View Poll Results: Can you really be 'just friends' with someone you are in love with?

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Thread: Can you really be 'just friends' with someone you are in love with?

  1. #1
    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Can you really be 'just friends' with someone you are in love with?

    It's a well-known scenario: you are in love, but they want to be 'just friends'... of course you already are friends, but can you maintain a friendship like that?

  2. #2
    Featured Member DSUsb19's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can you really be 'just friends' with someone you are in love with?

    I did it with my best friend back home for 2 years. I fell hard for her, but she just wanted to be friends. Over time, we became very close best friends. She got very comfortable around me and we would spend the night at eachother's houses and it turned out she had several habits that bugged the batshit out of me. Now we're still very good friends and while I still love her as a friend and person, I have no desire to be with her, and am no longer in love with her. It can happen, it's just very hard.
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  3. #3
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    Default Re: Can you really be 'just friends' with someone you are in love with?

    I can not and don't try to do it. Once it is clear to me romantic avenues are closed, I become very scarce.
    You can't love something you think is flawless - me


  4. #4
    Featured Member WiseGuy_TX's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can you really be 'just friends' with someone you are in love with?

    Yes, but i have to keep some seperation in our relationship to help keep my feelings and sanity in check.
    "Peter, did you take Stewie to a strip-club? He smells like sweat and fear." - Lois and Stewie (Family Guy) ... "Through early morning fog I see, Visions of the things to be, The pains that are withheld for me, I realize and I can see..."

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Can you really be 'just friends' with someone you are in love with?

    I'm sure some people could do it, but I couldn't.

  6. #6
    God/dess FrustratedBunny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can you really be 'just friends' with someone you are in love with?

    I'm hoping so. I have a bf that I love to death and don't want to lose as a friend but I don't really think I want him to be my bf anymore. I can't stand the thought of losing him from my life but I also don't think he's the right bf for me. I don't know if it's going to work like I want though because I don't think he's going to want to be just friends.

    I had a friend that would break up with guys and then stay friends with ALL of her exes! She was really good friends with some of them. It was so weird.

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    Default Re: Can you really be 'just friends' with someone you are in love with?

    It's possible. It sucks. And it's easiest when you *aren't* in close proximity with them.... close being, oh say, anything within driving distance or a reasonably-priced plane ticket.

    I know. I've been more-or-less "just friends" for 10 years now. I'm fine as long as he and I are not within a 3-state radius of one another. Really. I am. Honest.

    ~~McCain

  8. #8
    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can you really be 'just friends' with someone you are in love with?

    Nope.

  9. #9
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Can you really be 'just friends' with someone you are in love with?

    No. It is possible to be friends with someone you USED to be in love with, but if one or both parties is still in love, friendship is not possible.

  10. #10
    Cally
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    Default Re: Can you really be 'just friends' with someone you are in love with?

    Actually my ex and I loved echother but after time it became more of a friendship love, we are best friends, like brother and sister now. It was hard at first but now we talk all the time. Hes going to DJ my wedding for free

  11. #11
    Featured Member Tiff_7_17's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can you really be 'just friends' with someone you are in love with?

    What a good topic!
    I'm hoping so with this most recent breakup of mine. I've done it before with people I've loved (or still did love) and there are only two exes of mine (one had another girlfriend at the same time, and when I found out it was bye bye, and another was just a crackhead...and no I didn't know at first) that I don't speak with anymore on a regular basis. Other than that I am still in contact with pretty much everyone I ever dated seriously or semi seriously, some more than others.
    I honestly don't think its that wierd, they are an important part of your life. If they are infringing upon your ability to move on in life and experience other things (or other people) then it isn't a good idea, but if they aren't...then why the hell not? It hasn't always been easy, but with time i've always seemed to be able to find a place in my life for these people and still consider them important to me and yes, friends.

  12. #12
    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can you really be 'just friends' with someone you are in love with?

    I'm going through this exact same ordeal. My ex and I (my second girlfriend) have gotten really close other the last 7-8 months. We started talking when I was 19yrs old ( 3 1/2yrs ago) but we didn't last very long because of the distance. Anywho, we always kept in touch. Last month was the first time we'd actually ever met in person. It was awesome! We enjoyed ourselves and had alot of fun.

    My problem is that I want to be with her, as in marriage and she wants that too. BUT she feels like since we are both 22yrs old, that she is not ready to committ to me. She told me "I still want to have my cake" <---Yup she actually said that shit to ME!!

    So I told her that I would be a fool to just be her "lover/friend" and accept her dating and having sex with whomever girls she sees fit. She suggested that I do the time, but like I told her, I know where my heart is. To make a long story short, I told her I didn't want to talk to her as much (we were talking daily, for hours) because that would just seem like I was being her gf anyway. She cried, I cried, but a woman's gotta know her worth ya know!!







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  13. #13
    Senior Member dolliest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can you really be 'just friends' with someone you are in love with?

    I had to say yes, because I have pulled it off, but by God it was rough sometimes. I fell so completely for one of my friends, but she didn't feel that way about me. she was very nice about it all, and very respectful of how felt, which just made me love her more sometimes.
    I had to run a super tight check on myself, making sure I didn't try and push her too much. It took a long time to find a comfortable spot. She's still my dearest friend, and if she ever changed her mind I'd run right into her arms.

