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Thread: Rant on the Mom-In-Law! Does Anyone Else Understand? (Long)

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    Angry Rant on the Mom-In-Law! Does Anyone Else Understand? (Long)

    Ok, this is long...I have nobody else to be totally open with about this, though, so here we go!

    UGH! Let me start by saying that under normal circumstances I get along well with Mox's mother, but I just about let loose on her today. I usually just let things go and don't cause a stir...I was almost to my breaking point with her (and still am), though.

    Mox calls me this morning saying that he's having really bad chest pains and wants to go to the ER, which seems odd for two reasons: 1) He's only 21, and 2) He only goes to the doctor if it's really bothering him. I head over to pick him up, and when I get there he's in some massive pain. No biggie, right? I'm getting ready to help him in the car, and he tells me, "Oh, I called Mom to let her know." Fine, whatever....until...she comes pulling up like a mad woman, "Are you ok? Ok, let's go right now! I took off work! Turn your flashers on!"

    Like I don't know that I need to get him there? By this time he's already getting worked up and I'm just ready to take off...so I do. We get him there and she's parking in the ambulance parking (obviously marked as a NO parking zone ) and wants to walk him in herself. So I go park and come back to a police officer telling her to move her car. Mox is in the waiting room STILL in pain, so I stay with him until lovely Mommy comes in and tells him, "Here, lean against me...blah blah blah..."

    They call him in the room where they take his vitals and stuff and start asking questions. She's answering all of them...mind you, she wasn't even THERE. Grr...so then they ask about prior health problems, and she's naming off things he had as a kid...TOTALLY unrelated. Then the nurse says that one of us needs to go back out in the waiting room to fill out forms, and she takes off toward the room they had ready for Mox...just to make sure I was the one that had to go back outside. DAMN IT (sorry, I'm still pissed about that)!

    Anyway, I'M HIS WIFE! Geez...he's 21! I think he can handle himself, sick or not! I waited 35 minutes before the nurse came out to get me, and Mommy dearest is stammering something about "I was about to get you..." BULL! The nurse said Mox was asking for me! So I start (but at the same time trying not to) telling Mox he should have never called her and that I should have been the one in the room with him. I told him I didn't want to leave to call my work because I knew she'd go back in there and try to keep me from coming back in...sure enough, she did.

    So when we FINALLY get to leave, she's saying she'll take his prescription and all this other crap. I was like, "Uh...we have insurance and I'll take care of it..." So Mox was feeling better...I took him to get something to eat. She was CALLING MY CELL PHONE asking where he was and why he wasn't home. HOLY CRAP...we've been together for 8...count them...8 YEARS! I think I can handle taking care of him myself!

    I take him home and she automatically picks up his paperwork and starts telling him how/when to take his medicine when he's obviously able to figure it out for himself...I just went back to work to keep from being around her- I was so pissed. Mox came back over here (to my dad's) after I got off work, but you have NO idea how ready I am to move into our new house. UGH! I can't stand her sometimes...

    So, anyone know how I feel? Granted, she doesn't know we're married...it almost came out today. Still, though...as a couple of 8 years, do I not have at least as much if not MORE of a right to be with him in the waiting room? She told him I had NO right to be in there and she should be the one to stay with him. I'm so pissed that I'm shaking even now...hours later.

    Also, we found out the chest pains were caused by a strained muscle (which he didn't feel last night after work), but he had an anxiety attack because the chest pains freaked him out...it's totally understandable- one grandfather died from a heart attack, and the other had a heart attack last week. I feel so bad for him. He's doing well, though, so no worries!

  2. #2
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Rant on the Mom-In-Law! Does Anyone Else Understand? (Long)

    She was scared and he's her baby. She messed up, but I think it's understandable. Any mother would have reacted the same way in a situation like that. Just accept that you'd do the same if it was your son, and let it go.

    I'm really glad he's okay. That must have been terrifying for all of you.

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    Default Re: Rant on the Mom-In-Law! Does Anyone Else Understand? (Long)

    I know it's his mother...I get it...really, I do. This is so bad, but I swear I'm just waiting for the day when she can't be there (for some event...whatever it is) and I can get that secret "Haha" feeling...

