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Thread: I Told Him The Truth

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    Default I Told Him The Truth

    Hi all,

    I've posted before about my man issues. Still with the same one. I havent been working (for MONTHS) because he didnt know what I do. I finally told him the truth....that I was a dancer in the past. Later I told him that I still want to dance. This is probably part of the reason why we have been having so many fights - I feel controlled because I keep wanting to dance and I can't because of this relationship.
    The guy is really good to me and says he will take care of me financially. But I still want to dance. He said I have to pick between the clubs and him because there is no way he is going to be with me if I work there. I cant make up my mind!!!! Without work, Im very restless. Im anxious to make money and the scene can be ....fun.....plus flexibility, no schedules, etc etc. sleep during the day....

    When I am with him at night, I often want to be at work. But if I pick work, I'd want him at the end of the night & if I work he wont be there so Id be giving up this guy. If I really loved him would I be willing to forget about dancing?
    Im not even sure how I feel about him anymore because for so long I felt controlled by him (but that could have been my fault cause i wasnt honest). But he has done so many wonderful things like takes care of me- bought me a phone, food,clothes all the time, goes with me to the dr....(he wants to marry and have children) HELP! Oh I should also mentioned that Im college educated and **could** do lots of other stuff, but I dont really want to. I hope to slolve this dilemma soon cause right now im really bored.

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    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Told Him The Truth

    How old are you?

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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Told Him The Truth

    Quote Originally Posted by cheetahchick
    Hi all,

    I've posted before about my man issues. Still with the same one. I havent been working (for MONTHS) because he didnt know what I do. I finally told him the truth....that I was a dancer in the past. Later I told him that I still want to dance. This is probably part of the reason why we have been having so many fights - I feel controlled because I keep wanting to dance and I can't because of this relationship.
    The guy is really good to me and says he will take care of me financially. But I still want to dance. He said I have to pick between the clubs and him because there is no way he is going to be with me if I work there. I cant make up my mind!!!! Without work, Im very restless. Im anxious to make money and the scene can be ....fun.....plus flexibility, no schedules, etc etc. sleep during the day....

    When I am with him at night, I often want to be at work. But if I pick work, I'd want him at the end of the night & if I work he wont be there so Id be giving up this guy. If I really loved him would I be willing to forget about dancing?
    Im not even sure how I feel about him anymore because for so long I felt controlled by him (but that could have been my fault cause i wasnt honest). But he has done so many wonderful things like takes care of me- bought me a phone, food,clothes all the time, goes with me to the dr....(he wants to marry and have children) HELP! Oh I should also mentioned that Im college educated and **could** do lots of other stuff, but I dont really want to. I hope to slolve this dilemma soon cause right now im really bored.
    You are letting a man control you, and you are a supposed GROWN ASS WOMAN! If you can't even gain some control in your own life, how in the hell do you think us SW can be of any service to you? As long as you continue to let him have a say in what goes on in Cheetachicks life, you really can't be independent.

    It's sad, you think just because some man buys you a phone, food, clothes that he is "taking care of you" Let me ask you this...what does he do when you dont' obey, yes I said OBEY him? Girl, you better wake up and get a clue.
    Last edited by VenusGoddess; 03-17-2006 at 12:29 PM.







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


  4. #4
    Star_bare_elegance
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    Default Re: I Told Him The Truth

    You know what I'm going to leave this one alone.

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    Default Re: I Told Him The Truth

    You are lucky that you are not susceptible to being controlled by men "taking care of you." People who were not cared for as children are vulnerable to men in relationships taking care of them. (or in this case caring for my best interests) Have you ever encountered someone you cared for that did not approve of the job? Do you see how men could not want to be with a dancer?

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    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Told Him The Truth

    In all seriousness,you have to ask yourself what's more important,being with this guy or dancing.Sounds like you'll never be able to convince him.
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Told Him The Truth

    Quote Originally Posted by Star_bare_elegance
    You know what I'm going to leave this one alone.
    [email protected] I wish I had did the same


    See it's really sad that you couldn't even face to answer the question.

    But it's cool..Please don't use "oh I wasn't cared for as a child" as an excuse for this type of behavior that you're going through. Hell, you think I grew up in the suburbs in a big white house and mansion? Ha, that would be the day! I grew up poor! Lived in the ghetto my whole life (hell i'm 23 and I'm still here, prefer it actually) and this is who I am. But I for dam sure won't use that as a scapegoat. It's not about where you been, but where are you GOING?! Oh, and about not having to succumb to men controlling me. Sweetie, it's not about luck, it's about being smart enough to KNOW MY WORTH!

