is bullshit, and the other 10% you gotta take with a grain of salt...

    You are married. Dont cheat. IF you think you married too young talk to your husband and take a break... get divorced even... But dont cheat... You would be amazed who fast that nice guy who just wants to talk all day about life and stuff can turn into a big fat jerk.....

    once you cheat theres no going back...
    nada de eso.....

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    God/dess DancerWealth's Avatar
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    Default Re: i know i'm married, but...

    I don't see it as a matter of marrying too young, I see it as a matter of you are too immature to handle this job and a marriage at the same time. The fact that you are asking this question to a bunch of strangers first and not your husband is proof of that. Talk to your husband first about this issue and work through it.

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: i know i'm married, but...

    I have to agree with DW. I, personally, do not think anyone should be a dancer anytime before 24 years old. But, that's just my humble opinion.

    I "fell in love" every night at work, lots and lots of times. It's part of the job. You "charm" some guy and he "charms" you right back. You take their money and then you move on to the next one. If you are going to make it at all in this business, you are going to have to realize that EVERYTHING that these guys tell you in the club is just a way to get down your pants...and the "newer" you seem, the more they'll try.

    And, just as a side note...I've never met any guy who said, "Just dinner, no sex" who really, really meant it. I've had friends who got into this and when they would leave after an expensive dinner or shopping trip...they would bitch that the guy was all pissed off that he didn't get any.

    And, if you start dating the guys from the clubs...don't be surprised if the other dancers start making it very hard for you to work...or you get fired from the club. Most clubs do not allow dancers to "meet up" with customers. Also remember, that doing so will put you on the radar for extras in the club and for prostitution charges should you ever get caught.

    BTW...undercover police officers will use any and every line to get you to cross the boundaries. Don't break the rules.

  9. #9
    God/dess kitana's Avatar
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    Default Re: i know i'm married, but...

    Quote Originally Posted by TigersMilk
    Ok enough questions.....
    If you think you married too young then dont end it by cheating on him. Because thats what youd be doing if you went out with this guy. End it by getting out the papers and going through a divorce. My take on this is that you either need to get your hormones under control, quit dancing, or get divorced.
    I don't think going out on a business dinner is cheating, but that's just me I guess. Hell, I go out with a few of my reg custys quite often. It's not cheating at all. I consider it more of networking and maintaining good open business lines.

    But that is not for everyone.

    To the OP, you probably did marry too young, but if you really love your husband, then get those feelings out of your head, ASAP!!

    I can understand that you feel that way, I really can. Our business is one in which you are over inundated with sex all the time. It's very overwhelming to say the least. Maybe you need to take a little time off, and see how you feel after that.

    Good Luck!

    ****Oh, Sitri; a 60's model Chevy Nova can be a very sexy thing, and much less functional than you would think, lol. (I'm a big fan of classics!)
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    Default Re: i know i'm married, but...

    It can be hard when you first start out and you're not used to all the attention you are now receiving. What you have to do is separate it. The you at work is all fantasy and that's usually what these guys want...some time with a fantasy.

    If you hooked up with him in a relationship, it wouldn't be any different from the one you already have once he got used to you.

    Just keep it all in perspective. Keep your job but be a little more mature about it. And finding someone else attractive while you're married is normal...it's what you do about it that separates the impulsive, young people from the adults.

    Don't act on whims or impulses.
    Last edited by DylanAngel; 02-24-2006 at 07:12 AM. Reason: spelling

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    God/dess Will's Avatar
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    Default Re: i know i'm married, but...

    Quote Originally Posted by breezy24
    \
    I think i married to young...
    Bingo.
    A cunning linguist...

  12. #12
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: i know i'm married, but...

    Maybe its just me... but ^^^ sounds like youre just trying to tell us what you *think* we want to hear. I dont honestly think within a 6 hour span you went from wanting to go to dinner and "maybe a relationship" with a custy to my man is the best.... etc

    I wont repeat whats been said but....

    If youre thinking this now - at work - I cant help but wonder what happens when you turn 21 and hit the bars with your girlfriends. I honestly couldnt imagine getting married that young but then again who am I to talk - I had a baby at 16....

    You really need to sit down and think about things. Marriage is a HUGE responsibility. The divorce rate it what, 50%? I cant help but wonder what it is for those who marry so young....

    Youre going to want to have fun and party, etc (without your man) - its to be expected but once you start having doubts about your man I think its pretty hard to turn around and have everything be great.

    Dunno - Ive never been married so take what I say with a grain of salt....

