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Thread: What to do?

  1. #1
    Senior Member easy_e's Avatar
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    Default What to do?

    Hi, I'm new to this site, apologize for not introducing myself previously. I have a problem, not expecting any miraculous solution, just feedback. After a lengthy hiatus (5 years) I returned to the strip club scene wiser (I thought) and with a much larger disposable income. At first it was incredibly fun and exciting, the girls and waitresses all fought over me, told me I was good looking, cool to talk to, etc. and I even had some activity OTC. I really didn't spend much money, maybe 100-300 a night at most. Good fun for reasonable $$ as far as I'm concerned.

    Here's the problem, if you haven't already guessed. I've become infatuated ( ok, in love) with a dancer with the usual abusive deadbeat loser husband/boyfriend they seem to gravitate to. I simply can't say no to her, she has my phone # and almost every time she calls I end up going to see her. I know she's using me, sometimes she gets significant cash from me for absolutely nothing or just to cry on my shoulder. It pisses me off big time that the $$ I give her goes straight to mr. thug BF so he can continue his non-working druggie lifestyle of doing nothing for her except occaisonally beating the shit out of her and destroying any gifts I buy to help her with her job (body mist, outfits, etc.). BTW he knows about me, has met me and basically hates me and is extremely jealous of me.

    I already know what to do-stop seeing her NOW. As crazy as it sounds, its going to hurt a lot and already does. It will be the second hardest thing I've ever done. (the first was leaving an 18 year marrriage to a beautiful and severely disturbed woman, not a stripper BTW) I've lost my power and turned from a semi-player to a PL,
    so go ahead and slam me and tell me how stupid I am. Sorry this post was so long, I guess I'm just venting.

  2. #2
    Featured Member bikinigirl04's Avatar
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    Default Re: What to do?

    you answered your own question.....

    getting involved with someone who is already married/in a relationship is bad news, whether she's a stripper or not.

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    Veteran Member kdogg247's Avatar
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    Default Re: What to do?

    Sorry to hear about your problem. It's a hazard of being a strip club junkie. You're just gonna have to bite the bullet and move on.

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    God/dess doc-catfish's Avatar
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    Default Re: What to do?

    1. Cut off the money, cold turkey, every last cent. No dances, no drinks, no stage tips, no nothing. Now and forever.


    2. If she calls you, go for the Hail Mary and give her an ultimatum. Tell her to dump the loser pimp BF and go out with you instead. It seems you're no longer interested in getting anything from her that you would pay money for anyway.


    3. Invest in a dependable firearm in case number 2 doesn't go over so well.


    4. If you're the risk-adverse type, skip number 2, but get yourself a gun anyway. If you've met the loser pimp BF, then you're already too involved.
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

  5. #5
    Member born_looser's Avatar
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    Default Re: What to do?

    What club is this? I promise I don't have a thug boyfriend, I love body mist, and I know I bet can win your heart, Mr. easy. I'm a nice girl. Nice and loose.

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    Member nikki2florida's Avatar
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    Default Re: What to do?

    Are you fucking her?

  7. #7
    Senior Member easy_e's Avatar
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    Default Re: What to do?

    Thanks to everyone for their responses, I know what to do, I was mainly just venting.

    Doc:
    you are 100% right on no.1
    as far as no. 2, we've already been out, had a great time together, but she "just can't leave him".
    no.3 is a damn good idea, for self defense only, and the meeting was a poor idea brought about by her (and my) poor judgement and LOTS of alcohol.

    Bikinigirl:
    thanks for your response, but how many people do you know (with rudimentary social skills, minimal psychiatric medications and at least average appearance) that are NOT in a relationship of some kind? And I don't judge people by what they do to pay their bills, so I don't care if she's a stripper, a wall street stockbroker, a preschool teacher or the biggest whore on 3 coasts, it doesn't change my feelings one bit.

    Kdogg:
    I agree with you 100%. Furthermore, when and if (ok, when) I return to the strip club scene, I have now added the following rules that I will impose upon myself:

    1. I will not give out my phone number
    2. I will not have an ATF or be anyone's regular
    3. I will not even ask if they are in a relationship-it doesn't matter
    because from now on my only intention is to have FUN in the club.
    4. I will never,ever get involved in their personal life
    5. I will not do favors such as buying the DJ, manager, or waitress drinks, or
    getting dances from their friends because "they haven't made any money"
    that night.
    6. I am there for myself, to have spend money and have fun and not to be
    the nice guy(PL). If it's not happening in one place, there's lots of clubs
    where I live.

    Thanks again for the responses, you have helped me out a lot.

  8. #8
    Senior Member easy_e's Avatar
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    Default Re: What to do?

    nikki2: we have fucked (i prefer the term "making love") once in 3 months. BTW it was incredible for both of us. And she has the sweetest pussy I've ever tasted.

    born looser: I like your username, lets just say I'm in south texas since I don't know where you are and I would love to find someone that would let me spoil them and shower them with unlimited drinks, $20 stage tips, 10-20 dances per night, new outfits and designer body mist (my favorite is obsession). It's all about having fun as far as I'm concerned.

  9. #9
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: What to do?

    Okay, how about this? Stop trying to run this woman's life. What she does with her money is not your concern. Her relationship is not your concern, and contrary to popular belief, abused women (if she is actually being abused and you're not just padding your story) do not need a man (or anyone) to rescue them. We have police for that. I realize that they are people and frequently men, but context, okay? They need to learn about their own self-esteem, not leap from one controlling relationship to another.

    As for ultimatums - tee hee, good luck. That is the beginning of a very healthy and equal relationship. Plus, she clearly doesn't like you. You said yourself that you knew she was just using you. For her to start putting up with you full time, you'd better be pretty wealthy.

    "Cut off the money" - well, do what you want with your money. It is yours after all. But I wouldn't do it just to punish her because that is stupid and controlling. If you just don't want to spend it anymore that is perfectly reasonable.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

  10. #10
    Senior Member easy_e's Avatar
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    Default Re: What to do?

    Jenny
    You are way off base. I'm not trying to rescue her or run her life. I made the mistake of becoming too involved and I'm trying to walk away from someone I care very deeply for. If you have ever done that you would know that it hurts, even if it's for the best.
    Cutting off the money is an excellent idea because A) I'm not having fun anymore and B)if she still wants to talk to me without $$$ involved that would indicate that she is interested. And just because she's using me doesn't me she "clearly doesn't like me", it simply means she's doing her job, which is to take my money. The two are not mutually exclusive.
    I have no interest at all in playing games to "punish her", I just think she deserves to be loved and cared for by whoever she's with, whether it's me or not.
    Your comments about abused women reflect a simplistic and unrealistic attitude.
    I've seen the bruises, and it makes me mad. Very mad. No woman, or man, deserves to be physically abused no matter what they do. This girl, like many others in her situation, is terrified of her abusive BF and is afraid he will find her and beat her worse than ever if she calls the police or goes to a woman's shelter.
    The only thing you are right about is that she does need to find her self esteem on her own, and not be in a controlling relationship. Easier said than done. I'm not trying to control her at all, I've simply offered my help in any way posssible with no strings attached
    and that offer will stand as long as she has my phone number. But I thank you for your comments anyway. Perhaps we can agree to disagree.

  11. #11
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: What to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by easy_e
    If you have ever done that you would know that it hurts, even if it's for the best.
    Dude, I have no self control. I would never do that.

    Cutting off the money is an excellent idea because A) I'm not having fun anymore
    Well that is an excellent reason, as I said before. But you can understand that guys who try to use money to control a dancer's life might rub me the wrong way.
    And just because she's using me doesn't me she "clearly doesn't like me", it simply means she's doing her job, which is to take my money. The two are not mutually exclusive.
    Certainly not. But you don't call up people you like and just ask them for money. You might call up customers you like and ask them to come to the club or whatever, but you wouldn't just call them and ask for money. And - take it from a dancer who will cop to dating the customers - one can like customers as customers, and enjoy them and their company and still not want to expand that beyond customer relationships. However if you DO, if you "like" your customers, you don't keep them as customers. In other words, if she was interested in you romantically she wouldn't be taking your money. That would be really weird and really unusual.

    I have no interest at all in playing games to "punish her", I just think she deserves to be loved and cared for by whoever she's with, whether it's me or not.
    Well good. I'm very pleased.

