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Thread: You guys gotta read this...

  1. #1
    Featured Member francescadubois's Avatar
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    Default You guys gotta read this...

    PLEASE READ THIS!!! It's a guaranteed laugh (and an "ew")!!



    WHY YOU SUCK...

    Hi,

    We went out to dinner on Saturday night, and you called yesterday. I will NOT, under ANY circumstances, be calling you back, and I thought you might want to know why.

    I had high hopes for you, you know. You were really cute, seemed articulate and reasonably intelligent, and worked at a decent job. But, man oh man, you SO BLEW IT.

    Dinner was good, I have to admit. We chatted amiably and there weren't any of those long pauses in conversation where you feel all awkward and desperately scan the room looking for something to comment on. In fact, dinner was pleasant enough that I invited you up to my apartment for a drink. That's when things started to go wrong.

    First off, even though I did ask you to come up, I'm not a slutty gal. I suspect that you thought just because I asked you to come in my house you were going to get LUCKY LUCKY LUCKY, but, let me tell you, asking me about whether or not I like "toys" on a first date and about my feelings regarding oral sex - that's a big NO for me. It's not that I don't like those things, I do, but that's just WAY too personal for a first date. In the same way that I wouldn't tell you about, for example, the worst thing that ever happened to me, or how I felt when my grandma died, or about my parent's divorce, or about how many hours I was on the toilet when I got food poisoning - because you see, those are personal things and I DON'T REALLY KNOW YOU, and therefore, they are INAPPROPRIATE, I'm not going to chat with you about my sexual habits. Strike one

    Okay - so I thought that that was weird and rude, but you leaned in to kiss me and, what the hell, I kissed you anyways. Here's where things went REALLY WRONG! Cumming in your pants because of a 5 minute kiss is NOT IMPRESSIVE and does not bode well for the bedroom and I'm thinking at this point, maybe this is why he's so concerned with toy habits. While I would like to think that maybe I'm some kind of INSANELY good kisser and that because of my skill you were overcome, so to speak, I don't think that's the case. At this point I just wanted you to leave. That was strike 2.

    So, then you went to the bathroom to "clean up" and then came back out and gave me this pathetic excuse about how you just remembered you had to return a video that you had left at a friend's house and needed to leave. By the way, that was a completely transparent lie, but I just wanted you to GO AWAY so I pretended to believe it. I suspect you were embarrassed, which you had every right to be, but come on, how stupid do you think I am? I can't believe you bought it when I nodded my head and emphatically agreed with you that late fees were indeed horrible and that, yes, it was an urgent manner that you retrieve your video and get it back RIGHT AWAY. Strike 3 for baldfaced, idiotic lying, you sorry ass.

    So, you finally leave, and I'm thinking THANK GOD THAT'S OVER, and GODDAM IDIOT, and I put my sweats on and go to the bathrooom to wash my face and brush my teeth and I soap my face off and rinse it off and grab the handtowel I keep by the sink and I look down squinting because there's water in my eyes and think, "what's that?" and then get a whiff of it and realize OH MY GOD YOU BASTARD you cleaned off your sorry dick on my face towel. Were you not taught any manners? There was plenty of toilet paper, which I would have thought to be the logical choice, but you used my FACE TOWEL. I gagged and threw the towel out of the bathrooom. This is strike 4, and by the way, I had to throw the towel away and while you owe me a nice, thick purple face towel that hasn't been soiled, I will never claim this because that would require seeing you again, and I DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES want to do so.

    So anyways, that pretty much sums up why I'm not returning your call, and why I don't like you. You suck.

    From craigslist

    http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/rnr/159440931.html

  2. #2
    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: You guys gotta read this...

    That's good--and Craigslist rocks, I'm going to have to look at it more often.

    Thanks for posting it, Ms.Dubois (nice name, BTW)...
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

    ______________________________________

  3. #3
    Featured Member MadisonM's Avatar
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    Default Re: You guys gotta read this...

    hahahaha thats good!
    Take the road less traveled- just make sure you have a map.

  4. #4
    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: You guys gotta read this...

    It's good, but way too wordy. I highly doubt the guy will get through even half of that.

  5. #5
    God/dess gypsy_girlchild's Avatar
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    Default Re: You guys gotta read this...

    I adore Craigslist! I just got an apartment because oif it.. It wasn't the one I was calling about, but he had one I might like... It was one that hadn't even gone on the market yet, so I was able to see it and snatch it before anyone else did.
    Please don't lick me, it tickles..



  6. #6
    Member karen_darlin's Avatar
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    Default Re: You guys gotta read this...

    I think I've dated that guy...

  7. #7
    Veteran Member NoCoverLover's Avatar
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    Default Re: You guys gotta read this...

    Yep, it was wordy.

    The way it's written tho, makes it good for someone reading it thirdhand

    It also serves as a warning for any PL's out there tempted to try that approach...

  8. #8
    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: You guys gotta read this...

    Thirdhand reading? I assumed this had to be a joke! Such men exist??

    The poor guys--and I feel even sorrier for the women that make the mistake of dating them...
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

    ______________________________________

  9. #9
    God/dess threlayer's Avatar
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    Default Re: You guys gotta read this...

    Strike ZERO - letting a stranger into your apartment. First date...come on, hazards abound everywhere. Stupid kids.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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