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Thread: being an introverted stripper

  1. #1
    Member Velouria's Avatar
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    Default being an introverted stripper

    how can you learn to be more extroverted?
    i am far beyond just being shy. in my life outside of the club a good time for me would be staying home alone, reading, listening to music, etc. im probably what you would call a "loner" and im actually not good at meeting other people. but i CAN take my clothes off for strangers and i receive approval on my looks and dancing ability. but i am obviously lacking in the hustling department because conversation isnt my best skill.

    ive read a lot on here about developing a dancer persona - any tips on that subject would be appreciated.

    and i have the DW homestudy course and a ton of books on sales that im reading, and that has helped.

    i think i would benefit from being more outgoing, not just at work, but in my life as well. id like to change i just dont know how.

  2. #2
    eyeawry
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    Default Re: being an introverted stripper

    Reading books on making small-talk and conversation helped me *a lot*, at least at work. I'm not just introverted -- I'm downright socially phobic. After a year of stripping, I still have tons of anxiety in my personal life, but at work I am the master of the five minute getting-to-know-you convo.

  3. #3
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: being an introverted stripper

    I'm exactly like you. I'm not sure how my confidence comes out for my work persona. I think it has something to do with the fact that I rely heavily on my wit and sense of humor. Many guys think it's a huge turn-on.

  4. #4
    mermaidnz
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    Default Re: being an introverted stripper

    same here

    complete social phobic, but once i arrive at work, i can play a somewhat crazy making money conversational robo stripper!

    just make up a fake personality. write down all the personality traits (even mannerisms if it helps) for your stage name...then replicate them what your a work. if you feel lost on how to act, just read your list again . i dunno...thats what worked for me

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    Veteran Member pipermarau's Avatar
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    Default Re: being an introverted stripper

    every name has a meaning, read up on the name and take on the meaning. my real name means "captivating" so that just comes from years of having the name, since a stage name is different, take on that personality from the moment you walk in the door. "hi" and"whats your name?" are good to start...but i like to ask guys when i'm feeling shy "so what's your fetish?" i just skip the "hi my name is..." part and go into that. usually they get talking and you learn what questions to ask. its also a good hustle tactic for me. i tell them that mine is belly buttons if they ask. try going into chat rooms and talking to random people. once you can start up a good conversation like that apply some of the questions that you see fit in the club setting. i hope you over come this and have fun doing it. there is nothing wrong with being shy, but sometimes it can hinder your ability to make money. good luck!

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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: being an introverted stripper

    I am introverted as well but I like to think of my job as acting. I am still not extremely bubbly but I get by fairly well with introductions and small talk, like, "Where are you from", "What brings you to the area", etc. Then after a five to ten minute talk depending on how busy we are I ask for dance. Sometimes, if we are extremely busy you can just go around, simply introduce yourself then ask for a dance. Eye contact and smile are probably more important than what you say alone.

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    Veteran Member sugartaste's Avatar
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    Default Re: being an introverted stripper

    Same with me, I've always been extremely introverted but dream that I can oneday be one of those people who can talk to anyone about anything. I still feel very intimidated at the club when it's packed and everyone is basically doing the "wanna dance" thing, but on slower days it's a lot easier for me to open up and talk to people. I'm always told how down-to-earth I seem, and I do think a lot of customers appreciate that. The most important thing, as mentioned, is to SMILE. Whenever you make eye contact with someone, smile at them. It makes you a lot more approachable, and once the ice has been broken you'll feel a lot more comfortable.

    As for being less introverted in real life-I still haven't figured that one out yet

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    Default Re: being an introverted stripper

    Quote Originally Posted by Velouria
    how can you learn to be more extroverted?

    i am far beyond just being shy. in my life outside of the club a good time for me would be staying home alone, reading, listening to music, etc. im probably what you would call a "loner" and im actually not good at meeting other people.

    i think i would benefit from being more outgoing, not just at work, but in my life as well. id like to change i just dont know how.
    Some thoughts...

    The instant people meet you, there are two ways they can tell you're introverted - from your thoughts and from your body language.

    Your thoughts are obviously private, so as long as you don't blurt out - "Gosh, I'm really shy and am uncomfortable talking to you", no-one will know.