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    Featured Member scorpio's Avatar
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    Default Re: i know i'm married, but...

    this kind of things fuels the "strippers are all whores" mentality. You are an actress. Don't get emotionally involved.

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    God/dess leilanicandy's Avatar
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    Default Re: i know i'm married, but...

    Honey do not meet this guy! First all you knew to this jobs. everyman there wants to be with you! Second I find it hard to believe you jump up and married someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with! because you carefully made that decision. Than all of a sudden you get a little attention from guys at your job and you wanna run off with one. don't you know the first three years of marraige is the most hard times of the marriage. My advice to you is to leave any man at the club alone for now! Try and fine out who you are and If she (you) really wanna destroy the marriage. When you cheat on your husband he might not be so forgiving to take you back even if it was only dinner. I don't know your husband so he might not consider cheating going out to dinner with a man you have feeling for! But honey yo need to figure out who you are and what you want before you make big decision, or at least figure out what you don't want! Marriage is a commitment not a style you feel like wearing for today!
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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: i know i'm married, but...

    Quote Originally Posted by onlythebest
    In my experience,it's not the job.It's a simple case of getting married WAY too young.This is the first time you are able to see what else is out there and that is making you wonder if you made the right choice by getting married.I would seriously look into your marriage and see if you are truly happy.Then make your decision on what to do.The job has nothing at all to do with it.
    Nailed it.

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    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: i know i'm married, but...

    Quote Originally Posted by VenusGoddess
    I have to agree with DW. I, personally, do not think anyone should be a dancer anytime before 24 years old. But, that's just my humble opinion.

    ...If you are going to make it at all in this business, you are going to have to realize that EVERYTHING that these guys tell you in the club is just a way to get down your pants...and the "newer" you seem, the more they'll try.

    And, just as a side note...I've never met any guy who said, "Just dinner, no sex" who really, really meant it...
    There are some who can handle it at a younger age, but not many--not without getting changed by dancing while too young and impressionable or vulnerable.

    I have heard so many stories from naive women (even some who were remarkably savvy otherwise) about all the amazing, phenomenal things some rich guy (who was going to set them up in business, of course) had done. It always struck me as being too good to be true, or if possibly and largely true, a thinly disguised bragfest.

    And of course the guy would make the same offer to another woman, or even an intelligent, talented guy--even if they weren't wearing three square inches of fabric, and hadn't just taken that tip dollar with their tits...

    I'd have to say the same about marriage, too, at the tender age of 18--it's too young. But then some can pull it off. I just think in this day and age, it's way too young.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
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  17. #17
    Veteran Member Shayden's Avatar
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    Default Re: i know i'm married, but...

    Could it be that your experiencing some marital problems? Maybe your looking for what's missing from your marriage in a custy that's showing you lots of attention and affection?

    I'm not saying that IS your problem, just curious because that's what happened to me.

    If your only a month in your job and your already meeting all these guys that you think your falling out of love with your husband, then something is definitely wrong, either your job or your marriage.

    You probably didn't marry because you thought it would be fun, I think you need to step back from the situation and reevaluate. Infatuation will cloud your judgement.


    Let me tell your from experience. I've never found any guy in the strip club any kind of enticing. It's my job and I love my guy. It's completely separate for me.

    Then it happened, hubby and I were having problems at home, just flat out arguing all the time. I was so depressed because we fought so much. I was so desperate for any kind of affection that this guy I met in the club when I was dancing in Phoenix threw my world into chaos.

    I even went as far as to ask some of the girls on this site for advice. And I will tell you, no matter what they say, you will do whatever you've already set your mind to do. If you are so interested in this customer you will probably use any excuse to see him. Curiousity.

    And I did cheat and I'm definitely not proud of it at all. I DID NOT sleep with this guy, if that's what your thinking. But in my mind I had already emotionally checked out and was totally with this new guy. And that's just as bad as physically cheating in a marriage. I regret what I did everyday.

    I did try to talk to my guy about it. It didn't go over very well. In my opinion I don't think many people take kindly to hearing their spouse has feelings and wants to see another person. That's enough to crush anyone. We tried to fix what I had done and our situation, but the emotional blow had already been dealt. Even though he knew I didn't do anything with the other man, he couldn't even look at me.

    So I left him for the other man, and TWO DAYS after I left my affair ended. I was so shaken by my leaving that I couldn't even begin to have another relationship with someone I barely knew right off the bat. I wouldn't sleep with him and he kept trying to tell me that he "wanted to share the most intimate act with me". I said no and he fucked another stripper that night in a hotel. (Nobody give me shit, I never said what I did was my best decision! We've all had our weak moments.)