    On the other side, I've had it destroy a friendship, but that had more to do with the way in which that person used me. Once she figured out I'd do anything to stay close, she exploited it.
    So I guess it really depends on the people.
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  14. #14
    Veteran Member TarynJolie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can you really be 'just friends' with someone you are in love with?

    I don't think it will work when only one person wants to be just friends at least not right away , maybe down the line but even then I have my doubts.

  15. #15
    Veteran Member Phedre's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can you really be 'just friends' with someone you are in love with?

    No. When you are in love with someone and they don't reciprocate those feelings all it does is cause one person to put more into a relationship that isn't going the way the wish it would and they usually end up taking out the heartache on themselves by continuing to try to hold on to something.

    I was sooo in love with my ex, even after we broke up I would make any excuse to call him or see him or hear his voice or feel his arms around me. I lowered myself so much that I'd give anything to have even the smallest part of him in my life. Even knowing that the feelings were no longer mutual..... it fucking tore me apart.... but I had to have him in my life.... the only way I got thru it (well maybe still not completely thru it) was to stop ALL contact with him or anything to do with his life. Maybe someday when I feel like I am completely over my love for him I could try to be friends.... I would like to think so but I don't see it happening because I still feel like I will always love him and continue to compare others to him.

    How long was it that people say it takes to get over a breakup, half the time of the relationship or twice the time???? It feels like twice the time of the relationship.
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  16. #16
    Featured Member DSUsb19's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can you really be 'just friends' with someone you are in love with?

    I feel like if you started out your relationship as friends, then one person fell and the other didn't, it's possible because eventually you stop being "in love" and just love them as a friend. That's what happened in my case. As for being "just friends" with an ex or someone you were with romantically and it didn't work out, no way. When I break-up with someone, it's complete. Over. No more contact at all. All being "just friends" does in make the "friendship" between the two people awkward and throw a monkey wrench into future relationships. My ex would constantly talk to her ex's who would always try to say things to get her to dump me and get back with them. Pissed me off to no end. So, I guess my answer is yes with stipulations, and no with stipulations.
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  17. #17
    Veteran Member Cristalla's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can you really be 'just friends' with someone you are in love with?

    i said yes but i d have chosen the option depends if u added it

    in fact depends on the personalities of the two people involved...

    how much they can handle frustration ...

    how strong is the feeling ...

    is not a yes / no question....

    but in my case i d try , knowing that at least being close to the one i love would be better than no contact/talk at all.... even it d hurt like a bitch...

    then once the feeling changes - things always change- maybe a friendship could be possible

  18. #18
    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can you really be 'just friends' with someone you are in love with?

    Quote Originally Posted by DSUsb19
    I feel like if you started out your relationship as friends, then one person fell and the other didn't, it's possible because eventually you stop being "in love" and just love them as a friend. That's what happened in my case. As for being "just friends" with an ex or someone you were with romantically and it didn't work out, no way. When I break-up with someone, it's complete. Over. No more contact at all. All being "just friends" does in make the "friendship" between the two people awkward and throw a monkey wrench into future relationships. My ex would constantly talk to her ex's who would always try to say things to get her to dump me and get back with them. Pissed me off to no end. So, I guess my answer is yes with stipulations, and no with stipulations.
    Yes, I think it is very different if you were never a couple than if you were... almost two different questions.

  19. #19
    Veteran Member LusciousLyzz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can you really be 'just friends' with someone you are in love with?

    i couldn't do it! If i have strong feelings for some one, and I see them out with some girl, I would get so jealous and sad!

  20. #20
    Featured Member thechaosfairy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can you really be 'just friends' with someone you are in love with?

    It worked for me. My strategy was letting the person I was crushing on and his SO both know early on that I was soundly in love, but would absolutely respect their prior attachment. There had to be some physical closeness to not make everyone insane, but we were all three the kind of friends who gave intimate hugs and sometimes kissed each other on the lips. (I wound up with a proto-crush on her too in there.)

    The situation risked unbalancing on a few occasions, but none of the "bumps" threw the friendship apart, and we're still all keen on each other -- they came to my wedding and we see each other a couple times a year even though we no longer live nearby. (And now that I'm married, I'm much more able to be in love with other people and not do anything about it: I already have one of the things I used to need, want, and not be able to get, which is a shared bed/household and frequent affection.)

  21. #21
    God/dess blondhottie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can you really be 'just friends' with someone you are in love with?

    Quote Originally Posted by LusciousLyzz
    i couldn't do it! If i have strong feelings for some one, and I see them out with some girl, I would get so jealous and sad!
    Same here...I would say no.

  22. #22
    Moderator yoda57us's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can you really be 'just friends' with someone you are in love with?

    Yes, it is possible but not in all situations and not for all people. Being able to pull it off requires a fairly selfless streak. You care about someone enough that you want them to be happy. Even if it isn't with you.
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  23. #23
    Veteran Member Miss Courtney's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can you really be 'just friends' with someone you are in love with?

    I couldn't, it was too hard for me, but I'm sure some people can do it.

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