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Thread: I avoid Eye contact

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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Sad I avoid Eye contact

    *sigh* I know that sounds foolish considering the type of environment we ladies work in but I really do have a problem with this. A few weeks ago I go the courage to start walking through the crowd winking at guys, and flirting with other guys while I gave a couch dance. The men loved it.

    When I walk past a guy, and notice him checking me out, I get shy. Hell, I know I SHOULDN'T cause that is money. I do sometimes avoid their stares though. What I try to do is if I notice them watching me, I make a circle, ask 1-2 other people for dances then find the guy. Last night though, I ended up losing the guy. Who knows how much potential money I lost on that!

    I dont' know what it is. I get these moments when I just get shy. I need that shi to stop, and pronto!!! Any advice??







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


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    Veteran Member Sinful333's Avatar
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    Default Re: I avoid Eye contact

    My only suggestion is this....

    Remember that as soon as you walk into that club, you are no longer YOU. You are who the guys want you to be, you are the ultimate fantasy. I am sure when you are on stage you are just looking around for who has the tips out, right? Just keep the act up...

    In my real life, I get very shy around people I don't know. At work, I am the total opposite. I play little games with my customers with my eyes, movements, and just plain everything.

    It is an exhausting job... not just physically but mentally to go from one person to another on a daily basis.

    Good luck.... hope that helped at all... haha (I know you have probably heard that a million times before)

    Sin-

  3. #3
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: I avoid Eye contact

    Wow, I had no idea Miss Cinn was SHY! Makes me feel a lot better that I'm not the only one

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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re: I avoid Eye contact

    Quote Originally Posted by CorsicaFire
    Wow, I had no idea Miss Cinn was SHY! Makes me feel a lot better that I'm not the only one
    OH yea dude, it's pretty bad. In "real life" I wear glasses and walk with my head to the floor. At work, my head is up, I have a huge smile on my face and am pretty dam sexy if I must say so.

    I dunno why though. I just get these super shy moments. I'm trying to nip this out of the bud though. I hate seeing money walk out of the club..







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


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    Default Re: I avoid Eye contact

    Quote Originally Posted by cinammonkisses
    *sigh* I know that sounds foolish considering the type of environment we ladies work in but I really do have a problem with [eye contact]. A few weeks ago I go the courage to start walking through the crowd winking at guys, and flirting with other guys while I gave a couch dance. The men loved it.

    I dont' know what it is. I get these moments when I just get shy. I need that shi to stop, and pronto!!! Any advice??
    When we flirt, we make a different sort of eye contact than when we are just inteacting socially. Social eye contact lasts maybe 3 - 6 seconds, flirting eye contact significantly longer. I think you may be feeling uncomfortable because you are subconsciously picking up on the guy's motives without understanding the reason.

    As soon as you make eye contact right back, that puts out the signal that you are interested in the guy. Looking away will tend to indicate you are not interested, and hence, you'll do yourself out of dances.

    When you made eye contact, "the men loved it". QED.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sinful333
    Remember that as soon as you walk into that club, you are no longer YOU. You are who the guys want you to be, you are the ultimate fantasy.

    Sin-
    Sin is right - it's not as if you'll be inviting your customers into your private life. It's only when you walk back out of the club you turn back into the real you. Regard yourself as an actress playing a part.

    Sharon Stone isn't really a homicidal maniac, (at least I hope she isn't).

    And advice from the guy point of view - we realise that it's a fantasy, but we still like to think you like us a little. Eye contact gives that impression. Conversely, not making eye contact can make you come over cold and disinterested. And cold and disinterested is not an incentive for repeat dances.

    I think if you realise that making eye contact is just part of your actress's role, it'll be less of a problem.

    Phil.

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    Default Re: I avoid Eye contact

    Cinnamin, I have the exact same problem! Granted I've only been dancing for 5 weeks. I have difficulty walking up to guys, or sitting next to them--and I hardly ever sit on anyone's lap unless invited or have already chatted with him. I'm so horrible at small talk, though I'm getting a little better, I think. Strangely enough, I'm not shy on stage. I really like costumes, and my outfits are (and I'm not afraid to say this) flawlessly put together. I often wear my glasses with the outfit--they look adorable on me, especially with schoolgirl or secretary look. I make my stage show playful and kinda theatrical. It helps me get over the fear, and I have fun! I do make eye contact, particularly during a LD, but just walking around th club it's hard for me. I have to really force myself to look at the men to see if they're lookng at me, and then, even if they ARE checking me out, I have to brace myself and say mentally something to the affect of, "You're Jackie here, not Jessica. You're a fantasy and a damned good one!" There's plenty of guys I have waited to go to, despite their obvious interest, and almost always are they snatched up by another girl. I guess pratice makes perfect, and I really am getting the hang of it. You probably have been dancing for a long time and make more money than I do. Just imagine how much you could make if you can psych yourself into a little courage!

