View Poll Results: What should I do?

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Thread: At a crossroads.

  1. #1
    Yekhefah
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    At a crossroads.

    Don't know what to do with my life. I'm sick of the movie business and Los Angeles is killing me. I don't want to give up on my dreams, but I hate my job and it's not bringing me any closer to anything I want to do. Ultimately, I'd like to be a filmmaker and teach film at a university. I have a Master of Film & Television and I love the academic environment. I don't want to wash out of the industry and be a quitter, but I can't take much more of this job and I can't take much more of L.A.

    So, should I...
    1. Stay in L.A. and tough it out. It can only get better.
    2. Go back to school in the U.S. and get a PhD or another Master's degree, then look for a faculty position.
    3. Go back to school in Australia, where I was happy while getting my first Master's degree, and look for a faculty appointment there, and live with hardly ever seeing my family again.
    4. Teach English in China, Thailand, or Korea, then come back and try again in the movie business. Maybe all I need is a vacation.


    What do y'all think?

  2. #2
    Featured Member Lyssa Lynn's Avatar
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    Default Re: At a crossroads.

    While it is important to have dreams and plans for the future, give yourself the what if... what if for whatever reason this is your last week on earth. You need to remember to live life to the fullest and be happy in the present. Take a vacation, enjoy yourself, when you get back you may have a better perspective on things. Good luck!

  3. #3
    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: At a crossroads.

    Whenever I'm at one of these crossroads, I always go for a change. I know I won't be happy with the situation when I come back from vacation either In fact, a vacation will just show me how UNhappy I really am.

    Not sure that going back to anything is a good idea. It's not for me. People always tend to idealize what we had in the past, especially when the current situation is tough.

    I wish you luck - I'm kinda wavering on something myself just now.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

  4. #4
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: At a crossroads.

    I can't really afford a vacation, in the traditional sense. I have a good bit of debt, mostly medical bills and my living expenses from times I've been between shows and unemployed in Pricey Los Angeles. But I could take a year off and go teach English in Asia, which I've always wanted to do. I almost went to China to teach for a year when I was 19, and I never did. Maybe I should do it now. I hear there's great money teaching in South Korea though, so I could do that too.

    Then again, if I went back to Australia for another degree, I already know I'd be happy there, and I could dance there. I won't dance in China, Korea, or Thailand! And they speak English in Australia too, so I wouldn't have to worry about being in a foreign country with an unfamiliar language.

    Then again, it would be a good opportunity to learn another language.

    I don't know. It's looking like it'll be one of those two options though. Narrowing it down...

  5. #5
    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: At a crossroads.

    Well,

    I have been in your shoes but in a different way. Like IT/Technology, the movie business has seen a lot of offshoring and outsourcing - I mean look at all the shit they film in Vancouver and Romania. Hollywood is no longer the center of the movie world - and L.A. isn't either. Special effects - pretty much have moved to San Francisco (ILM/Pixar) unless you are talking about Trauma Film type stuff. So if they are rarely shooting in LA, and rarely doing SFX in LA, and you want to do that stuff - you have to seriously plan on leaving LA. It is pretty much a walled garden for the elite in my opinion.

    (Plus the snootie-ness factor is just horrible. Underage kids able to drive up in limo's and go drinking, rich brats, recreational drugs, everyone gets chased out of a bar or restaurant for some celebrity "now girl" or "now guy" - ugh - disgusting lifestyle in LA and I post on a stripper board - that should say something!)

    I can honestly say I am paying some of my bills by making movies. No, they aren't those kinds of movies - but they aren't first run movies either. They are basically industrial training films.

    I have been quite impressed with what I have been able to pull out of my little Apple (well, OK, not so little Apple.) Back in the 80's when I went looking for editing tools - holy shit - $50,000 just to get in the door! Now I can do for $3,000 and some change for what $50,000 cost back then... and it looks nice (I rarely have camera sequences though... that I am gonna have to put some more money into.)

    What I am saying, is I'm back in the game - and I am getting checks for it.

    There is so much opportunity out here, but you have to go out and create it yourself. The whole idea of "get a degree, send out some resumes, make a couple shorts, get hired" just doesn't work anymore and I hope you are not doing that.

    But look, just a couple of days ago someone linked us to some VW commercials. They didn't make TV. People actually wanted to see them (I mean clever is clever no matter what.) And ya saw them ... on the internet. I really think that the internet is going to be the next thing. Yea, 90% of it is shit, but 90% of everything is shit.

    My first movies were shit - I knew they were shit - and now I realize how horrible they really were - but hey, practice makes polish.

    Go make a few shorts simply for yourself. Find the fun and the thrill in it again. Maybe you will get something to shop around a little.

    I think the movie business is quickly becoming a spare bedroom, home office kind of business - except for the big things. But guess how much writing, editing, and legal work is done from the home office on even the big shows?

    You are creative - go out there and create... and think about how to create opportunity for yourself!

  6. #6
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: At a crossroads.

