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Thread: Fifty Rules for Hogwarts students (*MUST Be versed in SF!!)

  1. #1
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    Default Fifty Rules for Hogwarts students (*MUST Be versed in SF!!)

    1. I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their House colors indicate that they are "covered in bees".

    2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.

    3. Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not "an extra credit project for Herbology".

    4. "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

    5. Putting up Doug Henning posters in Filch's office is not appropriate.

    6. I will not go to class skyclad.

    7. The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

    8. I will not use Umbridge's quill to write "I told you I was hardcore".

    9. I will stop referring to showering as "giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful".

    10. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. "Polishing my wand" in the common room is not.

    11. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

    12. House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

    13. Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defence Against Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept.

    14. I will not start every Potions class by asking Professor Snape if
    today's project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant.

    15. "Liften Separatis Crotchum" is not a real spell.

    16. I will not claim Chick Tracts are an accurate presentation of Muggle life.

    17. Seamus Finnegan is not "after me Lucky Charms".

    18. I will not refer to the Weasley twins as "bookends".

    19. I will not refer to the Patil twins as "bookends".

    20. I will not call the Defence Against Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he
    is wearing an orange anorak.

    21. There is no such thing as a were-thylacine.

    22. I will not provide Luna Lovegood with Coast-to-Coast AM transcripts.

    23. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.

    24. I will not place anything by Silver Ravenwolf on the library shelves.

    25. Tricking a school house elf into stripping does not mean that they are
    now mine, even if I yell "Pwned!".

    26. I am not a sloth Animagus.

    27. I am not a tribble Animagus.

    28. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have
    a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or pirahna.

    29. I do not weight the same as a duck.

    30. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.

    31. I do not have a Dalek Patronus.

    32. I will not lick Trevor.

    33. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is.

    34. The Ravenclaws are not "Mentats in training".

    35. Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is coincidental.

    36. I will not change the password to the prefects' bath to "Makes getting
    clean almost as much fun as getting dirty".

    37. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong.

    38. Professor Flitwick does not wish to be addressed as "Admiral Naismith".

    39. Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is
    only funny the first time.

    40. I will not offer to pose nude for Colin Creevey.

    41. I will not offer to pose nude for Dean Thomas.

    42. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously.

    43. It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall she takes herself too
    seriously.

    44. I am not to Owl copies of the Evil Overlord List to suspected Death Eaters.

    45. I will not offer to prepare tandoori owl.

    46. I will stop asking when we will learn to make "Love Potion Number Nine".

    47. I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.

    48. I will not teach the first-years to sing "A Wizard's Staff Has A Knob
    On The End".

    49. If Ginny Weasley wanted to borrow my Darkover books, she would have
    said so already.

    50. I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.
    Grinding is for coffee and meat.
    "I want to entertain people who wish to be entertained, not be an expensive but poor substitute for someone who can't find themselves a prostitute."-Asurfel
    Those Who Hear Not The Music Think The Dancers Mad.
    “Belgian Trappist Organically Farmed Multiple Orgasm Inducing. Bed Shaking, Neighbors Complaining, Heirloom Radishes”

  2. #2
    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fifty Rules for Hogwarts students (*MUST Be versed in SF!!)

    Quote Originally Posted by lildreamer316

    14. I will not start every Potions class by asking Professor Snape if
    today's project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant.
    What if I wanna use it on Professor Snape? Is it ok then????



    Quote Originally Posted by lildreamer316
    15. "Liften Separatis Crotchum" is not a real spell.
    No but this should be:

    http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/29304030/
    Number of times Rickrolled on stage: 6
    *******************************

    Marasmus ... "Ladies don't fart. They butt-laugh."
    Marasmus says, "Oh no, that wasn't gas, it was merely a rectal chuckle."

    Marek says, "A friend of mine got punched in the face by a dominatrix stripper about two weeks ago and I thought of you."

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    Senior Member siena_b's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fifty Rules for Hogwarts students (*MUST Be versed in SF!!)

    LMAO!!! #8 almost made me pee my pants.

  4. #4
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Fifty Rules for Hogwarts students (*MUST Be versed in SF!!)



    I'm in the middle of re-reading the series right now - I'm about halfway through Order of the Phoenix at the moment. I've read these books a zillion times each. TOO DAMN FUNNY!!

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    Default Re: Fifty Rules for Hogwarts students (*MUST Be versed in SF!!)

    Haha...love it! HP is the best!

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    Default Re: Fifty Rules for Hogwarts students (*MUST Be versed in SF!!)

    Gotta love anything to do with HP
    Can anyone come up with more?

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    Default Re: Fifty Rules for Hogwarts students (*MUST Be versed in SF!!)

    Quote Originally Posted by PaigeDWinter
    What if I wanna use it on Professor Snape? Is it ok then????
    Yeah baby...love Professor Snape!

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Fifty Rules for Hogwarts students (*MUST Be versed in SF!!)

    Quote Originally Posted by PaigeDWinter
    What if I wanna use it on Professor Snape? Is it ok then????
    Hehe, my thought excatly. He could give me detention any day.

  9. #9
    God/dess MrChristopher's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fifty Rules for Hogwarts students (*MUST Be versed in SF!!)

    Ha! #1 combines HP and Eddie Izzard. Genius!
    waffles are just pancakes with little squares on them.

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