    LOL it's really funny how you come on here ASKING for advice, and then you counter your own fuc!ing argument saying "DO YOU SEE HOW MEN COULD NOT WANT TO BE WITH A DANCER" LOL you're PATHETIC girlfriend. Is this what your man asked you while you fought? Cause the way I'm reading things, he's done a dam good job drilling it into your head.
    Last edited by VenusGoddess; 03-17-2006 at 12:36 PM.







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


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    Default Re: I Told Him The Truth

    I do see how men could not want to be with a dancer HENCE THE INTERNAL CONFLICT. Gee, I didn't mean for my post to you to come across as so combative. I didn't call you names. I actually gave you a compliment. How did I not face to answer the question?

    "If you want to call my post immiture, and give reasons for it - I dont mind & may appreciate the feedback."

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    Default Re: I Told Him The Truth

    he has done many wonderful things above and beyond buying me vacations, food, etc. He is there for me 24/7 (literally).

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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Told Him The Truth

    So if things are so freaking great, WHY are you posting?







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


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    Senior Member lola025's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Told Him The Truth

    ummmm... I got the impression people come here for advice and people just don't jump your throat for doing so. She has a very valid concern and I myself have been there. I'm sorry but if being that you can do something else w/ your life other than dancing i would seriously consider not to save a relationship that really matters to you, that of course being that you can build a great life and family w/ this man.

    It's very normal for a boyfriend that loves you to hate this line of work let's not kid ourselves. I just don't want her to miss out on something good, especially when good men are hard to find. Personally, i find it odd a man being completely at ease w/ his girlfriend being a stripper. but that's just me. MY OPINION.

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    Senior Member lola025's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Told Him The Truth

    Quote Originally Posted by lola025
    ummmm... I got the impression people come here for advice and people just don't jump your throat for doing so. She has a very valid concern and I myself have been there. I'm sorry but if being that you can do something else w/ your life other than dancing i would seriously consider not to save a relationship that really matters to you, that of course being that you can build a great life and family w/ this man.

    It's very normal for a boyfriend that loves you to hate this line of work let's not kid ourselves. I just don't want her to miss out on something good, especially when good men are hard to find. Personally, i find it odd a man being completely at ease w/ his girlfriend being a stripper. but that's just me. MY OPINION.

    I meant "seriously consider saving this relationship and sacrifice stripping"
    We all make sacrifices in life.

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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Told Him The Truth

    The bickering aside, it sounds like Cheetachick, you need to decide what is more important to you now and down the road. If you truly desire freedom and independence, than your current relationship is not going to make you happy.

    If you do not need to dance for financial reasons, and can work happily at a more mainstream job, this sounds like the best path to take. Try taking ballroom lessons or something for exercise and the excitement of dancing. You could go out every weekend and ballroom dance in the lights. You could dress up in fancy outfits, and even dance in a very sexy manner for your man. How about becoming an aerobic strip tease instructor? This kind of class is in high demand with very few women willing to teach it. You could also train women how to pole dance.

    There are lots of other dance artforms that are available to you that don't involve stripping. You get some limelight and your man is happy.

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    God/dess KamrynAnne's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Told Him The Truth

    cheetah... question for you.. what is the reason why you want to continue dancing if you dont really need the money????? that might help me to give u advice...
    Last edited by VenusGoddess; 03-17-2006 at 12:37 PM.

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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Told Him The Truth

    I think you should break up with him

    I would consider something like this a fundamental difference of values.

    Neither of you is right or wrong, you just have different beliefs. You believe you can strip and be all his, he doesn't

    That's a big rift, and it points to other things that could become issues.

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    Veteran Member heidimonster7's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Told Him The Truth

    Here's what I would do:
    I would take some time off, let him know I still love him but need a break (maybe a month?) to think about everything. Then, I would get my own place and also talk to someone, a counselor or therapist. Make sure to find someone who is open minded about the sex industry. See if you can work through the issues you mentioned you went through as a child. Then, once you have enough of a handle on that, you will be more ready to decide on your issue.
    If he really loves you, he should understand and appreciate your need to work things out for yourself for a bit. If he loves you, he should also trust that you will do what is best for yourself.
    Good luck sweetie.