    It took a long time in marriage counseling before we were "ok" with each other and frankly after typing this on the computer it sure as fuck sounds like he shouldn't have even looked at me again. He's told me he feels like it was his fault for pushing me away emotionally. I don't know how I could EVER had done that to him. I regret it everyday. We're doing wonderfully now, it's been a long time since it happened but he'll never forget. And neither will I. But ever since our counseling we've never been quite as happy as we are now, but let me tell you it was a long, painful, hard road to reconcile.

    Just because it looks great on the surface doesn't mean it will be that way underneath. And you should never throw your marriage away on some fling. If you feel your marriage isn't working then get divorced, solely based on your relationship with him, not based on your feelings for some guy you hardly know.
    When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail!

  18. #18
    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: i know i'm married, but...

    Quote Originally Posted by Shayden

    ...And I did cheat and I'm definitely not proud of it at all. I DID NOT sleep with this guy, if that's what your thinking. But in my mind I had already emotionally checked out and was totally with this new guy. And that's just as bad as physically cheating in a marriage. I regret what I did everyday.

    I did try to talk to my guy about it. It didn't go over very well. In my opinion I don't think many people take kindly to hearing their spouse has feelings and wants to see another person. That's enough to crush anyone. We tried to fix what I had done and our situation, but the emotional blow had already been dealt. Even though he knew I didn't do anything with the other man, he couldn't even look at me.

    So I left him for the other man, and TWO DAYS after I left my affair ended. I was so shaken by my leaving that I couldn't even begin to have another relationship with someone I barely knew right off the bat. I wouldn't sleep with him...

    (Nobody give me shit, I never said what I did was my best decision! We've all had our weak moments.)

    ...But ever since our counseling we've never been quite as happy as we are now, but let me tell you it was a long, painful, hard road to reconcile.
    Thank you, Shayden, for having the courage to come forward with this story...

    I certainly won't give you shit, and yes, I have had weak moments too, even if I have a fairly good track record with being faithful to those I have loved.

    I think it's admirable you didn't sleep with the guy, and look what happened--you found out what he was really after, after all.

    It would be a hard thing to hear about, and I'd probably bail instantly upon hearing something like that, lol. Your husband is apparently a better man than I am, though--and more power to him! Best wishes to you both.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
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  19. #19
    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re: i know i'm married, but...

    You're lucky to have a good husband and the job you want, both at the same time. So many girls would love that.

    And like some have said here already, those guys that want to take you out & stuff...ONLY want to bang you & that's it. It's like a needle in a haystack for a entertainer to be with a good guy.

    Think about it. I wouldn't let go of a good man for a guy who wants to just fuck me and that's it. But if you're unhappy to be with your man, don't let the club be the reasoning.

  20. #20
    God/dess threlayer's Avatar
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    Default Re: i know i'm married, but...

    Wonder how many big mistakes one can make before age 21?

    Wrong mindset and wrong profession. Maybe wrong age too. Hope you can work it out maturely. Talk to some mature people you trust. I hope you take Shayden's story to heart.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

  21. #21
    Veteran Member Feiticeira's Avatar
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    Default Re: i know i'm married, but...

    Wow Shay, that was an eye opener of a story. I hope others in similar situations heed your words.

  22. #22
    God/dess krchab99's Avatar
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    Default Re: i know i'm married, but...

    NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE TAKE IT FROM ME THE GRASS IS NOT GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE ACTYULLY YOU WILL FIND THE GRASS IS DULL AND BROWN ON THE OTHERSIDE. I have been there and thank god i am married to my hubby still. please pm me i will be glad to share my exerinance with you i think you need to hear it. as a matter of fact i will give you my number and i will talk to you.

  23. #23
    Featured Member lizlizliz's Avatar
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    Default Re: i know i'm married, but...

    this is why (most) 18 year olds shouldn't get married.

  24. #24
    Veteran Member Feiticeira's Avatar
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    Default Re: i know i'm married, but...

    Exactly.

  25. #25
    Veteran Member Shayden's Avatar
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    Default Re: i know i'm married, but...

    I rarely ever talk about it.


    It's heart wrenching for me just to talk about it here.



    The thing I remember the most about it, is not the bubbly giddy feeling for the other man (classic case of infatuation) but the absolute despair I felt every morning, waking up by myself. Knowing that every time he said he didn't want to be with me anymore, I knew it was because of me. It killed me.

    I was truly blessed for my second chance.
    When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail!

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