Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 94

Thread: your 2cents please-he's the guy alone

  1. #1
    Newbie Mrs P's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Mid-Atlantic
    Posts
    10
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default your 2cents please-he's the guy alone

    Those of you at Night Shift in Baltimore, all over Indiana, Rhode Island and Illinois, you are the professionals that have earned our kids' college funds; any 2 cents you can offer would be much appreciated! I apologize for coming to your community to bother you with my question, but I'm banging my head against a wall in the "we-hate- strip- clubs-and- pigs- who- go- to- stripclub" sites.
    My husband says he tips the dancers on stage, he only gets a lapdance when the girl makes him feel like he has to and every time he leaves for a business trip, another couple of hundred is "missing." I know guys go for different reasons and over our 7 year marriage I've listened to every one- I went to a bachelor party and realized I loved it, I was lonely when you had the baby, I was lonely traveling, my boss made me go, my clients expect it and I didn't want to be the pussy, I think I'm addicted, look at you (5months post kid#2)-why would I want to come home to you, we don't have sex enough, you don't initiate sex enough, I don't want to go, I didn't want to get the VIP dance, but she made me...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you...why can't you just forget about it...
    When you talk to the solo businessman, I know you are there for business, but is there any insight you can offer me that may help me deal/improve/understand this aspect of our marriage?
    PS I have done everything short of surgery to look and act the part of a seductress at home and we do have sex every night he is not traveling, so I am trying hard on my end...

  2. #2
    God/dess Emily's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Las Vegas
    Posts
    11,302
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked 143 Times in 72 Posts

    Default Re: your 2cents please-he's the guy alone

    wow, sorry to hear about your kids' college fund. Your husband's excuses are lame. There are the types of guys that go because the rest of the guys are going. Thy might buy a dance or two, but it's more for the novelty of it than anything else.

    And there are the guys like your husband that hit up the ATM every so often to feed the meter because some girl has sunk her claws into him and he absolutely loves the attention. This is a guy that likes the superficial affection that only money can buy! And I don't think there is anything you can do. It's not you.

    But if it makes you feel any better, I meet these types of guys a lot and they seem to love their wives, which is why they are not seeing hookers. They don't see it as harmful as it really is.

  3. #3
    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Hurricane Wasteland,Louisiana
    Posts
    8,088
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 23 Times in 19 Posts

    Default Re: your 2cents please-he's the guy alone

    OK,for starters,your husband is the problem,not you.He said he doesn't get dances from a dancer unless she makes him feel like he has to???I'm sorry,but no one put a gun to his head and made him do a damned thing.We are normal people that just dance for a living,not some blood sucking vultures out to ruin someone's home life.Your husband seems like he's ruining your home with him all by himself.If he was real man,he would voice his opinions in the company of the other men and quit blaming all his shortcomings on colleagues and us dancers.Quit blaming yourself.There's nothing wrong with you.
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




  4. #4
    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Another Country
    Posts
    18,664
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 148 Times in 100 Posts

    Default Re: your 2cents please-he's the guy alone

    It's not anything you're doing wrong at all. Your husband is a pig, I'm sorry. NOBODY tells their wife, "Well look at you, why would I want to come home to you?" Sorry, but that's when I leave the motherfucker.

    You are being abused

    You may not want to admit it, but he is emotionally abusing you. Calling you names, blaming you for his problems, telling you to forget his problems. That's abuse. Sorry, end of story.

    It's not about the sex that turning your marriage sour, not one bit. It's the fact that he's becoming a stripclub addict and using you as an excuse. You can tell he's lying when he constantly says, "You...you...you" or "My boss made me, she made me." He's blaming everyone but himself. He has a problem. Your marriage is at a nexus. It's up to you to make a decision if you're going to allow your children see you be abused or if you're going to leave.

  5. #5
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Home
    Posts
    13,598
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 28 Times in 23 Posts

    Default Re: your 2cents please-he's the guy alone

    Quote Originally Posted by Mrs P
    look at you (5months post kid#2)-why would I want to come home to you,
    Kick his fucking ass out the door. Clothes optional.

    This is called verbal and emotional abuse. The question is not why does he go to the clubs...the question is why you allow him to treat you this way!!

  6. #6
    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Another Country
    Posts
    18,664
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 148 Times in 100 Posts

    Default Re: your 2cents please-he's the guy alone


  7. #7
    God/dess Paris's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Oregon
    Posts
    6,345
    Thanks
    168
    Thanked 801 Times in 419 Posts

    Default Re: your 2cents please-he's the guy alone

    This might offer some insight.

    http://www.saa-recovery.org/

    It sounds like his behavior is destructive. Just remember that it isn't the bartender's fault that the alcoholic drinks, and it isn't the dancer's fault if the customer is sex addicted.