    That's the thing, Deogol. I'm so caught up in the studio system and the business end that I have no creativity left. I try to write, and get stuck on every line because I'm thinking, "Okay, that new character is going to cost a minimum of $700 a day, so is there anyone else I can give that line to?" I can run a small production office with one eye closed, but the inefficiency and studio bullshit are driving me crazy. And the directors and producers are all making a fortune for doing nothing but causing problems. It's not just making a movie anymore, and I hate that I've lost that. I never wanted to hate this business.

    And yes, they are shooting on location more often now, but not often enough to make it viable to live anywhere but L.A. Key personnel are expected to live in L.A., and they're flown on location now and then. I've gone on location a couple of times (never as far as Romania though), but it's not regular enough to where I could make a living doing film work anywhere else.

    As far as features are concerned (and features are what I do; I suck at TV and corporate), Hollywood is still the center of the universe. Sometimes I like that. Right now I really don't. There are things I like about Hollywood, and I'll remember it fondly when I leave, but it's really having a negative impact on my health.

  7. #7
    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: At a crossroads.

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah
    That's the thing, Deogol. I'm so caught up in the studio system and the business end that I have no creativity left. I try to write, and get stuck on every line because I'm thinking, "Okay, that new character is going to cost a minimum of $700 a day, so is there anyone else I can give that line to?" I can run a small production office with one eye closed, but the inefficiency and studio bullshit are driving me crazy. And the directors and producers are all making a fortune for doing nothing but causing problems. It's not just making a movie anymore, and I hate that I've lost that. I never wanted to hate this business.

    And yes, they are shooting on location more often now, but not often enough to make it viable to live anywhere but L.A. Key personnel are expected to live in L.A., and they're flown on location now and then. I've gone on location a couple of times (never as far as Romania though), but it's not regular enough to where I could make a living doing film work anywhere else.

    As far as features are concerned (and features are what I do; I suck at TV and corporate), Hollywood is still the center of the universe. Sometimes I like that. Right now I really don't. There are things I like about Hollywood, and I'll remember it fondly when I leave, but it's really having a negative impact on my health.
    You've listed a lot of reasons for staying in LA in this post... I can't remember how long you've been there but perhaps toughing it out -- at least for a while longer -- would be a good idea, just for the experience... e.g. isn't it better that you are thinking about the fact that a new character will increase the cost of making the picture?

  8. #8
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: At a crossroads.

    No, it's not better at the writing stage. I need to just write and tell the story, and then worry about trimming the budget afterwards. I can't write a budget; I need to write a story.

    I've been here two years. I have friends who have been in this business for eight years and still have nothing whatsoever to show for it. I'll be 27 this year; I don't want to turn thirty in three years and still be sharing an apartment with three other people and living on Top Ramen!

  9. #9
    God/dess GoldCoastGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: At a crossroads.

    I chose number 4 as "a change is as good as a holiday"... cliche yet so very true. It can not only open us to a whole new set of experiences and enrich us as human beings (not just human doings)... it usually will allow you time and some objectivity (as you have taken yourself away from the situation tempoarily) so you can make real decisions.

    That's just me tho'. I am not you. In the end, only you will know which choice is best for you.

    Personally, I want to be a human being not just a human doing


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  10. #10
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: At a crossroads.

    Quote Originally Posted by GoldCoastGirl
    Personally, I want to be a human being not just a human doing
    I've never heard that line before. That's genius!!

    I agree with you. I'm strongly leaning toward the Asian option, and am looking for a teaching job now. I could go as soon as June, maybe! I'm really starting to look forward to it. I've always wanted to do this.

  11. #11
    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: At a crossroads.

    I've been here two years. I have friends who have been in this business for eight years and still have nothing whatsoever to show for it. I'll be 27 this year; I don't want to turn thirty in three years and still be sharing an apartment with three other people and living on Top Ramen!
    I have two friends that have had the exact experience you're talking about with regard to LA. One of them went back to school and is going into federal law enforcement and is much happier for it, despite the years she'd dumped into trying to get real, steady work in LA. The other...still grinding it out in LA.

    After twice interviewing for my dream job in my last year at grad school, and being subsequently rejected, I'd decided to go out on my own IT venture; it's going pretty well, all things considered. Aside from being my own boss and being able to do business with my ethics and values, going this route will also allow me to apply for PhD candidacies. In this same way, the English teaching option has real value to you--it gives you the flexibility to pursue the options that avail themselves to you, of which you might not currently be aware, not the least of which is returning to school for a PhD.

    People say you can always return to school later (usually these people have never been to school themselves, oddly enough), and while that's true, it's not the same when you're older--for a variety of reasons.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

  12. #12
    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: At a crossroads.

    Taking a break sounds like a good idea--then you'll have time to figure out if you want to plunge back into it again. Could you do academic work in Australia, dance there, and yet still teach maybe short term English courses in nearby countries?

    Also, if your going to be writing screenplays, couldn't you travel occasionally to LA to pitch them effectively? Maybe the other kinds of film work would be impossible or very difficult without living there, but you could still do that, couldn't you?
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
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  13. #13
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    Default Re: At a crossroads.

