Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 35

Thread: Bullies

  1. #1
    Featured Member southstbabe's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Jersey Girl Baby
    Posts
    1,092
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts

    Angry Bullies

    Ok, I have a sweet, well mannered, polite, sensitive 9 year old son who is getting picked on by one of his so-called friends, Nicky E. They're in the same class, participate in all the same sports and are in the same aftercare program at school. Now, Nicky E. is bigger and is very competitive. My son, G-man, is average build but by no means a light weight. Nicky E. taunts him, calls him names, tells him he's no good at whatever sport they're playing. He throws food at him during snack in the aftercare program. So far, he hasn't laid a hand on him. My son isn't his only victim. Nicky E. does the same to his other friends and anyone else. I've talked with other parents whos kids get picked on too by Nicky E. to try to find a solution but it's not easy. We've tried to tell our sons to stick together and stand up for one another but when one is getting teased and the other one isn't they tend to ignore whats going on because they're glad it's not them. What I would really like to do is pull Nicky E. aside and give him a piece of my mind and intimidate the shit out of him but I'm afraid that will only make things worse for my son. I'd like to go to Nicky E's mother and talk to her but it's hard since my son can be kind of "grey" when he tells me things, it's hard to tell what's black and white with him. What I'd like to avoid is going to the principal at his school and reporting it. We have a no tolerance anti-bulling policy at my sons school and I just don't want to go down that road with it. It would mean BIG trouble for Nicky E. and I don't think it requires that kind of action, yet. My son isn't at the point where he doesn't want to go to school or stop participating in the things he likes because of Nicky E, but I don't want it to get to that point either. My son does tell him to stop and tries to stick up for himself but it's just not working. I'd like to see him get a little more aggressive with Nicky E. but my son just doesn't have an aggressive nature.

    I'd need some advice here ladies....HELP.

  2. #2
    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2003
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    7,772
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked 40 Times in 35 Posts

    Default Re: Bullies

    That's always a hard situation with bullies. I guess my advice is that you should go to Nicky E.'s mother... Tell her what you told us... That your son can be kind of "grey" about it... But this is what's going on as far as you know... Also make sure to tell her that you have avoided going to the principal because of this no tolerance for bullying and you don't want that kid to REALLY get into trouble. His mom definately needs to be aware that this is going on. Maybe asking her not to tell her son, Nicky E. that YOU were the one to come talk to her would be a good thing... Keep him from knowing that your son was involved.

  3. #3
    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Lil Rhody
    Posts
    10,471
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Bullies

    Cover all the bases. Talk to the school, bus company (if they ride the bus together), and the parents. My Son had a problem back in Kindergarten (This is going back 9 years now when there was no such thing as a "No-Bully Policy) with a kid that outweighed him by about 50 pounds. My Son would get shoved, kicked, and hit on the bus by this beast of a child. When I let the bus company know, they had the monitor pay extra attention to the situation. Seemed to calm it down a bit, but then that monitor left the job. So, the problems started up again.

    I finally went up to the kid's mother, and confronted her. She shot back with "Well, he said he doesn't do anything!" I came very close to laying that bitch out, but of course, that wouldn't have solved anything.

    Since they were in different grades, they didn't have contact at school. It was just on the bus. So, I ended up driving him to school and picking him up myself. It was more work for me, because I would work from 9pm to 6am, and then come home and drive him in, but there's nothing more important than keeping your child safe.

    Talk to all involved though--Let the school know what's going on, and document everything that you've done regarding the problem.

    Hope everything gets better for your boy.

  4. #4
    Yekhefah
    Guest

    Default Re: Bullies

    Nicky E. is going to grow into an even bigger asshole unless his parents nip this now. Talk to his mother, and tell her you don't want to get the principal involved but you will have to if this doesn't stop. Hopefully she will be a good parent and take care of it.

