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Thread: just not interested

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    Default just not interested

    Hi,

    I'm not a regular strip club goer and typically only go in groups with others as part of a bachelor party or special outting.

    If sometime during the evening, I'm not interested and want some alone time to sit by myself and just have a drink, how can I politely turn down dancers without getting them offended when I just say "Sorry, I'm not interested"?

    Somehow I believe they take this the wrong way to believe that I'm just not interested in them.

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    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: just not interested

    Honey, we tend to think - and this is not out in left field - that a strip club is NOT the best place to come, and sit by yourself for a drink. I mean, if that is what you want, why go to a place where you know that people are EMPLOYED in chatting you up and selling you things? I mean, if you are in a party you are not really sitting along enjoying your solitude, so I don't get your point.
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    Default Re: just not interested

    Go to a regular pub and have some alone time. Then when you want company go to the strip joint!

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    Default Re: just not interested

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny
    Honey, we tend to think - and this is not out in left field - that a strip club is NOT the best place to come, and sit by yourself for a drink.
    This is true, but it seems to me that he's asking advice on how to take a break. He's looking for a way to say he's not interested at that very moment, but "without making them think I am just not interested in them."

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    Default Re: just not interested

    Generally, I would not go to the strip club if I didn't plan to participate with everyone else; but sometimes you just want a break during the evening and to be able to have a drink in private.

    It would be nice if there were a subtle way to let dancers know your not interested instead of having to say "No, thank you." or "I'm not interested" every two minutes they walk by your table.

    It bothers me when some of the dancers take this personally and develop an attitude toward you just for saying no. I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but I'm there to have a good time, not get an attitude from them.

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    Default Re: just not interested

    "Maybe later."

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    Default Re: just not interested

    Quote Originally Posted by SportsWriter2
    "Maybe later."
    Sorry, "maybe later" is not an appropriate response if you are "just not interested".

    Howabout, "I'm not ready for company at the moment, but I will find you later if that changes."

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    Default Re: just not interested

    If you are not interested just politely say you are not interested in any company. I've been saying it for 20 something years and no dancer has ever shot me, dropped dead from the shock of rejection or spontaneously combusted. Some have flipped a little attitude, one called me a fucking a-hole but most just say thank you and walk away.

    Life is complicated. Saying no to a dancer is not. Just be polite about it.
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  10. #10
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    Default Re: just not interested

    Leave and go out to the local lounge. That's what bars are for.

    Gee, what if I'm in a bar and I don't want a drink, what should I do?
    Leave and go sit in your car.

    What if I'm in a car and I just want some quiet time?
    Park it in the garage with the engine running.

    AAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGG

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    Default Re: just not interested

    Yeah, not for nothin', if you want to sit for more than 10-15 minutes alone, then an SC's not for you today. We have guys come in and sit and look for hours who want nothing more than to enjoy the show without paying the performers. It's rather like sneaking into a movie without paying for it. Technically, you can get away with it but it doesn't make it right or fair.

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    Default Re: just not interested

    You also might consider going to different clubs if you are getting a bunch of attitude from the dancers. Most dancers are used to rejection, because not every dancer is everyone's type - it's just the way it is! I think that the most annoying thing is to say, "Maybe later" (unless you actually mean it) or something vague like, "I'm good". Just say "no thanks", and most dancers will politely move on.
    It is probably natural for most girls to not have an overly happy response when you say no, but it could also be that you are misreading them. They could just be thinking about how they are going to make a graceful exit, and who they can ask next.

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    Default Re: just not interested

    That's a good point. I received five 'come back later' last night. Two became yeses, two were head games and one I timed wrong and someone else got him. Maybe when you're tired and mellow you should pick a smaller club so you aren't bothered and we're not bothered.

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    Default Re: just not interested

    When guys say that to me, I think that they want a free show and that makes me mad, because I don't get paid by the hour. You can drink anywhere, like the other people were saying.

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    Default Re: just not interested

    Sit at the bar. If girls still pester you while you're at the bar and won't take no for an answer, find a different club. I know lots of strip clubs where half the guys in the place are sitting at the bar alone because that's what they want to do. Maybe that's all they can afford. Every club has customers like that.