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    Veteran Member MonicaF's Avatar
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    Default If you're a serious dancer - it's hard to have a man

    Well, I've come to this conclusion - if you're going to be a dancer and milk it for all it's worth, you have to be fairly business minded and not have distractions - and a MAN/boyfriend is also one of the worst distractions to have.
    I've always danced on and off, but I wish I'd have danced consistantly over the years because if I had I'd have a much larger savings account.
    The reason for me that it's been an "on and off" thing is because in the past I always let these men who have come and gone out of my life who supposedly "loved me" talk me out of dancing.
    Let me tell u something though - EVERY time shortly after I stopped dancing for these "oh so noble" men, the relationships would end.
    So what's the lesson here? Well at least for me the lesson is to do what I want to do and live the lifestyle I want to live and not let a man tell me what to do.
    Hey the right guy for me is a guy who likes me for who I am and what i do - not some weirdo who wants to change me.

  18. #18
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: I Told Him The Truth

    I second Mr. Hyde's remark:

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Hyde
    I would consider something like this a fundamental difference of values.
    Neither of you is right or wrong, you just have different beliefs.
    And yes, he's right - this is going to lead to more problems down the line.

    I see the thread has been cleaned up regarding the immaturity issue, but I do think it's an issue you should consider. A man doesn't "take care of you" just by buying you stuff; he takes care of you by respecting you, considering your viewpoints and needs, and taking care of your emotional needs. You bitch about him "controlling" you, but at this point he has every right to tell you how to live because he is financing your life. He's not your partner right now, he's your dad. And it sounds like you've been fine with that arrangement for awhile because you needed the father figure you didn't have when you were a kid. Now you're chafing like any teenager would.

    That chafing is healthy; it means something inside of you is ready to grow up and start thinking and living for yourself. And part of adulthood also means standing up for your own values and lifestyle.

    BTW, I speak from experience. I had a similar life with my ex-husband; I loved him very much, and he indulged me and kept me in a nice standard of living. But as I grew up, I realized we were very different and I was no longer willing to sacrifice myself for him. Now every day is a struggle for my own survival, but I'm happier - at least my life is MINE. And I found a partner and an equal to share it with.

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    Default Re: I Told Him The Truth

    Cheetah, while I don't hold for anyone telling me what to do; and again, that's just me, not judging you....it sounds like you already know what to do.

    You like the creature comforts that he provides and the emotional security he gives you and that's fine. If you don't need to...don't strip. Your head and heart wouldn't be totally into it anyway and this business is rough even for those with no emotional obstacles.

    The only thing I would ask, is that you make sure you have a plan for your life should he suddenly leave. Take care of yourself first and foremost and let the things he gives to you be a supplement to what you have already given yourself.

    And, if you feel like you're missing dancing, you have already been given a number of options to appease that side of you.

    If you're bored, then it's time to go to work. It would be a shame to waste an education by sitting around letting your mind go to mush. Don't feel like working? Volunteer then.

    Hope this helps and much luck to you in your relationship and life.

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    Veteran Member JettaNyx's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Told Him The Truth

    i wouldn't ever trust a man who says "I'll take care of you", i think it was my upbrining without a male infulence hehehe. when it comes down to it YOU have to take care of YOU and not rely on anyone else..that never works. either he won't come through for you or he will want too much in return...the whole OBEY thing. i am not stripping yet (still loosing weight for it) but my husband knows he cant stop me even if he dosnt like it; as much as we will all run into this problem in one form or another...it comes down to what YOU want to do not what others tell you you should be doing.

  21. #21
    Tart
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    Default Re: I Told Him The Truth

    as was said above abount not wanting to be with a man that is completely at ease with dancing. I do agree on this. I sorta wanna be with a guy that's not really into sharing me with a ton of strangers on any level that involves me bare.

    Ive been dating a man thats never dated a dancer before, so im going through the motions of explaining etc. Although he doesnt like it, he understands i have to tend to myself and my sons. He just hopes at some point i'll put my degree to use and start a new life. Something of course I hope to as well.., when the time is right.

    Concerning the post, I think most of us have been there. The guy that doesnt like it, and the longing to be back in a fast paced enviroment , the money ..basically the high of the job on its GOOD days. Just remember though, in about 2 or 3 months when that buzz of money and having missed it passes you'll probably be missing him because he'll be gone.

    If he's as great to you as you state, and you are just bored etc missing the lifestyle then why not pick up a job as a waitress in a nightclub, its cash its music, a hustle as well.

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    Default Re: I Told Him The Truth

    Dear Girls on Stripper web,

    I broke up with him tonight. I think I underemphasized just how controlling he is. One of the girls had a really good point when she asked if everything is perfect, why am I posting. He would never go for me working in a bar even as a waitress or bartender. I could meet guys there! His dream is for a stay at home mommy/cook/cleaner. He was there for me all the time but expected me to be at his 'beck and call' every hour of the day - or hell would break loose. He made it difficult for me to do things for myself (see friends ESP GUY FRIENDS, work out, study etc.). He even tried to tell me what color my hair should be (dont worry I kept my hair the same). He did alot of extremely generous things for me(above and beyond what any guy I know has ever done for me), but we were fighting almost every day. He claims that he was controlling because he was afriad I was gonna dance... I have a tendency to always think things are my fault. He just has a controlling personality and bad temper. When I tried to approach taking space with the intent of making things better between us he flipped out. Stripping bothers him so much that he wont even let me talk about it to him. Anyway, hopefully I can stick with this break up. I realized that it was just way too much effort (constant conversations) to try to make it work & thats not what I'm looking for in a partner. If I decide to quit dancing it should be for myself because it is what I want to do and not because of pressure from a man. Plus a future with a controlling person is a prison sentence. We don't have kids and he already tells me "what about when we have kids!???!!" if I want to visit friends...One thing that I learned from all this is that in future realtionships I will always be honest early on about what I do. You cant possibly hide a job from a partner and expect your relationship to be healthy. Additionally I think if this was true love - I would WANT to quit....and probably wouldnt be upset every night I spent with him because I felt I was losing money and itching to go back to work. I can take care of myself.

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    Featured Member greggy's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Told Him The Truth

    Quote Originally Posted by cheetahchick
    Dear Girls on Stripper web,

    I broke up with him tonight. I think I underemphasized just how controlling he is. One of the girls had a really good point when she asked if everything is perfect, why am I posting. He would never go for me working in a bar even as a waitress or bartender. I could meet guys there! His dream is for a stay at home mommy/cook/cleaner. He was there for me all the time but expected me to be at his 'beck and call' every hour of the day - or hell would break loose. He made it difficult for me to do things for myself (see friends ESP GUY FRIENDS, work out, study etc.). He even tried to tell me what color my hair should be (dont worry I kept my hair the same). He did alot of extremely generous things for me(above and beyond what any guy I know has ever done for me), but we were fighting almost every day. He claims that he was controlling because he was afriad I was gonna dance... I have a tendency to always think things are my fault. He just has a controlling personality and bad temper. When I tried to approach taking space with the intent of making things better between us he flipped out. Stripping bothers him so much that he wont even let me talk about it to him. Anyway, hopefully I can stick with this break up. I realized that it was just way too much effort (constant conversations) to try to make it work & thats not what I'm looking for in a partner. If I decide to quit dancing it should be for myself because it is what I want to do and not because of pressure from a man. Plus a future with a controlling person is a prison sentence. We don't have kids and he already tells me "what about when we have kids!???!!" if I want to visit friends...One thing that I learned from all this is that in future realtionships I will always be honest early on about what I do. You cant possibly hide a job from a partner and expect your relationship to be healthy. Additionally I think if this was true love - I would WANT to quit....and probably wouldnt be upset every night I spent with him because I felt I was losing money and itching to go back to work. I can take care of myself.
    Now just don't go back, no matter what sort of BS he promises you. Make a list of all the reasons why you broke up with him, and read it daily until you're over it. Make a list of all the reasons why it's better for you to do your own thing, and read that too.

  24. #24
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: I Told Him The Truth

    Quote Originally Posted by cheetahchick
    Plus a future with a controlling person is a prison sentence.
    Or worse. He sounds very much like a potential abuser. You did the right thing; now just DON'T go back to him. There is someone out there who will cherish and respect you, if you're not chained to an insecure psycho.

    Congratulations!

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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Told Him The Truth

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah
    Or worse. He sounds very much like a potential abuser. You did the right thing; now just DON'T go back to him.
    Those where my initial thought. All of her postings made me think of myself as a child, and all the things my mom went through with my dad. I saw it all over again in Cheetah's post.

    I'm really happy that you found the strength to leave. You have been ultimately blessed with the strength to carry this out. You just have to believe in God (unless you're atheist ) and know that he is always there to guide you.

    I agree with Greggy as far as making a list is concerned. From what I've read, there seem like there are ALOT more negatives than positives. Keep you're head up, you will be a survivor Cheetah







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


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