  5. #5
    God/dess gypsy_girlchild's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Va mostly
    Posts
    2,750
    Thanks
    3
    Thanked 52 Times in 41 Posts

    Default Re: Bullies

    I had to deal with this when my little brother was getting picked on. We talked to the paretns of the kid (of course they said that their child NEVER lies and he said my brother started it,) brother was three years younger than the kid and in kindergarten.. ugh!
    My dad laid it out that her kid was not to mess with his, and although he did not threaten her, he defintely convinced her to talk to her son.
    Another time my brother came home with bruises all over his back from a "birthday beating". That was when the school was talked to about it. It turns out that the abusers were known as problem kids and the school really needed to deal with them. The kids were told to steer away from my brother and his friends and that if any more of this behavior continued they would be expelled. I think they should have been (two bigger guys) expelled, but atleast we got the school's attention.
    I think you reallly should talk to the kid's parents and let them know that if they don't talk sense into their kid then you WILL go to the school. And nowdays the No Bullies rule really does hold some weight.
    Good luck and never be afraid of protecting your kid, if you don't, who will?
    Please don't lick me, it tickles..



  6. #6
    Veteran Member veteranprincess's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    306
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Bullies

    Sounds to me like Nicky E. NEEDS big trouble. That kid needs to be put in check and the sooner the better. Just be point blank and straightforward with the mom ie: This is what your son is doing (name calling, throwing food etc) I want it to stop IMMEDIATELY or I'll simply allow the school authorities to handle it. She'll either be mortified and apologetic or extremely defensive and laisez faire about the whole thing.

    Personally I'd just go straight to the principal. Why fuck around and potentially get into some spat with demon boy's parent? Besides, even if your son isn't at the point of dreading school there probably is another child who is. Maybe they're too embarressed to tell their parents or something.

    Tell on Nicky E, please.

  7. #7
    God/dess twisterinAZ's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Scottsdale
    Posts
    2,228
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 12 Times in 9 Posts

    Default Re: Bullies

    You really need to talk to the parents. If your child was behaving that way wouldn't you want to know about it? If the parents are as bad as the child (so often the case) then go to the school for assistance.

  8. #8
    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Key West
    Posts
    16,343
    Thanks
    1,395
    Thanked 5,487 Times in 2,768 Posts

    Default Re: Bullies

    Quote Originally Posted by gypsy_girlchild
    ...I think you reallly should talk to the kid's parents and let them know that if they don't talk sense into their kid then you WILL go to the school. And nowdays the No Bullies rule really does hold some weight.
    Good luck and never be afraid of protecting your kid, if you don't, who will?
    This sounds like a plan. You aren't going with the hardcore solution yet, and giving the brat's parents a chance to do something before taking that drastic (but possibly necessary) step.

    The problem is, if the kid is a bully, odds are his parents are f*cked up and doing something wrong, and also likely to get defensive/belligerent as a response to your appeal. Generally speaking the parents of a bully have given their child a perverse gift, and aren't so likely to be considerate or understanding people. usually daddy bullies his own kids, and they just pass it along.

    Being the shortest kid in my class until I grew 6" one summer, and didn't stop, and being much more inclined to read books than to go get yelled at for dropping the stupid f*cking ball in sports games, I caught hell the entire time I went to public school, right up until I grew tall just before my senior year in high school.

    So I know exactly, all too well, what your child is going through. The worst of it was junior high--I dreaded going to school every single day...

    Now, of course, I could snap their spines like a twig, but that makes little difference. They are miserable pot-bellied morons with boring wives and bully brats of their own.

    I would be very careful how you approach the parents--like don't come across as being angry or combatative or threatening, even if you have every right to be. Odds are they will get defensive about it even if you do play it cool, so be ready for this with a calm, firm attitude, and let them know you understand they don't like the idea of their child being criticized--but it is a problem, it needs to stop, and you will take it to the next step if they don't cooperate.

    The other option is for you to send your boy to a martial arts class, if he would want to go--I wasn't into it at all, either, but the few jujitsu classes I took as a kid have paid off big time in a number of different situations, including recently at work, lol...

    If he waits awhile, long enough to be sure of what he is doing, he'll surprise the hell out of that bully, and anyone else who crosses him.

    BTW if you do this I would recommend jujitsu or judo as it is commonly called, since it teaches people to use the attacker's weight against him--something quite handy for little guys. Also it's a less aggressive sport and might fit your boy's personality better. Also if he throws the kid on the ground when he is trying to push him, it will look better to the authorities than if your boy punches him karate style in the nose.
    Last edited by Djoser; 03-29-2006 at 11:58 AM.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

    ______________________________________

  9. #9
    Veteran Member veteranprincess's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    306
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Bullies

    I'm not advocating this but thought you guys might enjoy the story:

    I used to work with a girl, a friend of mine, who used to get bullied by a group of mean girls while in jr. high. Well, her mom (young mother) dressed up all tough looking and went up to those girls and threatened that if they ever messed with her "cousin" again she was gonna kick all their asses. hahahahaha The mean girls ran away and never messed with my friend again.