    As far as the "maybe later" goes, I once became a regular of a girl who I said that to the first time she approached me. I almost always say that the first half hour or so I'm in a club because I like to sit and relax for awhile and look over the talent before moving on the participatory activities. Sometimes "maybe later" really means maybe later.
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    Default Re: just not interested

    If you want a drink for 10-15 minutes with noone coming up to you, go sit at the stage for a while. Don't forget to tip.

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    Default Re: just not interested

    Its interesting hearing the different opinions of everyone here.

    Some believe, its okay for me to take a short break as long as I'm honest in my response and not waste any of the dancer's time.

    Others believe I'm obligated to participate 100% no matter what I'm doing.

    For those that believe that I should be participating all the time, how do you treat guys who are in the middle of eating something they ordered on the menu? Do you wait until they are finished or do you make them stop eating and order a lap dance? Just curious.

    Also, I'm sure many of you know this, but what does the club cover charge pay for anyway?

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    Default Re: just not interested

    That one depends on the state. In Jersey the guys sit at a big bar that surrounds the stage. Some like to take time to eat, some like to share their food 'want some fries brown sugar?' Others keep right on tipping and ogling and will leave their food in desperation to go to the couch room or champagne court before someone else swoops in. The later you wait you have to get in line to get a dance. We actually have a guy who uses the food to attract us because he knows most of us don't eat at work. So he'll come with a big bag of candy or order wings and glasses of champagne and wait. Dammit! He gets me every time In my SC club it's more formal so they tend to hang out until they're full. If we're clicking I'll hang out until they're ready. If the food is there before I am I come back. Better safe than rude.

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    Default Re: just not interested

    Quote Originally Posted by Optimist
    Some like to take time to eat, some like to share their food 'want some fries brown sugar?'
    You are a mess. I would assume I'm the only one (besides you) who finds that funny







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    Default Re: just not interested

    You have to remember that dancers and customers look at strip clubs entirely differently. A customer, unless he has a regular dancer with whom he's buddies, doesn't much think about or care who gets his money, whether it's the club or the dancers. He looks at how much fun he has and how much he spends in total and if he thinks it's worth it he returns. To him the club and the dancer are one and the same, it's a single set of transactions with a single entity.

    But to the dancer it makes a huge difference whether the customer spends money on the club or on her. To her it's two totally separate transactions with two different entities. So when a customer pays an admission charge and is buying overpriced drinks, he may think that entitles him to watch a show. But the dancer doesn't see it that way at all, she thinks if he's watching or even in the room when she takes her clothes off he should be willing to give her some money.

    Picture yourself trying on shoes in a shoe store. You might spend half an hour with the sales clerk trying on shoes. But if you don't find any shoes you like do you feel obligated to buy some anyway? After all, you've taken up a good deal of the clerk's time and he's probably on commission. Shouldn't you feel obligated to compensate him for his time? That's absurd, isn't it? Yet that's how some strippers expect you to behave in the club.

    You're the customer, it's your money. You shouldn't ever feel obligated to spend it unless you want to and feel that you're getting your money's worth. If club management is happy to have you sit drinking without you spending anything on the dancers, and in my experience they all are, then you should feel free to do so. If the girls don't like it, their anger should be directed at club management, not at you. You're doing what the club allows you to do.

    Personally I tip girls on stage who I think are doing a good job, and I usually enjoy having an attractive dancer join me, and I either buy some private dances or I tip her for her time. But that's me, there are plenty of other guys who don't do that, and as long as that's OK with club management no one should have a problem with it. Think of a restaurant: most restaurants make little or nothing on their food, practically all the profits come from the bar. So in a sense the drinkers are subsidizing the nondrinkers. But the nondrinker are covering some of the overhead, and if it weren't for them the restaurant would have to charge higher prices. Same with a strip club, some customers spend more than others but all are contributing to the club, and even if the dancers aren't getting anything from some of the customers they still benefit indirectly because those customers help cover some of the overhead and that allows the club to exist and prosper.
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    Default Re: just not interested

