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Thread: best way/time to tip for private dance (long)

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    Default best way/time to tip for private dance (long)

    Earlier this month I made my first ever "serious" visit to a SC (had never had a lap dance before). One of the strippers overheard me ask newbie-type questions of the bartender and chimed in that if I wanted to see where "the magic went down" I should join her in the back.

    She asked again an hour later, and I accepted. As I sat down into the private booth, she commented (unsolicited) that I should have been there the prior week, because they used to "kick people's asses" until some crosstown club got raided. She then sat on my lap and clarified that as long as I wasn't a cop, though, she didn't have to worry about the rules. She did a lot of grinding/grabbing. I hadn't known what to expect, and was surprised by the aggressiveness of her innuendo as well as physicality.

    After a song or two, I decided to clear out my pockets. I had purchased $20 chips via credit card (starting with $200 in chips). As I set the chips aside, I mentioned that I would give them all to her, but I wasn't going to bother her for a full compliment of 8 songs (she was $25/per), that she should just give me her best performance for a shorter period. (Why did I do this? I think I wanted to impress her with my generosity in comparison to the other patrons -- was a pretty low-class joint. Maybe I was curious to see what she would offer if she thought I was spendy. I don't know exactly what I wanted.)

    From that point, she moved increasingly away from the heavy stuff, started emphasizing the chatting, and then abruptly stopped the dance. What made it seem so abrupt (and the key detail that really has motivated this post) was her closing "explanation" -- that the dance gets "a lot dirtier and nastier," but that she didn't think I wanted it to get dirty or nasty. I didn't know what to say, so I just responded that she probably knew what I wanted better than I did. She seemed to enjoy this comment. I gave her the full promised amount. She thanked me, finished dressing, and lead us back to main.

    After reading these threads today -- and getting a healthy dose of realism, as far as the psychology of this whole interplay -- it occurs to me that I may have tipped my hand by indicating what I would pay, and she decided that she no longer had to work for it. But here's the thing: I would have spent lots more on her. I was having fun learning the rules of this unfamiliar game from this intriguing, slightly scary woman. And yet, I did not feel that I could continue spending on her. The manner in which the lap dance culminated felt oddly like a rejection. And that closing explanation of hers bothered me, as it felt transparently disingenuous.

    Did she just misread the situation somehow? Ultimately, must you wait to pay until you are done with the dance -- any earlier attempt at showing that you intend to tip or otherwise pay generously being doomed to misinterpretation?

    Thanks!
    Last edited by dayzed; 05-06-2006 at 01:14 AM.

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    Default Re: best way/time to tip for private dance (long)

    i kind of got lost in the middle of it.

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    Default Re: best way/time to tip for private dance (long)

    Yeah, I'll probably have to figure most of it out on my own, which isn't the worst thing anyway.

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    Default Re: best way/time to tip for private dance (long)

    It's not unusual for a dancer to insinuate behavior that she does not actually intend to provide in order to get you in the VIP.

    As far as the abrupt stop to the dances I can only guess(as I do not know this girl) that when you gave her the chips she assumed you no longer wanted her company.

    In my experience if a man ask's how many was that? Then hands me money without a request for more dances he's done.

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    Default Re: best way/time to tip for private dance (long)

    ohh now it makes alot more sense.

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    Default Re: best way/time to tip for private dance (long)

    Following suit with the Dark Monger himself. I will try to offered a seasoned view.

    Quote Originally Posted by dayzed
    Earlier this month I made my first ever "serious" visit to a SC (had never had a lap dance before). One of the strippers overheard me ask newbie-type questions of the bartender and chimed in that if I wanted to see where "the magic went down" I should join her in the back.
    If she was using your words "Magic went down" then I like ya already. Hahah. I am going to use this next time I'm in a club I've never been in. "Where does the magic happen?"


    Quote Originally Posted by dayzed
    She asked again an hour later, and I accepted. As I sat down into the private booth, she commented (unsolicited) that I should have been there the prior week, because they used to "kick people's asses" until some crosstown club got raided. She then sat on my lap and clarified that as long as I wasn't a cop, though, she didn't have to worry about the rules. She did a lot of grinding/grabbing. I hadn't known what to expect, and was surprised by the aggressiveness of her innuendo as well as physicality.
    An hour later? I hope that was part your fault. I'm assuming that kicking peoples asses a week ago was an assumption she made about you based on your banter. Maybe you where being rude to her in a playful way? You dawg.

