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Thread: Boyfriend and dating website

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    Default Boyfriend and dating website

    So I have been dating a guy for 3 months and I thought everything was perfect until I read his emails and found out he belonged to a dating website. Hes been exchanging emails every night with various girls and getting to know them. I didnt break into his emails by the way, he left for work and when I got on the computer his email page was staring at me - I couldnt resist. He swears he does not cheat on me and he never met up with them.
    The thing is I would dump him but hes the greatest guy I ever met- hes very honest and hes a gentleman that treats me good. He then says even though we are exclusive he is keeping his options open. He doesnt know yet if Im the one he wants to be with. We are both almost 30 and hes only looking for someone to spend his life with. What the fuck is that???!!! What should I do?? Should I wait it out and see if IM the one or just say forget it. Im hurt that he is considering dating girls he met on the internet over me. Im confused What to do...

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    Default Re: Boyfriend and dating website

    That is tough.

    I think 3 months is pretty soon to become exclusive, myself, so it's not so bad that he's chatting online...but lying by omission (ie not telling you) is indeed troubling.

    Have you had the exclusivity talk? Who suggested exclusivity? It's one or the other...if you are exclusive, his attention should be on you 100%. Otherwise he's not giving your relationship a fair shot.

    I don't honestly know what to say...

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    Veteran Member StuartL's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend and dating website

    I'm no expert, but guys are just as confused in life as girls. He's obviously missing something in his life or needing something. You (and he) just need to find out what. He probably can't explain why he was using the site if you asked him, he just was. That would mean that he has some deep seated need, he's driven to it. Could be frustrations at work, money worries, health issues, relationship issues - who knows?

    I can only make these comments 'cos it happened to me. Not being caught on a dating site - never! Just suddenly once last year for about 2 months having a need for something. More female contact or something I think. I was single at the time. It passed. Personally I think the web is a ridiculous way to find a girlfriend - but still I used it.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend and dating website

    Chrissy, though what you are going through is pretty lame, please remember,
    you're almost 30.
    And he doesn't need you to defend him. He needs to lay this out on the line. Obviously he is not in tune with what you want in a partner. You deserve to know, if you're investing your time in this, that you are getting what you want out of it.

    Now not being a dick, but maybe this will help, you have to realize you say this:

    Quote Originally Posted by chrissy
    The thing is I would dump him but hes the greatest guy I ever met- hes very honest and hes a gentleman that treats me good.
    In the same post you say these things:

    Quote Originally Posted by chrissy
    I thought everything was perfect until I read his emails and found out he belonged to a dating website. Hes been exchanging emails every night with various girls and getting to know them.
    That's called deception. A form of lying. A potential taste of things to come.

    Quote Originally Posted by Chrissy
    He then says even though we are exclusive he is keeping his options open. He doesnt know yet if Im the one he wants to be with. We are both almost 30 and hes only looking for someone to spend his life with. What the fuck is that???!!!
    This shows that at the time of this post, you had a different expectation of where this relationship you're in is going. So was he lying in making you beleive you two where in synch?

    Quote Originally Posted by chrissy
    What should I do?? Should I wait it out and see if IM the one or just say forget it. Im hurt that he is considering dating girls he met on the internet over me. Im confused What to do...
    You're confused. That sucks. But do NOT forget why you are confused. Now I am going to say I don't know the whole story, and I want you to realize that what you want is something you need to not forget in your current state of confusion, but, you're confused because:

    Quote Originally Posted by chrissy
    The thing is I would dump him but hes the greatest guy I ever met- hes very honest and hes a gentleman that treats me good.
    May not be as true as you thought it was.

    Its been 3 months, and I'm sure there are other guys equally or more interested in the position you seek to fill. Think of the BENEFITS package?!

    Good Luck.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend and dating website

    While 3 months isn't too long, it depends on the expectations of both people. Not to mention that is he wants/needs to get married in a few months, and is not sure of you yet, so is hedging his bets. It may be understandable from his point of view. Still hurt ensues if both people are NOT on the same page in a relationship. Has the "L" word been used a few times yet?

    I think that is the issue between you both. I hope you can settle it soon.
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    Default Re: Boyfriend and dating website

    ok, if he is doing this behind your back, that is cheating. There is nothing exclusive about meeting girls online while you have a girlfriend.

    You say he's great, but a great man wouldn't be doing this. You need to find your self respect, girl.

    <hugs> good luck

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