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    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Rant on the Mom-In-Law! Does Anyone Else Understand? (Long)

    I know what you mean, LOL! I used to say that if I ever went into labor, I wouldn't call my mother until it was all over and the baby was sleeping. My mom is an L&D nurse and she'd make the experience a nightmare. Fortunately, I decided years ago I'd rather adopt instead!

    Mamas... they'll make you crazy, but it's just because they love you!

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    God/dess Silverback's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rant on the Mom-In-Law! Does Anyone Else Understand? (Long)

    My ex-mother-in-law would have been telling everyone how much worse her pains were and feeling sorry for herself that her daughter was getting more attention than she was.

    So, yeah he's 21 and her baby. She cares and can't let him (or you) be an adult yet. She cares. That's a good thing.
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

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    Default Re: Rant on the Mom-In-Law! Does Anyone Else Understand? (Long)

    You're ex-mother-in-law sounds like my mom.
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

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    Default Re: Rant on the Mom-In-Law! Does Anyone Else Understand? (Long)

    Quote Originally Posted by onlythebest
    You're ex-mother-in-law sounds like my mom.
    Well, she is pure concentrated evil.
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

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    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rant on the Mom-In-Law! Does Anyone Else Understand? (Long)

    Quote Originally Posted by Silverback
    Well, she is pure concentrated evil.
    My mom is too.
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




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    God/dess leilanicandy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rant on the Mom-In-Law! Does Anyone Else Understand? (Long)

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah
    She was scared and he's her baby. She messed up, but I think it's understandable. Any mother would have reacted the same way in a situation like that. Just accept that you'd do the same if it was your son, and let it go.

    I'm really glad he's okay. That must have been terrifying for all of you.
    I am a mother. There is no way I would have act like that! If anything I would have tried to work with the girl. When you are married, no one suppose to come in between husband and wife. Is wife suppose to be there, his family can be there for extra support! But this guy mom is to over protective, she need to let her some live his life. HE is not a child! He is an adult! It sounds like to me she is holding on to her son to tight! He has been with this girl for eight years. To me she has a promblem with sharing her son with this female. The insurance part , they have insurance she dose not need to get the meds. The woman was telling her son how to take the meds. Like the man can't read. Like a child! THis woman has a hard time letting go with her son! Even when in a family emergency, yes everyone is worried and scared! I would have ask if his wife needed me to do something! Lean on each other for support! I understand why the wife is mad. I know from hearing this story there has been other times. Where she get pushy like this! I think this woman has a hard time not babying her son! I can see if he was a little boy but he is a grown man. sometimes you have to let go!

    For the record I have a son. Yes I baby him and spoil him! but only because he is a baby. But when he becomes a man you have to respect and treat him like a man.
    If you want the present to be differant from the past, study the past.
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    Default Re: Rant on the Mom-In-Law! Does Anyone Else Understand? (Long)

    I am sorry you have to go thru this! Stay strong and stand your ground. My Ex mother in law hates me and still hates me. She is always trying to tell me how to raise my kids, and how to live my life. I am not even with her son anymore! Her son never dose anything wrong!
    If you want the present to be differant from the past, study the past.
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    Dont throw away the old bucket until you know whether the new one holds water.
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    Default Re: Rant on the Mom-In-Law! Does Anyone Else Understand? (Long)

    ^ It's true, too. She doesn't act like this with her older son, and I KNOW his girlfriend would have given Mom-in-law hell for doing something like that.

    Other than that, I know she cares and means well...but I'm still ticked off about it...not only that, it's MY money that's paying the bill (not HER'S) so I should have been the one in that damn room when they brought the paperwork in (they were supposed to bring it to me, but they took it to her instead and SHE FILLED IT OUT! WTF?!). I told Mox, "Well dang, I felt like I was your sister or something...I got to sit around and wonder what the hell was going on while she was in there making sure she got the play-by-play so she could give a sob story to the whole family."

    I still don't want to see her right now...she called yet again while he was over here asking if he had taken his medicine and telling him he needed to come home so she could go to bed (she wanted to wait until he got home). Oh, pa-lease! BLEH!

