When I was 18 and a freshman, I entered an abusive relationship that dragged on for about 2 years with a jerk whom I will refer to as Anal Douche. He heard about me through a friend, contacted me through email because I reminded him of his ex, whom I will refer to as Phantom, and Anal and I hooked up at the start of college. Right away, things didn't feel right. He always talked of his ex, constantly comparing us and always trying to transform me into her. He even had the audacity to ask me to read their old love letters, and even admitted that I was only a substitute until he could get back with her. I'd ask him to please not talk about it, but he'd tell me that I'd have to accept him for who he was. He was deliberately an ass to my friends, stating that we shouldn't be friends with wach other's friends because it would create awkward situations. He'd call me stupid, not apologize, but go onto wierd tangents with logic based on wormhole theories, hurt my feelings and consider it hilarious, and otherwise chip away at my self esteem. I, like most other women in abusive relationships, stayed because I thought that I was being too sensitive, wanted to become the kind of woman that he wanted me to be because it seemed like a better deal, not knowing that it was all his imagination that always thinks that the grass is greener on the other side. He's in the film business, so of course he's subscribed to some trendy school of thought which he uses to justify his assholism. Next on the list will probably be Kabbalah, Scientology, or cocaine. Any penitance is a pretentious and ostentatious substitute for actually doing something. Instead, he twists around the psychology and uses it to convince others to let him
He's dating another girl, fresh out of high school, as stupid and naive and gulliable as I was. I'm not trying to sabotage their relationship, and I'm not trying to be an obcessed stalker hell bent on ruining his life like he ruined mine, but I would have loved for Phantom to have contacted me and assured me that it wasn't me, it was his stank attitude, and that he had a history of this emotional sadomasochism. I eventually did run into Phantom because we ran in the same social circles, and we talked about the whole thing. I discovered that she was not the goddess that Anal made her out to be, but a HUMAN. We're good friends now, and it helped me get over him.
Should I send an email to his new girlfriend to give her a warning? I'm not planning to give her a rundown of the history of our relationship, but rather send her this link, which is a really good essay about emotionally abusive men. Yes, she'll probably shrug it off and consider me a pscho ex, but I would have loved the reassurance. I went through hell dating him, and I don't want anyone to have to go through the same. Whenever I meet a girl who wants to start stripping, I warn her about what to avoid so she can avoid what I stupidly endured. I don't press it on them, but I like to make them aware of things.



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