  8. #8
    Veteran Member Candy Apple's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2004
    Posts
    247
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts

    Default Re: your 2cents please-he's the guy alone

    I will be the oddball again. Along with what everyone else has said, here's some things you may want to try.

    I personally think it's more the environment than anything. A lot of people like/need to relax over a beer/drink after work. I've taken clients to a club from my monday through friday job, I have gone with people after work, and I have gone with my husband. I have seen many solo men do nothing but sit at the bar and talk to the male manager.

    It's different than ordinary bars because there's always coversation without the awkwardness of trying to strike up a convo with a stranger, or you can sit in a corner by yourself if you want. Maybe you should try going with him, that may help you to better understand. there are many women that go with men or with other women, and they enjoy themselves.

    I used to get upset about my husband going when we first got married, but once I started going I liked it so much that I wanted to work there! So, as difficult as it may be, the first thing you may want to try is change your attitude about it. And if he's just spending too much money at the clubs, tell him you don't mind him going but ask if he'll put himself on a budget for it.

    Lastly, I don't know if you work or not, but some men who support their wives get offended when the wife comes down too hard on them about the money they spend, when they are not contributing financially.

  9. #9
    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Hurricane Wasteland,Louisiana
    Posts
    8,088
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 23 Times in 19 Posts

    Default Re: your 2cents please-he's the guy alone

    ^^^Did you read the verbal abuse he gives her?????She doesn't have to change her attitude about jack!!!
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




  10. #10
    Newbie Mrs P's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Mid-Atlantic
    Posts
    10
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: your 2cents please-he's the guy alone

    Thank you all very much for your thoughtful replies, and please know that I appreciate that you are professionals and do not feel any ill will towards the clubs or the women who work there.

    "But if it makes you feel any better, I meet these types of guys a lot and they seem to love their wives, which is why they are not seeing hookers."

    This is kind of the thing- money aside, I get the feeling from him that I'm supposed to stop feeling like our marriage is threatened by strip clubs because lapdances are not picking a girl up at a bar or paying an escort/hooker. I am thankful that he says he's not doing these other things and that he appreciates that those would damage our marriage, but I'm still not dealing/handling/understanding successfully with what he is doing. Although I'd like to agree that it is his issue, we have a 3 year old and a one year old boy that need a whole family, so it is something I feel like I should either try to address at a root level or figure out how to ignore/overlook/deal with or even learn to enjoy?!

  11. #11
    God/dess Emily's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Las Vegas
    Posts
    11,302
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked 143 Times in 72 Posts

    Default Re: your 2cents please-he's the guy alone

    Quote Originally Posted by Candy Apple
    Lastly, I don't know if you work or not, but some men who support their wives get offended when the wife comes down too hard on them about the money they spend, when they are not contributing financially.
    wow, that's unfair....and unacceptable. Are you suggesting that a woman's opinion on the household finances doesn't matter if she is not working?

  12. #12
    Member PhotographerGene's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Kansas City
    Posts
    42
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: your 2cents please-he's the guy alone

    Some people have uncontrollable perversions.(Drinking, Drugs, Sex, Gambling ) Your husband sounds as though he has one. It is that he enjoys the sexual atmosphere of a "sex club", a complete stranger who knows nothing about him, so he is able to lie to her. Maybe the "dirtiness" of the woman/place or what he sees happening. He knows he is doing wrong, by you, and pushes the envelope for excitement.

    I would think he need professional help right away.

  13. #13
    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Hurricane Wasteland,Louisiana
    Posts
    8,088
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 23 Times in 19 Posts

    Default Re: your 2cents please-he's the guy alone

    Quote Originally Posted by Mrs P
    Thank you all very much for your thoughtful replies, and please know that I appreciate that you are professionals and do not feel any ill will towards the clubs or the women who work there.

    "But if it makes you feel any better, I meet these types of guys a lot and they seem to love their wives, which is why they are not seeing hookers."