    Seriously...even Mox agreed on this one...the next week or two can't pass fast enough...we're ready to have our privacy back!

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rant on the Mom-In-Law! Does Anyone Else Understand? (Long)

    On the one hand, I could see why she freaked out...she thought her son may have chest pains/heart attack.

    On the other hand, you should have put her in her place. I'm sorry...but you just made yourself the victim here. Just because she's someone's mom doesn't mean that you let her walk all over you. Albeit, you need to do it respectfully, but you firmly and politely state, "I am in charge here and you will wait in the waiting room. We will update you on Mox's status as soon as possible."

    You just allowing her to do what she's doing is not going to make the situation better. He needs to get on the phone with his mom and tell her that she needs to back off.

    It works with scorpio's mom. She's very controlling and "it will be done like this" type of attitude...and I've always clearly, but nicely, stated: "I appreciate your opinion/advice/etc. But, this is MY home and MY child and I will do things the way I see fit."

    It took a few times of this but it finally got the point across and she doesn't interfere at all anymore.

    You gotta put the smack down...

    I'm happy to hear that Mox is fine!

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    Default Re: Rant on the Mom-In-Law! Does Anyone Else Understand? (Long)

    They ain't called monster in laws for nothing. I've been with Dea 10 yrs and her mom finally warmed up to me 4 yrs ago or some shit. In this time I've had to lay the smackdown on her two or three times, I think they want to see what yer made of

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    Default Re: Rant on the Mom-In-Law! Does Anyone Else Understand? (Long)

    I know, Venus...looking ahead, if it ever happens again (or anything like it) I'm ready to set things straight. I can let it slide for now because Mox doesn't want any trouble. Mox has pretty much told her to mind her own business more than once, though, so it's nothing new. She's just a nosy, senile old woman with nothing better to do than poke and pry in the lives of her kids...bah...whatever, though.

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    Default Re: Rant on the Mom-In-Law! Does Anyone Else Understand? (Long)

    Quote Originally Posted by VenusGoddess
    It works with scorpio's mom. She's very controlling and "it will be done like this" type of attitude...and I've always clearly, but nicely, stated: "I appreciate your opinion/advice/etc. But, this is MY home and MY child and I will do things the way I see fit."

    It took a few times of this but it finally got the point across and she doesn't interfere at all anymore.

    You gotta put the smack down...
    Of course you will feel the same way when the shoe is on the other foot? When your future daughter-in-law "puts the smack down" on you?

    Mothers will always be mothers. They baby their sons even when he's 67 years old. They don't necessarily see their action as intruding on private lives. They only really mean well.

    My only advice is if you have to "put the smack down"--so to speak--let the son have that talk with his mom. She is less likely to take it the wrong way when it comes from her son. You don't want an old woman hating you.

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    Default Re: Rant on the Mom-In-Law! Does Anyone Else Understand? (Long)

    *hugs*
    My mother in law-to-be is EXACTLY the same way. She doesn't put much interest in his life unless something is going very wrong, then suddenlyhe's her "pumpkin".. grrrr.
    I have not put her in her place only because I know that he is her child and when one of my dogs (same thing to me) is hurting I tend to act the same way. Overprotective and irrational.
    It sucks, but who said we had to like the guy's parents, right?
    Take some deep breaths and chew out your husband for letting her do this, he'll try and take care of the mom situation and make you feel better by being on your side. My guy has had to tell his mom to lay off a few times and although she acted hurt, it worked for a little while. Hell, he and I have been together for nearly six years and she still gets her hair cut by his ex-girlfriend. Some parents I just don't understand!
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    Default Re: Rant on the Mom-In-Law! Does Anyone Else Understand? (Long)

    Honey, sometimes when there is a whole slew of other things bugging you small things you wouldn't ordinarily notice or be offended at become really big deals. It sounds like his mom was worried - which might be irrational, but he was worried, and he obviously communicated that to her. You also sound a little paranoid - like you think she is deliberately excluding you. She is likely simply not considering you. And, I don't know how old you are, but if you are the same age or younger than him, she probably thinks that you are a kid and you still need taking care of, and that you are not well equipped to take care of him. 21 is still practically an infant nowadays. And you are living with them and they don't know you're married? Why not? It's hard to make an argument that you are so mature and can look after yourself when you are living in someone else's house and are sneaking around to make big decisions. And really - my kid went to the emergency with chest pains I would be wondering where he went when he got out and didn't come home. That is a perfectly legitimate question after he called her and told her he was having a heart attack or pains bad enough to seem like one. It is kind of unusual to go out for McDonald's after that.