    It's a bit more like walking in the shoes for an hour and then saying you want to be left alone. You'll freak out and annoy the salesman and he'll probably ask you to leave. What's worse for us is we sell a look at our bodies not a lump of Italian leather. Dudes will come in, view the show for three hours, and not want to tip a buck much less buy a dance. Dudes will come in and fondl every girl who comes by half to death and not want to tip a buck or buy a dance. Would you go into a restaurant, say you're interested in the dessert tray, finger the pastries then say I want to be alone? I have the right to feel put off by someone taking advantage. I don't have to be unconditionally nice to someone taking advantage. You teach people how to treat you. If you sit there all night receiving no compensation you're a jackass. A guy who says there's no value in talk is a liar because he just showered, left his home, drove miles, and paid a cover charge for it. So it's worth a lot to him. He's just a ******* who wants to get a freebie. If you speak up and stand up you can get paid.

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    Default Re: just not interested

    Quote Originally Posted by FONDL
    That's absurd, isn't it? Yet that's how some strippers expect you to behave in the club.
    I'm sure you understand that this comparison is not entirely fair. The shoe salesman is selling you a product that you derive no benefit from until you actually buy it. But the dancers are selling a service; specifically, entertainment -- visual entertainment, mood, atmosphere -- which presumably you are enjoying, unless you are sitting at the bar wearing a black blindfold with your back to the stage and your face buried in your hands.

    You should be expansive in your generosity to the dancers who set this mood. Really. Even from a purely selfish standpoint, any cost-benefit analysis based strictly on laps or CR's is sure to lead you into to a dead end or a less-than-stellar experience.

    Quote Originally Posted by FONDL
    If club management is happy to have you sit drinking without you spending anything on the dancers, and in my experience they all are, then you should feel free to do so.
    As a customer, you're free to spend as you wish. But speaking for myself, the day I let club management define my spending with dancers is my very last day in the strip club.

    I'm sure you know that club management and dancers not only operate largely independently, but they often operate at cross-purposes (crazy, I know). There are usually two independent cash streams in the club, one running to the dancers and the other to the club. There's wide variability in how much clubs try to tap into dancers' cash stream, of course. But to establish your spending relationship with dancers on what management accepts or defines strikes me as nuts. They have different objectives. And let's be clear, as much as I get along with club management, it's the people I'm having dinner (or breakfast) with that I'm taking care of in the club.

  23. #23
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    Default Re: just not interested

    TOO - I love your view on sc's... I wish every customer had the same views as you.

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    Default Re: just not interested

    Cally, I promise that Nicolina and I will make our way to Toronto some day to show you our own particular brand of SC fun.

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    Default Re: just not interested

    To answer the original question, I agree with some of the other people that have suggested sitting at the bar or sitting at the rack. Most clubs have a rule (or at least some sort of unspoken etiquette) about not approaching customers at the rack. Some girls still approach people at the bar, but I usually don't because I figure that they do want to be left alone.
    On another note, I don't think that the customers on this thread who are a fan of watching a free show are going to get much sympathy from the dancers. While it is true that a customer might only have a certain amount of money to spend, and has already paid a cover and what-not, none of that money goes to the dancers whatsoever. A common misconception is that dancers are totally rolling in money (like, "Eh, she doesn't need my money! She's probably already made [fill-in-the-blank] tonight."), but you never know when a dancer is having a really bad day, and hasn't made hardly anything (happens to the best of them) - and they still have to pay a house fee and tip the staff just for being there. Consider what it would feel like if you were at work, putting forth a lot of effort, and your boss decided to only pay you a few bucks that day. That would probably make feel worthless and like you completely wasted your time. Most people don't really want to go to work just so that they can hang out.
    There are also people like me that only work once or twice a week so that they can spend more time with their family, and less on childcare. Their income might be supplementing their husband's income so that they can afford groceries and other necessities. Even if a dancer is having a particularly good day, it evens out the not-so-good days. You never really know a dancer's situation, unless you ask (and in most cases they would be pretty elusive about the actual details of their life, so as not to depress you).
    I think most dancers understand that if you come in with a group of people, some have been more or less dragged along and probably don't have much money or much interest. If you really want to be alone or are just a cheapskate in general, the SC is not for you.

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