    We do communicate a lot using body language, and if your body language says you're shy/distant, the other person will pick up on it, perhaps unknowingly, and behave accordingly.

    If you are shy, then I guess you'll try and avoid making eye contact too much and try and keep a certain physical distance between you and the other person. These are non-verbal signals. Although it's probably not your intent, what you're communicating is "I'm not comfortable around you", and the other person will react accordingly in their turn.

    Can I suggest you get a book on body language and check out how we communicate through it.

    The other thing to remember is that we are ALL nervous about meeting strangers - it's just some people are better than others at dealing with it. The terrible thing is that first few seconds - as soon as we've started to talk and connect with each other, we heave a sigh of relief and think; "Well, that wasn't too bad."

    If you think about work for a moment; it's actually a good environment to practice meeting people. The customers have come in to see dancers - they WANT to talk to you.

    [I'm going to draw a distinction between meeting people and getting dances - there is a difference. You're going to find custy's who want to talk to you, but some won't buy a dance. The fact they won't buy a dance shouldn't stop you getting a bit of practice in meeting people ]

    What you've got to do is screw up your courage and go up to someone. Say: "Hi, I'm Velouria, would you like to chat for a while?" Chances are they'll say "yes", and the ice has been broken. Once the ice has been broken it's all downhill.

    Lesson 2: most people like to talk about themselves. Work out a list of questions beforehand to start the conversation going; "What's your name?", "where are you from?", what sports do you like?" Every time the conversation slows, ask another question.

    You have to develop listening skills - if you really listen to what the other person is saying, you'll never be short of a question to show you're interested in the other person. And if you show you're interested, they'll keep right on talking.

    Interest in the other person is the key - we all have a good opinion of ourselves and our ego tends to make us think: "I'm a nice person. This Velouria likes me, so she's got good taste. Hey, maybe she's an OK person too." As soon as people decide they like each other, they start to relax and feel comfortable with each other.

    The more practice you get at meeting people, the easier you'll find it to get a conversation started - it's a skill you can practice.

    Good luck...

    Phil.

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    Featured Member evan_essence's Avatar
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    Default Re: being an introverted stripper

    Quote Originally Posted by Velouria
    ive read a lot on here about developing a dancer persona - any tips on that subject would be appreciated.
    Think about the traits you'd like to have as your persona at work. Outgoing, chatty, social, friendly, loves to party, sexually powerful, subtly manipulative, in control of the customers, whatever. Ascribe these characteristics to your dancer self. Make up some fictional but plausible background for your persona if it will motivate you. Then look at it as an acting job, one that you're striving to make convincing. You're portraying this person who's all of these things, so project those traits and put into practice the behavior that matches the role.

    Good luck.

    -Ev

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: being an introverted stripper

    I'm also pretty reserved in real life -- spend a lot of time alone, or with boyfriend, or a few very close friends. Dancing has made me more socially confident -- after a few people have paid you hundreds of dollars just to talk to you, you get used to the idea that people really do want to get to know you. I'm still not a super-bubbly party girl, even at work, but I usually manage to work around it, or make it work for me. I imagine I'll get better at it, but in the meantime, I have a few tricks:

    I'm very good with people one-on-one, not so good at being the life of the party in big groups. I usually approach men sitting alone and leave the bachelor parties to other girls.

    I don't work at times when there will be lots of big groups and partying -- weekend nights are out for me. Weeknights and days are great.

    I cultivate regulars. Once I get to know someone, and we have a little rapport, I'm good at maintaining relationships. When I've been at a club a little while, I have customers who come back to see me, and this means I have to approach fewer strangers.

    If I absolutely have to work a big room of party-ers, I act. Imagine what a crazy, bubbly party girls acts like. Then do that. You don't have to feel it at first, just do it. I find I get into it, and it becomes more real after I put the act on for a little while. Sometimes I "channel" people I know who are better than me at meeting people. I have a friend who makes friends instantly wherever she goes. I've known her for so many years that I know all the her little tricks and gestures and expressions, and I can basically do an impression of her all night long.