    This is kind of the thing- money aside, I get the feeling from him that I'm supposed to stop feeling like our marriage is threatened by strip clubs because lapdances are not picking a girl up at a bar or paying an escort/hooker. I am thankful that he says he's not doing these other things and that he appreciates that those would damage our marriage, but I'm still not dealing/handling/understanding successfully with what he is doing. Although I'd like to agree that it is his issue, we have a 3 year old and a one year old boy that need a whole family, so it is something I feel like I should either try to address at a root level or figure out how to ignore/overlook/deal with or even learn to enjoy?!
    "Ignore","overlook" and "deal with" shouldn't be in your vocabulary for this.You should DEFINATELY get to the root of the problem and address him upfront.
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




  14. #14
    Veteran Member Candy Apple's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2004
    Posts
    247
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts

    Default Re: your 2cents please-he's the guy alone

    "I know you are there for business, but is there any insight you can offer me that may help me deal/improve/understand this aspect of our marriage?"

    This was her bottom line question, and I told her what I thought. Obviously she doesn't want to leave him or she would have said that was a possibility. I agree he's an ass but you know as well as I do that many women will stick with a man no matter how he treats her. She obviously wants to get past the strip club shit so she can be somewhat happy with him, and if that's the case, then that's on her.

  15. #15
    God/dess Emily's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Las Vegas
    Posts
    11,302
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked 143 Times in 72 Posts

    Default Re: your 2cents please-he's the guy alone

    Quote Originally Posted by Mrs P
    so it is something I feel like I should either try to address at a root level or figure out how to ignore/overlook/deal with or even learn to enjoy?!
    gosh, that's a loaded one

    I guess it depends on what the root level is...and if it's fixable.

    I don't know. It's difficult because you have kids and your life is built around him. I don't think the strip clubs or the money in themselves are the problem. I mean, if he went but didn't spend a lot of money, would you be upset? Or if he spent large amounts of money on something like electronics without consulting you, would that upset you? I think what's bothering you is that his behavior is something you find very disrespectful.

    he has to know...but maybe he doens't know how much?

  16. #16
    Veteran Member Candy Apple's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2004
    Posts
    247
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts

    Default Re: your 2cents please-he's the guy alone

    Quote Originally Posted by Emily
    wow, that's unfair....and unacceptable. Are you suggesting that a woman's opinion on the household finances doesn't matter if she is not working?
    No I said that's how some men feel. I didn't say that's how I feel.

  17. #17
    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Another Country
    Posts
    18,664
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 148 Times in 100 Posts

    Default Re: your 2cents please-he's the guy alone

    Yeah, Candy, I'd hope not. The feminist in me cried and died a little reading that statement.

    I think this woman is being more than abused as she's saying or she wouldn't be so motivated to stick with him and please him. These are signs of more than just emotional abuse.

    Do you really want your children to learn to treat women the way you're being treated?

  18. #18
    Newbie Mrs P's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Mid-Atlantic
    Posts
    10
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: your 2cents please-he's the guy alone

    The money is big for me because I work 10 hours a week from home (after I put the kids and sweet hubby to bed- I should be doing my work right now) and the $35 I earn in an hour is gone in a song when he's at a club. The thing is, the $ doesn't bother me when he goes out of town with friends and spends $ skiing or white water rafting- I think its just I can't get over his choosing other women in the strip club environment. I was never this way when he went to strip clubs with guys when we dated, but then one drunk friend spilled the beans by saying he "couldn't believe how funny it was my fiancee almost got thrown out for not keeping his paws off this one girl." I bowed out of the "day after"brunch and threw up outside. All of a sudden he wasn't one of the guys out on a lark, he was the one who needed to be there. He said the guy was making it all up to get my goat, but seven years later, I'm asking all of you who have better things to do why THIS type of guy is there. I appreciate all of your feedback. Thank you very, very much for your time and thoughts- its a lot more than 2 cents!

  19. #19
    Member ccgirl's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2004
    Posts
    54
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: your 2cents please-he's the guy alone

    can i just say that you're a doll. why do the nice people always end up being taken advantage of??

    have you gotten your pre-baby figure back? if so... why not go down to the local strip club and apply for a job? within 2 weeks you'll implicitly understand everything, make some cash and boost your self esteem.

    it also has to be said... despite working in an upscale club and having very mild mannered customers, more than a few of my repeat customers have confided to me that they have visited escorts. yeah, it doesn't immediately make sense that a guy would pay to be teased and also pay for the real thing, but there you have it. i also know how often i get propositioned, especially by the out-of-town guys. deep down, do you suspect he sees escorts/hookers? the fact that he knows that he'd be in trouble for extramarital sex is incentive for him to lie about it; it doesn't necessarily mean that he wouldn't do it. given the way he treats you, i'd bet he is lying.

    how can you trust your heart with a man who steals from his child? if you won't do better for yourself, do it for your child.