  10. #10
    God/dess erotictonic's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Watching lalaland
    Posts
    2,307
    Thanks
    17
    Thanked 39 Times in 34 Posts

    Default Re: Bullies

    Unfortunately, it is too late for Nicky. His parents don't care, and probably promote his behavior, according to the mother's response. My parents paid kids to beat me up, they decided when I was born that I would be a victim. What to do? I am anti-violence, I don't believe in any sort of violence, but unfortunately the world does not work according to my rules. I would say get the kids to gang up on him and beat him up. Your son must find friends that will take up for one another. I couldn't do this because of my father - he was a conman and no decent kids would be my friends so I was stuck in a very bad situation... getting beat up and bullied all the way through school, since my parents did not care, and in fact wanted me dead. Your son will do well if he has many friends and some courage.

  11. #11
    God/dess gypsy_girlchild's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Va mostly
    Posts
    2,750
    Thanks
    3
    Thanked 52 Times in 41 Posts

    Default Re: Bullies

    wow, this would really stress me out.. I was all ready to kick some butts when it came to my brother.. I only have dogs, but bully dogs aren't allowed in my house. And I have told their owners that also. If your dogs messes with my dog then I get very angry.
    I hope you find a solution to this problem and your little guy is happier.
    Please don't lick me, it tickles..



  12. #12
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Home
    Posts
    13,598
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 28 Times in 23 Posts

    Default Re: Bullies

    Well, I would go talk with his mom. In fact, I would encourage ALL of the picked on kids' parents to go talk with his mom (or dad). But, not at the same time. That'll feel like you're ganging up on the mom...which will put her on the defensive. Having all of the parents complaining will get her attention...and if it doesn't then you go to the school as a big group and log a complaint with the school.

    Of course, if you are in the vicinity where he is picking on your son, then you have the right to step in and put this child in line. I've found what works (with 3-5 year olds) is that if the kid starts being a bully you go over to the bully and say, "We don't play like that here. If you are going to keep up with this inappropriate behavior then you will have to play by yourself." And MEAN it. If the kid keeps it up, you distract all of the other kids away from the bully and keep the bully by himself (make sure you reassure him that if he changes his behavior and doesn't call names, push, hit, etc he can join the group).

    Never, ever walk away from a bully at this stage. Walking away and not dealing with the issue is just like giving him the OK to keep it up. Put him on the spot, make him accountable for his actions/behaviors, and reinforce/reward the POSITIVE behaviors and not the negative.

    Good luck and keep us updated!

  13. #13
    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2002
    Location
    Some Fat guys Lap!
    Posts
    9,647
    Thanks
    11
    Thanked 90 Times in 67 Posts

    Default Re: Bullies

    Somebody needs to get together and Jump Nicky E.'s bad ass

    Quote Originally Posted by Bella21
    That's always a hard situation with bullies. I guess my advice is that you should go to Nicky E.'s mother... Tell her what you told us... That your son can be kind of "grey" about it... But this is what's going on as far as you know...
    Seriously, I think this is the best tactic. Tell Nicky E's mom.







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


  14. #14
    Featured Member southstbabe's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Jersey Girl Baby
    Posts
    1,092
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts

    Default Re: Bullies

    Thanks for all the advice. I'll prolly call Nicky E's mom tonight, we get along and are friendly with each other . Hopefully she'll be open and listen to me, she knows my son and likes him. I think Nicky E gets his bully ways from his big brother. I'm sure he gets pushed around by his brother at home and hence it trickles down to anyone else who might cross his path. Another parent had a talk with Nicky E recently, one of his other friends Dad about his "mean" ways and I was told it didn't faze him at all. And he pretty much denied all of it.

    I like the martial arts class idea, but it doesn't fly with my son. Even before he was getting picked on I asked him if he wanted to take classes and he's always said no. He's just not interested in it.