    It's nice to not have to worry about the rules, seriously. I don't have to, because I don't break them


    Quote Originally Posted by dayzed
    After a song or two, I decided to clear out my pockets.
    Her 1, You 0. Get used to it. It all goes downhill from here.
    [/quote]


    Quote Originally Posted by dayzed
    I had purchased $20 chips via credit card (starting with $200 in chips). As I set the chips aside, I mentioned that I would give them all to her, but I wasn't going to bother her for a full compliment of 8 songs (she was $25/per), that she should just give me her best performance for a shorter period. (Why did I do this? I think I wanted to impress her with my generosity in comparison to the other patrons -- was a pretty low-class joint. Maybe I was curious to see what she would offer if she thought I was spendy. I don't know exactly what I wanted.)
    I know what you wanted. To see if she's going to follow the rules or not and have her see that even if she did, you're a good guy by not making her have to work hard for your money. Nothing wrong with that, especially if you're new. No regrets.


    Quote Originally Posted by dayzed
    From that point, she moved increasingly away from the heavy stuff, started emphasizing the chatting, and then abruptly stopped the dance. What made it seem so abrupt (and the key detail that really has motivated this post) was her closing "explanation" -- that the dance gets "a lot dirtier and nastier," but that she didn't think I wanted it to get dirty or nasty. I didn't know what to say, so I just responded that she probably knew what I wanted better than I did. She seemed to enjoy this comment. I gave her the full promised amount. She thanked me, finished dressing, and lead us back to main.
    OH SNAP.
    Look we're both guys. You expected more. She played you. I'd tell you this isn't the place for that but look, she KNEW you where probably too embarassed to come out and say you wanted something extra so she played into your knight in shining armor routine and you bit! Sure she may have been honest, but I doubt it. She probably makes a ton being an artist about making you feel you're special and she respects you. You and everyone else.


    Quote Originally Posted by dayzed
    After reading these threads today -- and getting a healthy dose of realism, as far as the psychology of this whole interplay -- it occurs to me that I may have tipped my hand by indicating what I would pay, and she decided that she no longer had to work for it. But here's the thing: I would have spent lots more on her. I was having fun learning the rules of this unfamiliar game from this intriguing, slightly scary woman. And yet, I did not feel that I could continue spending on her. The manner in which the lap dance culminated felt oddly like a rejection. And that closing explanation of hers bothered me, as it felt transparently disingenuous.
    She made you feel too good for her. Well, she can't read minds. She just saw a quick way to make 200.00 and took it. Shoulda Woulda Coulda. She is +200 you're -200


    Quote Originally Posted by dayzed
    Did she just misread the situation somehow? Ultimately, must you wait to pay until you are done with the dance -- any earlier attempt at showing that you intend to tip or otherwise pay generously being doomed to misinterpretation?

    Thanks!
    I suggest not worrying about this period. And by "This" I mean her. If you're going into a club you're going to do 3 things:

    1. Spend Money, and copious amounts.
    2. Have a good time
    3. See Naked Women.

    Keep those in mind, and worry about you. Don't spend more money than you want to, it'll turn the club into a negative experience and you'll become addicted. Check all expectations at the door and you go in there and have a great time until you no longer want to. And when you leave, leave every concern, assumption, interest, hope in the club.

    If you leave the club happier than you came in then you spent right and you where the right customer.

    Fortunatly these girls can tell when you know what you want and when there is a chink and the armor and you may be unsure what you want. It's a level of control. You're either controlling the fun and having a good time, or they're controlling the fun and you may be left making posts like this.

    But regardless. It's all fun when the women are beautiful.

    Mast.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Default Re: best way/time to tip for private dance (long)

    Honey, here's a thing. Sitting around talking to you is just as much work as dancing for you. Most girls don't actually have a preference, unless you are pretty entertaining (granted we are self-absorbed. Sometimes to be entertaining you have to just let us talk about ourselves). She probably had the idea, somehow - possibly because you said you didn't want the whole complement of songs? - that you were more interested in something else. Like, am I reading this right? She started out doing heavy grinding, and then stopped? Or promised something heavy then didn't deliver?
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    Default Re: best way/time to tip for private dance (long)

    Quote Originally Posted by sexysweet
    As far as the abrupt stop to the dances I can only guess(as I do not know this girl) that when you gave her the chips she assumed you no longer wanted her company.

    In my experience if a man ask's how many was that? Then hands me money without a request for more dances he's done.
    This goes along with my experience. IMO when you gave the dancer the money/chips she thought you were done with the dances.

    If a price has been agreed prior to the dance (whether by negotiation or rule of thumb) then it's best to let her do her thing, then pay her at the end.
    "Women, not girls, rule my world" - Prince

    "No parking on the dance floor" - Midnight Star

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    Default Re: best way/time to tip for private dance (long)

    Quote Originally Posted by dayzed
    Did she just misread the situation somehow?
    She could have. That tends to happen when we use hints and hope others will correctly read our minds instead of explicitly stating what we want. Personally, if I didn't know what I wanted from a strip club, I wouldn't go to one.

    Ultimately, must you wait to pay until you are done with the dance -- any earlier attempt at showing that you intend to tip or otherwise pay generously being doomed to misinterpretation?
    Me thinks you've learned a valuable lesson here.

    Some here will disagree with me, but your experience proves my point. During a private dance, whomever is holding the money has control over how it goes. Once you bequeathed your money (err...chips), she had a reasonable expectation to assume that you were done, and that there was nothing more she could get out of you. She had no incentive to continue or intensify what she was doing prior.

    Never pay upfront or in the middle of your session unless you have to. And never buy dance chips or funny money, esspecially with a credit card (which often gets hit with a 20% surcharge) unless you have to. You're essentially trading your hard earned cash for an inferior currency with a "use it or lose it" policy attached.

    And when you do have to do either of those things, don't prepay for a quantity of songs if you don't know those songs are actually going to be done.

    Needless to say, if this instance occured in the city listed on your profile, then find another club around there. I know from experience that you have better options.

    And bring cash next time.
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

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    Default Re: best way/time to tip for private dance (long)

    Quote Originally Posted by doc-catfish
    Never pay upfront or in the middle of your session unless you have to.
    I actually think this should be changed to, unless you are ASKED to.. DOC, you have read many a thread I am sure on guys that cheated girls because they didn't pay up front. It's okay to pay up front dance by dance, you needn't pay the whole amount unless you are paying for time.
    But, I usually ask the guys up front for money if I don't know them, this ensures that I will get paid and don't need towory during the dances that I might get cheated.
    And I think where he messed up was telling her that she didn't need to do the whole amount.. Well, if I don't need to do the whole amount, then I will end it when I want to, makes sense.
    Please don't lick me, it tickles..



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    Default Re: best way/time to tip for private dance (long)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny
    Honey, here's a thing. Sitting around talking to you is just as much work as dancing for you.
    I have no illusions about this, but ultimately my point is that the way she "handled me" lead me to spend less money than I would have. She cut the dance short and went back out to a lower-income clientele who were not requesting dances and tossed maybe a buck or two on stage per song. (Sorry if this sounds elitist.) I was hoping to spend around $1000 or so (assuming that the initial $200 went well) but I felt foolish and a bit lead on (given the contrast b/n her aggressive opening and condescendingly faux-respectful closing) so I just left. Seems like lose/lose for both of us.

    At the same time, if I was the one responsible for sabotaging my own good time via some inadvertent breach of etiquette, I want to know better (hence my visit to Google and in turn this site and several entertaining and illuminating hours reading through these threads). The responses here make a lot of sense, so thank you all (it's always pleasurable to be read like a book over the Internet).

    I guess it's possible that after I seemed receptive to (or at least intrigued by) all of her initial heavy-innuendo, she determined that I might actually want an extra and therefore begged out (addl money be damned). If that was the case, I don't blame her, but then why does she start with it in the first place?

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    Default Re: best way/time to tip for private dance (long)

    Quote Originally Posted by doc-catfish
    Needless to say, if this instance occured in the city listed on your profile, then find another club around there. I know from experience that you have better options.

    And bring cash next time.
    Any suggestions? I checked the review page here -- Denver info is sparse. Other general review sites seem dubious.

    One lesson learned: I will never use the chips again. Too much room for misinterpretation.

    Now, I just need to determine whether I possess the psychology necessary to adhere to Mastridonicus' very logical and well-written "worry about you not them" edict.

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    Default Re: best way/time to tip for private dance (long)

    You don't have to buy the cow if the farmer has already given you the milk for free.
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    Default Re: best way/time to tip for private dance (long)

    Right. Recurring theme is that I clearly did not communicate that I had addl $ to spend.

    I also probably am not easily profiled. I make a lot of money but am only in my early 30s so she may have assumed I was spent after the $200.

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    Default Re: best way/time to tip for private dance (long)

    Quote Originally Posted by dayzed
    Any suggestions? I checked the review page here -- Denver info is sparse. Other general review sites seem dubious.
    Go here and write a review for the club you visited.

    http://tuscl.com/register.asp

    You'll get free access for four weeks. Don't pay so much attention to the ratings numbers as to the specific information given. I don't know your preferences, but I'm partial to Shotgun Willie's myself.

    Quote Originally Posted by dayzed
    I also probably am not easily profiled. I make a lot of money but am only in my early 30s so she may have assumed I was spent after the $200.
    It may not have been so much you as it was the club you were at and the expectations that girls working at that club have in regards to earnings. Girls working in "low-class" joints as you described tend not to see a lot of $100 customers let alone $1K customers, and for the most part don't know how to react accordingly. I got a lot of peculiar stares at a redneck bar in Oklahoma once for dropping a mere $170 which was probably more than all the other customers in that place that night spent total.

    I guess it's possible that after I seemed receptive to (or at least intrigued by) all of her initial heavy-innuendo, she determined that I might actually want an extra and therefore begged out (addl money be damned). If that was the case, I don't blame her, but then why does she start with it in the first place?
    Well, it lured you into taking the bait didn't it?

    I am curious, did she only start the heavy innuendo up after you bought the chips? If that was the case, its perhaps because you were holding something of value that you had to get rid of before leaving.
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

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    Default Re: best way/time to tip for private dance (long)

    If a guy hands me some money and basically says "do what you want for it", it gives me the impression that he's not really into heavy grinding/sexual lap dances. I can't really explain why, but it seems like he's more interested in just talking or spending time with me. Because truthfully, if I did what I really wanted I'd probably do exactly what she did - ease up on the hustle, relax, and hang out for a bit. But that's not what you wanted, is it? You wanted her to get all hot and heavy with you and then you could tell yourself that she wanted it too, because after all, you told her to do what she wanted, right? So next time just be honest - with the dancer and yourself.

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    Default Re: best way/time to tip for private dance (long)

    In hindsight (after additional reflection and perusal of this site) I actually think it turned out exactly right. Yes, I "wanted" her to get hot and heavy but wasn't ready to admit this to myself or to her; meanwhile she "didn't want" to give the extra mileage as evidenced by the fact that she didn't do it. A further infusion of cash likely would not have changed the fundamental terms of our interaction, given that a precedent had been set. So it probably ended at just the right moment. (I still think her closing comment was weird though.)

    All part of the education. By the way I see now that this thread probably belonged more on the blue side (other than as a cautionary tale of instance where stripper failed to maximize her earning potential) so apologies for intruding and thx to those who responded.
    Last edited by dayzed; 05-07-2006 at 07:43 PM.

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    Default Re: best way/time to tip for private dance (long)

    Hahaha, a club with $20 chips for $25 dances. Makes you HAVE to get four. Hahaha.... niiice.XD

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    Default Re: best way/time to tip for private dance (long)

    The club I go to requires a minimum purchase of $100 dollars. No ifs ands or buts. So if you decide to go credit, you're going for 5 dances.
    Never stand begging for that which you have the power to earn.

    The truth lies in a man's dreams... perhaps in this unhappy world of ours whose madness is better than a foolish sanity.

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    Default Re: best way/time to tip for private dance (long)

    If a guy hands me some money and basically says "do what you want for it", it gives me the impression that he's not really into heavy grinding/sexual lap dances. I can't really explain why, but it seems like he's more interested in just talking or spending time with me. Because truthfully, if I did what I really wanted I'd probably do exactly what she did - ease up on the hustle, relax, and hang out for a bit. But that's not what you wanted, is it? You wanted her to get all hot and heavy with you and then you could tell yourself that she wanted it too, because after all, you told her to do what she wanted, right? So next time just be honest - with the dancer and yourself.
    Nice answer. You hit the nail on the head, imo.

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