Today I went to Ulta and treated myself to some beauty products, and was tempted to get a Brazilian wax. However, whenever I make myself beautiful, I only get mad b/c my boyfriend won't take the effort to make himself appealing to me. He's overweight with a paunch that makes sex awkward (I have to suck in my stomach to accomodate his gut), it's like fucking a pregnant woman. I've asked him to please try to exercise more or eat better, but it always ends up with him getting defensive. He's finally stopped drinking so much soda because a recent Doctor's visit revealed high blood sugar. However, he's so busy that he eats on the run and doesn't like the "rabbit food" that I make. I don't care if he never has washboard abs, I simply want him to make a fucking effort.
My feelings can be summed up in a Q & A to Dr. Ruth Westheimer:
I think that the relationship is going sour anyway after more than 2 years, but we're living together and I'm trying to make things work again. Things may get better because I quit my horrible, stressful job at a nursing home, but I fear that we're growing apart. Another problem is that I'm not interested in sex anymore, mainly because of the weight issue. I know that love is possible without sex, but he thinks that I just want to be platonic friends. I want to go out on more dates and try to rekindle what we once had. Any comments? Our lease expires at the end of May, so it's not long until we're both obligation free. I feel awkward about asking him to care about his looks because there are so many other things that I'm not holding up. For example, the apartment is a mess, I owe him back rent, and he's helped me out with a lot of things. I'm trying to make a quid pro quo on the issue of appearance by itself. For example, I once tried to encourage him to lose weight by offering to get Brazilian waxes again. It's sad that when I dress up, it's not for him, it's for everybody but him because I'm so mad about it.Q: My husband has gained a lot of weight over the course of our marriage. I am not as attracted to him as I used to be, although I still love him very much. Despite marriage counseling, I'm still having trouble getting past my issues with his physical appearance. Do you have any advice?
A: Weight gain is a tricky issue because it's perceived as "voluntary." For example, many men lose the lovely locks they had when they were younger. While some women may not be attracted to their husbands' baldness -- they may have even avoided dating bald men -- they are now willing to overlook hair loss because they know it's no one's "fault." Weight gain, on the other hand, can cause resentment because it is considered a matter of choice. Weight gain also tends to go hand in hand with inactivity. Someone who has gained a great deal of weight just can't get around the way he or she once did. It may even affect the person's ability to make love. If you enjoy physical activity and he can no longer keep up, then you have another reason to resent this change.
So, you see, it may not just be his actual appearance that is bothering you. You might be blaming him for his choices -- perhaps subconsciously. If your husband has simply given up on his weight, that may be a bigger factor than what he looks like. If you think this is the case, you should talk to him. Tell him it's not the actual weight that bothers you as much as his attitude. If he is willing to make more of an effort to control his weight, both by eating less and by getting more exercise, then you might be able to overlook those extra pounds -- even if he's never svelte again.



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Maintaining good personal hygeine, namely privates, by washing with soap and water and freshening up with moist wipes. 

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