  20. #20
    Newbie Mrs P's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Mid-Atlantic
    Posts
    10
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: your 2cents please-he's the guy alone

    "have you gotten your pre-baby figure back? if so... why not go down to the local strip club and apply for a job? within 2 weeks you'll implicitly understand everything, make some cash and boost your self esteem."
    Your proactive suggestion is far more creative than the idea of going to a see a guy strip club- somehow a bunch of naked guys in my face would get me giggling and I'd be even further from understanding my husband's deal!
    I hope the whole escort issue isn't part of the mix, but to tell you honestly, I'm trying to deal with what I know and not let every possibility tear us apart. He has told me about the clubs because I know about the money, he has to explain why he doesn't call me/is unreachable nights out of town, and I do his laundry when he comes home. Can you tell which solo businesmen are looking for escorts and which are looking for fun just in the club?

  21. #21
    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Hurricane Wasteland,Louisiana
    Posts
    8,088
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 23 Times in 19 Posts

    Default Re: your 2cents please-he's the guy alone

    Quote Originally Posted by Mrs P
    Can you tell which solo businesmen are looking for escorts and which are looking for fun just in the club?
    Most of the time,they come right out and ask if you'll go back to their hotel room.That's the red alert right there.The ones that just wanna have fun,spend their money and leave.We like those,LOL.
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




  22. #22
    God/dess Emily's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Las Vegas
    Posts
    11,302
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked 143 Times in 72 Posts

    Default Re: your 2cents please-he's the guy alone

    Quote Originally Posted by Mrs P
    ... "couldn't believe how funny it was my fiancee almost got thrown out for not keeping his paws off this one girl." I bowed out of the "day after"brunch and threw up outside. All of a sudden he wasn't one of the guys out on a lark, he was the one who needed to be there. He said the guy was making it all up to get my goat, but seven years later, I'm asking all of you who have better things to do why THIS type of guy is there. I appreciate all of your feedback. Thank you very, very much for your time and thoughts- its a lot more than 2 cents!
    hrm, well there were signs before you got married, and you chose to ignore them. Sorry that doesn't help, but it's kind of an important point. You married him anyway hoping he'd change, and he didn't. And you had children with him. And now you're in a mess and you're hoping there is something you can do to fix it.

    But you know better. You can't change a man. If it was possible, having a wife who will do anything for him and children would have. But it didn't because he's not that kind of person. he sounds like the guy who likes to have the whole party atmosphere with all the hot girls fussing over him.

    I don't think that's going to change and I guess you just have to ask yourself which sounds worse.....him going to clubs or being without him. I don't think there is a "fix", and even if there were, we don't know the answer!

  23. #23
    God/dess Emily's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Las Vegas
    Posts
    11,302
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked 143 Times in 72 Posts

    Default Re: your 2cents please-he's the guy alone

    Quote Originally Posted by Mrs P
    . Can you tell which solo businesmen are looking for escorts and which are looking for fun just in the club?
    if you find out where he got the money from, it's a pretty good sign.

    If he's making withdrawls from an ATM or using a CC in a strip club, it's staying in the club. If he's using the ATM at a hotel at 2:30am....he's getting hookers.

    Just FYI, strip club ATMs and CCs have funny names, but they usually sound like a sports bar....like Philadelphia Golf and Travel or The End Zone.

  24. #24
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Feb 2006
    Location
    St. Louis
    Posts
    815
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked 43 Times in 31 Posts

    Default Re: your 2cents please-he's the guy alone

    Quote Originally Posted by Mrs P
    I was never this way when he went to strip clubs with guys when we dated, but then one drunk friend spilled the beans by saying he "couldn't believe how funny it was my fiancee almost got thrown out for not keeping his paws off this one girl." I bowed out of the "day after"brunch and threw up outside.

    This changes the whole dynamics of the question and the thread. You walked into this situation as an adult with knowledge. You were not blindsided. He doesn't sound like the greatest guy, but if you threw up about this issue when he was still your fiancee, and you still married him, well then you made your bed.

    I know Emily's already hit this point, but I think it's an important one.

    My advice would be do whatever you think is best for your kids, always think of them first.

  25. #25
    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Another Country
    Posts
    18,664
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 148 Times in 100 Posts

    Default Re: your 2cents please-he's the guy alone

    This entire thread makes me want to cry. :/

Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Guy to Guy question about "Stripper Chat"
    By slims099 in forum Shop Talk
    Replies: 43
    Last Post: 08-19-2007, 01:35 AM
  2. your 2cents please-he's the guy alone
    By Mrs P in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 03-22-2006, 08:43 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •