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Thread: making friends?

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    Featured Member georgiapeach's Avatar
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    Default making friends?

    is it a good idea or bad idea to become friends with the girls you work with? not just be friendly, which is clearly a good idea, but actually be friends outside of work?

    i just moved to the area and don't know anyone here, so the idea is tempting. the girls i work with are nice and we get along well. at the same time i've been unusually paranoid about letting anyone into my little world since i've moved. and especially at work - i don't like the idea of anyone knowing too much about me. where i live, where i go, etc. this applies to anyone i meet, not just people at work.

    so i guess what i am worried about is that one of the girls might give too much information to a customer about me. (one already tried to follow me home a few weeks ago) not necessarily intentionally, but you know, these things happen. am i just being neurotic or is this a valid concern?

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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re: making friends?

    Ha, you already know the answer to your own question...

    Of course you should NOT try to make friends with girls at work. You're there to work, not make friends. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being cordial..but don't go out of your way to make friends. Don't take this the wrong way but alot of dancers (at my club anyway) have to many issues/drama outside of work. I don't have time for that crap! Plus, making friends, breeds cliques, which I strongly avoid as well.

    If you want to make friends, go to the university, go out to the club...







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


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    Featured Member MadisonM's Avatar
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    Default Re: making friends?

    I consider myself to be friends with pretty much everyone I work with. We're all pretty close, and we go out to celebrate each other's birthdays, we have baby showers/wedding showers for each other, etc. I work in a small club, and there are only about 8 or 9 regular girls that work at my club on a regular basis, so we always work together and get to know each other really well. I wouldn't suggest hanging out with the other girls outside of the club unless you know them pretty well inside the club though, but I really don't see anything wrong with being friends with the other girls you work with. You are there to make money though, so that comes first, but if you can be friends also, then go for it. I don't really have any female friends outside of the girls I work with, so it's nice to be able to hang out with girls from work and talk about work, boyfriends, makeup- they typical girl stuff.
    Take the road less traveled- just make sure you have a map.

  4. #4
    Cally
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    Default Re: making friends?

    Bad bad bad bad BAD idea... chances are most of the other girls will take any chance they get to stab you in the back... put blame on you for something that happens etc... Plus they will use you(oh can I use your makeup brushes? Can I borrow your flat iron' etc). Everyone is there for the same reason.. to make money and if they can find a way to make more they will. Be friendly with the girls if you want but dont take it outside of the club because it can and will bite you in the ass.

    I know its hard... I just moved to Ontario(Canada) and slightly friendless... Im just to paranoid to be-friend girls at work because I see the shit they do to other girls they call their friends.

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    Veteran Member Jenna78's Avatar
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    Default Re: making friends?

    I say wait a while before letting any one from work become a real friend--but don't rule it out entirely. It is normal for people at any job to become friends with people you see every day, except that in this business girls can be psyco--so give them time to prove themselves before you let them in.

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    Featured Member georgiapeach's Avatar
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    Default Re: making friends?

    thanks so much girls! i really appreciate all the good advice!!

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    Veteran Member sugartaste's Avatar
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    Default Re: making friends?

    A lot of people at my club regularly hang out outside of work-not just dancers, but bartenders, bouncers, Djs, even supposedly the manager. I admit, sometimes it stings me when I hear about their out-of-work adventures and I wonder why I wasn't invited, but then I remember that I already have a solid group of friends who I haven't been seeing nearly enough since I started dancing full time. Just focus on making money and if you do happen to become good friends with co-workers, consider it an added benefit.

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    Member Krystalle's Avatar
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    Default Re: making friends?

    Actually, even though that's all great advice in most cases, I think that there can be situations where it's okay to be friends. Most of the other girls at the club I started at are friends outside work. They all have kids, all know each others families, and even travel together at times. I know it's dangerous territory, but don't rule it out completely. I'm at a club that prides itself in having almost no drama or catfights, no cliques, and no real enemies working there, which they all admit is rare since most of the travel and have seen it all. Now I'm not talking new bestestest friends or anything, but dancing brings with it some issues that my other friends will never understand, and these girls do. Just remember why YOU are there.

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    Veteran Member KennedyWinters's Avatar
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    Default Re: making friends?

    yeah sad but true I guess...I try to be friends with everyone. lend an ear, tell a story, same reason for using this board you know? But I was shocked at what this one girl said to me in all honesty She was all: "Hey you know if I didn't like you so much I would probably steal that skirt. I mean you're really nice so I won't but if I didn't like you so much I would have already stolen it" She was smiling and complimenting me but at the same time letting me know that her character is really below regular human standard.....it was weird, maybe the drugs talking, I don't know...just use your judgement not everyone has mad drama going on and you could miss out on making some great buddies by isolating yourself. I mean, you want to leave with a good taste in your mouth right? I can't stand just bucking up, making my cash and cutting out without a goodbye...or "when are you working next?"

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    Default Re: making friends?

    DONt bother making friends with the girls, there are absolutely no benefits to this. Im friendly and I do talk to people but I dont get involved in the drama and gossip. Some of the girls can be great and helpful, but many are petty, immature, and jealous. Thats been my experience.

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    Default Re: making friends?

    I wouldn't if I were you. WHen I'm at work, I'm WORKING, not socializing. I'm very cordial and friendly to everyone, I smile, say hello and give brief small talk in the dressing room but that's as far as it goes. Nobody knows where I live, what my real job is, where I went to college, what I like to do in my spare time, etc. The only ones that know anything about me is the housemom and my immediate manager. I think if you did become really good friends with the girls you might not be as inclined to make as much money, you might get caught up in their drama and they might stab you in the back or tell a customer your secrets and then if that did happen, it would make it harder to come into work and see that so called friend every day. Just go there, keep to yourself, don't tell anyone how much money you made and leave with a smile on your face. Find some good friends outside the club. Good luck hun!

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    Senior Member red diving girl's Avatar
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    Default Re: making friends?

    i have made a few very good "working relationships" with the girls in my club. i stick to my own business usually but will often take a brief time (while getting ready) to chat with the other about pretty inane things, "what should i wear" "good to see you again, where have you been?" or "weren't we lucky last night" complaining about mangament, etc. most of the girls i work with are pretty cool compared to most clubs in the area. i find that keeping on good terms with the girls but not overly friendly (especially to the awfulest ones!) does work in your favor. i dont do this strategically but the way i see it, its better to have girls (especially the money making ones that might help you out with their custy's friend needs a girl) as your friends than your enemies. additionally i feel i have more leverage with some of the newer girls who are using shady practices to get other girl's customers if they cross me, they might think twice.

    i find this situation to work well for me, while still being able to maintain my hustling momentum. however i've been here a year and i think my "seniority" (huge turnover!) with the older girls and my status as house dancer with the newer girls helps. as a girl at a new club i would be very cautious and take every relationship slowly. feel out the scene before you make any moves.

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    God/dess Pretty_Penny's Avatar
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    Default Re: making friends?

    i just say take it slow. if you really get along with a girl you work with and have known her for awhile, there's no reason to not be friends outside of work. why stunt a possible great friendship? just don't go "making friends" with everyone and telling them all of your personal business untill you've formed a good trusting relationship with them.

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    Member auburnengineer's Avatar
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    Default Re: making friends?

    Yeah, I agree with the people who warn you. People will most likely mean well, but in the heat of the moment, they sometimes screw ya over more than they would want to. The last place I worked, I made 2 decent friends....one was a regular who refused to watch me when I went on stage because he said he respected me too much, and the other was one of the girls there who came to me when she was worried that she was pregnant. I was supportive and kept my mouth shut, so she turned out to be a very reliable person. Once I quit dancing, she would call every so often to check in on me and see how school was going. You'll run across some genuinely good people there, but don't go looking for friends there. You're best off to be a friend to everyone, but a friend to no one if you know what I mean.

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    Senior Member lipsticktraces's Avatar
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    Default Re: making friends?

    i'm not a dancer, but from what i have researched,, its probably better not to make close friends in that type of environment. i have had some bad experiences working retail and getting too close to people i work with,, i usually keep friends and work seperate, working with someone thats immature and pissed off at you isnt fun in any circumstances. Also the saftey factor,, a customer may try to pay off another girl/management/bouncer for information about where you live or where you go and you could have a potential stalker... not cool. ( i am also a bit paranoid)

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    Default Re: making friends?

    I have to agree, be on good terms with everyone, just don't be "best friends". For instance, last night when it was closing time, it was time to turn in my funny money at the counter and when I went up there, there were about 4-5 girls in this huge argument over something about 2 of them didn't get paid and some did or something, I don't know exactly what happened. I just stood there w/o saying anything, I was not about to get involved. One girl for a second did try to tell me what happened and I just smiled and said "I'd really rather not get involved with this as that I wasn't there, but I'm sorry for whatever happened to you" and then I left it at that and she then agreed that I shouldn't get involved with it. Now, if that girl(s) had been a "friend" of mine then I'd probably have a much bigger obligation to get involved or take sides and get involved into a big mess that I have no business being in.

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    Senior Member lipsticktraces's Avatar
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    Default Re: making friends?

    that kind of drama is such a pain in the ass,, i totally hear you!

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    Featured Member georgiapeach's Avatar
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    Default Re: making friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by lipsticktraces
    i'm not a dancer, but from what i have researched,, its probably better not to make close friends in that type of environment. i have had some bad experiences working retail and getting too close to people i work with,, i usually keep friends and work seperate, working with someone thats immature and pissed off at you isnt fun in any circumstances. Also the saftey factor,, a customer may try to pay off another girl/management/bouncer for information about where you live or where you go and you could have a potential stalker... not cool. ( i am also a bit paranoid)
    yeah, none of the girls know my real name, where i live, etc. i'm definitely cautious about that...i don't want any customer knowing too much about me.

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    Default Re: making friends?

    There's a lot of jealousy in this environment and people are there to make money. If one of your "friends" feels like you're making too much money, getting too much attention, etc. you'll be surprised how quickly that "friendship" can/will deteriorate. You may then begin to hear your business (that you shared with your friend in confidence) all over the club.
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    Default Re: making friends?

    i used to try to make friends when i first started. nobody can be trusted. then again, i'm paranoid. honestly, though...the girls that seems the most "normal" at my club are the most f-ed up...so i've learned. i almost burst out laughing when they almost got in a fight with each other. i stay outta things like that because if you side with someone, you never know who's going to turn on you. two girls could be fighting one day, and you may side with one. however, they may have more of a history of friendship with one another...and the next day you may find two people against you. basically, you were the one who got screwed by trying to be a nice person. screw that. i go there to make money, not friends.

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    Senior Member beckysnot's Avatar
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    Default Re: making friends?

    seems like all the drama is basic high school crap, with lots and lots of money involved. i'd love to make friends and be best buds with everybody, but once money starts coming into play im out to fend for myself. you have to think about if the other girls are willing to do the other things your willing to do for them
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    Default Re: making friends?

    Just remember this - you are there to make your money. Period. Don't isolate yourself, but be friendly. Smiling, polite convo as you are getting ready, that's all fine. But if you are working, be WORKING. Mix with the custies, make your cash, be nice to the other girls, and go home. Less drama, more money!

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    Default Re: making friends?

    Please don't make friends it will utlimatly hurt i know almost everyone said this already but its such an improtant point to drive home. Just don't it you don't want you personal crap out there for everyone to know and noone can be trusted no matter how nice the appeare.

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    Default Re: making friends?

    Sadly, the whole point of this business is to pit you against your coworkers, thereby undermining any true attempts to try and make friends. It usually ends up with your "friend" stabbing you in the back one way or another. However, the exception(s) to the rule are when you have friends outside of the club who come to work with you...then, you were already friends with them before, so you stand a better chance of staying friends, mainly because you guys have more in common than just where you work.
    Age is only important when it comes to wine and whiskey!



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    Veteran Member KennedyWinters's Avatar
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    Default Re: making friends?

    Hmmmm all this makes me so sad. I guess I've really only been dancing for a few months- at t's at a fairly new club that I think expressly hired girls who seemed like the "next-door" type or something. In three months-Nothing of mine has been stolen, no fights, and the one girl I thought was crowding me out of the dressing room by moving her stuff over a few inches every 10 minutes actually offered me some good advice. I'm really looking forward to traveling with my new boobs to Vegas and just like, smiling big all the time, being prepared for anything. From a psychoanalyst's point of view- its very fascinating to see what pushes people's buttons or what it takes to piss someone off. (not that I would ever do that, I just mean I'm big on observing people who fall outside of "normal" behavior)

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