    Have you considered working in the industry in another town, somewhere where you could work in it but not deal with the stress of L.A.? If you still have a passion for the industry, perhaps you should go to graduate school in another town where you can work on films and enjoy a change of pace. SF, NYC are options but probably just as stressful; Austin has a pretty vibrant scene and a good film school.

    The people I know who successfully made good films weren't based out of L.A. until after they'd had some success; I think in part this is attributable to their ability to work outside the mainstream of the industry.

  14. #14
    aussiepunkshocker
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    Default Re: At a crossroads.

    You always sound like you want to be over here. I'm not sure what opertunities there are for film makers here or the tv industry in general but you'd definatly be excaping the hustle and bustle! I'm a big fan of relocation, I think it's a good thing to do but sorry thats about all I can say (-:

  15. #15
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: At a crossroads.

    Thanks, everyone!

    It's starting to look like South Korea. I'd rather go to China or Thailand, but the pay is so much better in Korea that I could pay off my debts in one year and have plenty left over for living and souvenirs. I'm still researching, but a year in Asia sounds like the right medicine, I think! And I'll come home with scripts and start calling in my contacts to try and get them made. I may even come back to resume production work, who knows. We'll see when I get back.

    I'm feeling very excited and a little scared. Korea!!??

  16. #16
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: At a crossroads.

    Hmmm...ultimately, you'll need to do what you are HAPPIEST doing. Don't worry about the other details...they'll always work themselves out.

    Sorry, that wasn't much help. But, it's always worked for me.

  17. #17
    aussiepunkshocker
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    Default Re: At a crossroads.

    I would love to go to Korea! Everyone I've met from Korea has been lovely! You could probably squeese in a visit to the other places from there anyway! It sounds great - good luck!

  18. #18
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    Default Re: At a crossroads.

    Yekhefah, we've taken similar paths. I graduated with a Bachelor of Fine Arts (and debt), moved to NYC and worked in costume/set design for Broadway shows and Hollywood movies. There would be a string of 15 hour work days then absolutely no work once the shows opened. I accrued more debt trying to hold on through the lean times of "following my dreams" (I remember running into a coworker trying to do the same thing who had sublet his apartment and was sleeping in the hall). After two years I realized not only was I completely exhausted and barren of creativity I couldn't even afford to enjoy what NYC had to offer.

    I was so torn between hanging on and putting up the good fight (a la "Fame") or getting the hell out. I had a friend who was heading out West and wanted a driving companion so I sold everything I owned (which wasn't much) and went. It was there that I discovered stripping and began to work my way out of debt.

    A few years later I returned to NY for a wedding and was sort of dreading seeing old art school friends who had stayed and persevered. I was so surprised when one of them, a succesful illustrator, told me how envious she was that I'd left the city. Because she had "made it" and and had good clients she felt she could never take the chance to leave, even though living somewhere in the West was one of her dreams.

    After some major hard knocks in life and burning out on dancing I decided to follow another dream, teaching English in Asia. I went to Japan, I had a pretty miserable job and placement which was terribly disappointing, but I did love Japan, and the experience deeply shifted my life. I originally planned to teach in Japan and return to get an MFA and teach Art in a University. I discovered though, that I didn't really like teaching. What now?

    Some of the hard knocks I mentioned were being ill so much of the time I was dancing, surviving a fire, and seeing my mother struggle with MS. Through all of that I discovered I had a deep interest in the healing arts and a compassion I hadn't quite noticed before. I got certified in Thai massage, yoga, and am now working on a Masters in Ocupational Therapy.

    The most amazing thing is that by diverting myself away from the pressure to survive on my artistic talent my creativity is now on fire. I no longer have to concern myself with "what sells". I've started to really enjoy making art again in that unconscious way that I did when I was 6 years old.

    I'm ten years older than you now. Looking back I understand that what an artist truly needs is not to live in the same city as all the other artists, but a deep well of experiences to draw from. That is where creativity is born, the passion to express what you've experienced in this life.

    I wouldn't encourage getting another Masters right now because you'll end up in so much more debt, but that's just me. Debt is horrible for anyone but I think even more so for artists, it's hard to create something new when you're being crushed by the old, not to mention the unlikelihood of having an income that will pay it all off.

    If you decide on Korea do a ton of research, I know people who have worked for companies and never got paid, and another couple who broke their contract and had to sneak out in the middle of the night. I'm not trying to be at all discouraging about your plan! I was so excited to go to Japan I didn't want to hear anything negative, but it would have really helped if I had heard some other perspectives.
    Have you been to http://eslcafe.com ?

    Despite my so so experience teaching in Asia I would absolutely still take that chance. Good luck in your decision!

  19. #19
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: At a crossroads.

    Wow, Shakti, what a great post! Lots of excellent points. And yes, I've been reading and reading the ESL Cafe forum. There are so many wonderful stories but a lot of horror stories too, which is scary.

    You are absolutely right about this business crushing out all creativity. I haven't been trying to make a living at my art, I've just been running production offices, but that takes so much out of me that I've lost my art.

    Thank you so much for sharing.

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