    Your comments about abused women reflect a simplistic and unrealistic attitude.
    Uh, nay. These are the ONLY realistic attitudes - and this is years of shelter experience talking. My attitudes are simple, not simplistic and are perfectly and painfully true. I know what it is like to want to "save" someone, and I certainly know what it is like to be angry about abuse. And I could tell from 20 paces that if this story is true you are in NO position to help her. You ARE in an excellent position to exploit her.
    I've seen the bruises, and it makes me mad. Very mad. No woman, or man, deserves to be physically abused no matter what they do. This girl, like many others in her situation, is terrified of her abusive BF and is afraid he will find her and beat her worse than ever if she calls the police or goes to a woman's shelter.
    So she wants to leave him, but feels she can't? Or doesn't want to leave him? If it is truly fear - in which case he would doing more than "occasionally" slapping her around give her my email. [email protected]. I doubt I am wherever you are, but I can find someone who is. She will come over, hold her hand, pack her things while the guy isn't home and remove her to another state if necessary. If there are no children there should be no complications. One thing about being a dancer is that you can do it anywhere. Her options are not him or you. If she is ready to go and simply feels that she lacks options (which is wildly unlikely for women in this industry, considering how easy it is to get cash work; they stay because they are not ready to go) there are many people who spend all day and night doing nothing but PROVIDING those options. Frankly, I think you're making this up.
    The only thing you are right about is that she does need to find her self esteem on her own, and not be in a controlling relationship. Easier said than done. I'm not trying to control her at all, I've simply offered my help in any way posssible with no strings attached
    I'm sorry, what help are you offering? Because you already said you were cutting off the money (which is fine, you can, but still, it's really the only thing you can give her, strings or no). So how are you available to help her? She can come and live with you? Because that seems real stringless. Like what can you do for her that doesn't involve strings? Can you find her an apartment out of town? Can you help her relocate within a day? If you really want to be helpful give her money for first and last.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

  12. #12
    Featured Member GenWar's Avatar
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    Default Re: What to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by easy_e
    Furthermore, when and if (ok, when) I return to the strip club scene, I have now added the following rules that I will impose upon myself:

    1. I will not give out my phone number
    2. I will not have an ATF or be anyone's regular
    3. I will not even ask if they are in a relationship-it doesn't matter
    because from now on my only intention is to have FUN in the club.
    4. I will never,ever get involved in their personal life
    5. I will not do favors such as buying the DJ, manager, or waitress drinks, or
    getting dances from their friends because "they haven't made any money"
    that night.
    6. I am there for myself, to have spend money and have fun and not to be
    the nice guy(PL). If it's not happening in one place, there's lots of clubs
    where I live.
    Whoa, now hold on there. These are some pretty harsh rules and I think you are going a little overboard.

    1. Why not? There is no need for a complete elimination of using your phone. The phone can be a very powerful tool for maintaining a perfectly respectable, professional dancer-customer relationship. It is not the boundary that you are trying not to cross, it is what happens on the calls and your reactions to them. Don't blame the phone.

    2. Again, the rule isn't fair. I am a regular of several dancers and I have an ATF. All of them, especially the ATF, are the picture of professionalism. They would never abuse the contact info they have for me. I can't even imagine them calling me to ask for money (though I get the odd call telling me how much I am missed, which is just more of the SS I am getting in the club.) Your problem again is not in being a regular. It is in having that status abused because you have chosen the wrong dancer. Don't blame the status.

    3. I also think this one is over the top but, you know what, go with it. While I don't see a need to forbid this question, I can't think for the life of me why it would be pertinent information. So by all means, forbid away!

    4. ding-ding. We have a winner.

    5. Wait, you are doing these things FOR the dancer? That may be a problem in itself, more than the actions. This is a business relationship. In all business relationships, I strive to create a mutually beneficial partnership. Both sides should win in the agreement and neither side takes precedence over the other. So, yes, do things for your dancer, if you view them as a WIN to you. Because YOU want to. If you hate the DJ and she loves him, don't do a damn thing for him. YOU hate him, remember? OTOH, if the music is so good that it distracts from the naked ladies (I've had it happen), then by all means, buy the man a drink. But do it because YOU want to. Look out for #1. Trust me, the dancer will look out for herself.

    6. Again, I take issue, as a self-professed PL. But the message is the same as #5. I WANT to be a PL, I LIKE acting like the nice guy. The dancers I frequent understand that about me and know how to work it. They do not abuse it with sob stories about horrid boyfriends or past due bills. Indeed, as far as I know, none of them HAVE any bills, as I sure as heck haven't ever heard about them. If being a PL is your thing, as it is mine, then don't forbid it. Just use your head and keep clear of anyone who thinks that your desire to be the hero is something to be taken advantage of. Being a PL does not have to equate to being taken advantage of, if you don't let it.

    I like rules. I have 15 of them that govern my strip club interactions. But be careful with them. If you make them to harsh or restrictive, you will just ignore them and they will be meaningless. But if you design them right, and ingrain them into your strip club persona, they can be as effective as a sober wingman at preventing you from doing something stupid. I don't know how many times I have been tempted to break one of my rules and stopped, because of my trust in them, only to realize I was saved from a very big mistake later. I also cannot count the times I have ignored them and regretted it. Rules are NOT made to be broken; not if they are made right.

