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Thread: Serious Thread For Advice

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    Serious Thread For Advice

    Blah. It is so incredibly lame that I am doing this, but this is actually the single largest collective of males at any site that I bother to visit, so what the hell...

    I will most likely be re-entering the dating pool later this year.

    I have not actually "dated" (as opposed to being married, in a relationship, or keeping a regular fuck buddy) since I was 18... so, ten years now. I'm out of practice with the whole dating scene, and was never very good with it in the first place (being all socially awkward, and all).

    That being the case, I'm interested in hearing the serious, non-sexual, legitimate things that guys consider to be positives when dating... and what they look for... and the kinds of dates they enjoy (again, lets leave sex out of it, m'kay?).

    It would be nice to have some idea of how to approach this when it arises, and to hear the men's perspective on things.

    Soooo... speak up?

    Thank you in advance.

    ~~McCain
    (PS, for those who don't already know, I'm retired from stripping, so "job issues" are essentially irrelevant, unless a man just has a tremendous problem with the fact that I stripped at some point.)

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    Default Re: Serious Thread For Advice

    Quote Originally Posted by McCain
    I'm interested in hearing the serious, non-sexual, legitimate things that guys consider to be positives when dating... and what they look for... and the kinds of dates they enjoy (again, lets leave sex out of it, m'kay?).

    It would be nice to have some idea of how to approach this when it arises, and to hear the men's perspective on things.
    Okay, because I like "cute but psycho."

    I like cute that can fly under the radar. Someone who can roll out of bed, be ready in 10 minutes, and look good (but not gorgeous) with minimal make-up. Someone who can be one of the guys, but girls like her, too.

    I like "emotionally dependable" with a trace of psycho. Extra points for spontaneous affection, including verbal, and for being "into" something, whether it's your work or some sport.

    I like sports dates, even frisbee in the park. Museums, used book stores, concerts...

    I have no problem leaving sex out of it because I keep a submissive freak alien droid under my bed.

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    Default Re: Serious Thread For Advice

    Thank you, Sporty. Those were some interesting things... food for thought. I appreciate the constructive input!

    Maybe more people will pipe up as well.

    Quote Originally Posted by SportsWriter2
    I have no problem leaving sex out of it because I keep a submissive freak alien droid under my bed.
    I figure it's a given that the average male probably wants / needs / expects sex at some point while dating seriously. And to be honest, the sex part isn't generally difficult for me to navigate. Such being the case, no point dragging it into discussion because it's already recognized and it will happen when it happens.

    ~~McCain

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    Default Re: Serious Thread For Advice

    Make an attempt at being punctual and presentable. Sounds basic, but horror stories abound.

    Minimize the injection of negative past and/or baggage into the dating; this can override any interest in moving forward or even pursuing sex. This is a big deal, so keep it light and positive, at least in the early stages.

    Avoid talking about past relationships or asking about past relationships; it's prejudicial and counterproductive, generally speaking.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Default Re: Serious Thread For Advice

    1. be nice
    2. be cuteish

    thats about it. if you can steadily be those things then you've won over 90% of the population of men today.

    hell they'd probably settle for just cute, but dont try and rush into anything, take your time and since your new to dating again just relax and have some fun with your friends. my best relationships i've ever had have come from me just wandering thru life w/o trying to find a mate. nervous, clumsy, socially-akward all fade into a distant memory when you meet someone compatible.

    It will just fall into place.

    ps- we love black underwear and a chick who can keep up with us on the drinks
    yeah baby I know it

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    Default Re: Serious Thread For Advice

    I'm not sure if this is what you're looking for but I'll post anyways.

    My best advise, just be yourself, if you click you click, if you don't you don't. Don't be too serious, remember you're suppose to be having fun. One thing I hate is girls who get real clingy real quickly, don't rush things.

    To sum up: be yourself, have fun, move slowly.

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    Default Re: Serious Thread For Advice

    Shit, perhaps I should be asking this too. I havn't had a real date in months. The last one was my company Xmas party and I brought a boy that I had already fucked within an hour of meeting at the lake of few months before. Few men want to seriously date a woman who has acted like a ho so early on. No fresh meat around. Anyone try the speed dating? My girls and I have been thinking about it. I need to meet a nice boy, I am tired of being single and am too much of a slut to date around....

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
    "And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion

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    Default Re: Serious Thread For Advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine
    I need to meet a nice boy, I am tired of being single and am too much of a slut to date around....
    You say you're a slut...And why are you such a slut, anyway, Katrine?!?

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    Default Re: Serious Thread For Advice

    Quote Originally Posted by McCain
    I'm interested in hearing the serious, non-sexual, legitimate things that guys consider to be positives when dating... and what they look for... and the kinds of dates they enjoy (again, lets leave sex out of it, m'kay?).

    It would be nice to have some idea of how to approach this when it arises, and to hear the men's perspective on things.
    -- #1: Have a life. It almost doesn't matter what kinda life, just *something* that you do beyond surviving physically. Find something you like (besides money, chocolate, & fancy shoes), & tell me *why* you like it. Then see what happens.

    Also: (I find myself saying/writing this a lot) -- pls remember that "guys" is a *big* category encompassing almost half the human race. We're not all alike (beyond certain defining physiological characteristics) -- so be prepared for some fizzles & don't take 'em personally. It's nothing wrong w/ you, it's just how Life is sometimes.

    Good luck. . .

    Rip

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    Default Re: Serious Thread For Advice

    Hey McCain,

    Nice to see you posting here again. I personally have had a lot of bullshit dramatic relationships of which I am really tired of. I want to find someone who I can be friends with more than anything, somebody just to do stuff with and hang out with, without a whole lot of drama. I am also wanting somebody who will not skip town with my son without a trace. I guess you can't have everything. Oh, and some freak-nasty sex would be nice as well.
    A fat chick is like a big, warm, comfortable pillow that you can also have sex with....

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    Default Re: Serious Thread For Advice

    Quote Originally Posted by merely_lurking
    Oh, and some freak-nasty sex would be nice as well.
    Hey sailor, wanna come inside the loop



    McCain, GL. Wish I could help, but I'm just a couple years behind you on that path.

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    Default Re: Serious Thread For Advice

    Quote Originally Posted by McCain
    Blah. It is so incredibly lame that I am doing this, but this is actually the single largest collective of males at any site that I bother to visit, so what the hell...
    lame? no, not at all. breathtakingly harebrained? absolutely.
    Quote Originally Posted by McCain
    so, ten years now. I'm out of practice with the whole dating scene, and was never very good with it in the first place (being all socially awkward, and all).
    you're already psyching yourself out. why? you're a woman. it's not like you have to pay for anything. seriously, if there's one trait in a date that drives me batty. it's a shy woman. i like a woman with a little mettle or fire. "a little" being the operative phrase. no more raging infernos for me. i've had enough of those types.
    Quote Originally Posted by McCain
    That being the case, I'm interested in hearing the serious, non-sexual, legitimate things that guys consider to be positives when dating... and what they look for... and the kinds of dates they enjoy (again, lets leave sex out of it, m'kay?).
    well, finding out what a guy likes as far as his interests or hobbies isn't difficult. unless, he's the socially awkward type. most guys will be happy to blab about them. so, unless it's something like human taxidermy. you can plan your dates accordingly. on a side note, i wouldn't recommend a lenghty first meeting or even a second meeting (unless, the chemistry is really excellent). instead, keep it short and simple.

    now, as far as what guys consider to be positives during a date? well, we all want the other party to be charming, amusing, interesting, etc. however, that doesn't always happen. offhand, i would say a woman who doesn't take herself (or the date) seriously or a woman who can pull her own weight conversation-wise is a positive. while it's true that guys do like a challenge. however, a sisyphean task is another story. so, if a guy has to spend an enormous amount of energy bringing you out of your shell. the date isn't fun anymore. it's becomes more like work and who wants to date that person?

    Quote Originally Posted by Casual Observer
    Avoid talking about past relationships or asking about past relationships; it's prejudicial and counterproductive, generally speaking.
    excellent point. especially, if you're on a date a guy that has been recently divorced. otherwise, you might unintentionally trigger a flashback and it can get real ugly.
    Is it not a problem that the woman have a smaller brain than a man? The government scientist Dr. Yamuka has proved it is size of squirrel. - Borat

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    : Oh, man...(to himself) Why did I get mixed up with that bitch?
    Lt. Vincent Hanna: Cause she's got a great ass and you got your head all the way up it! - from the movie "Heat".

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    Default Re: Serious Thread For Advice

    Thank you, guys, for all the great replies.

    I'm taking notes and seeing that most of it is already covered, except for some really ugly sticking points. Time to start focusing on weeding those out.

    If anybody else feels like contributing, that would be fantastic...


    As an aside, Punk (lord, how I have missed reading your posts)... It maybe true that women do not necessarily have to pay for anything. However, some of us actually feel nervous and / or guilty about accepting too much from men. I didn't like hustling every penny out of a guy when I stripped, and I'm even more averse to a *potential* relationship partner spending a great deal on me.

    Go figure.

    At any rate, I hope everyone is having a good weekend!

    ~~McCain

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    Default Re: Serious Thread For Advice

    Mr_Punk gives dating advice, this is just precious!

    McCain, I can say with certainty that staying home on a Saturday night and eating everything in the house DOESN'T HELP

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
    "And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion

    Quote Originally Posted by Mia M
    If a cupcake was tossed at me... well, I'd only be upset if it missed my mouth

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    Default Re: Serious Thread For Advice

    Quote Originally Posted by McCain
    As an aside, Punk (lord, how I have missed reading your posts)... It maybe true that women do not necessarily have to pay for anything. However, some of us actually feel nervous and / or guilty about accepting too much from men.
    no, it was a joke. which is why i started the next sentence with the word "seriously".
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine
    Mr_Punk gives dating advice, this is just precious!
    LOL...hey, dating is a piece of cake. OTOH, if she asked for marital advice. that's a whole different ballgame and she's all on her own.
    Is it not a problem that the woman have a smaller brain than a man? The government scientist Dr. Yamuka has proved it is size of squirrel. - Borat

    Alan Marciano
    : Oh, man...(to himself) Why did I get mixed up with that bitch?
    Lt. Vincent Hanna: Cause she's got a great ass and you got your head all the way up it! - from the movie "Heat".

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    Default Re: Serious Thread For Advice

    Shit, I wouldn't be worried about pleasing the men, but rather about finding one you'll be pleased with. And that goes for both genders. Compatibility, baby, it's a wonderful thing.

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    Default Re: Serious Thread For Advice

    Well, that's kind of a problem right there, Susan. The "going after the ones with whom I'm pleased", I mean...

    Up to this point, the way it has worked historically has been the ones who "pleased me" have largely been dysfunctional fuckwads and I may or may not have realized it soon enough to avoid a relationship. More often than not, I figure it out far too late. It only recently occurred to me that it's because I never had the balls to actually try surrounding myself with "normal" people (i.e., those who are essentially of a higher caliber and largely drama-free).

    (--insert here rambling sociologial debate regarding what constitutes "normal", and then return to original topic--)

    In the past 9 months since the separation, I've done a lot of thinking, and realized perhaps 1.) I should really start looking at a much better class of men than I have up until this point, and 2.) It might help a *LOT* if I just scale things back and take things easy and relaxed with the guys, instead of rushing into stuff.

    (Now this probably seems like plain old good common sense to the rest of you, but anyone who knows me well in person will tell you I'm savant-like - effing brilliant at certain things, and otherwise completely [as Punk put it ] harebrained. So, sometimes it take me a little longer than the rest of the short-bus kids to pick on something simple... a few years or so, even.)

    On a tangent, something interesting I noticed in the past few months since I have been back is the number of men on SW/SCJ who actually *are* very normal and of reasonably high caliber, despite some of the harsher characterizations and misconceptions of customers. Makes me wonder sometimes why such a divide seems to exist between the two factions. (And before anyone gets into a debate on the character of men frequenting SCs or asking for extras or whatever, understand that I don't judge these things because I'm into some much kinkier stuff than that. To each their own, ya know?)

    Anyway, enough for tonight. It's 4 AM and I'm braindead from coding and editing copy all day, and have another long day of it to look forward to tomorrow. I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend and is sleeping well.

    ~~McCain

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    Default Re: Serious Thread For Advice

    On a tangent, something interesting I noticed in the past few months since I have been back is the number of men on SW/SCJ who actually *are* very normal and of reasonably high caliber, despite some of the harsher characterizations and misconceptions of customers. Makes me wonder sometimes why such a divide seems to exist between the two factions.
    Didn't you get the memo? We're all raincoaters by association if we're not docile, lobotomized worshippers at the Altar of Strippers.
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