    His mum was worried. Of course she wanted to be there. And the emergency room is not the place to start a huge Oedipal argument. Ideally neither of you should be using that unforuntate incident to try to levy status or issue smackdowns - and keep in mind that just because she does it (if she is doing it) doesn't mean you have to.
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    Default Re: Rant on the Mom-In-Law! Does Anyone Else Understand? (Long)

    Quote Originally Posted by disk_druid
    Of course you will feel the same way when the shoe is on the other foot? When your future daughter-in-law "puts the smack down" on you?

    Mothers will always be mothers. They baby their sons even when he's 67 years old. They don't necessarily see their action as intruding on private lives. They only really mean well.

    My only advice is if you have to "put the smack down"--so to speak--let the son have that talk with his mom. She is less likely to take it the wrong way when it comes from her son. You don't want an old woman hating you.
    As I said, it needs to be done nicely. You don't go running towards them like a banshee screaming at them...but you do put them in their place. Being a mother is one thing...being a control freak is something altogether different. There is nothing wrong with being concerned and wanting to be with a hurt child...but there comes a time when a parent needs to let go and let their child be an adult.

    And, for the record, my future daughter-in-law or son-in-law will never HAVE to put the smackdown on me. I encourage my child to be independant. I love my child more than I ever thought humanly possible...and with this love I am also willing to let her go as she gets older. But, you know, our generation is more open with that...so there!

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    God/dess leilanicandy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rant on the Mom-In-Law! Does Anyone Else Understand? (Long)

    Quote Originally Posted by VenusGoddess
    As I said, it needs to be done nicely. You don't go running towards them like a banshee screaming at them...but you do put them in their place. Being a mother is one thing...being a control freak is something altogether different. There is nothing wrong with being concerned and wanting to be with a hurt child...but there comes a time when a parent needs to let go and let their child be an adult.

    And, for the record, my future daughter-in-law or son-in-law will never HAVE to put the smackdown on me. I encourage my child to be independant. I love my child more than I ever thought humanly possible...and with this love I am also willing to let her go as she gets older. But, you know, our generation is more open with that...so there!
    I agree with Venus!
    If you want the present to be differant from the past, study the past.
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    It is what it is, not what you want it to become, that's important -- at least for now. Today, remember that things worth having are worth waiting for!
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    Dont throw away the old bucket until you know whether the new one holds water.
    Swedish Proverb

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    Default Re: Rant on the Mom-In-Law! Does Anyone Else Understand? (Long)

    Jenny: I'm not living with him. We lived together for well over a year, and we just recently moved out of the apartment (2 months ago). We're waiting to get our house, so he's staying with his parents and I'm staying with my dad. As far as us getting married...we're only common law, but it was more for an "in the meantime" kind of deal. We wanted the benefit of being married without all the BS that comes along with it (because, once again, his mother would throw a fit). We do plan on making it official with a full wedding and all pretty soon- we just want to get settled before we do any of that. We're also the same age (two month apart to be exact).

    He did go home after he left the hospital- we went to the pharmacy and to the soup shop next door and then I went back to work. He just wanted to come over here because it's just my dad (who's very quiet), and he could rest without having his dad with the tv turned up so loud you can't think and his mom coming in every two seconds going "What are you doing? Did you take your medicine? Blah blah..."

    I was the one that backed down and let her do what she felt she had to do, but I can promise that it won't ever happen again. Even Mox said she made things worse by freaking out (and freaking him out because of it). It just made me mad that she felt I shouldn't have been in the room with him...she needs to get over it...we've been together for a long time now and I'm not going anywhere. Like you said, though- maybe it was just the mix of what was going on, but I won't lie- she's out of town until Monday, and I'm not the least bit sorry.

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