    Happy Clubbin'

    -gen
    "See, believe it or not (and I don't care whether you do), it's never been about the sex. I get sex at home, anytime, and we like it, and it's good for both of us. No, my stripclub experience has been about acceptance, and affirmation, and desirability...There have been some women who have a personality that just clicks with mine, and in the faux-sex atmosphere of the club, it's a mix that is completely seductive." - Jay Zeno

  13. #13
    Moderator yoda57us's Avatar
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    Default Re: What to do?

    Everything Doc said,

    and....Dude, you lost your power the minute you got involved in her life beyond paying for dances. Just get the hell away from the situation, and the club if you have to, before this guy who hates you decides to hurt you. You are in way over your head.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

  14. #14
    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: What to do?

    What Doc said.

    Your SC rights should be revoked until further notice by the Board of SCJs.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

  15. #15
    Senior Member easy_e's Avatar
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    Default Re: What to do?

    Well, at least this board does not ignore newbies! I feel much better, just got back from a VERY relaxing 1 hour massage, my how it clears the mind.

    All of you (except Jenny) are correct and I appreciate your feedback. To sum everything up, the whole situation is of my making, I've created my own problem, and as everyone (except Jenny) has said, all I need to do is bite the bullet and walk away. And my SC rights SHOULD be revoked, and WILL be voluntarily until I get my shit together.

    Genwar, my rules are unnessesarily harsh and I am overreacting. You are far more advanced than me-I bow to your greater intellect and experience.

    Yoda57, I'm not afraid of what the BF would do to me, I'm afraid of what I would do to a woman beater and the consequences I would have to pay. But I am in way over my head.

    Jenny, I don't want to spar with you but you completely misunderstood my post. I am going to walk away from her - I am trying to stay out of her life, not get into it.
    I already know I'm wrong for letting things get this far. I'm not trying to save her or exploit her, I just care about her. I have no idea where you get the idea that I want her to live with me, I never said that. If that did happen, I am quite sure that Mr. Thug would not let go of her without someone getting hurt or killed. And you simply don't have enough information to make an informed judgment about this girl's situation. As a matter of fact, my no strings offer is to relocate her to another town where her parents live where she has the oppportunity to start over, and I would never be able to see her again. Sounds pretty much stringless to me. Do you understand the word "altruism"? It means I want the best for her without regard for my own feelings. (it's not my parents fault - I was born this fucked up).

    As far as your conviction that she is not romantically interested, again you simply don't have any idea of what has gone on between us and the experiences we have had together, and I wish you were right because that would make this whole thing easier. I give her money at the club because otherwise I would be wasting her time at work when she could be making money. Although I am not a stripper, I have clients who are also friends but I expect them to pay for my professional services and not freeload during my working hours. Now OTC is a different story, not talking about play for pay, just socializing and spending time together. Guess what-she doesn't ask for money for that.

    The bottom line is that we are both far better off apart from each other than with each other, and not only do I have to walk away, I have to convince her of that because she will not be happy to hear that its over. I tried to do this before and she broke down in tears (if she was acting, it worked) and I was too soft hearted to go through with it.

    Anyway, I was just trying to think this through and all the responses have helped me out a lot-even you, Jenny. I think this board is cool and I appreciate and take to heart everything that's been said.

  16. #16
    Moderator yoda57us's Avatar
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    Default Re: What to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by easy_e
    Well, at least this board does not ignore newbies!
    Ignore em' hell no, we feed on fresh meat!

    Quote Originally Posted by easy_e
    Yoda57, I'm not afraid of what the BF would do to me, I'm afraid of what I would do to a woman beater and the consequences I would have to pay. But I am in way over my head.
    Yes, you are in way over your head. You are also assuming that good will always triumph over evil. Six bad psycho guys in a strip club parking lot will always trump one good hearted PL with the right intentions. Please be carefull, I'm not kidding here. She wants your money, she's not worth getting hurt over.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

  17. #17
    Senior Member easy_e's Avatar
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    Default Re: What to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us


    Please be carefull, I'm not kidding here. She wants your money, she's not worth getting hurt over.
    You are right. My objective is to stay completely away from her club and all others for a least a month, so I have a lot of activities planned to keep myself busy and avoid temptation. That way my money stays in the bank, my physical being remains intact, I stay out of prison and I give myself time to get past this.
    I'm trying to maintain my sense of humor but this could be deadly serious.

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    Default Re: What to do?

    Hey Easy - you're in S. Texas? If you're in Corpus, we should go hit the clubs together....I'll keep you safe

  19. #19
    Senior Member easy_e's Avatar
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    Default Re: What to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by SassyMom
    Hey Easy - you're in S. Texas? If you're in Corpus, we should go hit the clubs together....I'll keep you safe
    SassyMom, I'm about 2.5 hours or less away from you by car, I'd love to hit the clubs in Corpus with you some weekend after I come out of exile in a month or so,
    as long as you promise to keep me safe and not get me too drunk and take advantage of me. I can trust you, right? BTW I am a parent also.

  20. #20
    Moderator yoda57us's Avatar
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    Default Re: What to do?

    One of the ways I've learned to avoid getting caught in the middle of full metal stripper shit is to go to many clubs and have many favs. Strip clubbing is supposed to be fun. I love talking to my favorite ladies but, honestly, If they start dumping psycho drama on me (which most of the time is just one more mechanism for getting your money) there's a damn good chance they won't be a fav for long.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

  21. #21
    Senior Member easy_e's Avatar
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    Default Re: What to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us
    One of the ways I've learned to avoid getting caught in the middle of full metal stripper shit is to go to many clubs and have many favs. Strip clubbing is supposed to be fun. I love talking to my favorite ladies but, honestly, If they start dumping psycho drama on me (which most of the time is just one more mechanism for getting your money) there's a damn good chance they won't be a fav for long.
    That's basically what I WAS doing until I let my PL emotions get the best of me.
    Today is day 2 of my self-imposed exile, I'm trying to make it though this month without a single SC visit. When I go back it will be for one purpose only: having fun. If my favs are there, thats fine, if not-maybe I'll find some new ones, and keep it light this time.

  22. #22
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    Default Re: What to do?

    1. Your problem isn't the fact that she is a stripper.. it's the fact that she is a woman who is using you for attention.

    If she was a school teacher you would be in the same situtation, her being a stripper in this case makes it no difference.

    you have to understand... do you REALLY know what goes on in their relationship... believe it or not, all total assholes as women call them, are they way for a reason, and if not, they aren't anywhere near as bad as their GF's make them out to be.

    SHE LIKES THE ATTENTION AND THE MONEY YOU GIVE HER FOR LITERARLY BEING ATTRACTIVE


    The first time any dancer starts telling me about her assholish BF or how she gets beat up, I won't spend another dime on her.. what good can come out of it? Even if you end up with her, odds are she has issues you coudln't even imagine or just as bad, an EX that thinks YOU are the problem.

    Also, how can you tell everyone on here that they are wrong and one person they are right? If you knew, you wouldn't be asking this question in the first place. It's like you weeded though all the shit to get the one answer you wanted to hear, ignoring the masses of other answers telling you to run for the hills.

    You have a fundemental issue with WOMEN, not strippers. Learn how to handle, well not "handle" in the sense of control, but understand women before you ever step foot in a stripclub or you will be milked dry only to provide a steel sholder to cry on and coke money.. and not the kind you buy out of the machine

  23. #23
    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: What to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by easy_e
    Here's the problem, if you haven't already guessed. I've become infatuated ( ok, in love) with a dancer with the usual abusive deadbeat loser husband/boyfriend they seem to gravitate to. I simply can't say no to her, she has my phone # and almost every time she calls I end up going to see her. I know she's using me, sometimes she gets significant cash from me for absolutely nothing or just to cry on my shoulder.
    Why? I mean, what is it about this girl that makes her so special? She isn't nice to you, obviously... why are you in love with her?

  24. #24
    Senior Member easy_e's Avatar
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    Default Re: What to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by songofthesword
    .

    Also, how can you tell everyone on here that they are wrong and one person they are right? If you knew, you wouldn't be asking this question in the first place. It's like you weeded though all the shit to get the one answer you wanted to hear, ignoring the masses of other answers telling you to run for the hills.
    If you read the entire thread, you will see that I am agreeing with everyone except Jenny, and I am, in fact, running for the hills, hence my self-imposed exile.
    Are you related to Jenny? Because you both somehow got the complete wrong impression about what I was trying to say and jumped to all kinds of conclusions without nearly enough information to support them.
    I do have a fundamental problem with women, which is simply that I try to get their approval and attention by trying to please them, rather than living life on my terms. But hey, I'm working on it. So we agree on that point.

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    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: What to do?

    ^^^
    Honey, I didn't get a wrong impression. I just thought different parts were important.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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