    By the way, these last two tricks -- "acting as if" and "channeling" -- work for any trait that you have to fake. For instance, I'm a really lazy person naturally, so I often get things done by "acting like" a more motivated person. In a sense you're "going through the motions" until you catch on. Hope this makes sense!

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    Default Re: being an introverted stripper

    FWIW, here are a couple of links which view introversion from slightly differing perspectives

    http://www.theintrovertadvantage.com/

    hsp_link

    I received each author's first book as a b-day gift a few years back.

    And my apologies for posting here...I know it's preferred for the guys to usually post outside of this particular section.
    Last edited by PhaedrusZ; 05-07-2006 at 11:40 PM. Reason: corrected one link

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    God/dess GoldCoastGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: being an introverted stripper

    Caring for your introvert @ http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch

    I am definately an introvert in that it takes alot of energy for me to be an extrovert. This is why I personally find it near impossible to be one of those dancers who can hustle a room of 50+ patrons (each and every one of them). I personally find that after every 5 patrons I have approached for dances ... I need a break (even if I have sold to 4 out of those 5 patrons)... I need to re-charge as such before being able to approach another 5 patrons.

    Like a few of the other dancers who've responded... I'm great with regulars as well even if they are a "regular" for just that one night. That's my ideal way of working... finding 5-6 customers and selling them multiple dances or one higher price dance. I really prefer to only have to hustle a few people to make my money than 50+ people.... I just do not have that energy to be so extroverted (without alcohol or something being added to the mix... and since I do not do this... since I work dead sober... it can be v. hard).

    Just know that you are not alone.


    enter: E3167322D9 for your 10% discount

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    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: being an introverted stripper

    Okay, I'm not sure that this will make sense. But here goes.
    My first non-stripping job, many, many years ago I was incredibly shy and had no confidence. I wasn't a whiner, exactly, but you know those knew girls in offices who are terrified of everything? I realized when I left that job that was a way to act; it has nothing more innately to do with one than acting any other way, except insofar as it was a way that I was used to acting. So I decided, for my next job, to act different. I, instead, acted confident and competent. I was still shy - like I wasn't social or anything like that, but I didn't have to act like I was afraid of doing the job, you know? This is not a "persona"; in fact, I never got the whole "persona" thing. The way I act when I dance is, absolutely, "me". It's just a "me" that behaves different than I might when I'm not dancing.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: being an introverted stripper

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny
    Okay, I'm not sure that this will make sense. But here goes.
    My first non-stripping job, many, many years ago I was incredibly shy and had no confidence. I wasn't a whiner, exactly, but you know those knew girls in offices who are terrified of everything? I realized when I left that job that was a way to act; it has nothing more innately to do with one than acting any other way, except insofar as it was a way that I was used to acting. So I decided, for my next job, to act different. I, instead, acted confident and competent. I was still shy - like I wasn't social or anything like that, but I didn't have to act like I was afraid of doing the job, you know? This is not a "persona"; in fact, I never got the whole "persona" thing. The way I act when I dance is, absolutely, "me". It's just a "me" that behaves different than I might when I'm not dancing.

    ^^^Very well put! I've heard it put something like this, too: introversion is a personality characteristic; shyness is a behavior. Personality is hard to change, but behavior is relatively easy.

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    Veteran Member devilsadvocate667's Avatar
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    Default Re: being an introverted stripper

    Why do you have to be extroverted? Just be who you are and people will like you. I know there are plenty of customers who will see shyness of sexy. I know I do.


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    Featured Member evan_essence's Avatar
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    Default Re: being an introverted stripper

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny
    This is not a "persona"; in fact, I never got the whole "persona" thing. The way I act when I dance is, absolutely, "me". It's just a "me" that behaves different than I might when I'm not dancing.
    Okay, my previous post put too much emphasis on the idea of acting or portraying a fictional character. If that works, cool, but it was an oversimplification of what I think about successfully projecting a persona. I think others here have stated what I had in mind better than I did. Nothing wrong with a little fiction to embellish customer interaction, but I actually think emphasizing or tweaking certain aspects of the real you to project the public image you want is much more convincing and what I was hoping to communicate than creating a fictional character that's totally divorced from your psyche.

    Signed,
    Bon Voyage
    Stripper Spy

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