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    God/dess fancygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: I avoid Eye contact

    Use that shyness to your advantage. You don't have to maintain eye contact, but as soon as you make it and see that you've got eye contact, just drop it, and put a little grin on and sashay away. Then you can go back later. I tend to be the type of girl that likes to give the guy a little space (I know, not smart business) and then circle back so he doesn't feel like I'm jumping him, but that I'm actually flirting and being coy.

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    Default Re: I avoid Eye contact

    You can train yourself to hold eye contact. Do it from stage where you're farther away. Observe until your target looks back and hold....two....three....four. Then pick another target. Repeat.

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    Default Re: I avoid Eye contact

    Quote Originally Posted by CorsicaFire
    Wow, I had no idea Miss Cinn was SHY! Makes me feel a lot better that I'm not the only one
    OMG! Me either! I would've NEVER guessed that you're shy!

    I can understand though. I have a hard time holding eye contact with anyone. To me it's just a VERY intimate thing to do. I'm working on it though. I keep reading how irl people think that if you don't look into someones eyes while they're talking that 1. your shady or 2. your lying...I would HATE to think that someone thought of me that way! So I"m working on it.

    I do the same thing though when someone (man or woman) is flirting with me..I feel naughty if I hold eye contact, lol.. I'm a HORRIBLE flirter!

    Sorry, no real advise, other than just force yourself to do it. It's getting easier for me with more practice





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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: I avoid Eye contact

    I'm just an eye contact type of person. I look everyone in the eyes when I am talking with them, reach out and touch them (arm, leg, etc). I also made a lot of money when I would really LOOK at them when I was dancing. I saw a lot of other dancers staring at themselves in the mirror, looking around the room, gesturing to other dancers, etc...but me, I gave that guy ALL of my attention...and then the guys that were on the perimeter of where this guy was sitting and watching me, I would do what you do, Cinn and wink at them, smile at them, whatever, but it was fleeting and the rest of the dance would be on the guy I was dancing for.

    Making someone feel like they are "the only one" works a lot better than you know. When you act uninterested and bored, they pick up on that and spend less money. When you see someone staring at you, beeline for them immediately (hold the eye contact...they LOVE that) and go up to them (sit on their lap if you're comfy with that) and purrrrrrr in their ear, "I couldn't help but notice your eyes...I would LOVE to dance for you..."

    For me, that worked 99.99999999% of the time. In fact, it worked so well with quite a few of the guys that I ended up in the CL with them....or if we didn't hit the CL, then I would get as many dances as they had money...

    Dancing should be 75% psychological and 25% physical (not extras type physical ie. hj's, bj's, etc). If you can get the guys in the right "mind set" then it makes your dancing that much easier. I always tried to maximize on each customer. The less "walking" around in the club I had to do the better. Besides, when customers see you giving dance after dance to one person...it makes them want you that much more. heh

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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re: I avoid Eye contact

    Quote Originally Posted by VenusGoddess
    I'm just an eye contact type of person. I look everyone in the eyes when I am talking with them, reach out and touch them (arm, leg, etc). I also made a lot of money when I would really LOOK at them when I was dancing.

    Thanks for the post Venus. I do everything you mentioned. I get shy when I'm like hustling the room and see a guy staring me down THAT is what makes me shy. Once I get the guy on the couch, vip, stage it's full on eye contact. I dunno..I guess I just need to work on my "far away" eye contact hustle







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re: I avoid Eye contact

    Quote Originally Posted by VenusGoddess
    When you see someone staring at you, beeline for them immediately (hold the eye contact...they LOVE that) and go up to them (sit on their lap if you're comfy with that) and purrrrrrr in their ear, "I couldn't help but notice your eyes...I would LOVE to dance for you..."

    For me, that worked 99.99999999% of the time. In fact, it worked so well with quite a few of the guys that I ended up in the CL with them....or if we didn't hit the CL, then I would get as many dances as they had money...
    You know what..I had a guy like this last night. I approached him something similar and he was like, "no, I'm sorry" <-- again with the I'm sorry (read rant from like 3weeks ago lol) http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=64894

    and so I'm like, "Well I coudn't help but notice everytime I came on this side of the room to dance for someone you were watching me, I'd LOVE to dance for you." he still declined. Dam you young broke boys!







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


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    Featured Member georgiapeach's Avatar
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    Default Re: I avoid Eye contact

    i've only been doing this for a month, but the one thing i know for sure is that the eyes are serious money makers. if you can look at a guy with that, god, i want you look in your eyes...maybe bite the lip a little...well, they love that.

    there's no reason to be shy with these guys. i'm a shy girl in "real life," but when it comes to work, those guys are there to see us! they wouldn't be there if they didn't want our attention (for the most part anyway). don't psyche yourself out; know that you're hot and own it. after all, if you weren't, they wouldn't have hired you in the first place, right?

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    Featured Member MadisonM's Avatar
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    Default Re: I avoid Eye contact

    Sometimes it's hard for me to make eye contact with customers. I have really good days, where I can do it all night, and really bad days, where I can't do it at all. I've found that the days it's hard for me to make eye contact are the days I'm feeling more self-conscious. Those are the days where I feel like my makeup or hair doesn't look right, or if I feel like I've gained a little weight, etc. The days I can easily make eye contact are the days where I feel like everything is perfect- perfect hair, makeup, outfit, etc. I have to work on not being so hard on myself about little things, and that will help me make eye contact more. Even though I may feel like my makeup doesn't look quite right, the customer really doesn't know the difference. I try as hard as I can to make eye contact, but some nights I just can't do it.
    Take the road less traveled- just make sure you have a map.

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    Featured Member MeganS's Avatar
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    Default Re: I avoid Eye contact

    Honestly, eye contact can be the hardest part. It's way easier to dance naked and look at yourself in the mirror, pretending to be alone. It's like the old saying, " eyes are the windows to our souls". To me, any sort of serious or emotional contact I'm going to make with another person comes from looking them straight in the eye first. I can understand it can be difficult at times, and I empathize with you.

    "Eyes can seal the deal."
    "A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off you."
    Francoise Sagan

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    Default Re: I avoid Eye contact

    Quote Originally Posted by cinammonkisses
    When I walk past a guy, and notice him checking me out, I get shy. Hell, I know I SHOULDN'T cause that is money. I do sometimes avoid their stares though. What I try to do is if I notice them watching me, I make a circle, ask 1-2 other people for dances then find the guy. Last night though, I ended up losing the guy. Who knows how much potential money I lost on that!

    I dont' know what it is. I get these moments when I just get shy. I need that shi to stop, and pronto!!! Any advice??
    I walk through looking for the guys who will maintain eye contact with me. These are the ones I approach first. Usually if they're looking, and don't glance away when I notice, they're most likely interested.

    What has helped me the most with overcoming shyness is to repeat, "I like myself, and I am not afraid of rejection" over and and over on the way to work. Seriously, you cannot repeat this to yourself enough. There have been days when I've said it 100+ times on the drive to work. Fear of rejection is what keeps you from approaching some men...if you can conquer this, you'll be unstoppable at selling dances. I highly recommend Brian Tracy's The Psychology of Selling.

    Also, remember that beautiful women can be very intimidating. Part of the fantasy is that you are approaching them.

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    Senior Member pecanpimpstress1's Avatar
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    Default Re: I avoid Eye contact

    I agree with everyone. Eyes get them all the time as well as a big smile! I could care less about the guy, but it really looks like your listening! I am a first timer and with a lot of eye contact, I stole a guy away from every female there. Although, I can feel you on the walking around and catching eye contact. Most of the night I was too busy trying to keep my damn balance! I have noticed that guys really don't care and if hes checking you out, GO GET YOUR MONEY, or someone else will! Just think of every guy as money! That should get your imagination going and before you know it you'll be the best role player there! Now, I might need your help on the "stage eyes"!! Any sugesstions?

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    Default Re: I avoid Eye contact

    I have a very hard time with eye contact. I have Asperger's Syndrome, which is a mild form of autism. My social skills, which should come natural, don't exist. I know what I'm supposed to do but it doesn't flow and I have to consciously think about it. Eye contact is physically uncomfortable to me. I will force eye contact, but only for a little while, because I get extremely uncomfortable, and prefer to stare at their mouth or chin.

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    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: I avoid Eye contact

    Quote Originally Posted by cinammonkisses View Post
    Thanks for the post Venus. I do everything you mentioned. I get shy when I'm like hustling the room and see a guy staring me down THAT is what makes me shy. Once I get the guy on the couch, vip, stage it's full on eye contact. I dunno..I guess I just need to work on my "far away" eye contact hustle
    I use that intense staring as my "in." I will go right up to him and say something cheesy like "You totally pulled me over here, I was powerless to resist those eyes!" Or something about magnetic personality or something. I can't even think of all the BS I say when I'm OTC! Ha!

    But yeah I think it's easy to exploit. Turn THEIR willingness to stare into a mutual eye encounter.


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    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: I avoid Eye contact

    Quote Originally Posted by pecanpimpstress1 View Post
    ...Now, I might need your help on the "stage eyes"!! Any sugesstions?
    I do still have trouble with this too. But for me it's because I still feel like I can't walk and chew gum at the same time. Once I get over the sensation of "if I take my eyes off where I'm about to step, I will plummet to my humiliation," I'll work on the eye contact thing.


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    Default Re: I avoid Eye contact

    I don't have too much trouble with using some mercenary eye contact on the floor, but when I'm lap dancing the guys get obsessed with it! I look them in the eye and grin and all that during, but if I look away for a sec, they're like: "You can keep looking me in the eye!" and then they maintain it all creepily.

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    Featured Member mina loy's Avatar
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    Default Re: I avoid Eye contact

    practice, practice, practice. it gets easier and you will get more confident at making eye contact.
    i used to never look people in the eye and now my gaze is "very penetrating" it seems to make people almost nervous. that's probably overdoing it, though.
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