    I'll let you all know how it goes.

    Here's a pic of my G-Man
    Last edited by southstbabe; 09-04-2007 at 07:18 AM.

  15. #15
    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2002
    Location
    Some Fat guys Lap!
    Posts
    9,647
    Thanks
    11
    Thanked 90 Times in 67 Posts

    Default Re: Bullies

    Aww he is so cute. He looks like a good kid too.

    Yes, I really hope Nicky E's mom is receptive and listens to what you have to say about this issue.







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


  16. #16
    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2003
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    7,772
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked 40 Times in 35 Posts

    Default Re: Bullies

    Quote Originally Posted by veteranprincess
    I'm not advocating this but thought you guys might enjoy the story:

    I used to work with a girl, a friend of mine, who used to get bullied by a group of mean girls while in jr. high. Well, her mom (young mother) dressed up all tough looking and went up to those girls and threatened that if they ever messed with her "cousin" again she was gonna kick all their asses. hahahahaha The mean girls ran away and never messed with my friend again.

    HAHAHAHA!!!!

  17. #17
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Jul 2004
    Posts
    521
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Bullies

    Quote Originally Posted by Djoser
    ...The other option is for you to send your boy to a martial arts class, if he would want to go--I wasn't into it at all, either, but the few jujitsu classes I took as a kid have paid off big time in a number of different situations, including recently at work, lol...

    If he waits awhile, long enough to be sure of what he is doing, he'll surprise the hell out of that bully, and anyone else who crosses him.

    BTW if you do this I would recommend jujitsu or judo as it is commonly called, since it teaches people to use the attacker's weight against him--something quite handy for little guys. Also it's a less aggressive sport and might fit your boy's personality better. Also if he throws the kid on the ground when he is trying to push him, it will look better to the authorities than if your boy punches him karate style in the nose.
    I agree with your advice, although I would probably choose aikido. I'm not sure if aikido is considered a form of judo or jujitso. Although you'd hardly call it one of the "most peaceful of the martial arts" from the way Steven Seagal uses it in his movies. But that's how I've heard it described a number of times.

    From what I understand from a friend who once taught Tang Soo Do, the first thing you try in any martial art is to avoid any confrontation if at all possible. If the other person(s) involved still will not leave you alone, you then escalate your responses until they have no other choice.

  18. #18
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2002
    Posts
    9,746
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 50 Times in 31 Posts

    Default Re: Bullies

    Honey, what would you say if his parents came to you and said that your kid started it? Like, "Oh, okay, I'll talk to him"? or "he did not, it was your demon spawn's fault"? Like you are taking your kid's word, why wouldn't they do the same? I would actually get together with maybe a few other parents and talk to them as nicely as possible; this will lend some credibility to your claims. But be really, really nice and diplomatic or else they will feel like you (a bunch of adults) are picking on their 10 year old kid. You also might wonder why the sudden surge in anti-social behaviour - like it is one kid being mean to a whole bunch of others. Usually bullying works the other way around - a little gang picking on one kid. You know, social validation and whatnot. Like have the other kids excluded him from something recently? Is there some reason he may feel threatened or not liked? If it is a home situation it is far past your capacity to control.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

  19. #19
    Featured Member southstbabe's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Jersey Girl Baby
    Posts
    1,092
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts

    Default Re: Bullies

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny
    You also might wonder why the sudden surge in anti-social behaviour - like it is one kid being mean to a whole bunch of others. Usually bullying works the other way around - a little gang picking on one kid. You know, social validation and whatnot. Like have the other kids excluded him from something recently? Is there some reason he may feel threatened or not liked? If it is a home situation it is far past your capacity to control.
    Are you refering to my son or Nicky E? I'm not sure I understand, it's been a long and stressful day, forgive me if I'm out of focus.

  20. #20
    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Key West
    Posts
    16,343
    Thanks
    1,395
    Thanked 5,487 Times in 2,768 Posts

    Default Re: Bullies

    Quote Originally Posted by PhaedrusZ
    I agree with your advice, although I would probably choose aikido. I'm not sure if aikido is considered a form of judo or jujitso. Although you'd hardly call it one of the "most peaceful of the martial arts" from the way Steven Seagal uses it in his movies. But that's how I've heard it described a number of times.

