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Thread: Question for dancers about relationships and money

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    Member hrb0's Avatar
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    Default Question for dancers about relationships and money

    I am in one of those rare situations. I am engaged to a dancer that I met as a customer. I have known her for about 5 years and our relationship has been just OTC a little over a year. I was one of her regulars for about a year before we went out the first time. I know that if it were not for the amount of money I spent on her she would not have spent the time in the club with me. We quickly agreed that it would be best that I not give her money since that was so involved in how we met. For the past year she has had to do without the tips that I used to give her. She also works less so she can spend time with me OTC. That has changed her income by about $50K since she was just my ATF, most from my tips. I know that is by her choice, but I also know that she has a hard time making ends meet sometimes. I get my raise from maxing out SS next month, so I do make a lot more than she does. I do feel bad about how much our relationship has affected her income. I know it will not matter after August, but that is still several months away. Our relationship is much more important to me than the money. I do not want money to be an issue. This question is mainly for dancers. Considering that your job involves taking money from guys, how much risk is there in having your SO help you out financially when needed? I don’t know that she would take my money if I offered. I used to be just a customer to her. I don’t want to offer her money if it would make her feel like she is just a dancer to me.

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    Default Re: Question for dancers about relationships and money

    she dug that hole. her hustle-meter isn't broken. if she wants to be a lazy dancer and not hustle because she is marrying her most spendy customer, that is really on her. if you are going to support her once you marry anyhow, may i suggest you mention that she can just quit now. if you are already to be married, then five months extra of taking care of her should not leave either of you thinking it's a dancer-customer thing.

    i personally think she should just quit rather than limp along not working AT WORK just because you're not a reg anymore, but that's my opinion. other girls may feel differently.

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    Default Re: Question for dancers about relationships and money

    Its interesting that she was willing to give up $50K annually in order to be with you. Presumably, once you get married that $50K will be part of the family finances but still...when you were spending it on her at the club it was her money, not a jointly shared stash.

    Shes a rare find, indeed.

    FBR
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    Default Re: Question for dancers about relationships and money

    I think she's using this time to prove "it's not about money" with you. Maybe she really needs to believe that. Maybe she knows you really need to believe that. When you have money, you always wonder.

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    Default Re: Question for dancers about relationships and money

    she shouldn't have been giving up anything if she was any semblance of professional, heh. laziness in dancers isn't rare :-P.

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    Default Re: Question for dancers about relationships and money

    Quote Originally Posted by SportsWriter2
    I think she's using this time to prove "it's not about money" with you. Maybe she really needs to believe that. Maybe she knows you really need to believe that. When you have money, you always wonder.
    Its a lot easier when you know it primarily business. This guy has to be wracking his brain trying to figure it out.

    FBR
    Once again I have embraced my addiction and have put off the moral dilemma to another day.

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    Featured Member desavirsire's Avatar
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    Default Re: Question for dancers about relationships and money

    If your engaged to the girl why not just talk to her about it, communication is one of the most important aspects of a relationship.

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    Default Re: Question for dancers about relationships and money

    I do agree with you, desavirsire, about communication. She did not give up $50K, the club, I know took their cut. Thus, even though the club does not allow SOs in the club I am allowed. Two or three times a month we will have dinner at the club before she goes on stage. She will let me tip her on stage to give customers the idea, but she always insists on giving me back my tip. We did discus my tipping her as her bf. Giving it back was her condition, so I do know a little about how she feels about me giving her money. She is like most dancers in that she is rather independent. She likes to be able to handle things herself. It is a difficult and rare change to go from dancer/customer to bf/gf. I am hesitant to even have the semblance of being a customer by giving her money considering our history. She does work 3-4 shifts a week. One of which is Sunday, her assigned day by the club. She used to work 5 shifts a week, almost every week. She did get used to having money. Dancers are women, and some women marry for money. That is something that needs to be dealt with while getting to know each other in any relationship.

    I do want to think the people on this board. I do enjoy reading the posts. It is always entertaining. I have also learned a lot. It has certainly enhanced my appreciation and views of dancers that my SO started.

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    Default Re: Question for dancers about relationships and money

    is she going to dance after you two marry? that is a relevant detail, since you said her current inability to be independent successfully won't matter in august.

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    Default Re: Question for dancers about relationships and money

    A dancer who's working 3-4 days a week really should be able to make ends meet. If she can't, then maybe she isn't working very hard, or maybe her living expenses are unrealistically high. She may have lost her $1,000 a week customer when she started dating you, but she should be able to find other good customers to make up the difference. She got by before she met you, after all.

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    Default Re: Question for dancers about relationships and money

    Maybe its just me but...

    If I am in a relationship with a guy (especially if I was engaged, and I was once) I kinda expect that person to help me out when I need it... I believe a relationship is a partnership... Where one person helps the other to maintain equilibrium... I am kinda confused... What is it that she refuses your help, or you are afraid to offer it... To me it seems like ego on one or both sides of the relationship... The balance can be sustained by each of you offering something... You help with $$, she helps with ______. I'm not talking about sexual stuff, just whatever...

    My .02
    Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul... - Marilyn Monroe

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    Default Re: Question for dancers about relationships and money

    tell her that you'd give her the money now... rather than pay five months interest on her maxed-out credit cards. ...that's a joke!

    though, this whole situation is odd. though i'm a jaded bitch so i'll keep my mouth shut. i would suggest you point out how her working her butt off and getting in debt isn't helping either of you in the long run. and remind her how goshdang happy it makes you to give her things. if you look hurt enough when she rejects your presents, she'll probably capitulate every now and again.

    out of curiosity, do you go dutch or split who pays for meals and vacations and so forth? maybe if you get her a gas station card "to make her life easier" or show up with groceries, or get her to move in with you now, eliminating rent, that might help. there are so many ways to help someone financially if you're sneaky enough.

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    Veteran Member TROU8LE~'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Question for dancers about relationships and money

    I think you need to trust her. I would not Judge her so much because shes a dancer. Ill tell you straight up.. the dancers I know, They already have all the money they can ask for. Its the Real LOVE that they truly deserve. They see assholes day in and dayout. You being in her life is like a breath of fresh air. (you have no idea) If shes a good woman to you. Keep her and trust her. Dont put her in the "Stripper Catagory". =not cool if you truly love the girl. : ) Or dont put a title on the way you two met. Its alittle shallow. Look beyond that.

    And My "oppinion" about her slacking off at work, Honestly, She doesnt want to be there dancing for guys, simply because she loves you. Maybe shes just not sure where to turn because the money is so easy in the industry but at the same time, she doesnt want to be there.. Because shes soo into you, shes alittle stuck mentally. ~But I say, trust her..

    I say this because of my experience with myself. .. I never want to be working in the club when Im really into someone. But all girls are different. ~But I think you should make a few changes in the relationship and trust her.

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    Default Re: Question for dancers about relationships and money

    Quote Originally Posted by SportsWriter2
    I think she's using this time to prove "it's not about money" with you. Maybe she really needs to believe that. Maybe she knows you really need to believe that. When you have money, you always wonder.
    I totally agree with this.

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