    From what I understand from a friend who once taught Tang Soo Do, the first thing you try in any martial art is to avoid any confrontation if at all possible. If the other person(s) involved still will not leave you alone, you then escalate your responses until they have no other choice.
    Yes, from what I've heard, aikido is even more passive than jujitsu. You still use the attackers' own weight and momentum against them, but in jujitsu you slam them on the ground, etc.--then there's the chokeholds and such...

    I think Seagall uses more than aikido in his movies, though it may be the basis for his 'real-life' skill. BTW, a friend of mine was at a party and met him and apparently he has gotten pretty fat, lol.

    OK, sorry to digress--southstbabe, it's great that you are friends with his mom, that'll help a lot--hopefully. Hell I had some 'friends' who actually were pretty cool with me except varying degrees of physical abuse--sometimes it seems to be a junior macho way of expressing friendship--or maybe taking advantage of it to relieve aggression.

    As far as the martial arts idea not going over well--it's hardly surprising, given his gentler nature. I don't remember how I got involved with jujitsu but I didn't really enjoy it, and complained to my mom until she stopped having me go--too bad!

    If he could go with another gentler natured friend, or maybe a trusted male friend or relative that was older and he respected, it might work--and it'd be good for him, too. But you can't force it.

    He does need to know, however, that size doesn't matter--it's ferocity and skill that wins. A little guy that knows how to fight will kick the big asshole's but every time. If you aren't used to the idea of fighting it takes a while to really figure it out, but once you learn this it makes a big difference. Just not being afraid really helps, too.

    Good luck and let us know how it turns out.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

    ______________________________________

  21. #21
    Veteran Member veteranprincess's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    306
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Bullies

    Quote Originally Posted by southstbabe
    Are you refering to my son or Nicky E? I'm not sure I understand, it's been a long and stressful day, forgive me if I'm out of focus.
    I think she means Nicky E. I went to grade school with a bully like him too. She was a bigger and meaner girl who picked on all sorts of kids, boys and girls. She used to chase us around the playground with one of those sharp pudding cup pop-top lids.

    Anyhow, I hope you're able to successfuly resolve this problem.

  22. #22
    Senior Member kirbie_kyle's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    181
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Bullies

    Quite honestly, if I was Nicky E's mother I would be so embarrassed. You're doing something right cause G-man's got class. I know what it's like to be bullied though. When I was in fifth grade this seventh grade girl used to make fun of me cause i was skinny and short and look at me now 5'7

  23. #23
    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Key West
    Posts
    16,343
    Thanks
    1,395
    Thanked 5,487 Times in 2,768 Posts

    Default Re: Bullies

    Yeah, you probably also look ten times better than she does now, too, lol...

    Bullies always operate out of a base of insecurity. Confident people don't pick on others.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

    ______________________________________

  24. #24
    God/dess threlayer's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Syracuse
    Posts
    5,921
    Thanks
    369
    Thanked 419 Times in 290 Posts
    My Mood
    Fine

    Default Re: Bullies

    Since a lot of kids cannot handle this ruffian, and it occurs at school or related, report it to school and let other parent of victims Know you've done that so they may support you in the school intervention. It's their anti-bully program you are also supporting. This is exactly what they want parents to do. Support the program. BTW it will help little Nicky too before he turns out to be a JD which you will regret.

    It's your responsibility. Don't get wimpy on that.

    JD = juvenile delinquent
    LS = little snot
    Last edited by threlayer; 03-31-2006 at 08:53 AM.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

  25. #25
    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2005
    Location
    in your dreams, in my nightmares
    Posts
    2,085
    Thanks
    59
    Thanked 139 Times in 85 Posts

    Default Re: Bullies

    Quote Originally Posted by southstbabe
    What I'd like to avoid is going to the principal at his school and reporting it. We have a no tolerance anti-bulling policy at my sons school and I just don't want to go down that road with it. It would mean BIG trouble for Nicky E. and I don't think it requires that kind of action, yet.
    Well if you don't like the no tolerance anti-bullying policy at the school, can you change schools to one that does tolerate bullying?

    I really don't understand why you don't think Nicky E. should have to face the consequences of his behavior. Take care of your son, not some bully who is making his life miserable. That's my advice.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •